Self-Regard

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This episode explores the power and pitfalls of labels in defining our identity. While labels can help us understand ourselves and connect with others, they can also reinforce biases and perpetuate harmful stereotypes. It's important to use labels as a starting point for self-exploration and personal growth, recognizing that our identities are fluid and constantly evolving.

Labels are a powerful tool for personal and societal growth, allowing us to find a sense of belonging while also challenging systemic injustices. By expanding our understanding of different labels and identities, we can create a more inclusive and empathetic society. But we must use labels thoughtfully, acknowledging their potential for both clarity and division, and not allowing them to limit or define us in overly simplistic ways.

Follow @rileyblanksreed for more.

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The complexities of body image and identity run deep. I have always had a pull towards body neutrality; focusing on celebrating and appreciating my body for what it can do, apart from its appearance. This is a tricky practice. It's hard not to care about the way my body looks. I'm not sure I ever won't. But the language I attach to thinking about my body has proven to be incredibly important. It starts with observation, acceptance, and compassion for every part of Self.

Resources: Claire Siegel of Flourish, No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz and When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron

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Welcome to Part 2 of Reflections. In this episode, I expand on the definition of love as an active word; a verb that isn't solely about attraction or compatibility, but moreover: effort, intention, and understanding. While this episode is relevant to all relationships – friendships, familial ties, romantic flames, and platonic connections – I largely use my 13 year long relationship as my lens. One of the biggest lessons I've learned is that there has to be a balance between individualism and connection, an element of reciprocity and mutual appreciation, and giving and receiving graciously.

A few key takeaways:

• Life's challenges don't always have to be fixed, and planned visions are not certain.
• Love is not determined by personalities, but by creating a fascinating harmony that keeps bonds in tact while fortifying your individual selves.
• Other people's behavior towards you is not a reflection of your own worth. Instead, it is a reflection of their relationship with themselves.
• Love requires a balance between separateness and togetherness. Commitments are voluntary agreements, while attachments are attempts at control.
• Communication is important, but comprehension is key. Ensure that the other person truly understands you.
• Cultivate fascination and curiosity in your relationships to keep them alive and interesting.
• Spend time alone to know yourself better and to therefore be more present in your relationships and your communities.
• Ask yourself: "does this person make me happy?"

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I lost my dog baby, George, suddenly; and I am devastated. Everything feels unfamiliar without him. As his primary caregiver, he offered me pure, unconditional love and unselfish devotion. This part of the series was intended to cover the importance of relationships in our identity and livelihood. It felt relevant to share this grief because the loss of George – the loss of a relationship – has challenged my home life and compelled me to wonder who I am without him following me into every room. My partner and I haven't experienced this kind of rupture in our environment. It has challenged us to grow and support one another in newfound ways. This loss looks like heartbreak and emptiness. But, within any container is an opportunity to expand. I know there are ways George will remain with us, even if not in physical form. And we will get to that evolution of the grieving process together.

“Form is emptiness, emptiness also is form. Emptiness is no other than form, form is no other than emptiness. Form is that which simply is before we project our beliefs onto it. ‘Form is emptiness’ refers to our simple, direct relationship with the immediacy of the experience. First we wipe away our preconceptions and then we even have to let go of our belief that we should look at things without preconceptions. In continuing to pull out our own rug, we understand the perfection of things just as they are. But ‘emptiness also is form’ turns the table. Emptiness continually manifests as war and peace, as grief, birth, old age, sickness, and death, as well as joy. We are challenged to stay in touch with the heart-throbbing quality of being alive. That's why we train in the relative practices of limitlessness and tonglen. They help us to engage fully in the vividness of life with an open, unclouded mind. Things are as bad and as good as they seem. There's no need to add anything extra." –Pema Chodron

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There is a deep connection between solitude and self-regard. When they are in harmony, we can collectively lead more fulfilled lives. In this first episode of the series on Reflections, Riley ponders the peace and quiet that solitude brings and how it allows us to elevate our identities to a place of contentment. Sharing her personal experiences, she discusses the difference between the ego and the self and the importance of having a healthy self-regard.

Riley also introduces a core pillar of this show: identity; unraveling how sports and life events have influenced her sense of self and how she has navigated changes and loss in her life. The healing power of self-expression is emphasized but not without acknowledgment of the harm that can come from commodifying trauma.

Solitude is an important aspect of our lives. It does not have to conjure up loneliness but rather, can facilitate a space in healing, growing, and loving alone time. After all, it provides us with wide open space and blank canvas to connect with ourselves and explore our thoughts and feelings. Whether it's in front of grandiose mountains or sitting against a tree, there is solace and peace to be discovered in solitude.

Listen further for resources and tactics for finding comfort in times of aloneness.

“The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have.”

"You are not the voice of the mind–you are the one who hears it. There are two distinct aspects of your inner being. The first is you, the awareness, the witness, the center of your willful intentions; and the other is that which you watch. The problem is, the part that you watch never shuts up. If you could get rid of that part, even for a moment, the peace and serenity would be the nicest vacation you’ve ever had.”

"The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth. Love is as love does. Love is an act of will–namely both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.”

“Care is a dimension of love, but simply giving care does not mean we are loving.”

"We need to look at things deeply in order to understand their own true nature, so that we will not be misled into suffering and bad feelings.”

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We’re back with a brand new name. Self-Regard will delve into the intersection of mental health, identity, and creativity, with the underlying truth that: a strong self-regard affects our approach to challenges, relationships with others, and views of our place in the world; and a healthy self-regard is marked by faith in the unseen, resilience, and self-compassion.

In this first series, over the next few weeks, I am drawing back the curtain on how I contextualize identity and the thoughtful meaning behind self-regard. Self-Regard Reflections is composed of six parts – essentially six pieces of identity – that I consider most profound and considerable; starting with solitude; the peaceful, quiet, singular experience of being alone.

While the majority of these episodes are autobiographical, I will also leave you with tactics, quotes, and resources I’ve personally used to better understand myself and the world around me. My hope is that you will feel seen and called to discover a broadened perspective.

Consider gathering a writing tool, a notebook, and a warm cup of something you love. Ideally, you will leave with thoughts that expand beyond this podcast.

Best regards x

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And reach out with kind words to [email protected]

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