Scratch That: Parenting & ReParenting Off Script

Now that we're a few months into making SCRATCH THAT, we take this episode to reflect on the podcast values that are revealing themselves as the most important to us. In this episode, we pull cards from Lisa Congdon's Live Your Values deck and compare notes. What do we want to prioritize? What is the target? What do we want to guide/ground each conversation?

This feels like an ongoing collaborative project, and we want you to be a part of it! Would you take a couple of minutes to fill out our Patreon poll? What SCRATCH THAT values are becoming the most important to you?? We wanna know.

We wish every single one of you could sit in the presence of Sacha Mardou. Until that day, we offer you this hearts-out, into-the-depths-of-it-together conversation. Author of the graphic memoir, Past Tense, Sacha shares her story of developing anxiety when she turned 40, going to therapy for the first time, and learning that her childhood story was still with her, waiting for her self-compassion. Rich with insight and never trite, she honors the mess, the nonlinear, the unfixable alongside the hope for meaningful change. Not only did Sacha share her own stories and wisdom, but she embodied a sharp clarity and generosity in her presence with us, showcasing, in real time, her hard earned therapy tool belt.

A heads-up for caution and care – around 36 minutes into this episode, Sacha references her mother being sexually assaulted at the age of 13.

Tune in to hear us talk about:

📝 How to adult through therapy – e.g. How do you know how long to go? When to go back? When to switch therapists? How do you process/document what you’re learning? How do you act as a self-advocate in therapy?

💓 Naming the parts of ourselves trying to hold us together with harshness and rigidity, and the importance and challenge of self-compassion.

🌈 Creativity as a bridge to connecting with and understanding Self.

📓 Sacha’s mini lesson on Internal Family Systems.

🧑‍🧒 How therapy shapes the way Sacha shows up as a parent (and how that’s changed now that she has a teenager). 

🔓 Closed family communication systems versus open family communication systems. 

🔄 Legacy burdens and repeated family traumas.

🔨 Grappling with the reality that we can’t fix ourselves enough to be perfect parents and learning to model owning our mistakes and repairing relationships.

⏰ Having the tools but feeling like we don’t have the time, energy, or wherewithal to implement them. 

To learn more about Sasha Mardou, you can find her on Instagram and through her website. Also, check out her books, Past Tense and Sky and Stereo.

We would love to hear from you! What has your experience been with (or without) therapy? What has been the best and hardest, most and least meaningful, frustrating, fulfilling, disappointing, healing part of it?

Find us on instagram @sitting_pretty ✨ @caitlinhasfeels

Last week, Caitlin invited us to mark the turn of the year by writing letters to 2024/2025. Today, we bring you the words that came from that prompt. You will hear tears, a whole lot of heartfelt, both/and reflection, and an invitation to write your own letter/create your own artifact to mark this shift in the calendar.

At the end of the episode, Rebekah shares a little bit about how deeply difficult this year has been for her niece and sister. Since recording, the GoFundMe she started for them has exceeded the initial goal! It's been stunning to see folks rally around them. Because of that support, they are heading into the new year with one piece of this impossibly hard situation made a little bit lighter. If you would like to participate in supporting this family, the GoFundMe page will be up until January 3rd. A wholehearted, full-body THANK YOU to every single person who has donated/shared/tucked this family into your heart.

We would love to hear from you! What are you keeping with you from 2024? What are you letting go of in 2025?

In today's episode, we reflect on our memories/associations with New Years, and the practices that do/don't feel good around this time of year. We are moving away from new year's resolutions and toward reflective practices that allow us to bear witness to the previous year.

Tune in to hear us talk about:

🎊 The ways we moved through this holiday when we were young.

📓 Caitlin's annual, seasonal, and monthly reflection practices (including picking a yearly word, Lisa Congdon's Live Your Values deck, and reflection guides).

🕯️ Caitlin's new practices, including admin adulting days, fun seasonal bucket lists, and a new advent tradition.

❌ A new kind of resolution that asks – what are you NOT prioritizing this year?

🗓️ Rebekah's daily documentation practices – why she does them and how she holds them lightly.

⏰ Our angst about the rapid passage of time and how we want to be present for the moments as they're passing.

💌 And invitation to write a letter to 2024 or 2025 – we'll read ours next week!

