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When you are trying to set healthy boundaries for yourself sometime those feelings and emotions start creeping in.  They can derail you from actually setting those healthy boundaries.    In this episode, we break down the what an external and internal healthy boundary is. 

If you set boundaries with others (like your loved one, family, friends, etc) you are setting external boundaries telling them how you will or won’t interact with them.  

Internal boundaries dictate how you interact with yourself.  

When you are setting healthy internal boundaries meaning you are committed to yourself, it requires self-knowledge and strength to follow through on your own word and promise to yourself.  Your internal boundaries dictate the limits you place on experiences and feelings you allow within yourself.  They directly reflect the health of your relationship with yourself.

When your boundaries are tested or broken, emotions may set in.  Or, when you break your own internal boundaries, you start self-sabotaging yourself.   In the Boundary Boss book, from Terri Cole,  she states one is The Blame-Shame-Guilt Trifecta.  These are the fear driven emotions that kick our self-respect and self-esteem. 

There is healthy guilt meaning it can actually motivate you towards positive action and self-correction.    If you feel guilty, you can make peace with it, apologize, or take responsibility for your actions which improve your self-worth.   We all make mistakes and freeing ourselves and cleaning them up is needed.  

But unhealthy or toxic guilt is a different beast.  The book says it’s related to disordered international boundaries, such as take guilt on for other people’s feelings or situations, which are beyond your control.   Think about how exhausting this can be.   It may stem from your past, culture and/ or people pleasing tendencies. 

You and I both have to set healthy boundaries and especially internal healthy boundaries.    It's important to put yourself first to be that healthy, effective caregiver.  

Grab the show notes here  ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode121
Listen to another great episode on guilt:   ➡️ https://www.cathylvan.com/episode41
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