Secular Sexuality

Secular Sexuality | 07.30 | July 30th | Madison Hollis


What could be more important than family? Turns out things like party loyalty, which lives matter, facial skin sensitivity, and ancient homophobic poetry have been dividing familes at alarming rates. Ours is not the first generation to face excommunication or family shunning, but in a divided world with uncertain economics and portentous protests, cast-outs are facing ever-increasing challenges. Family Systems Therapist Madison Hollis joins Vi and Christy in wrapping our heads around this growing epidemic and to take your calls on this July 30th episode of Secular Sexuality!

* Family Separation, Sex, Religion, and Social Norm Violation
* Matthew-NY | My Friend Has an Abusive Father, How Can I Help?
* Geo-FL | Living with Challenges of an Immigrant Family
* Shame, Disappointment, and Loss from Family Separation
* Steve-AZ | I Want to Learn About Non-Binary and Other Sexualities!
* Johnathan-AL | My Family Doesn't Like That I Cut My Father Off
* Linda-(UK) | Update: My Husband Didn't Accept my Trans Daughter
* Resources to Deal with Family Separation

► Read Madison’s blog on family of origin trauma on her website: https://www.sunandmooncounseling.com/blog/fooissuesjune2020-s3zp8
► Find more links or dive deeper into the show: https://www.vcatx.com/media/foo

Recommended Reading-
►Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson

►Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie

►Whole Again: Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your True Self After Toxic Relationships and Emotional Abuse by Jackson Mckenzie

Joining us on Secular Sexuality tonight is Katy Montgomerie, an LGBTQ rights activist who has been holding court on Medium on behalf of trans folks. Her topic? By far the worst installment of the Harry Potter series: JK Rowling and the UK TERFS.

► Find Katy’s piece about JKRTERF and other work at https://medium.com/@completelykaty
► Find more links or dive deeper into the show at https://www.vcatx.com/media/jkrterf

►Read more about JK Rowling’s recent transphobic content here: https://www.forbes.com/sites/dawnstaceyennis/2019/12/19/jk-rowling-comes-out-as-a-terf/#19b7a6a45d70

►What is a TERF?
https://www.insider.com/jk-rowling-what-is-a-terf-trans-exclusionary-radical-feminist-2020-6

►Read the Letter on Justice and Open Debate here: https://harpers.org/a-letter-on-justice-and-open-debate/

► Learn more about the so called TRANS AGENDA- watch Secular Sexuality 07.27 with Christy Powell, Serafina Smith, and Rachel Watson •Streamed live on July 9, 2020 https://youtu.be/PCwd4uwr_Ek

►Consider donating to the Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org

Femme fatale and fashioner designer Miss O Kissed first came to our attention when she shared with us all about the wonderful world of burlesque. Now she joins Vi and Christy to share another part of her identity- her asexuality. What’s it like navigating the world of fetish wear and burlesque as an ace? That question, your calls and a whole lot more on this week’s Secular Sexuality.

► Find more links or dive deeper into the show at https://www.vcatx.com/media/missokissed
► Learn more about this self-professed pint sized pervert at https://www.missokissed.com/

►Find your community at AVEN https://www.asexuality.org/

►Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward (https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972)

► Secular Sexuality 06.02 with Megan Bonner, Christy Powell, & Black Widow Burlesque
•Streamed live on Jan 10, 2019 https://youtu.be/DEk8w0q1lRw

The TRANS AGENDA. Maybe you’ve heard about it on Twitter, where the massive following of Dolores Umbridge, er um, Rita Skeeter , er- a well-known Young Adult author have been recently addressing the subject. Here on Secular Sexuality, we will be talking with two actual trans women. What DO they want? What is their experience? All this and more, including your own calls and questions, on the July 9 episode of Secular Sexuality, on the Atheist Experience Network!

