Sci-Fi Malady

Captain Marvel. Its, not bad. Its not great. Scott thinks it is above average, Mark calls it average and Thomas says, meh. Considering the pre-release hype, that it was either the worst thing the MCU would ever see or the greatest thing ever, that’s interesting. In this symptom we review the movie and have discussion as to WHY there was so much controversy over a film that really doesn’t warrant controversy. Captain Marvel is a fun film. Yes, the hero is a woman. Yes, it has a female empowerment vibe. WHY DOES THAT BOTHER ANYONE? Yes, Brie Larson is unabashedly and apologetically a feminist who values diversity? Why shouldn’t she be? What do comments made about A Wrinkle In Time have to do with the MCU? Nothing, honestly. Maybe the real problem is that Larson. perhaps unintentionally, just comes across aloof and always appears to be talking down to people as if she is innately superior to the combined sum of humanity? Or maybe it is just that Brie is trying make jokes and be sarcastic/funny and she just isn’t good at it. If you look at what she says in a vacuum, there is absolutely nothing wrong with her statements or actions. However, she says things in ways that make is so easy for right wing trolls to twist her words into easily digestible chunks guaranteed to ignite the mobs of angry dudes.

Well, the timing is off. We were supposed to release the Captain Marvel Review around April 18th and this was supposed to be Avengers Endgame. We got busy. So what happened was 20 minutes of my thoughts on Endgame, this Captain Marvel review and then later, a long form Endgame review…sorry.

Due to a hectic schedule it will be potentially a month before the whole crew is together to discuss Endgame. The good news is that we will have time to unpack all that we saw and have a reasoned discussion about the movie. The bad news - its a month. So, I wanted to get something recorded and released discussing Endgame. The result is a short supplemental where I cover my general feelings about the movie, the great job closing Tony Stark and Steve Roger’s arc, resolving the problems created in Infinity War and clearing the field for the new characters. I also discuss how clearing the field for the characters could backfire on Marvel and potential problems that lie ahead for Marvel in phase 4.

Well, anything April is running behind. See, we told you were out of ideas.

Actually, it has just been a busy time for the Sci-Fi Malady crew and will continue to be so. However this week we discuss Alita Battle Angel, which is more is more difficult than one might think. There’s nothing movie breaking wrong with Alita. It is not full of J.J Abramsesque plot holes or mystery boxes, it stays mostly true to the source material and is absolutely brilliantly and painstakingly visually rendered. The score is wonderful and the acting is mostly fantastic with an exception or the two. The movie is a quantum leap forward in CGI rendering, producing a computer generated person that can realistically emote and move.

The problem is that story wise there isn’t much here. Alita regains her memory, or some of it, Ido comes to terms with his daughter’s death, Alita’s boyfriend is doing terrible things to get to Zalem, and Vector and Nova are going to kill Alita because they know she has the power to maybe kill them? Although even this doesn’t make sense because Zalem prevailed against and army of Alita’s. How is one actually a threat? We some motorball games, which really serves the same roll as the pod racing scene in a Phantom Menace - add some badly needed action to a dull film - and some pretty cool fight scenes, which again, serve as the lightsaber battles in Phantom Menace.

Alita is an origin story. The problem is origin stories come later, after you develop a character people care about in other movies. Even Phantom Menace was an origin story, telling how Vader, The Emperor and the Empire came to be. The story we should have seen is whatever Alita 2 and maybe 3 will be. After watching Alita fight an epic war to save Iron City from the clutches of Zalem and uplift an entire population of the oppressed, we might care more about a slow, boring origin story.

Again, from a technical film making point of view, Alita is a fine movie. it was just released in the wrong order.

Well, it is a sad day. A trailer for a new Star Wars Movie has dropped and even nerds don’t care. The consensus of the Sci-Fi Malady crew is, meh. Great, we brought Lando back for fan service and the Emperor laughing is cool. But we also get absurdity, like Rey jumping a tie fighter, and the Emperor being back.

Episode 9 will probably be good. Maybe an excellent movie. The problem is all the characters we care about are dead now and we weren’t given enough time to pass the torch to the new characters. Instead were told here’s Rey, Finn and Po and you will like because we are killing off just about everyone else. Imagine if Han was killed at start of Empire and replaced with Lando. You like Lando because you had time to come to like Lando, not because you were told “here is the new character you WILL like because the MOUSE says so, LIKE THEM STUPID FAN, LIKE THEMMMMMMMM!”

