Today’s show is all about our emotional infrastructure—the decisions and choices we make that inform how we walk through the world. It turns out there’s a helpful way to do this…and a not-so-helpful way.

I begin the show with a reflection on a recent article I read full of research on why we’re collectively acting so weird. After two years of a pandemic, well…let’s just say that societal norms have taken a big hit. And the good news is they will recover.

Then I share what I like to think of as my Emotional Self-Care Hit List. These are eight things we really need to practice to keep our inner guidance system working well, and our happiness optimized. May my little list serve you well.

Here are a few highlights:

• How our personal radar informs us and protects us
• Setting boundaries for self-protection
• What to do with your rage, your anger, your disappointment, your fear
• When a request is a good idea
• The power of forgiveness—and self-forgiveness
  
  And as promised, here is the list...

1.  

8 RULES OF EMOTIONAL SELF-CARE

1. Honor my feelings.

Our anger and our fear are here to protect us. So I’m learning to let them do their job.

1. Remember it’s all about mom.

Good self-care means gently reminding ourselves when we are triggered.

Then allowing our feelings to flow when we’re alone, until eventually they resolve.

1. Become humble.
   
   
2. Know and express my boundaries.

The key is to honor our emotions and then find the courage to speak up kindly.

Requests work well here.

People actually appreciate it when I am clear about my boundaries.

1. Own my stuff … and nothing more.
   
   
2. Remember forgiveness sets us free.
   
   
3. Stay out of harm's way.

Our guidance system is always on for a reason. We need it

1. Be patient with myself.

In the end, it really all is about us and our tender hearts. If we really, truly show up and care for them, they will abundantly serve us in return.

I hope this episode resonates with you, and gives you some ideas to carry on in strength.

Much love as ever,

Suzanne

Resources:

Take the Survey

More about Suzanne

Suzanne Falter is a writer, podcaster and speaker whose work has appeared in SELF, O, More, Fitness, New Woman and The New York Times. She is the author of multiple self-help titles including The Extremely Busy Woman’s Guide to Self-Care (Sourcebooks). Suzanne also hosts the ever popular Self-Care for Extremely Busy Women podcast, and regularly speaks to a global audience on the healing power of crisis and the importance of self-care. Learn more at www.suzannefalter.com

Do you resist the gym even though you know you should go? Suzanne speaks to Coach Ash about how to shift your mindset to embrace the gym…and get back to fitness.

 

Do you get the help you need? I begin this show with a little piece of my book, The Extremely Busy Woman’s Guide to Self-Care, titled ‘Seven Steps to Get the Help You Truly Need’. Why did I write this essay? Because it’s glaringly clear that many of us overly busy women don’t know how or from whom to ask for help.

 

There are 7 easy steps right here!

 

My guest, Ashley Tucker AKA Coach Ash, is a coach who works in a gym, helping women to persevere when they feel like quitting… and show up in spite of their misgivings or resistance. This is for all of you who INTEND to get to the gym but can’t actually make it happen.

 

Among other things, I learned from Coach Ash:

 

• How to deal with exercise perfectionism
• What is ‘movement intuition’ and why it matters
• How to discover your own exercise style
• How to deal with body issues at the gym
• Picking up workouts we can do at home
• How much you actually need to exercise—and doing what, exactly?
• What works when it comes to HIT

If you’re a gym resister, this one is for you! Coach Ash lays it all out.

Enjoy!

Suzanne Falter

RESOURCES

Suzanne’s essay ‘Seven Steps to Get the Help You Truly Need’

The Extremely Busy Woman’s Guide to Self-Care

The Joy of Letting Go audiobook

Ashley Tucker’s Website

Ashley’s Podcast, Mastering Mind + Movement

 

Where else to find Ashley

Instagram

Pinterest

 

MORE ABOUT ASHLEY

Ashley Tucker is a health and mindset coach, and host of the Mastering Mind + Movement podcast.

Suzanne and Jungian analyst Lisa Marchaino discuss Jungian psychology and how its ideas about motherhood can prepare us for an easier ride as moms.

I begin today’s show by sharing an essay I wrote, What Needs to Change in Your Life Right Now? Here I invite you to consider a whole new approach to your life as spring begins, the pandemic wanes, and we—hopefully—move forward.

Take a moment with a journal to relax, get grounded and return to you with the following questions. Answer honestly and prepare to surprise yourself. It’s a good way to get back to YOU.

