Exploring impact play, swinger parties, and the power of dominant caregiving—Windham shares how shame gave way to full-spectrum connection.
📈 STATS | 53 straight white cis man, divorced, partnered, kinky dom/daddy, former journalist, current higher ed professional, lives in Boston, into: chains, padlocks, saliva, pee, group sex, impact play, spanking benches, restraint furniture, homemade porn, and emotional vulnerability
⏰ TIME CODE
00:00 Shame-o-meter check: from 8 to 2, and what great sex looks like with his current long-distance partner
04:00 Growing up without physical affection, childhood curiosity, and discovering “My Secret Garden” at age 9
08:00 Losing virginity to an older coworker at 17 and how early dynamics shaped his respect and awareness in relationships
11:00 A 14-year marriage with no sexual growth, the rise of the internet, and the start of kink exploration
13:00 Finding community online, discovering BDSM and impact play, and the appeal of psychological over physical domination
17:20 Online dating as a safe space to reveal kink interests—strategies, subtlety, and how he filtered for D/s compatibility
21:41 Saying “everything” too early, rejection from partners, and learning to filter without giving up authenticity
24:00 Breath play gone wrong, pacing disclosure, and the power of being invited vs. overbearing
26:00 First swinger party with an extroverted partner: how she got naked first and made friends before play
29:00 How she made him feel safe at parties, female-led swinger spaces, and his first real partner in kink
32:00 Going to a dungeon for the first time: what he saw, how he felt, and why he just watched from a corner
35:00 Swingers vs. dungeon folks—two different worlds with minimal overlap, and why both judge each other
38:00 Dom/daddy/sadist pie chart: caregiving, power, pain, and balancing dynamics in long-term play
41:00 Locking leather restraints, using real police handcuffs, restraint benches, and the joy of padlocks
43:00 Chain flogging, heavy metal kink, and why real weight and sound matter in sensory play
45:00 Wax and saran wrap bondage, learning from mistakes, and the physical intensity of full immobilization
48:00 Sensory deprivation: claustrophobia, hood fantasies, and their mutual “thought experiments”
50:00 Pee play and saliva as turn-ons, outdoor and morning sex desires, and making space for mess
54:00 Plans for making homemade porn, exhibitionist energy, and his partner’s eagerness to film
56:00 Craving enthusiastic acceptance, not filtered tolerance—and finally finding it after decades
58:00 Handjob and blowjob preferences, tongue everywhere, and redefining pegging in a dominant role
61:00 Swinger pool party with five couples, how his partner surprised him, and feeling protective throughout
65:00 Needing connection more than romance: why he can’t play without mutual emotional access
68:00 Group sex as “crack cocaine for the brain,” hopes for four-person connection, and swinger resorts
70:00 Getting aroused while comforting his crying partner—and the emotional conflict of being a sadist
73:00 Wanting to grow his sadist side, why spanking leaves him conflicted, and how shared pain brings connection
76:00 Reflecting on youth, sexual evolution, and being grateful for every step that led to this point
🤩 TOPICS | Adult development, bodily reaction to submission, blowjob hesitation, caregiving in relationships, chain restraints, cock worship, communication styles in dating, creating trust through consent, cry-induced arousal, daddy kink dynamics, dating post-divorce, dom-led gangbang prep, dominant energy orchestration, dominant personality traits, dominant topping from below, emotional communication, energetic compatibility, erotic humiliation, erotic punishment rituals, intellectual attraction, introvert in sex-positive spaces, kink-friendly dating tips, kinky extrovert behavior, late-blooming confidence, long-distance intimacy, nipple marks, padlock fetish, partner-led exhibitionism, pegging protocol, personal growth after divorce, relationship introspection, rethinking monogamy, restraint furniture use, rough affection, rough body worship, sadomasochist tension, saran wrap mummification, self-discovery through sexuality, sensory restriction, sex education gaps, slippery hand technique, steel bondage gear, sensual awakening, sensual curiosity, throat play, threesome direction, tongue fetish, voyeuristic hosting, and wax kink.
Originally released September 2021.
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