Say What

Today I welcome Sarah Roberts to the podcast.

We talk about grief and second chances! Sarah is not only a counsellor for childless women, she’s one of us! With over 25 years experience in counselling, teaching and community work, Sarah brings her lived experience to The Empty Cradle where she focuses on involuntary childlessness and motherhood loss. She understands the complexities of supporting women who experience involuntary childlessness.

As the founder of The Empty Cradle, Sarah aims to bring women together in loving community to mourn the loss, be transformed by the grief and create a life they love.

The Empty Cradle is a place where mourning, complexity, hope, spirituality, ambition and lifestyle collide. She offers rock solid strategies (think:  psychology, counselling, feminism, education, sociology, practical philosophy and spiritual practices) to clarify decision-making about your journey, grieve your loss and move forward with confidence about the future.
 
 Sarah believes that grief is a skill to be learned: it deepens your ability to live and love and it awakens your whole being. And being childless herself, she gets us, and to a grieving woman, it makes all the difference. So while our conversation focuses on the losses for childless women, she brings us back around to the joy we can find once we allow it.

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Resources and articles referenced in the episode:
Dr Leslie Cannold "What, No Baby?" and "The Abortion Myth": https://www.cannold.com/
Brene Brown: https://brenebrown.com/
Stephen Jenkinson "Come of Age: The Case for Elderhood in a Time of Trouble" on Amazon

Sound engineering and original music by Jeff Willis. You can find his tunes on Spotify and iTunes
Produced by Jo Vraca

Christmas can be exhausting, both physically and emotionally.  Today,  I'm also bringing you a series of tips to get you through the big days over the holidays. These tips will help all of us without kids to navigate the Christmas landscape when there might be a tonne of happy families with kids.

Of course, you might love it! I find it exhausting so I keep it simple, but if you have no choice and you're heading off to a family affair where there will be family that you may not see very often, and who will likely ask you the usual series of "bingo" questions like: are you married? in a relationship? when are you having kids? - you know the ones - I hope that today's episode gives you some ideas for coping. And at the end, I also give some suggestions to people with children on ways they can help you get through the hols.

Sign up to our newsletter over on our website: http://www.unripecommunity.com.au
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Private Group: @unripecommunitygroup - https://www.facebook.com/groups/unripecommunitygroup
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Please share and leave us a review on your favourite podcast app including: iTunes and Spotify

Resources and articles referenced in the episode:
Jody Day's Christmas video - Coping with Holiday Expectations

Sound engineering and original music by Jeff Willis. You can find his tunes on Spotify and iTunes

Within the next couple of decades, the number of households without children is set to outnumber the number with children, through the idea of the "traditional family" on it head. In today's episode, I speak to Sharon Green, writer, editor and co-founded of She Defined, an Australian publication that tackles the challenges that face today's woman.

Sign up to our newsletter over on our website: http://www.unripecommunity.com.au
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Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/unripecommunity
Please share and leave us a review on your favourite podcast app including: iTunes and Spotify

Resources and articles referenced in the episode:
Millennials vs Gen X: Three-in-ten Millennials live with a spouse and child compared with four-in-ten of Gen Xers at a comparable age.
Childless couples 'on track to be Australia's most common family type' by Stephanie Corsetti
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-05-15/childless-households-on-the-rise/8528546
Helen Razer -  Work instability is stopping millennials from having kid https://www.sbs.com.au/topics/voices/family/article/2018/01/17/work-instability-stopping-millennials-having-kids
Why a generation is choosing to be child-free by Sian Cain
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2020/jul/25/why-a-generation-is-choosing-to-be-child-free

Sound engineering and original music by Jeff Willis. You can find his tunes on Spotify and iTunes

Known as the Patron Saint of the childless community, Jody Day is a force to be reckoned with. With one book under her belt, a massive, global community of childless women in Gateway Women, a TED Talk, and a nature that is both energising and soothing, Jody is entering, as she calls it, her elderhood. In this episode, I talk to Jody about her experiences as a childless woman, and her plans for her future and the future of advocating for childless women.

Sign up to our newsletter over on our website: http://www.unripecommunity.com.au
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Please share and leave us a review on your favourite podcast app including: iTunes and Spotify

Join the Gateway Women Community: http://www.gateway-women.com/

Sound engineering and original music by Jeff Willis. You can find his tunes on Spotify and iTunes

Aging without children isn't always a choice, and this week we speak with 67-year-old Heather who surprises us with a story she hasn't shared with anyone. It’s a big story and we are honoured to have her share it.  Heather hopes her story helps other women share.

Stats: We investigate advocacy for the aging childless and childfree population in Australia and New Zealand. There's plenty of room for improvement.  

In Shit that Comes up on My Feed we share a must read Facebook page that flips sexism on its ass.

Question of the Week:  Have you talked about your experience, with other people, about not having children?  What was the reception to your conversation?