Mentioned in this episode:

Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman

Lisa Congdon's Live Your Values deck

We would love to hear from you! How to you mark the turning of another year? Do you have any documentation practices that feel good to you?

Find us on instagram @sitting_pretty ✨ @caitlinhasfeels

As we gear up for the week of Christmas and all of the layered feelings this stretch of days can bring, we wanted to offer you something good and grounding. To prepare, we gave ourselves a prompt: write a little blessing, love note, prayer for the holiday week. Today, we read them allowed – an offering to ourselves, each other, and you.

We would love to hear from you! How are you orienting yourself this week? What feels hard? What feels easy? What feels different than previous years? What are your disco balls on the tree or flashes of lighting over an open field?

Find us on instagram @sitting_pretty ✨ @caitlinhasfeels

Lisa Olivera's words are a uniquely grounding force in a world fueled by algorithms that thrive on speedy-hot-takes, over-simplicity, and one-note narratives. Every time the internet feels like it’s literally going to combust under the strain of loud noises, her steady voice calls us back to our bodies and our inner knowing. We had so many questions for her! And in Lisa-fashion, she met our wonderings with a generous, present, and soft openness, offering reframes and revelations we didn't even know we needed. We're so excited to share this episode with you. 💛

Tune in to hear us talk about:

💫 Reframes for imposter syndrome, self-criticism, and the parts of our stories that have only ever felt hard/sad/painful.

📖 The strange experience of writing a book that makes its way into the world right after you've sustained a complete disintegration of self through new parenthood.

🦋 Giving ourselves, our kids, our partners permission to change, evolve, and grow.

🎭 The many different ways to think about the stories we hold – storytelling as an evolving practice, the limitations of storytelling, holding our stories loosely.

🪂 Letting go of the idea that we can control other people's stories, even our kids' (and letting ourselves feel the grief of that).

💕 The counter-intuitive strength of staying soft.

If you want more of Lisa's voice in your world, check out her stunning Substack, Human Stuff, her book Already Enough, and stay tuned for the release of her next one!

We would love to hear from you! How do you see storytelling showing up in your own life? Is it a tool? Or a hinderance? Where do you feel yourself becoming rigid? Where would you like to soften?

Find us on instagram @sitting_pretty ✨ @caitlinhasfeels

We are in the season of a million gift-giving choices – What do we want to spend money on? How do we find gifts that make people feel seen/loved/celebrated? How do we buy/make gifts with thought and care when we don't have any time? Today, we dive headfirst into our personal gift giving values and offer a giant pile of recommendations (no one is paying us to make!) with the hope that it sparks something for you that feels good.

Caitlin, Our Favorite Bougie Bitch, prefers gifts that align with the way their brain functions. They prioritize fewer things of higher quality that will last over time and not make their home feel loud and cluttered. They recommend:

🎨 Consumable Gifts (art projects, activities, experiences)

🎟️ Memberships 

🥝 Kiwi Co monthly subscriptions or individual boxes (like this play-dough pasta-making kit)

🎭 Gathre vegan leather products for kids (like this doorway theater, seated spinner, car truck mat, and tunnel)

📻 YOTO for screen free entertainment

🖼️ Artifact Uprising beautiful books (you can make board books! Which I did for Charlie his first Christmas that we treasure), calendars, and more! It's so good!

📦 MakeDo I forgot to mention this! But it's one of our favorite toys ever! It's a set of screws, knife, screwdriver for cardboard that little ones can use! We make all kinds of things with it!

Rebekah, The Idealist Without Enough Time, wants everything gift to be handmade and soaking with meaning. She prioritizes items that feel one-of-a-kind thoughtful that don't take quite as much time as a hand-sewn quilt. She recommends:

🧶 ETSY for handmade, customized, feels-like-a-perfect-thrift-store-find items.

📷 Shutterfly or Artifact Uprising (or any company that lets you make things with your own photos) for photo books and inside joke mugs.

✨ Gift cards to local bookstores & small businesses! (Like this cozy spot in KC)

👻 Prints, stickers, buttons, pins from artists! (Like Tender Ghost)

🌱 Small scale handmade gifts that don't actually take a ton of time (like simple collaged photos and little decorated plant pots).

💌 A heartfelt, thoughtful card!!!!

