Seek and Destroy

In this episode Brett and Carson do a deep dive into what it's like to quit daily drinking as Carson chooses to do Sober October.  Recorded 21 days into Carson's first attempt at going a month without alcohol, the duo delve into discussions around the challenges of quitting drinking when alcohol is always readily available and most social events revolve around drinking, while exploring stats around alcohol use which leads to some startling discoveries.  The conversation then moves into discussing victim mentality and taking accountability for one's own life experience.

In this hard to listen to episode, Carson exposes what it's like to be in the midst of a CPTSD flashback without even knowing it. Heavily triggered by some recent events Carson and Brett discuss whether it is ever truly possible to trust others and feel secure while Carson struggles with jealousy and compulsive hypervigilance for threats.  Through this discussion Carson discovers that a lack of self-love is at the heart of his trust issues and that he is stuck in victim mentality. Be warned that this episode has some extremely negative self-talk and may be triggering for some listeners. 

Brett and Carson discuss the challenges of learning to be unapologetically authentic even when it means other people might not like you.  They then move into an exploration around a difficult process Carson went through during his Conscious Relationship Training program which leads into some conversation around the trickiness of the ego and how it holds on for dear life as we try to address the troublesome aspects of it.

Brett and Carson discuss the futility of trying to avoid healing as Carson continues to put himself on blast for his over-identification with being a good lover.  Then the tables are turned as they inquire into whether Brett has "landed" and if his anxiety meds are helping him bypass his opportunities for growth.

Carson discusses an experience with his partner which has him realizing that his sense of self worth is directly linked to being a good lover.

Brett explains his recent explorations into the nature of existence, vibration and frequency through some recent trials with nitrous oxide. Brett and Carson then draws some parallels between these realizations and how resistance and mental interpretation hold us back from deep experiencing and surrendering to reality.

Brett investigates into how his ego is being given fertile ground for expansion due to being revered as an OG in his local scene which has Carson reflecting on how being a yoga teacher had him in a similar position. The discussion then moves into how feeling good can cause substance use to start to escalate and Carson decides to do Sober October.

Carson sends an email to his parents asking them to go to therapy in an effort to begin reconnecting to them and has to address the shame and embarrassment of going back on his decision to excommunicate them 4 years earlier.  Brett and Carson then delve into the concept and practice of shadow work and the challenges of integrating the rejected aspects of their personalities.

We're back! And still alive! On this episode, Brett & Carson catch up on the last few years and talk a bit about living life exactly how you'd like to.