Can you believe it? It's Skimpy Sequin Season, Dear Listener, which means everything from sacred relious ceremonies to time-honored teen traditions are awash in too short, too sheer, too sparkly and too shocking "formal" wear.

All of which leads us to lament the untimely death of Suzanne Somers (as you do), sample new and various weed gummies, and partially report on the latest family scandal. (It's a doozy!) So what say you? Are you ready for some scandalous whoremongering? Of course you are.

Why do we even ask?