Sign up to our newsletter over on our website: http://www.unripecommunity.com.au
Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/unripecommunity
Private Group: @unripecommunitygroup - https://www.facebook.com/groups/unripecommunitygroup
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/unripecommunity
Please share and leave us a review on your favourite podcast app including: iTunes and Spotify

List of resources and articles we referenced in the episode:

Aging Advocacy in New Zealand:
https://www.ageconcern.org.nz/
https://bit.ly/2HV1TOi

Aging Advocacy in Australia - My Aged Care: https://bit.ly/2TKipTO

Aging without Children Advocacy in the UK: https://bit.ly/3jT95HZ

Australian Aging Agenda: https://bit.ly/3oOeZxz

Older Women’s Expectations of Care, Reciprocity, and Government Support in Australia. ‘Am I Not Worthy?’ https://bit.ly/3mIWysr

Man Who Has it All: https://www.facebook.com/MANWHOHASITALL

 Sound engineering and original music by Jeff Willis. You can find his tunes on Spotify and iTunes

What is the point of having a period when you can't or don't intend to have children?

In this episode, we go deep and get super personal all about period and speak to members of the community to find out what periods mean to them.  From 67-year-old guest Heather  who teaches us all about “rag suspender belts” to 34-year-old Skye, who had to have a hysterectomy at 31, and 44 year-old Pen, with heavy periods and nine miscarriages. 

Stats: What can impact periods (plenty) and the average ages we “become” women and when it all ends.

In Shit that Comes up on my feed, we have a doozy. Stay tuned.

Question of the Week:  What does your Period mean to you?   Is it pointless?

Sign up to our newsletter over on our website: http://www.unripecommunity.com.au
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Private Group: @unripecommunitygroup - https://www.facebook.com/groups/unripecommunitygroup
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/unripecommunity
Please share and leave us a review on your favourite podcast app including: iTunes and Spotify

List of resources and articles we referenced in the episode:
The Tampon Ad: https://youtu.be/aL9333Y_ADI
ModiBodi:  https://www.modibodi.com/

The Last Fuckable Day video: https://youtu.be/vDz2kcjWpOs

How old are we when we get our periods in Australia and New Zealand?
https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/menstruation
https://bit.ly/35iMfnD

Periods affected by Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS):
https://www.cancer.org.au/cancer-information/types-of-cancer/ovarian-cancer

Periods affected by Ovarian Cancer in Australia and New Zealand:
https://www.cancer.org.au/cancer-information/types-of-cancer/ovarian-cancer
https://www.nzdoctor.co.nz/article/undoctored/time-government-listened-facts-ovarian-cancer-women-working-together-get-word

Periods after Miscarriage: https://miscarriagesupport.org.au/how-pregnancy-loss-affects-your-hormones-and-mood/

Periods and IVF:https://www.ivf.com.au/planning-for-pregnancy/female-fertility/female-fertility-factors/menstrual-cycle

Periods affected by Fibroids and Endometriosis: https://www.ivf.com.au/planning-for-pregnancy/female-fertility/endometriosis

Australasian Menopause Society: https://www.menopause.org.au/hp/management/early-menopause

When your Plan A doesn't go as planned, what's your Plan B? What does our future hold without children? Can we Google the answer? What about Jeeves?

We speak to Anne Barratt from Empowering Health about her story after IVF and a hysterectomy. Anne is a professional practitioner who employs kinesiology, EFT, counselling, hypnotherapy and a host of different modalities to help reset our minds and bodies to focus clearly on what we want for our future.

Stats: Our elder community tell us how their lives have turned out without children.

In Shit that comes up on our Feed, my guest co-host has a beef with the way women introduce themselves in a business Facebook group.

Question of the Week: What is your Plan B? What are you going to do in the future? Even if it's your Plan A!

Sign up to our newsletter over on our website: http://www.unripecommunity.com.au
Private Group: @unripecommunitygroup - https://www.facebook.com/groups/unripecommunitygroup
Group: @Childless and Childfree Women  - https://www.facebook.com/groups/CCW40ANZ
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/unripecommunity
Please share and leave a review on your favourite podcast app including iTunes and Spotify

List of resources and articles we referenced in the episode:
Anne Barratt @ Empowering Health: http://www.empoweringhealth.clinic/anne-barratt/
Our elders talk about life without children: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/23/reader-center/no-kids-no-regrets.html
https://www.abc.net.au/life/women-share-what-its-like-to-live-childfree-and-with-no-regrets/11223972
Childless women in Gambia are revered for their role as messengers: https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/beyond-the-egg-timer/201501/childless-circumstances
Judy Graham @ Womanhood – https://www.womenhood.com.au/
World Childless Week Elders webinar: https://worldchildlessweek.net/ageing-without-children-2020
Jody Day: Living the Life Unexpected - 12 Weeks to Your Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfilling Future Without Children

Volunteer:
Australia - https://www.volunteeringaustralia.org/
New Zealand - https://www.newzealand.com/au/feature/volunteering-in-new-zealand/

Happy Feed Gratitude App: https://www.happyfeed.co

When did you know you weren’t going to have children.  Did you decide or were you a fence sitter? Or maybe you didn't decide, but there was a point when you just knew.