Episode looks action packed. Looks fun. The Emperor and Lando returning - awesome. How do you solve the problem of the entire rebellion fitting into the Millennium Falcon? How do you undo Rey being Rey Kenobody? Force Ghost Luke is uninteresting at best and how great of a performance as Lando can 900 year old Billy Dee Williams really be expected to give?

It is not that this teaser looks bad, its just that I don’t care anymore because well, I just don’t care about these boring, paper thin characters that have replaced the one’s I loved. Sorry.

This month’s theme is…we ran out of ideas. insert price is right losing sound effect.

It’s Anything April, where we talk Alita Battle Angel, Star Wars Episode 9, Captain Marvel and Avengers End Game.

The crew couldn’t make it this week, which left me alone in the studio. So of course I decided to review a Star Trek film. I have returned to the odd numbered Trek films with Star Trek III: The Search For Spock. It is seen as the ok odd numbered film, but it is more than that. It is a deep exploration of loss, death, life and rebirth. It asks what you would lose and how far you would go for a friend. Who would you be if you lost everything that made you who you are?

Star Trek III is flawed, but most movies our. This film suffers from being sandwiched between The Wrath of Kahn and the Voyage Home. On its own merit, it is a good, not great or bad film.

Battlefield Earth. What can we really say. Travolta mailed it in and seemed to channel the worst aspects of Williams Shatner, nobody else could even remotely act their way out of a wet paper bag and there isn’t a single character the viewer cares about. Adding insult to injury this isn’t even saved by great visuals or sound design. It just sucks. This movie was rightfully called maybe the worst movie of the century. It has not a single redeeming quality. It is nonsensical, lacks a coherent plot and makes no relevant social commentary. Battlefield Earth is the worst science fiction has to offer. It does not work as a drama, an action movie, comedy or thought provoking study of the human condition and unlike Star Crash or Plan Nine From Outer Space, it isn’t so bad it is good either. It is just so bad that it is bad. It didn’t kill Travolta’s career but it probably should have.

The theme this month is movies that bombed that should have been can’t miss success stories. Nothing, and I mean nothing fits that bill more than Solo. First, it is a Star Wars tale. Star Wars should by the virtue of being the second most successful franchise ever (well first if you don’t count the entire 1,834 movie MCU) always be a massive box office smash. Secondly though, is that that this was the back story of Han Solo. One of the most identifiable and iconic characters of a generation. Easy right? Young Han Solo meets Lando, saves Chewie, makes the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs and wins the Falcon in a game of Sabacc. Simple. A grad student could write it.

Well, either because this was really Train Heist with Young Han Solo and Roy Munson from Kingpin or that the Mouse had pissed off 80% of the fandom by either scrapping the EU, killing Luke or politicizing Star Wars and what you get is a Star Wars film that lost a dumptruck full of money and halted future movie productions beyond episode 9.

Brilliant!!!

Solo: How to Kill An American Film Icon! Now Playing Near You!

Fighting robots. Large fighting robots battling Godzilla like alien creatures. How can this not be awesome? Well, it probably was awesome. It was two hours of fun action that was visually amazing. If it wasn’t for four transformers movies and the 1st Pacific Rim movie, plus however many Godzilla and Cloverfield movies in the last few years, it probably would have been awesome. Pacific Rim Uprising is a victim of fighting robot fatigue. A decent, mindlessly fun romp that in 2008 would have killed, but in 2018 is just tired. After losing money I think it is safe to say this franchise will be returning exclusively to the world of Anime/Manga and done with big screen efforts. Its somewhat sad too, because there was really nothing wrong with this movie.

Space Kids Save The World!!!

I mean Valerian and the City Of…dear god this title is just to long. Valerian. There, I fixed your title. Pay me. Seriously, we can remember Valerian and the City of 1000 Planets. Shorter. Shorter, as my podcast title is longer.

This movie should have been amazing. Conceptually it has it all for space drama. An artificial construction in space that houses 1000’s of species, an interdimensional portal with two realities existing in the same space? A species devastated by two warring factions trying to reclaim its power? Power, witty, government/quasi military agents fighting for their lives and uncovering a military coverup? An effects budget that makes Michael Bay and JJ Abrams cry tears of joy? How was this not amazing?

Lack of a plot. Lack of a story. Bad acting. Horrific casting, dialogue that makes Anakin’s I hate sand speech sound like Romeo and Juliet in comparison. Oh, and yes, focusing way to much on the visual at the expense of telling any sort of story.

Valerian - the murdering of a concept with a movie that is two long, cramming at least two films into one, that is visually amazing at the expense of having any resources spent on plot - and 1000 worlds, or something.

Or

Space Kids Save The Day In Technicolor CGI!!!!!