By Trisha Lewis
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The podcast currently has 188 episodes available.
Ever been at a social event on your own and with loads of strangers - wedding, awards ceremony, business networking - and felt suffocated by self-consciousness - the kind that leaves you mute and convinced that everyone is looking at the way you hold your knife and fork - that sort of thing? I have! This episode explores the symptoms, drivers and then offers some very good tips to stop the torture!
References:
You Learn by Living - by Eleanor Roosevelt
Letters to a Young Artist - by Anna Deavere Smith
The Spotlight Effect
More on 'Self Squashing' -
TEDx - Beware the Self Squashing Prophecy
Book - The Mystery of the Squashed Self
Resources and links at trishalewis.com
That self generated feeling of being an outsider when with a group of people - familiar? New word - 'self-outsidering'. What are the symptons and drivers of this unhelpful self-squashing feeling - and what reframes and actions might help.
The 'self' part of this is the key! You are doing it to yourself. Something has triggered this 'outsider' feeling - what might it be? What are the FIBs that are holding you back - fears, illusions and baggage. Your host shares a couple of personal anecdotes - briefly - that might resonate ... or surprise!
REFERENCES
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
How Emotions are Made by Lisa Feldman Barrett
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More on 'unsquashing' - have a look at my website.
The Mystery of the Squashed Self - Self-help book with a difference! Beware the self squashing prophecy - TEDx
You want to stand out with more confident, heart-led copy and content. You want to delve into your creative mindset - but a host of fears, illusions and bits of baggage - hold you back.
My guest Bee Higgins gets it! She feels it herself and she has tons of experience and expertise in creative writing. Bee is a messaging mentor who doesn't offer top tip templates for writing success - she offers insights and practical ideas on putting more of your own personality into your writing without getting squashed by comparisonitis and generic advice.
Just listening to her gentle wisdom will inspire you!
If you want to connect more with Bee - LinkedIn Instagram
More about 'unsquashing'? Head to my website - links to my book, TEDx and other resources.
This episode explores the tension between wanting to make and impact and wanting to conform to the norm. Is it possible to do both? What are the symptoms of too much blending in or even too much standing out - when you are not coming from a place of 'you-ness'?
As always we look at the symptoms, drivers and then possible solutions to try out. As always I refer to a book or two and some areas that you might want to explore more - if you like a good rabbit hole like me.
References for this episode: Book - A Fraction of the Whole by Stand Toltz
Book - A Life of One's Own by Marion Milner
Theories: Impression Management
Social Identity
I also refer to my book and TEDx talk Book: The Mystery of the Squashed Self TEDx: Beware the Self Squashing Prophecy
More resources at www.trishalewis.com
Do you have a recurring flush of embarrasement or even shame well after you have done something stupid? Do you dwell on the stuff you messed up on? Do you worry too much about what people think about you?
Welcome to another episode that explores the human stuff - the stuff that can sometimes hold you back and stop your JIG - joy, impact and growth!
The potential to self-sabotage is in us all - and dwelling on the things that didn't go so well or maybe just felt like a way bigger issue than it actually was.. well that could have you falling down the self-squashing, self-doubt spiral! We look at the symptoms, drivers and then reframe actions.
Quotes from a great book - Chatter - Ethan Kross - https://amzn.eu/d/2G7fpZX
More on Self-Squashing on my website https://www.trishalewis.com/ where you will find links to the TEDx talk and my book - all exploring this variant of Imposter Syndrome - Self-Squashing.
Time to explore a very human fear - fear of rejection. Can you really protect yourself from being disliked? What are the symptoms of this fear? What drives this fear? Time to name and reframe - and make sure this classic 'self-squasher' isn't holding you back.
Inspired by this book:
The Courage to be Disliked - by Ichiro Kishimi and FUmitake Koga
Also referenced:
The Presentation of Self in Every Day Life - Erving Goffman
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself - Jo Dispenza
Research - 'The Liking Gap' - Erica Boothby and colleagues 2018.
My book - The Mystery of the Squashed Self
My TEDx - Beware the Self Squashing Prophecy
Links and more - trishalewis.com
Do you give yourself enough credit? My guest Ben Franklin shares his experience from the very start of his journey - and as he puts it - the setbacks and growth moments will be part of your journey at every point - wherever you enter, whatever your background or age.
We explore the importance of taking risks, gaining practical experience, and overcoming setbacks and self-doubt. Ben gives examples of recognising the value of personal experience and skills.
We also touch on the challenges of comparing ourselves to others on social media, impostor syndrome triggers and handling negative feedback.
We share our personal experiences and insights on how to build resilience with a focus on embracing differences and focusing on personal growth whilst taking inspiration from others.
Connect with Ben Franklin - LinkedIn
Listen to his podcast 'Ground Zero' on most podcast platforms.
Also on YouTube here.
In this episode we refer to a community we are both involved with - 'You are the Media' - more details here.
Transcript PDF on my website trishalewis.com
Video of this episode on my YouTube Channel.
How come you blindly accept 'expert' opinion and even default thinking about yourself! Common sense ideas and public opinion can be too readily accepted by us all. Time for some healthy skepticism - time to get curious and examine!
Who better to help us with this process than the philosoper Socrates? Whilst he might be long gone - his ideas remain as relevant as ever.
There is a method of examining known as 'the Socratic Method of Thinking' - and it is clearly laid out in the book I reference -
'The Consolations of Philosophy' by Alain de Botton.
You will be taken through the 6 steps of this method - with an everday example. You can then place any example of an 'unquestioned truth' into the 'curiosity' machine - and see what comes out!
Video of episodes are available on my YouTube channel
More resources on 'self-belief unsquashing' to be found at trishalewis.com
Next time you fall into a self-doubt spiral full of negative self-talk getting you nowhere - try this! Use the 'principled negotiation' technique espoused by Fisher and Ury (expert negotiators) - to negotiate with your emotions and inner chat!
In this episode I explore two of the ingredients of 'principled negotiation' - Separate the people from the problem - and - Focus on interests not positions - and flip them to a negotiation with your own thoughts/emotions/assumptions and baggage!
Practical tool - we explore when, why and how to use this technique - on your self!
I wrap up with some powerful quotes from two classic books I've had on my shelf since uni days - referenced below.
Pull yourself up before you fall down the self doubt spiral and achieve - nothing!
PDF transcript on the episode page at trishalewis.com
REFERENCES in this episode:
Getting to Yes - Roger Fisher and William Ury
Emotional Intelligence - Daniel Goleman
Borkovec - research on 'worry'
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Find out more about my communication and confidence coaching services as well as my unsquashing mission (the book, the TEDx) at trishalewis.com.
Why do humans struggle with doing nothing on their own! Busy doing nothing - not as meaningless as it sounds. Here's how to get good at being bored and alone - a total reframe that will have you feeling meaningful.
References:
Research - Timothy Wilson 'How Much do we not like being bored.'
Sunday Neurosis theory - Sander Ferenczi
Book - Flow - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
PDF transcript on my website - trishalewis.com
YouTube - video of this episode
The podcast currently has 188 episodes available.