My special guests are Dr Bronwyn Harman who is currently finalising her phD about childfree women. We also speak to friend of the podcast, Lovisa, who talks about her journey as a childfree woman, both in Sweden and in Australia.

Stats: We crunch the numbers and facts about why women are childfree by choice or by circumstance, and looks at IVF failure, delayed childbirth & just not meeting the right partner. 

In Shit that came up on my feed, we talk about Australian Federal Treasurer, Josh Frydenberg's, recent rally cry to get Australians to start having more children as part of our economic recovery. Nice one.

Question of the Week: When did you decide or know that you were not going to have children?

Sign up to our newsletter over on our website: http://www.unripecommunity.com.au
Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/unripecommunity
Private Group: @unripecommunitygroup - https://www.facebook.com/groups/unripecommunitygroup
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/unripecommunity
Please share and leave us a review on your favourite podcast app including iTunes and Spotify

List of resources and articles we referenced in the episode:

Assisted Reproductive Technology in Australia and New Zealand 2018, updated statistics: https://bit.ly/3mZJhN4
Transparency in IVF: https://ab.co/346zxb7
Legislative proposal requiring greater scrutiny of the IVF industry https://bit.ly/30fkIlB
Delayed Childbirth: https://bit.ly/3ih71sd
Why being a childless women is rarely a simple case of choice or infertility: https://bit.ly/33bMQIb
Why are childless women childless? Findings from an exploratory study in Victoria, Australia, published in 2013 to the Journal of Social Inclusion by Melissa Graham: https://bit.ly/2ELhAGy
Studies on Childfree by Choice: https://bit.ly/2ELhAGy
Dr Bronwyn Harman: https://drbronharman.com/about/
SBS Insight - Why are more men and women choosing a life without kids? https://bit.ly/3kTUvRk

Sound engineering and original music by Jeff Willis. You can find his tunes on Spotify and iTunes

What happens to friendships when you don't have kids but they do?
In this episode I share my experience of all the friendships that have been lost to motherhood over the years. If you are a mum and you’re listening we’d love to hear your thoughts on your friendships with childless women and if they fell to the wayside or how you maintained them.

In Shit that comes up on our Feed, Jo is angry (surprise!) over a recent IVF TV ad. 

Question of the Week: Childless women – how did you maintain your friendships with those who became mums?

Sign up to our newsletter over on our website: http://www.unripecommunity.com.au
Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/unripecommunity
Private Group: @unripecommunitygroup - https://www.facebook.com/groups/unripecommunitygroup
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/unripecommunity
Please share and leave a review on your favourite podcast app including iTunes and Spotify

List of resources and articles referenced in the episode:

US National Libarary of Medicine – 4 impacts of childlessness: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4251270/
Social Exclusion of Australian Childless Women in Their Reproductive Years: https://www.cogitatiopress.com/socialinclusion/article/view/489/489
Is there regret for childless women over 50: https://bit.ly/3isx7JQ
Is being childless detrimental to a woman's health and well-being across her life course: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25669856/

Sound engineering and original music by Jeff Willis. You can find his tunes on Spotify and iTunes

Let's talk about our families. We’re going to talk about families and the relationships we have with them as childless adults. What are those family occasions that hurt because we're childless at events that focus on families and children?
(Please excuse the sound in parts of this episode. We had a few tech issues!)

Statistics: We talk about household sizes over time.

Our guest this week shares her childless story that includes chronic illness, IVF, marrying into a large family and her healing career.

In Shit that comes in our Feed we bring good news about magazines that are publishing articles about women who are living childfree and childless lives.

And don't forget our question of the week! 

Sign up to our newsletter over on our website: http://www.unripecommunity.com.au
Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/unripecommunity
Private Group: @unripecommunitygroup - https://www.facebook.com/groups/unripecommunitygroup
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/unripecommunity

List of resources and articles we referenced in the episode
Sally Liston - Omni Wellness: https://omniwellness.com.au/about/

NZ household sizes: https://bit.ly/32sW5mX
NZ fertility rates: https://bit.ly/33oipgQ
Australian household sizes: https://bit.ly/2Fv7oSG
Australian fertility rates: https://bit.ly/3mlLMbZ
Childless couples: https://bit.ly/3k7VL2W
The Ancient Greeks! YES!: https://bit.ly/2Fkbz41
And in Ancient Rome: https://bit.ly/33vAOZ6
Not having kids is nothing new: https://wapo.st/3iDmeVS
China's baby policy  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One-child_policy
Australia's baby bonus: https://bit.ly/2RpOYFx
The Guardian Childfree series: https://bit.ly/3c1giU8
SheDefined childfree series: https://bit.ly/3mmseo3

Sound engineering and original music by Jeff Willis. You can find his tunes on Spotify and iTunes