School of Schlock

It isn't every day that you encounter a spaghetti-western martial arts action adventure comedy...but when you do, make sure it isn't this one! Can a kung-fu warrior and a snake-oil salesman save a town from an evil businessman? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk loose fighting styles, tonics and tinctures, and one of the most controversial actors they have yet encountered! It's our review of The Return of Shanghai Joe!

Time stamps:

0:04:10 - Background

0:19:00 - Summary

0:29:30 - Notable Scenes

0:34:50 - The Good

0:38:05 - The Bad

0:47:15 - The Ugly

0:52:00 - Final Thoughts

Cheap 80's fantasy is eating good with this cult classic sword-and-board adventure! Can a prophesied warrior save a kingdom from an evil tyrant and a demonic spellcaster? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss bloody sarcophagi, projectile sword blades, and poorly done crucifixion! It's our review of The Sword and the Sorcerer!

Time stamps:

0:03:30 - Background

0:21:45 - Summary

0:42:45 - Notable Scenes

0:47:30 - The Good

0:51:10 - The Bad

1:05:30 - The Ugly

1:10:45 - Final Thoughts

2025 has come and gone like the wind. But did anything fill our sails? Which characters were airheads? Which movie moment blew us away, versus ones that simply blew? And will we be awarding anything to Charles Dance? Find out in the 2025 Schlocky Awards!

Time Stamps:

0:02:15 - Explanation, Film List, and Lifetime Achievement Award 0:09:45 - Worst Character 0:48:30 - Worst Moment or Line 1:33:35 - Worst Visual 1:42:30 - Best Moment 1:56:05 - The 10 Worst Films of the Year

What's the best way to remake a holiday classic? Update it with clips from Mortal Kombat, of course! It's the Christmas season, but Santa isn't feeling in the spirit in this live-action re-imagining. Can anyone convince him to un-cancel Christmas? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about SNL cast members, low-budget sets, and of course goth dolls. It's our review of The Year Without a Santa Claus (2006)!

Time stamps:

0:04:05 - Background

0:26:55 - Summary

0:38:20 - Notable Scenes

0:44:55 - The Good

0:48:25 - The Bad

1:03:00 - The Ugly

1:10:00 - Final Thoughts

Sherlock Holmes is back for more mystery-unraveling! This time his nemsis Moriarty wants to see him undone, defeated, and dead. Can Holmes use his sleuthing powers to combat the dastardly villain? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss half-baked schemes, slow-mo explosions, and funeral antics. It's our review of Hands of a Murderer: A Sherlock Holmes Mystery!

Time stamps:

0:03:40 - Background

0:22:05 - Summary

0:34:00 - Notable Scenes

0:41:35 - The Good

0:46:40 - The Bad

0:56:50 - The Ugly

0:58:55 - Final Thoughts

A large-thumbed woman finds herself, her power, and love at a ranch in the American west. But do we find this film watchable? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss adapting novels into films, racist character names, and the similarities this movie shares with zen filmmaking. It's our review of Even Cowgirls Get the Blues!

Time stamps:

0:04:25 - Background

0:29:55 - Summary

0:42:25 - Notable Scenes

0:49:55 - The Good

0:52:50 - The Bad

1:05:55 - The Ugly

1:11:15 - Final Thoughts

Alien invasion narratives may be old hat by now. And the same goes for stories of living brains in jars. But what if we combined the two? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about alien brains with eyes, calling loved ones idiots, and one of the worst closing lines to a film we've ever heard. It's our review of The Brain from Planet Arous!

Time stamps:

0:03:45 - Background

0:17:30 - Summary

0:31:50 - Notable Scenes

0:38:00 - The Good

0:43:20 - The Bad

0:53:35 - The Ugly

0:58:35 - Final Thoughts

Halloween is upon us, and we've got a Vincent Price cult classic! A witchfinder is torturing townsfolk throughout east England in this folk horror flick; will he ever face retribution for his evil ways? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about the history of witchfinders, English Westerns, and using paint for blood. It's our review of Witchfinder General (AKA The Conqueror Worm).

Time stamps:

0:05:55 - Background

0:34:00 - Summary

0:47:05 - Notable Scenes

0:54:45 - The Good

0:59:50 - The Bad

1:09:45 - The Ugly

1:14:40 - Final Thoughts

We've got another 50's cheapie monster movie under our belts. Explorers are searching the Himalayas for the elusive yeti...will they get more than they bargained for? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss eugenics, the many psuedonyms of Jerry Warren, and lots and lots of walking. It's our review of Man Beast!

Time stamps:

0:03:50 - Background

0:19:50 - Summary

0:30:00 - Notable Scenes

0:32:35 - The Good

0:35:15 - The Bad

0:47:05 - The Ugly

0:52:20 - Final Thoughts

It's been too long since we watched the work of schlockmaster extraordinaire Ed Wood! This time a young man has fallen in with a bad crowd; can he be saved before its too late? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about wooden acting, plastic surgery, and flamenco guitar. It's our review of the 50s B-movie "classic," Jail Bait!

Time stamps:

0:04:00 - Background

0:29:15 - Summary

0:43:50 - Notable Scenes

0:47:30 - The Good

0:48:40 - The Bad

1:03:35 - The Ugly

1:09:20 - Final Thoughts