Say What

I've mentioned it before - I'm an only child. So I reached out to see how many of us childless are also onlies and today's guest, Alisha Saavedra put up her hand. 

Alisha lives in Southern California with her husband. She is originally from Mexico, and her husband is from Bolivia, where big families play a big role. 

With unexplained infertility and two chemical pregnancies behind her, we talk about what it's like being an only child AND childless in  our Latin cultures that put motherhood big families on a pedestal.

We also talk about the weird and, well, weirder, things we've done to improve our chances of getting pregnant, like drinking raw liver smoothies and walking around with crystals in your undies.

We also talk about Alisha's experience with fostering, jealousy, and talking to your parents about childlessness when they, too, are probably grieving over not becoming grandparents.

New York Lonely Boy by The Milk Carton Kids: https://youtu.be/n6naKHbmwgE

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Please share and leave us a review on your favourite podcast app including: Apple and Spotify

Sound engineering and original music by Jeff Willis. You can find his tunes on Spotify and iTunes

Produced by Jo Vraca

When you think of the term “spinster”, what comes to mind? Old, Sad, Crazy Cat Lady, Lonely, Bitter. 

“That old-maid myth is garbage.” Diane Keaton has said, and judging by the spinsters that surround us, she’s pretty right.

It’s 2021, and the word Spinster should really hold not more negative power as, say, yellow or plant, hair, phone, single. Seriously you guys, why does this word still bring to mind all of the negative connotations for decade, centuries gone by?

But in previous centuries, a spinster was something entirely different. 

In this episode, I speak with author, Donna Ward about her book: “She I Dare Not Name - A Spinster’s Meditations on Life”.

Her memoir about the single life and living alone in a world made for couples and families. Donna explores the meaning and purpose she has discovered in a life lived entirely without a partner and children.

 I also talk about the Virgin Queen, Elizabeth I, Jennifer Aniston, and where the word Spinster comes from.

Donna Ward’s "She I Dare Not Name: A Spinster’s Meditations on Life" is published by Allen & Unwin and is available wherever you buy books, including on Kindle.

You can find Donna at: www.donna-ward.com.au

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Please share and leave us a review on your favourite podcast app including: Apple and Spotify

Sound engineering and original music by Jeff Willis. You can find his tunes on Spotify and iTunes

Produced by Jo Vraca

Laura Curtis uses her voice to tell stories through song and sound. She met her husband when she was 22 and he was 36. He’d had a vasectomy in a previous relationship, so when Laura expressed her desire to become a mum, he had a reversal. Easy peasy. After all, Laura was not infertile and, in fact, she had a healthy reproductive system. But things didn’t quite go as planned when the reversal didn’t work. Cue a few years of fertility treatment, and several embryo transfers and the couple were still no closer to the dream. They took a break, and a holiday, and decided to give it another go, and that’s when Laura was diagnosed with MS.

In this episode, I speak with Laura about the effects of infertility after a vasectomy, how it can wreak havoc on relationships and how Laura turned a personal devastation into a super fascinating research study on sex hormones and the voice. She has now embarked on a PhD on the impacts of infertility on female singer identity.

Check out Laura's Masters Thesis - The Effects of Infertility on Female Vocalist Identity - The Effects of Infertility on Female Vocalist Identity (uwo.ca)

Interested in joining the Childless Voices Choir or Sunday Chants, head over to www.ourhealingvoice.com

If you’re in Australia and need support for your relationship, contact Relationships Australia. They offer assisted payments.
www.relationships.org.au 
Ph: 1300 364 277

If you are facing any challenges with anxiety, depression or addiction, please speak to your GP or call Lifeline on 131114

 For information about vasectomy reversals: www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/vasectomy-reversal

Join the Conversation:
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Please share and leave us a review on your favourite podcast app including: Apple and Spotify

Sound engineering and original music by Jeff Willis. You can find his tunes on Spotify and iTunes

Produced by Jo Vraca

I am my own worst enemy and a terrible cheerleader. That’s why I want you to meet Jody O’Brien. Jody is calls herself the "Chief Cheerleader" and she is cheering us all on. After being diagnosed with early menopause in her late 30s, and the only way she would carry a baby would be with a donor egg, Jody and her husband moved to China for a few years, tried Chinese medicine, then decided that they would simply get on with life. And they have!

Adopted just weeks after she was born, Jody is the ray of sunshine we all need, the vibrant cheerleader we could all use in our lives.

