You can run (in circles) but you can’t hide from the panopticon, so of course we had to make our first episode of season four all about how surveillance culture plays out in relationships and sex.

If you’ve not heard of the extremely esoteric (joking!) philosopher Foucault, don’t worry – we start the episode explaining exactly what panopticon theory is and why you should care, before diving into how we’re policing each other in every aspect of our relationships.

You’ll be thankful to hear it’s not all theory, because we look at examples of panopticism in pop culture, like boyfriends being embarrassing and the Coldplay kiss cam (RIP that CEO) and discuss how this behaviour is slipping into our real lives. From telling our friends their boyfriends suck in group chats, to waiting for them to slip up on social media or IRL so we can cut them off, we’re all becoming cops in our relationships. 

While some kind of accountability is always needed, especially when it comes to casual dating, we talk about why this rise in surveillance is making us change our own behaviour and how it’s only making things worse for minorities in particular (classic!). 

We hope you enjoy the episode. We’ll be back with two free episodes each month, but if you want to hear more you can subscribe to us over on Substack @sextras for exclusive advice episodes and access to exclusive features and personal essays all about sex and dating. 

You can also find us on Instagram and TikTok @sextrasworld, or get in touch with your own experiences or what you want to hear at [email protected]. We’ll see you in a couple of weeks with the first guest episode of the season and we can’t wait… dare we say we’ve missed you?!

Hosted by Honey Jane Wyatt and guest hosted by Daniella Parete Clarke.

Music by Sacha Puttnam. 

Skip to:

2m10: Intro

8m22: The panopticon of dating

24m37: Gen Z is afraid of being cringe

30:20: Helicopter parenting and friend-policing

45m: West Elm Caleb and the Coldplay Kiss

59m24: How surveillance culture impacts queer relationships

1h10m: West End Girl, and how the panopticon upholds systems of power

1m19: What to look out for this season (and subscribe to the Substack pretty please!) 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s been (nearly) five years since we started the podcast and, while we’ve been on a shamefully long hiatus, we thought it would be just about time we reflected on what exactly we’ve learned about sex and relationships.

We discuss how our perception of sex, relationships, and friendship have evolved from the start of our 20s to our mid-20s (ew), from going after lots of sex at university for validation and attention, to discovering how sex fits into our lives as adults in evolving relationships.

Honey tells us what she has learned through each relationship and breakup since starting the podcast, and her journey from being in a sex-heavy relationship, to celibacy, and eventually re-learning her pleasure. Maria explains how her six-year relationship has changed over the time, and reveals how being in a long-term relationship has impacted her sex life, and her own personal relationship with pleasure.

We also briefly discuss how we approach friendships differently now, compared to when we were at uni, and what life should look like in your 20s versus our real life experiences. Finally, we comment on Gen Z attitudes to sex, and how much our sexuality is impacted by broader societal attitudes to sex in culture. Attitudes to sex have changed a lot since we started the podcast, and we're excited (and equally terrified...) by how it's going to evolve for us and, more importantly, for all of you!

Thanks, as always, for listening <3. For more content on sex and relationships in your 20s, follow us on TikTok or Instagram @sextrasworld or find our digital magazine and more episodes of the podcast on our website.

You can contact us to let us know what you want to hear next on our social media, or at [email protected]. We hope you enjoyed and we'll be back soon (?) with another episode.

Edited by Maria

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sextras is back! Once again it's been a while but we promise it's for good reason and we get into why in this little catch up episode.

We start with the headlines, namely revealing a new relationship, the challenges of living with a partner, moving out of a family home, and the fact that neither of us are unemployed any longer.

Honey discusses moving out of her family home for the first time at 24, the shame of still living at home in your 20s and how relationships with your family change once you've moved out.

She reveals she has a girlfriend (full 180, all or nothing baby!) and discusses what it's been like having a healthy, committed relationship for the first time as an adult. She also gives some insight into what it's like telling someone you're dating that you have a sex and relationships podcast (lol).

Meanwhile, Maria has been living with her boyfriend (now of five years) for over a year so she delves into what sharing a space with a partner has been like, and how it's changed over time. She reflects on whether she's gotten any better at setting boundaries with her boyfriend, especially when it comes to dividing household chores, and putting up with a man's standards of cleanliness.

Lastly, they both discuss how they dealt with being unemployed for so long in their 20s; the desperation, shame, and low self esteem (holy trinity) that come with that and our thoughts on finally being employed.

Thanks for listening! For more content on sex and relationships in your 20s, follow us on TikTok or Instagram @sextrasworld or find our digital magazine and more episodes of the podcast on our website.

You can contact us to let us know what you want to hear next on our social media, or at [email protected]. We hope you enjoyed and we'll be back next month with another episode!