• What have you been hanging on to that you need to let go of?
• Who or what has been dragging you down or weighing heavy on your mind?
• Who needs your apology?
• What have you been tolerating?
• Where could you be more accepting?
• Where have you gotten stuck in the last year?
• What have you been craving or longing for?
• What have you been hard on yourself about?
• Do you need to forgive yourself?
• What would make your life wonderful?
• What’s missing in your life—even if you don’t know how to manifest it yet?
• What inspires you, excites you, lights you up?
• Who or what has added immeasurably to your life?
• Whom do you need to thank and appreciate?
• What’s been unexpectedly fun?
• Who would you like to be in the coming year?
• Where could you make some clear requests?
• What will you do just for you?

Motherhood is rewarding, but also very demanding. How do we avoid losing contact with ourselves when we are so busy being a mom? How do we deal with the anxiety, frustrations, stress and genuinely hard moments of motherhood?

Jungian analyst Lisa Marchiano helps us understand how a Jungian perspective can really heal our mothering upsets—and give us a long view that will make us far better able to handle the tough stuff.

Here are some of the cool things I learned from Lisa:

• How a Jungian perspective helped her get through the toddler years
• What a Jungian point of view is and why it matters
• How to get a greater sense of purpose in your life
• Why it’s critical to own your shadow side as a mother –or non-mom
• What fairy tales have to do with your self-care
• A great fable about the value of overwhelm and limitations in motherhood
• How to deal with angry, resentful teenagers

May this episode heal the hurting places within.

LINKS

Suzanne’s Essay, What Needs to Change in Your Life Right Now?

https://suzannefalter.com/self-care/what-needs-to-change-in-your-life-right-now/

Lisa’s book, Motherhood: Facing and Finding Yourself

Lisa’s podcast, This Jungian Life

https://thisjungianlife.com/podcast/

 

BIO

Lisa Marchiano, LCSW is a writer and Jungian analyst in private practice in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. She is the cohost and creator of the popular podcast This Jungian Life. She teaches at the C.G. Jung Institute of Philadelphia, and lectures widely on Jungian topics. Her writings have appeared in Quillette, The Journal of Analytical Psychology, and Psychological Perspectives, among other publications. She is the author of the book Motherhood: Facing and Finding Yourself published by Sounds True. You can find her on Twitter at @LisaMarchiano.

Did you know you have a superpower that is just phenomenal at healing your pain? It is the one single tool that will give you everything you need…no matter what, where, when or how you are suffering.

I’m talking about silence in this show—and all the many ways I’ve learned to use it to find a new lease on life. Or to negotiate better terms for anything. Or to let someone know I mean business. Or even to hear myself think.

I know I talk a lot about how you must find time alone for yourself. But this show? About getting truly silent and listening into that silence… it’s a special one. May it serve you well.

With love,

Suzanne

 

RESOURCES

Suzanne’s blog The Healing Power of a Good Meltdown

 

MORE ABOUT SUZANNE

Suzanne Falter is a writer, podcaster and essayist whose work has appeared in SELF, O, More, Fitness, New Woman and The New York Times, Tiny Buddha and Elephant Journal. She is the author of multiple self-help titles including How Much Joy Can You Stand? (Ballantine) and the upcoming book, The Extremely Busy Woman’s Guide to Self-Care (Sourcebooks). Suzanne also hosts the Self-Care for Extremely Busy Women podcast where she interviews leading self-care authorities and shares her own ideas.

 

 

It’s a tragic time in the world right now—my heart is breaking for Ukraine, as is the rest of the world. Yet it’s also a time that is full of possibility at the same time. Most crises are. And so I begin with an essay I just wrote titled ‘Is This the Beginning of the Great Turning?’ I hope it gives you a larger context in which to hold your own grief and upset over what is going on in Eastern Europe right now.

My guest in this show has a lot to say about sex, and her message is healthy, strong and reassuring. And if you’re a busy woman, it may be just what you need to hear. Irene shares a lot of ideas for those who think their sex life is less than it could be. (Hope is at hand!)

Among other things, Irene shared:

• Four damaging myths about “broken” women
• The media’s influence on how we perceive our sex life—and what reality says
• The roots of sexual performance anxiety
• How to manage when one person wants sex and the other doesn’t
• What do our partners need to know about our libido
• What to do for women who have performance anxiety?
• What to do if you take meds that inhibit libido
• Thoughts for single women

It’s a great show—I hope it helps you understand far more about our sexual selves. 

My best to you as ever!

RESOURCES

Joanna Macy’s Great Turning poem

Joanna Macy’s Great Turning film

Is This the Beginning of the Great Turning?

How Americans Can Help Those in Ukraine (Washington Post)

Suzanne’s Book, How Much Joy Can You Stand?