Jody O’Brien lives in rural Victoria in Australia and you can find her working with food producers, paddling on the river, walking her dog, giving excellent advice, engaging in stand up paddle boarding, catching up with friends and sharing non-alcoholic bevvies, wearing hot pink boots and riding around in a convertible on her Instagram page Childless and Confident. Jody is a traveller and, sorry for the cliché, she’s a real inspiration to us childless folk. She's both childless AND confident!

Stay tuned as Jody gives advice to women who are facing the choice to be childless or pursue treatment.

If you are facing any challenges with anxiety, depression or addiction, please speak to your GP or call Lifeline on 131114

 Find Jody on Instagram @/childless_and_confident/

Join the Conversation:
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Please share and leave us a review on your favourite podcast app including: Apple and Spotify
Sound engineering and original music by Jeff Willis. You can find his tunes on Spotify and iTunes

Produced by Jo Vraca

 “What’s my purpose in life if I don’t have kids? Hold my beer while I find out.”

That's a quote by Brigid May of The Fruitless Figtree. Brigid is everything you want from a bestie - she's angry, vocal, honest, a little bit dark, wants to light things on fire (in her head only!), and she's a little pissed at Brooklyn 99. Brigid is also a Montessori pre-school teacher, she's married and infertile - a terrific combination!

From her home in Washington State in the US, Brigid tells us about the challenges of being a teacher to little kids, especially when parents say things like "oh you'll understand when you have kids".  She's a cocktail crone (her husband is the cocktail maker) and she loves to post drunk rom-com reviews on Instagram.

Brigid is also a gardener and poet. 

Her journey to infertility is pretty normal but with a slight difference in that, when she found out she was infertile and that the next step would be fertility treatment, she opted for wine and sushi instead.

Find Brigid on Instagram @thefruitlessfigtree

Sign up to our newsletter over on our website: http://www.unripecommunity.com.au
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Please share and leave us a review on your favourite podcast app including: Apple and Spotify
Sound engineering and original music by Jeff Willis. You can find his tunes on Spotify and iTunes

Produced by Jo Vraca

“I was given a sample jar and a key; the technician then tells me that I’m in the room behind me. “There is only one key so you can feel secure that once locked no-one else will enter”, she said. “There is scotch in the cupboard and magazines in the draw, wash your hands before you start and do not get any other liquid in the sample jar”.  In a daze I turned, opened the door and stepped inside, then the reality of my situation dawned on me. Lock the door, lock the door, I thought.”

I didn't get a bottle of scotch at my IVF clinic!

Today I speak with Michael Hughes about male infertility and what it's like to be a childless man in a world that thinks all men can keep fathering children until the day they die, like Mick Jagger and Rod Stewart.

But here are the facts: Those men are the odd ones. One in six couples have difficulties falling pregnant. Overall, one-third of infertility cases are caused by male reproductive issues, one-third by female reproductive problems and another third by both male and female reproductive challenges or by unknown factors. Plus, the paternal age effect is a huge factor. What's that? Have a listen. 

Enough of the stats. Let’s talk to a real live man who, along with his wife Vickie, has grappled with infertility, and has written his story in a moving and honest blog – Married and Childless. Michael talks bout his experience and, today, he’s going to enlighten us about a lot of things, including the toxic language around male fertility.

Michael blogs over at: https://www.marriedandchildless.com
To join Clan of Brothers: https://www.facebook.com/groups/clanofbrothers
The Full Stop Podcast on Spotify

Sign up to our newsletter over on our website: http://www.unripecommunity.com.au
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Please share and leave us a review on your favourite podcast app including: Apple and Spotify
Sound engineering and original music by Jeff Willis. You can find his tunes on Spotify and iTunes

Produced by Jo Vraca

Kati Seppi is the supercharged founder of Chasing Creation. In today's episode we tackle the big topics -  Designing a childfree life, strengthening relationships after infertility.

Katy grew up Mormon in Utah, and lives in Utah today with her husband, and she calls herself “unexpectedly childfree after infertility".  We speak about her journey to infertility through endometriosis, and about the life she and her husband have found for themselves despite that. Katy went from being someone whose life ambition was to be a stay at home mum, to someone who found fulfilment in outher ways, finding independence, getting degrees that gave her alternative challenges and building a life outside of children.

Her story is both heartbreaking and inspiring.

 We also speak about an exciting, upcoming event - The Childless Summit.

What is the Childless Collective Summit?