And one of their all time favorite gifts to give – BOOKS! Together, their top recommendations include:

🌵 Instructions for Traveling West by Joy Sullivan

🙏 Gay Girl Prayers by Emily Austin

🐟 Why Fish Don't Exist by Lulu Miller

⏰ The Power of Moments by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

🍂 The Book of Delights by Ross Gay

💫 Catalog of Unabashed Gratitude by Ross Gay

🥩 Night Bitch by Rachel Yoder

⛰️ All Fours by Miranda July

⚡️ You Better Be Lightning by Andrea Gibson

🦋 Lord of the Butterflies by Andrea Gibson

We would love to hear the ways you approach gift giving! What are your favorite gifts to give or receive? How do you prioritize your time/money around this time of year? What are your biggest gift-giving values?

Find us on instagram @sitting_pretty ✨ @caitlinhasfeels

Today we bring you a mini mid-week episode to tell you all about Rebekah's forthcoming picture book, We Are the Scrappy Ones.

Tune in to hear:

🌱 The origin story of the book and who Rebekah wrote it for.

👽 A bit about what it felt like for Rebekah to grow up with a disability.

🌗 The ways writing about the experience of disability for a younger audience felt very different from other writing projects Rebekah has done.

📖 Rebekah read some of the book.

PRE-ORDER THE PICTURE BOOK HERE

Find us on instagram @sitting_pretty ✨ @caitlinhasfeels

This conversation was inspired by a visit Rebekah took to her son's classroom. As he has adjusted to a new school, Rebekah has tried to think more critically about how she wants to lead the conversation (and onslaught of inevitable questions these kids have) about her wheelchair.

In SCRATCH THAT fashion, this episode is more in-real-time-processing and back-and-forth questions than a 1-2-3 step plan for raising our babies to have immediate and "perfect" understanding of disability from a very young age. How do we teach our kids how to respond when they notice difference in public? How do we teach our kids about all kinds of difference when they don't experience all of it in real life? Are there any blanket rules about what we say/don't say? How do we avoid accidentally reinforcing the stigmas we're trying to push against? And as we ask and listen, we realize this is actually a conversation about how we do the hard work of being community with all kinds of different people.

Together, we generate a hearty set of ideas for how we strive to navigate these tricky conversations that we fully expect to be just as messy as human relationships themselves.

Tune in to hear us talk about:

📚 Our favorite disability-forward picture books.

📜 Rebekah's current script for answering questions about her wheelchair.

🎯 Evaluating our goals in teaching our kids about disability and difference more broadly. What are we really trying to do here?

🎨 The pieces that make these conversations sticky and complicated and learning to embrace the messiness of it all.

♿️ How Otto's new school has responded to Rebekah's disability and need for access.

🤝 A sprawling brainstorm on how we teach our kids (and ourselves) to build communities of care. 

Mentioned in this episode:

Come Over to My House by Eliza Hull

Bodies Are Cool by Tyler Feder

This Is How We Play by Jessica Slice

Mama Car by Lucy Catchpole

The Circus Ship by Chris Van Dusen

Cake Girl by David Lucas

We would love to hear from you! How are you navigating these kinds of conversations? Have you discovered any scripts that have helped you? What makes these moments feels especially tricky to you in any direction?

Today we tackle what Caitlin refers to as the "cheerful nostalgia and heart-wrenching sorrow" the holidays can bring. For so many of us, this particular time of year comes with a lot of guilt and pressure, hard memories or sadness that the present doesn't look quite like we think it should. Together we process what makes these days hard for the both of us and generate a host of ideas for navigating these both/and days with full hearts and a lot of creative curiosity.

🖨️ You can download this little zine, print on 8.5x11 paper and fold it down for your pocket to reference when you need it. Here are directions for folding.

Tune in to hear us talk about:

💔 Making space for the sadness and releasing the guilt.

✨ Grasping onto joy when we can.

🎊 Caitlin's tips on how to create new holiday traditions.

🍄 Learning to take off the pressure of a single day.

🙌 Our own experiences accidentally discovering new holiday rituals.

🌱 The pains of families evolving holiday traditions as they age, grow, and change.

⚙️ Moving away from default and toward intentional celebrations.

Find us on instagram @sitting_pretty ✨ @caitlinhasfeels