Science Drives

So... bribery and reinforcement are basically the same thing right? WRONG! Like, really, really wrong. But don't worry...I got you. By the end of this episode you'll be schooling your friends in the ins and outs of effective reinforcement strategies, and owning the parenting game (ok, ok, you'll be a good 5 steps ahead of where you were before you listened to this episode, that I can guarantee). 

We'll keep it light, and get just deep enough to make sure you're 5 steps ahead of your spirited little one, and I mean--learning how to shape the right behaviour in your partner (or ahem mother in law) wouldn't be the worst thing ever, would it?  The thing about parenting is that it's ALL about setting up the right contingencies; the contingencies that reinforce the stuff you want to see more of (think: sharing, cleaning up, being independent, being a respectful human...you get the idea). Equally important is not setting up contingencies that reinforce the stuff you'd rather disappear (think: nose picking, back-talk, total and outright refusal to eat broccoli, never cleaning up your toys....you get the idea). But how? Again, I got you!

If you're ready to level up your parenting game, this is your starting point. Full disclosure--this episode is really informal and I find myself speaking to you like I'd speak to my best friend (#nonewfriends). I use some language that might be triggering to you if you think the word "crazy" is offensive. I don't love the word myself, but I use it in this episode because I'm being nonchalant, conversational and frankly I took my filter off (whoops). So, if that's going to offend you simply skip on to the next where I promise to try and be more politically correct. And if not--even better, press play!

Grief though. Maybe it's the hormones (baby #3 on board) but I won't lie, this one got me right in the feels. The love a parent feels for their kiddo(s) is unlike anything else; it's truly unparalleled. If you know, you know.

I'll save you the banter, the hashtags and the cultural references on this one and dive right into this: The most important take away from this episode is that the grief, or the grief-like feelings that you are experiencing in parenting your amazing, but complex, kiddos--is more common than you'd think. Know too, that resilience, empowerment and trust in the process comes from increased self-awareness and from being comfortable enough to acknowledge where you are right now, in this moment, in your process of accepting your reality.

The road is long, but the journey is worth it; and obviously, you don't have to walk it alone.

Kids don't tantrum because they want to be a jerks; they tantrum because they are trying to figure out how to best communicate their needs and wants. As parents, we can either extinguish or fuel the tantrum fire. Did you know that tantrums and meltdowns serve very different purposes? When it comes to our kids, our husbands, or our bosses, there's one thing to remember: all behaviour communicates. As parents, part of our job is to figure out "why do you DO that?" When it comes to big behaviours that cause us to stay awake too late into the night and rehash every little parenting move you made, every behaviour your kid had, every perceived #momfail we're dealing with overwhelming doubt about how we navigated our biggest obstacles. When we understand why our kids behave the way they do, we can actually regain our control, or at the very least, confidently navigate those big and often challenging parenting situations. You can't win 'em all, but you can make a meaningful impact on shaping the right behaviour; the behaviour that yields confident, resilient and empowered kids. 

Meal times are the WORST! Agree?

It's one thing to be lactose-intolerant, it's completely another to be new-food-intollerant. If your kid is picky, you've had your share of food battles; you've probably also had your share of peas thrown at your face, kale on the floor, and maybe even--pizza on the window? I remember the first time I took my kid to a restaurant; I looked at the "kid-menu" and thought--damn it, she won't eat ANY of this. So she ate bread. Just bread. Not ideal. After that, I got really used to packing a lunch bag wherever we went--but honestly, that was exhausting and not practical! So I turned to my clinical experience in food exposure, and went to work on my own kids. 

I'm sharing my struggles, my strategies and my tips for navigating BOTH food refusal and general meal time chaos. 

Parenting is hard! Like really, really hard. If you don't prioritize your wellness as a parent, you'll spiral into burn out, and the burden of day-to-day life will only increase as your burn-out gets more intense. Optimizing wellness, for you as a parent, is one of the most vital things you can do FOR YOUR KIDS. Let's talk about some signs of parent burn out, some strategies for overcoming the rough days, and some ways to develop your self-awareness. Let's talk about how good you are at talking your kids off a ledge, and how bad you are (sometimes) at talking yourself off the same ledge. We've all been there; let's not act like we're picture perfect parents with our shit together. The struggle is real; but we're ALL from the hood (parentHOOD). Parenting is messy and like a Picasso painting, that can be beautiful too. Let's get real about our struggles so we can suck every last drop out of these chaotic, unpredictable, and absolutely all-encompassing and awe-inspiring childhood years. "They" say, the days are long, but the years are short--let's  try to keep our eye on the prize, right? The first step is putting yourself first, for 35 short minutes, and it starts now!