The Childless Collective Summit is a 4-day virtual event, featuring 28 speakers, all focused on topics related to being childless not by choice. The event is taking place on March 18 - 21.

Grab your tickets HERE

The Summit is Free! The Basic Access Pass gives access to audio and video recordings of the presentations for a full year, and access to Katy of Chasing Creation’s new workshop “Responding to Intrusive Questions and Unsolicited Advice”. Or you can choose to grab an All-Access Pass that includes all of the Basic Access inclusions, plus transcripts of the presentations, tons of speaker-contributed bonuses and goodies, and exclusive episodes from some of your favorite podcasters! 

Katy versus "persistent" infertility coaches on Instagram HERE.
Find Katy on Instagram @chasing.creation

Sign up to our newsletter over on our website: http://www.unripecommunity.com.au
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Private Group: @unripecommunitygroup – https://www.facebook.com/groups/unripecommunitygroup
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Please share and leave us a review on your favourite podcast app including: Apple and Spotify
Sound engineering and original music by Jeff Willis. You can find his tunes on Spotify and iTunes

Produced by Jo Vraca

Today's episode features a female same sex couple who have had THE conversation about kids, and they've both agreed on the way forward.

Holly grew up as a Jehovah's Witness, May didn't. It's an interesting chat!

Come on… join us.

Sign up to our newsletter over on our website: http://www.unripecommunity.com.au
Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/unripecommunity
Private Group: @unripecommunitygroup – https://www.facebook.com/groups/unripecommunitygroup
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/unripecommunity
Please share and leave us a review on your favourite podcast app including: iTunes and Spotify

Sound engineering and original music by Jeff Willis. You can find his tunes on Spotify and iTunes

Produced by Jo Vraca

Recently, Lena Dunham wrote a follow up article for Harpers Magazine about the two years since her hysterectomy after an endometriosis diagnosis. I discuss the importance of talking about endo and normalising the conversation. I learn that period pain may be common, but it's not normal.

I also speak to Naturopath and Women's Health Specialist, Michelle Edwards, about the signs and what to do if you suspect you have endometriosis.

Sign up to our newsletter over on our website: http://www.unripecommunity.com.au
Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/unripecommunity
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Please share and leave us a review on your favourite podcast app including: iTunes and Spotify

Resources and articles referenced in the episode:
Lena Dunham  "In Her Own Words: Lena Dunham on Her Decision to Have a Hysterectomy at 31."
Lena Dunham - "False Labor: Giving up on motherhood."
Endometriosis Australia - https://www.endometriosisaustralia.org
Michelle Edwards – Naturopath - www.adelaidenaturalfertility.com.au

Sound engineering and original music by Jeff Willis. You can find his tunes on Spotify and iTunes

Produced by Jo Vraca

Four Childless Women Walk Into a Bar... Actually, we're at my house, which can sometimes look like a bar. And all four of us are childless. Ranging from 34 to 51, we're all at different stages of our childless journeys. and we all come from very different backgrounds culturally. 

Obviously you know my Italian culture, Mariecris is 38, Phillipino, she’s currently engaged and has been married once before, and there’s a lot of cultural pressure in her community for women to have babies and grow big families. Mariecris is the first to admit, however, that she’s done a lot of personal development work so she hasn’t let that pressure influence her. But she does want kids, so she’s currently starting IVF. 

Lauren’s family is the complete opposite - she was always told she could do whatever felt right. Lauren is 34, she’s married and, at the moment, she’s still undecided, but knows that she’s starting to get to the pointy end of her fertility so she wants to make a decision soon so she can either go for it, or go on with her life and not give it any more thought. 

Laura is 42, a British emigree, she’s currently single, and, wow, she probably got more pressure from her mother to NOT have children. Laura is a world nomad, having lived in seven countries throughout her life and is currently in Australia. 

I really hope that by listening to four women, all at different stages of our lives, you get some clarity, and firmly feel that you are not alone. That your thoughts are more common than you think.

PS. There were four of us sharing two microphones so the sound can sometimes get a bit iffy. Sorry.

Sign up to our newsletter over on our website: http://www.unripecommunity.com.au
Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/unripecommunity
Private Group: @unripecommunitygroup – https://www.facebook.com/groups/unripecommunitygroup
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/unripecommunity
Please share and leave us a review on your favourite podcast app including: iTunes and Spotify

Sound engineering and original music by Jeff Willis. You can find his tunes on Spotify and iTunes

Produced by Jo Vraca