This week we look at a Dan Savage column. The reader is bored with the sex, but also gets shamed from his wife for wearing a ‘gay’ T-shirt. Dan’s advice has some helpful ideas and affirmations (despite it being a short Q&A). How does the politics of the advisor affect the advice? What is the reader / advisor relationship? Then I offer my own extra advice. Are there other little microfascisms going on? How to talk about issues. How dis/inhibition is a problem and evokes Irving Yalom’s ooze. What does thinking about affects, rather than causes and effects, do? It’s a long one I’m afraid!

Email me culturesexrelationships at gmail dot com

justinhancock.co.uk/coaching if you want a session

https://linktr.ee/culturesexrel to find the google form

patreon.com/culturesexrelationships where you can sign up to support the show and also buy the zines I mentioned.

Article of mine on how to make sex and relationships chats easier

https://www.bishuk.com/relationships/how-to-make-sex-and-relationships-chats-easier/

This is a pretty nice article featuring that ‘ooze’ I was telling you about

https://www.newstatesman.com/ideas/2025/04/irvin-yalom-confessions

Here’s more about that particular book, thank you Kayleigh for lending me your copy. I never gave it back to you but I put it to good use.

https://www.yalom.com/momma-the-meaning-of-life

Here’s that article I referred to from Petra Boynton

https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpsy/article/PIIS2215-0366(15)00009-7/abstract

Petra’s website No Star To Guide Me is a great starting point if you want to learn to give good advice

https://nostartoguideme.com/

Here’s that podcast I did with Jacob Johannsen

https://soundcloud.com/culturesexrelationships/jacob-johannsen-fantasy-online-misogyny-and-the-manosphere