Sci-Fi Malady

It is back. It is October so we are reviewing horror movies all month!

What’s new, we finish off September’s topic in October but its very early in October for once and October is Horror Month - so Tremors fits. right?

This week we review Tremors 4, 5 and 6. Why? Well there just isn’t much to these films, although Scott tries to find a deep meaning in Tremors 5 and 6. What can we say. Four rips off back to future 3, 5 rips off everything ever made, Burt gets a son, Val and Rhonda’s daughter show up in 6, and yeah, the graboids find their way to the Canadian arctic, because, why the bleep not?

Tremors 4, 5 and 6. three movies that never should been made, even Earnest from all the “Earnest Goes to…:” movies thinks so. Well maybe not, i have never asked the guy.

***Disclaimer, Sci-Fi Malady does not speak for “Earnest” from “Earnest goes to whatever” movies.

We continue or exploration of the Tremors film franchise, sans Rage Master this week. This week gets a double review of Tremors 2 and 3. Tremors 2 is an attempt to reboot the franchise by pairing Earl with not Kevin Bacon, otherwise known as Grady. It fails in that regard so hard that Burt becomes the main character from here on out. Tremors 2 however does still succeed in being a very quotable, fun and action filled comedic romp. Tremors 3, well, this is where the series jumps the shark with the introduction of the A$$ Blasters. Basically they are raptors that can fly by farting flames. Tremors 3: Back to Perfection was an attempt to launch a TV series. The TV series lasted 13 episodes. The movie gives up any pretense at being serious and degenerates into a slapstick comedy. It is still funny but has none of the memorability or quotability of the first or even the second film. \

Next up, well hang on to your hats, Tremors, 4, 5 and 6 are still to come, and it gets progressively worse from here on out. In case that isn’t enough, Tremors 7 is confirmed, although what stories in this universe remain to be told is anyone’s guess. I’ll wager it is something about Burt being paranoid and seriously over armed. Or something like that.

***The sound quality is slightly off this week. it recorded me only on one channel and Thomas on the other, instead of in stereo. I apologize for this***

Tremors. Undeniably the first movie is the best of them all. It is an action/horror/.comedy. Oh sure it has contrivances and the Graboid makes zero evolutionary sense. It is a creature that can’t possibly exist, let alone be one of the oldest life forms on the planet. The thing is as the viewer you never care. The movie has phenomenal character acting and chemistry between the actors. It carries this story and creates a film that is as enjoyable on the 50th watch as the first. It also introduces to Burt and is as quotable as any movie out there. Unfortunately, it just goes downhill from here.

Apocalypse August has ended, in September as usual. So rather than call this the theme of the month I’ll just our next theme is the Tremors series. In case you didn’t know there are six of these movies and a TV series. We are going to try to hit all six movies before horror month starts.

We wrap our discussion of Apocalypse stories with a review of a National Geographic documentary called Evacuate Earth. It is a generally well done and scientifically accurate. They do a good job of presenting a reasonable world killing event and the doc becomes though experiment in how society would respond to that event. It briefly touches on social issues and the questions if raises but does not dwell on are the interesting lacunae in this one. All in all a good break from the last two crap fests.

Welcome to GeoStorm, The crappiest craptastic crapfest ever crapping crapped. Also known as GeoStorm.

You may think I am being harsh. If you are, watch the movie. Seriously, don’t watch the movie and thank me. This is a film about climate change written by people who don’t truly understand what climate change is. Some movies are so bad they are good. This is so bad that it is just bad. It is a standard apocalypse action drama with needless explosives, a horrific assault on science, a plot that depends in contrivance after contrivance and a resolution that is pointless. The hook or high concept for this story is weather control satellites that if used to activate a series of storms in the correct sequence can create a world destroying global super storm known as a Geostorm. It is also kind enough to have a countdown clock which as long as we reactivate the controls before it hits zero, well, everything will be fine, to quote Doc Brown.

2012 - An action movie that pits mankind in a desperate race to save the world from the certain destruction that awaited us when the Mayan calendar ended. It’s the opposite of Smuckers, with a pitch like that is has to be a crap sandwich. Well it isn’t, it is worse. Calling this movie a crap sandwich insults crap sandwiches. It has all the standard go too’s in a bad apocalypse movie, horrible science, too much drama, no plot, action ramping upon action ramping and it is utterly forgettable. This week, we review a terrible movie.

***Producers Note - You’ll notice Symptom 122 is missing. This was Symptom 123 in production. Due me, Scott, being busy, it has become Symptom 122 in air date. Symptom 122: Geostorm, will be uploaded later this week. I have also corrected the error in Symptom 121, where I initially uploaded the raw and unedited/mixed cut. Apologies for the out of order airing***

Fact: Yellowstone National Park contains a Super Volcano

Fact: Super Volcanoes are many times more deadly than a Volcano

Fact: Yellowstone has had super eruptions before.

Fact: It is overdue and will happen again.

Not so fast Dwight Schrute. The first three are facts. The last one, not so much. But don’t tell the writers of what is now available on Netflix - Super Volcano. They assert it is just a mater or time and then try to convince you that the worst possible scenario will also happen. The result is, well, Super Volcano.

Fact: I like The Office way too much.

Our Theme for this August, or what is left of it (Sorry, I am just a little, or a lot behind) is disaster movies. Explosions, volcanoes, more explosions, Mayan calendar, even more explosions, all result in the end of us all and science taking a standing eight. Join us this more for tales of the end of humanity.