School of Schlock

Start your engines for a Roger Corman cult classic! Who will win a futuristic and deadly cross-country race set in a dystopian America in the year 2000? And why is one driver named Frankenstein? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk satire, budget restrictions, and soulless remakes; it's our review of Death Race 2000!

Time stamps:

0:02:30 - Background

0:34:50 - Summary

0:47:45 - Notable Scenes

0:53:20 - The Good

1:03:00 - The Bad

1:18:40 - The Ugly

1:23:50 - Final Thoughts

What happens when a Hercules-lite ends up in the land of the Amazons? A bottomless well of blatantly sexist comedy! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss Rube Golderberg machines, annoying parrots, and meandering plotlines in this sword-and-sandals stinker. It's our review of Colossus and the Amazon Queen!

Time stamps:

0:04:05 - Background

0:22:40 - Summary

0:36:05 - Notable Scenes

0:40:35 - The Good

0:44:15 - The Bad

0:53:35 - The Ugly

0:59:05 - Final Thoughts

We're adding to our "decapitated head kept alive" repertoire with a film that dares to ask the question: what if Hitler hadn't died? What an original thought! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss added footage, melodramatic dictator faces, and brutal efficienct with grenades. It's our review of They Saved Hitler's Brain!

Time stamps:

0:04:20 - Background

0:17:00 - Summary

0:31:20 - Notable Scenes

0:34:35 - The Good

0:41:15 - The Bad

0:51:55 - The Ugly

0:54:15 - Final Thoughts

What happens when you take two Hong Kong martial arts movies and smash them together? And what happens if you don't smash them together particularly well? You end up with this week's movie! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss English-on-English dubs, revenge quests, and hats that say "Ninja." It's our review of Full Metal Ninja!

Time stamps:

0:03:40 - Background

0:12:20 - Summary

0:20:45 - Notable Scenes

0:28:05 - The Good

0:31:45 - The Bad

0:42:00 - The Ugly

0:46:50 - Final Thoughts

We've reviewed trucker movies. We've reviewed space movies. So it's high time we finally review space trucking movies! What happens when Dennis Hopper has to deliver some suspect cargo to Earth? And why is Charles Dance talking about his wang? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss killer robots, toilet robots, and half-man half-robots. It's our review of Space Truckers!

Time stamps:

0:02:55 - Background

0:30:50 - Summary

0:46:35 - Notable Scenes

0:52:20 - The Good

0:56:55 - The Bad

1:11:10 - The Ugly

Roleplaying games, and Dungeons & Dragons especially, are so hot right now. Heck, they even made a movie! No, not THAT one; the one from 2000 with Jeremy Irons and CGI that was already ten years out of date when it was made. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss boob armor, Spirit Halloween props, and overacting vs underacting. It's our review of 2000's own Dungeons and Dragons!

Time stamps:

0:03:10 - Background

0:25:15 - Summary

0:38:55 - Notable Scenes

0:46:30 - The Good

0:51:40 - The Bad

1:08:00 - The Ugly

2024 was yet another year of highs and lows on the never-ending rollercoaster of life. But were our podcast-reviewed films all lows? Which characters made our stomachs drop? Which movie moment felt like a rush, and which felt like we were slowly approaching our doom? And will a Christmas movie finally contend for our coveted awards? Find out in the 2024 Schlocky Awards!

Time Stamps:

0:07:55 - Explanation, Film List, and Lifetime Achievement Award 0:16:00 - Worst Character 1:00:40 - Worst Moment or Line 1:40:10 - Worst Visual 1:56:50 - Best Moment 2:08:05 - The 10 Worst Films of the Year

When the holidays arrive, we all get in the mood to revisit the classics. So who wouldn't want to watch an adaptation of The Nutcracker? Well, what if this Nutcracker had an army of rats that bore a startling resemblance to the Third Reich? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss Nazi aethetics, cheerless moviemaking, and dolls making creepy advances. It's our review of The Nutcracker in 3-D!

Time Stamps:

0:02:55 - Background

0:24:40 - Summary

0:39:40 - Notable Scenes

0:48:10 - The Good

0:53:40 - The Bad

1:16:35 - The Ugly

Pin-up lovers rejoice! We're watching an 80's comedy adaptation of a 40's British comic strip with all the subtelty of a tear-away dress. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss British colonial Africa, repeated sight-gags, and why comedy is almost never "so bad it's good." It's our review of Jane and the Lost City!

Time Stamps:

0:02:50 - Background

0:16:55 - Summary

0:26:15 - Notable Scenes

0:33:40 - The Good

0:37:25 - The Bad

0:50:20 - The Ugly

We've got a mummy! We've got a curse! Yes, it's time for a classic piece of 50s adventure with tomb-raiding adventurers and deadly consequences. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss cat gods, British occupation, and mummy rock traps! It's our review of The Pharaoh's Curse!

Time Stamps:

0:02:45 - Background

0:22:00 - Summary

0:34:10 - Notable Scenes

0:39:40 - The Good

0:46:05 - The Bad

0:56:40 - The Ugly