Irene Fehr’s website

Link to her free video series – How to Want Sex Again

MORE ABOUT IRENE

Irene Fehr, MA, CPCC, Certified Sex & Intimacy Coach, helps couples make love and sex work in long-term relationships and bring sex and passion into sexless ones. Determined to dispel myths about why sex dies in long-term monogamous relationships that cause heartache and broken dreams, Irene’s views have been featured all around the world in HuffPost, Cosmopolitan, Refinery29, ScaryMommy, EliteDaily and Bustle. She is no stranger to her clients' issues, having recovered from the all-too-common story of ‘happy marriage turned sexless’ when she lost her libido — all before turning 30. 

If you can’t get a decent night’s sleep, listen well… because here are my top drug-free tips for getting the rest you need. Honestly, these were worked out in my own private lab of one during a five-year bout of insomnia. I took courses, read books, worked with a sleep therapist—the whole nine yards. And this is what worked for me.

40 million Americans suffer from anxiety—and that number has gone up hugely since the pandemic started. So I wanted to bring in an expert on anxiety and depression, and discovered Dr. Isabel Hunsinger. After her own health crisis and emigrating to New Zealand, she found some interesting new ways to support brain health. 

What I learned:

• The difference between disease management and true health
• How she developed a healthier approach to health care
• Her own health crisis and what she learned
• Healthier tips for anxiety and depression
• Three easy steps to take right now to protect your brain
• Other factors that effect our well being

Hope this gives you some action steps that seriously help!

Namaste,

RESOURCES

Suzanne’s essay, 12 Great Drug Free Solutions for Insomnia

The End of Alzheimers book

The Institute for Functional Medicine

Dr. Hunsinger’s Podcast MD & Chef Team

Dr Hunsinger’s website

MORE ABOUT DR HUNSINGER

I’m a Cuban/American born in Washington DC. I have been a doctor since 1991. The only reason I went into the medical field was because I wanted to help people. I wanted to get to the root of the dis-ease, not just throw a Band-Aid on it. My goal is to see people healed. In 2000, my husband, and our two young daughters moved to New Zealand to see what it’s like to experience a different culture of the world. After the first 20 years of being a medical doctor, in the last 12 years I have been studying Functional Medicine, which focuses on the root cause of disease and its treatments. My husband, Culinary Nutrition Expert, Chef Michael, and we created the brand of Doctoronamission, where we prevent and reverse disease and give hope. Our expertise is in Alzheimers, Dementia, Cognitive Decline, Anxiety, Depression, and Diabetes. Isabel is the host of the MD and Chef Team podcast.

This show begins with an essay I wrote sharing my history with yoga—a remarkable transformation has occurred after 36 years (mostly) of practicing. Honestly, as I looked back I was kind of amazed at the power this 2000 year old practice has. I also share the link below to my favorite online yogini, Kashi Ananda.

In my interview with Emily Harman, we explored the fascinating world of Positive Intelligence. It’s sort of like a positive spin on Emotional Intelligence, and it’s the next big thing in the world of behavioral competences. Emily shared a lot she’s learned from coaching this:

• The difference between positive thinking and positive intelligence
• The different saboteurs in our heads and which ones are hurting us
• The cost of these inner voices—and what we gain when we harness them
• Harnessing the saboteurs in the moment
• What busy women can say to their saboteurs

So much great stuff here!  I hope you enjoy.

Namaste,

RESOURCES

What I’ve Gotten from Doing Yoga for 36 Years

Kashi Ananda’s Yoga

Emily’s Saboteurs Assessment

Emily’s Positive Intelligence Coaching Program

MORE ABOUT EMILY

Emily Harman is a peak performance coach and the host of the Onward Podcast. She knows what it feels like to constantly push yourself to achieve and lose yourself in the process. Not too long ago, she decided enough was enough. Her dreams had become buried under a mound of responsibilities. After putting everyone and everything else first, she finally decided to create a life that she loves living. Emily created a life with less stress and overwhelm, with more purpose and meaning. 

Now she coaches successful, high achievers to recognize the patterns and inner blocks holding them back from living a life that they love. She helps them achieve peak performance, experience peace of mind, and improve their personal and professional relationships. 

I begin this show with a reflection on a begonia plant that taught me something important about resilience. My 2016 essay What a Begonia Taught Me About Going Through Hell is my paean to perseverance. May it give you hope if you’re traveling your own tough road.

My main topic today is about healthy eating and all that comes with it… I’ve done this pretty much solidly for the better part of 40 years, and I’m here to say that it can be done. If you get organized and strategize a bit. The key is home cooking made easy—and a whole lot of Ziploc freezer bags.

Among other things I cover:

• What to do about sugar
• Some of the healthy staples I buy every week no matter what
• A great salad dressing hack
• Why an Instant Pot can save your life
• What makes a snack healthy?
• How to handle cravings for those crunchy/salty/sweet no-no’s
• Why your freezer could become your best friend

Hope this inspires some healthy cooking on your end!