► Find more links or dive deeper into the show at https://www.vcatx.com/media/transagenda

► We the Mudbloods: J. K. Rowling and the Trans-Exterminationists by Zinnia Jones for Gender Analysis (https://genderanalysis.net/2020/06/we-the-mudbloods-j-k-rowling-and-the-trans-exterminationists-book-1/?fbclid=IwAR0iJoctGU-_iypvzxVgh8hBDv6wTjulxkqWBOz_6EFJX1fKpK8A8KcxbHg)

► Mastercard to allow transgender people to use chosen names on credit and debit cards by the Associated Press (https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2019/06/17/transgender-people-can-use-chosen-names-cards-mastercard-says/1478201001/)

► Halle Berry Pulls Out of Transgender Film Role After Backlash By Jordan Moreau for Variety
(https://variety.com/2020/film/news/halle-berry-trans-role-apology-transgender-film-1234699605/)

You may only know of cam girls because of internet pop-ups (we won’t tell) or bad jokes. Maybe you’ve always been curious but have held back because of money, exploitation or religious moralizing.

Well it’s 2020, working from home has become the usual and our sex worker friends are way ahead of us. Enter Saint Eve, our friendly neighborhood atheist cam girl. While she walks Christy and Vi through cam customer etiquette we’ll be getting ready to take your calls. This is the Atheist Experience Network’s Secular Sexuality on July 2nd.

► Find our beloved Saint at https://saint_eve.cammodels.com/
► Learn more by diving deeper into the episode at https://www.vcatx.com/media/sainteve

Recommended reading from tonight’s episode-

Transgender History (Seal Studies) by Susan Stryke (https://www.amazon.com/Transgender-History-Studies-Susan-Stryker/dp/158005224X)

Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More by Janet Mock
(https://www.amazon.com/Redefining-Realness-Path-Womanhood-Identity/dp/1476709130)

Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us by Kate Bornstein (https://www.amazon.com/Gender-Outlaw-Men-Women-Rest/dp/1101973242)

Ethical Porn for Dicks: A Man's Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasure by David J. Ley
(https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Porn-Dicks-Responsible-Pleasure/dp/0996485236)

It is so ordered. 5 years ago the Supreme Court ended its decision to guarantee equal marital rights to all U.S. citizens with those words. But how much really changed? In a summer where we realize the gains of 50 years ago have fallen short of true equal rights, what should our next steps be? Is it even possible to outlaw bigotry and is there anything the trans rights movement can take away from these decades long legal battles? The Atheist Experience Network’s Johnny makes a return visit, joining Vi and Christy in taking your calls and peering again at the age old question, can you legislate morality?

► Learn more and dive deeper into the episode at https://www.vcatx.com/media/obergefell


► After Bostock, We’re All Textualists Now by Ilya Shapiro
https://www.cato.org/publications/commentary/after-bostock-were-all-textualists-now)

► How to Understand Your Gender by Alex Iantaffi
(https://smile.amazon.com/How-Understand-Your-Gender-Practical/dp/1785927469)

► Supreme Court Delivers Major Victory To LGBTQ Employees by Nina Totenberg for NPR
(https://www.npr.org/2020/06/15/863498848/supreme-court-delivers-major-victo)

► 5 Years after landmark gay marriage ruling by SCOTUS. lawyer in the case says it’s ‘gone swimmingly well’ by Randy Maniloff for American Bar Association Journal
(https://www.abajournal.com/web/article/5-years-after-landmark-gay-marriage-case-mary-bonauto-says-its-gone-swimmingly-well)

Demigender is a gender identity that involves feeling a partial, but not a full, connection to a particular gender identity or just to the concept of gender. Demigender people often identify as non-binary. -Gender.Wikia.org

Trystan Reese damn near broke the internet when he chose to speak publicly with CNN, VICE and The Washington Post (among dozens of others) about his pregnancy. As a gay trans man and a public figure Trystan’s Collaborative Consulting provides training and support on trans inclusion, racial justice and other issues plaguing our workplaces, marketplaces and forums. Join Vi, Sera and Christy as we watch last week’s interview with Trystan and try to make sense of trans safety and acceptance during this summer of change.

