I spent a lot of time trying to be who other people wanted me to be. Scared to change or let people know that I had changed. I tucked a lot away and labeled some things shameful. I am not alone in this. I found that every time I shared something that I had previously kept in my "shame box" it freed a part of me.

We are all molded by where we came from, and who we were surrounded by. Little by little we take shape. I learned to adapt and play by the rules that others set. Before I started to challenge social norms, I first thrived in them. This is my origin story.

When you take steps to end your marriage, there is a brief sense of freedom, followed by the sad awareness that your children will need to know and eventually your friends, family and your immediate world. My seemingly private relationship with my husband, was becoming public, just as things were being figured out and becoming undone. My reasons, decisions and plans were now subject to other people's dissection. A way for them to make sense of things and where they fit in.

When my son started to ask questions, I had to accept that this was part of the process. It was difficult knowing his life was going to be impacted by my decision. Through coming clean, I found his acceptance and it made me whole.

It was not easy to undo a 20 year relationship, it was not easy to figure out what to say and pick the "right" time to say it, but I found it harder to live in the shadows and lie. Here I come to terms with ending my marriage and taking on the societal label of "separated." I chose this path so I could meet the woman I had become.

At 43 I found myself caught between societal expectations and what felt right, for me. It was the act of cheating that would lead me to question everything I thought I understood and wanted. Through this rediscovery of my Body, Mind and Soul I was awoken.

To rediscover who I am and what I truly stand for, appreciate and will accept, I first had to evaluate who I currently am, how I got here and what I needed to understand and shed. I started with my Mind. After so many years of toxic relationships with family, friends and employers, I realized I would need to understand how I let them in before I could cast out everything that did not feel right.

To rediscover who I am and what I truly stand for, appreciate and will accept, I first had to evaluate who I currently am, how I got here and what I needed to understand and shed. After looking at my Mind I tackled my Body. I stopped being trapped by labels and started by re-envisioning myself then reshaping myself from head to toe. I grew stronger in who I was and start to embody and align with the way I thought of myself.

To rediscover who I am and what I truly stand for, appreciate and will accept, I first had to evaluate who I currently am, how I got here and what I needed to understand and shed. I started with my Soul. After so dedicating my life to what society said is what I should aspire to have and work hard to keep I started to feel the whispers from inside, questioning it all.

At 43 I was happily married, with two kids, a successful business and found myself lost in societal expectations and having fulfilled my obligations to my biological clock, it was then that I heard the ticking of my Second Clock. A clock I set and that would accompany me as I risk walking away from everything society says women should have if they want "it all.” I turn inward to find what makes me twirl, smile, sing and where my soul finds true delight. 

Each entry is raw, and dives into where I was, where I am, and what I have discovered along the way as I find Clarity, Love, Acceptance, Reflection, to my Awakening.

Join me and maybe you my hear your Second Clock ticking.