RESOURCES

Suzanne’s essay ‘What a Begonia Taught Me About Going Through Hell’

Maldon Smoked Sea Salt

Alter Eco Brown Butter Chocolate Bars

The Ultimate Instant Pot Cookbook

Smitten Kitchen Recipes

MORE ABOUT SUZANNE

Suzanne Falter is a writer, podcaster and essayist whose work has appeared in SELF, O, More, Fitness, New Woman and The New York Times, Tiny Buddha and Elephant Journal. She is the author of multiple self-help titles including How Much Joy Can You Stand? (Ballantine) and the upcoming book, The Extremely Busy Woman’s Guide to Self-Care (Sourcebooks). Suzanne also hosts the Self-Care for Extremely Busy Women podcast where she interviews leading self-care authorities and shares her own ideas.

(Dedicated to my nephew Jon and my son Luke)

Have you ever wondered why men find self-care so hard to access? And have you ever wished your own man had better self-care routines of his own? That’s the theme of this week’s interview with the awesome Ted Phaeton. But first I couldn’t resist sharing a popular blog I did back in 2012 that is written especially for my male readers about why women cry for no reason.

This show features the wonderful host of a really inspiring podcast I discovered, No Rain…No Rainbows. Ted Phaeton is not only a highly successful, Emmy award-winning Fox meteorologist, he leads empowerment groups for men. And I love that! Why limit your gifts—or your success to just one channel?

I asked Ted every question I could think of when it pertains to men and their self-care, and among other things I learned:

• How he found his way into empowerment work
• Why men get defensive about self-care
• What self-care has to do with our potential
• What he learned about social acceptance from high school football
• Ted’s ulcerative colitis parable
• How his own self-care discovery got him on TV

He even concludes this wonderful conversation with a shout out to all the men listening—and an invitation to think about something important.

I hope you enjoy our chat as much as I do.

RESOURCES

Suzanne’s Self-Care for Extremely Busy Women online course—ON SALE

Why Women Get Weepy

The Mask of Masculinity

No More Mr. Nice Guy

No Rain…No Rainbows Podcast

Ted’s website

Ted’s Instagram

MORE ABOUT TED

Ted Phaeton is an Anchor/Meteorologist at Fox Carolina. He Co-Anchors the morning newscast Monday through Friday. (Meaning, he wakes up VERY early!) Ted is also a member of the National Weather Association and received his NWA Television/Radio Seal of Approval in December of 2016, making him a certified meteorologist with the national organization. As if speaking four and a half hours a day on air wasn't enough, Ted is also the host of the "No Rain... No Rainbows" Podcast inspiring listeners to overcome adversity and live their best lives. As the founder of The Modern Man, a men's networking & empowerment group, Ted hopes to help build men in their communities to reach their full potential. Ted's mission is to help men establish meaningful relationships, network with like-minded individuals, and build a support group that will help them excel in life, business, and relationships. #Letsgrow

I don’t know about you, but from time to time in my life, I’ve needed a good therapist. Someone to talk to whose listening ear is just for me—and who can tell me what I need to hear. Ideally, we can rely on our spouses, or our families and close friends for such, right?

Perhaps. Often, therapy is a great addition to an entire galaxy of support around us. We want to work with the professionals when the stakes are higher, the issues bigger. The key is realizing we need this.

My guest today, Tony Overbay, has one of the top podcasts on therapy in Mental Health in the US. The Virtual Couch host has much to say about what will help us keep our edge and become the strong, free, joyful beings we were put here to be.

But first, I get into the basics on some of this in my essay titled, “Getting Out of the Cage of Self-Doubt”. Believe me, I need this reminder sometimes myself—which is why I read it in this show.

In talking to Tony I learned:

• How he got started as a therapist
• When we need to get into therapy
• The best way to find a therapist
• Different types of therapy
• What is narcissism and why does it matter
• How do you know you’re with a narcissist?
• 5 golden rules of dealing with a narcissist
• Can narcissists actually say they are sorry?
• How do we heal our fragile selves?

SO much great stuff here—I hope you enjoy this as much as I did!

My best to you as ever,

RESOURCES

Suzanne’s essay, Getting Out of the Cage of Self-Doubt

Tony’s website

The Virtual Couch podcast

Waking Up to Narcissism podcast

Psychology Today directory of therapists

About Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

About Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Tony’s Marriage Course

MORE ABOUT TONY

Tony Overbay is host of both The Virtual Couch and Waking up to Narcissism podcasts. He is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (CA LMFT#92443), a Certified Mindful Habit Coach (CMHC), and a popular motivational speaker. Tony regularly speaks at corporate training events, schools, and churches in formal and casual settings mixing humor, clinical experience, his Christian faith, and a wealth of personal stories gleaned from years of helping others achieve their goals.