00:05:30 - Interview With Trystan Reese
00:39:07 - Johnathan - AL - Confused About Sexuality
00:53:32 - Godless - NY - Supreme Court Decision On Equal Rights Amendment
01:00:37 - Leigh NJ - Discussing Gay Couples Vs Straight Couples
01:12:11 - Brutus - MN - Toxic Masculinity And Role Confusion

►Find even more resources and dive deeper into the episode at https://www.vcatx.com/media/trystanreese

►Learn more about Trystan and Collaborative Consulting (https://trystanreese.com/)

►Hear more of Trystan’s story from The Moth (https://themoth.org/stories/pregnant-man)

►Contact the TransLifeline at 877 565-8860 (https://www.translifeline.org/)

I can’t tell if we’re behind on answering our emails or if time is a flat circle that no longer corresponds to common sense or basic human decency. In any case Vi and Christy answer your questions as we all look to get our bearings during these turbulent times. If you’ve written in, wanna give us a call or just need help remembering what day of the week it is the Secular Sexuality team has got you covered.

“No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.

— Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy

►Find even more resources and dive deeper into the episode at https://www.vcatx.com/media/junemailbag

► Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800 656-HOPE
https://www.rainn.org/

► Learn more about Socratic questioning by visiting:
https://streetepistemology.com/

00:??:?? – Vi & Christy On Gay Pride Month
00:06:20 – 1st Voicemail Caller – How To Talk To Loved Ones About Racism
00:11:41 – Vi & Christy On A Conversation With Johnny P About Rape
00:20:44 – Valerie – TX – Experiencing Genital Dysphoria
00:32:52 – Rachel – Australia – Any Negative Impacts Of Soft Porn
00:40:23 – Johnny – Will Same Sex Marriage Lead To Multiple Persons Marriage
00:51:48 – Tim – PA – How To come Out To Family As A Poly-amorous Gay Person
01:05:30 – Mark – Dallas – When To Tell Person You Dating About Your Atheism
01:13:50 – Eli – Canada – Partner Having Issues With His Porn Performances

Resources we mentioned:

Sex and the Constitution: Sex, Religion, and Law from America's Origins to the Twenty-First Century by Geoffrey R. Stone

The Myth of Sex Addiction by David Ley Ph.D

Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want from Sex--and How to Get It by Marty Klein

Vi La Bianca is joined by ACA host and co-host Johnny P. Johnny has worked behind the scenes and in front of the camera to make our shows even that much more amazing! Vi started the show off summarizing that Black Lives Matter. Tonight's topic is about Allyship and how best to educate ourselves on that topic. Johnny asks himself what can he do, what has he done lately?

The first caller we have is Laurie in Texas. She is calling to give her take on Secular Sexuality. She was working in the church up until about a month ago. WOW. She is now an atheist.They had a great conversation about past relationships and VI and Johnny had some amazing responses.

Next Vi took a chat question about consent in sex and what constitutes rape. They felt their wife used them for sex until a plan hatched. Vi gave some great advice and empathized with the person that chatted. Johnny recommended consulting an attorney in this case.

Our last caller tonight is Lisa in Alberta Canada, she is wanting to discuss the concept of white knighting and true allyship. She was in an uncomfortable situation and wonders if she has the right to be offended when someone negatively comments on homosexuality. Yes, yes, yes, yes, you have the right to be offended. Vi and Johnny responded with some great advice.

If you want to check out more videos with Johnny, check out other ACA productions such as Non Prophets, Atheist Vanguard, and Atheist Experience!!

ExCultBaby joins Vi and Christy to offer a public service so your non-binary and agender friends, children and co-workers don’t have to. We’re busting all the myths, breaking down the mysteries and answering all of your questions- serious, silly and sexy, all in equal measure. It’s an enby exploration of gender, culture and community on AEN’s Secular Sexuality.

Find ExCultBaby’s YouTube channel (https://www.youtube.com/excultbaby), twitter, instagram, tumblr and more as @ExCultBaby

Learn more about non-binary allyship and culture or dive deeper into the episode at https://www.vcatx.com/media/excultbabyenby

Items from tonight’s show-

Sissy A COMING-OF-GENDER STORY By JACOB TOBIA
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/566884/sissy-by-jacob-tobia/