Edited by Maria

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Our masculinity miniseries has been a little negative up until now (we’re aware of it at least!). But this week that all changes because we’re joined by Ben Hurst – activist, educator, and Head of Facilitation and Training at Beyond Equality – to discuss how we can rethink masculinity.

As someone who regularly works with young boys in schools, we talk to Ben about what representation boys see of masculinity. In his Ted Talk, notes that boys will be what we teach them to be, so we talk about what characteristics boys currently associate with masculinity and being a man. 

Because toxic representations of masculinity result in violence, predominantly against women and girls, Ben explains how we can talk to men and boys to help them unlearn the more toxic traits of masculinity and reframe masculine traits to help themselves and those around them.

Finally, we end the episode by talking about what boys think is expected of them when it comes to sex, and how sex education and male role models can do better.

We hope you enjoy the episode, we’ve wanted to have Ben on since we started Sextras and we’re so happy to have finally spoken to him and learnt from his wisdom. For more of Ben, find out more about Beyond Equality or watch his Ted Talks here:

Boys won't be boys, boy will be what we teach them to be

We need to talk to boys about online misogyny

As always, you can find us on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook @sextrasworld, on our website http://sextrasworld.com (http://sextrasworld.com) or email us [email protected] (mailto:[email protected]). 

We are now a magazine – for more content about masculinity check out our articles on our website, and you can pitch us your ideas at [email protected] (mailto:[email protected]).

We’ll be back next week with the final episode of the miniseries — see you then!

Produced by Mable Productions

Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Christmas could not have come sooner with this episode as Lovehoney has sent us their 24-Day Advent Calendar to try and we’re opening it with their resident sexual wellness advisor, Sarah Tomchesson! 

We start the episode telling Sarah what we’re experimenting with in our sex lives, before diving into the calendar to find different sex toys, from vibrators, to butt plugs, cock rings and restraints. 

Sarah talks us through how to use different sex toys in versatile ways, whether you’re a beginner or a seasoned user. We learn a lot about how adaptable different sex toys can be, as well as new ways to incorporate them into our sex lives – by ourselves, and with a partner !

Thank you so much to Lovehoney for sending us your 24 day advent calendar. It’s now on sale with 60% off for Black Friday, so definitely go check it out if you’re looking for something exciting to spice up the end of your year! 

You can find it us on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook @sextrasworld, and find our episodes, plus read lots of exciting articles about sex and relationships, over on our website http://sextrasworld.com. We’ll be back on Tuesday with another episode of our Masculinity miniseries, see you then! 

Produced by Mable Productions

Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In the second episode of our Masculinity miniseries, we unpack everything to do with male friendships. While it comes as no surprise to some of us, the fact that men don’t have supportive friendships has been in the news a lot of late, with claims that there’s a male friendship recession and that men are lonelier than ever.

After years of wondering what men talk to their friends about, we thought we’d find out for ourselves. In the process, we’ve probably lost all of our (admittedly, very few) male friends by asking them endless questions about their friendships.

We start by talking about men’s friendships with other men, and let us say, it really is looking quite dire. We discuss how they make plans, what they do together, what they talk about and, specifically, how they talk about sex and relationships.

Our survey on masculinity asked whether masculinity is something we’re attracted to in friends, so we also hear from non-male people how masculinity plays into their friendships, and whether they want to be friends with men. 

There seems to be a lot of suspicion from all sides towards men and women being friends, so we also ask whether men and women can truly be friends, whether conversations with male friends and female friends are the same and how women often take on a lot of emotional labour from men if they can’t process their feelings. We also ponder the ethics of having male friends when you’re in a (straight) relationship, and how our endless societal programming towards seeking male validation can be wrongly interpreted by our male friends. 

We hope you enjoy this episode, it’s worth noting we are aware some of these conversations are very binary and heteronormative, and also generalise. This episode is based on our own research and interpretation of that, and we definitely don’t think our findings are true across the board. If you have different experiences with friendship you feel aren’t covered, please feel free to share with us over email [email protected] (mailto:[email protected]) or you can find us on our website sextrasworld.com (http://sextrasworld.com) or social media @sextrasworld. We’d love to hear your perspective! 

We’ll be back next week with the wonderful activist Ben Hurst to talk about moving towards a positive masculinity, but in the meantime you can find more content about masculinity over on Sextras Magazine. 

Produced by Mable Productions 

Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the first episode of our Masculinity miniseries! 

Masculinity has been under scrutiny the last few years: on one side, there are claims that masculinity is “toxic”, “fragile” or “in crisis”, and on the other there are those who claim “not all men” are responsible for this poor perception of masculinity. 

While we fully support bad behaviour being held to account here at Sextras, we wanted to discuss what masculinity really means to gen z in 2023. Is masculinity good or bad? Is it always related to men? What are the characteristics of masculinity? And is masculinity really still held in high regards by our generation as a whole? 

We asked our Instagram followers all about their perception of masculinity in a survey, so we read through your answers and discuss our own perception of masculinity to try to find the answer to what masculinity means in 2023 (hint, we don’t find one but it’s not looking as bleak as we might have thought!) 

We are thrilled to announce that Sextras is now expanding into a digital magazine. You can find all episodes of the podcast and articles expanding on the personal and cultural experiences of sex and relationships at www.sextrasworld.com (http://www.sextrasworld.com), or our Instagram, TikTok or Facebook @sextrasworld. We’ll be back next week with another episode about male friendships, see you then!

Produced by Mable Productions

Original music by Sacha Puttnam 

TikTok mentioned: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJoUvJW8/ (https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJoUvJW8/)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In even the most accepting of households, children pick up on their parents’ beliefs about sex. If that includes restricting sex or teaching that it is inherently bad, that can lead to sexual shame that persists throughout our lives and shows up not just in our sex lives, but also in our entire emotional wellbeing. 

This week, we’re joined by spiritual and sexual psychologist Kaamna Bhojwani to talk about healing sexual shame through spirituality. Kaamna starts by telling us what sexual shame is, where it comes from and how it shows up in our lives. For women, and older women particularly, sexual shame can separate them from embracing pleasure in their lives as a whole, as well as causing body image issues.

Kaamna explains how spirituality can be used to move away from sexual shame, from using meditation to get back in touch with our bodies to examining and unlearning the sexual scripts we were taught during childhood. Overcoming sexual shame is all about looking at what beliefs about sex serve us and re-writing those that harm us so that we can prevent it from passing down through the generations. 

You can find Kaamna on her website or Instagram @kaamnalive.

We hope you enjoy this episode and it inspires you to look at how sexual shame shows up in your life. You can find more of Kaamna on her website or on Instagram. As always, you can find us on our website, on Instagram, TikTok or Facebook @sextraspodcast or email us at [email protected].

We’ll be back soon, make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss our next miniseries on Masculinity. See you then!

Produced by Mable Productions

Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Have you ever had sex so good you wish you could freeze the memory in time? This week we’re joined by Carly Pifer, founder of Aurore, a curated collection of erotica written by and for women and LGBTQIA+ people, that encourages you to do just that by writing a story based on your real sex experiences.

Carly tells us how she started Aurore and how erotica is different from other kinds of porn. Whereas visual porn can be limited in terms of the body types, genders and positions involved, erotica leaves more up to the imagination, so Carly explains how this appeals particularly to women, trans folk and queer people. 

Carly has also had feedback about Aurore that it gives representation to sexual minorities and can be great education for people hoping to learn about how to give women pleasure. 

Whether you’re looking to improve your sexual imagination, realise what it is you like by reading about other people’s real life sex experiences or simply want to try out a new kind of porn or erotica, Aurore has a whole collection for you.

You can read Aurore here, or find them on Instagram. Carly is on Instagram @carlydangerous. As always you can find us on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook @sextraspodcast, or on our website.

We’ll be back soon with another miniseries, or you can find our most recent miniseries about Family, Parenting and Sex here. Can’t wait to see you then!

Produced by Mable Productions

Original music by Sacha Puttnam 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There are so many stereotypes about Gen Z it’s hard to keep track of where they’re really at: they’re a sexless generation, they’re the most sensitive because they have a victim mentality. They want to be parents, they don’t want to have babies because they’re worried about the planet; they’ll be the best parents… oh no, wait, they’ll be the worst. 

But parenting has changed a lot over the years and what went for one generation can completely change for another. With all the unpacking of toxic masculinity, changing attitudes towards work and greater acceptance of LGBTQIA+ identities, we predict that will make for radically different parenting. So, to get down to the truth of the matter (and of course there is no one answer) we surveyed out Gen Z audience to delve into whether they want to be parents and what Gen Z will be like as parents, from different parenting styles to how they want to talk to their kids about sex.

We start by asking them about their relationship with their parents, what they were told about sex and relationships growing up and how they want to change that when they talk to their kids about sex. That is, if they even want to have kids, so we asked who they want to have kids with and how they’d want to raise them if they do. We also asked how Gen Z think attitudes towards sex have changed from generation to generation, including what their grandparents and parents think and how that impacts their relationship with their families.

We hope you have enjoyed our Family, Parenting & Sex miniseries; if you have please leave us a (5 star!) review wherever you listen and don’t forget to subscribe to make sure you don’t miss our next one. You can find more of us on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook @sextraspodcast or our website and you can get in contact with us at [email protected] (mailto:[email protected]) to request future episodes. Pitching guidelines are on our website. See you next time!

Produced by Mable Productions

Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.