Sextras

Welcome back to our friendship miniseries! This week we started off talking about how to bring up conflict with a friend, and ended up talking about what we look for in friendship.

We began the episode asking whether you find it more difficult to bring up problems with a friend or with a romantic partner, and discussing our own experiences bringing up conflict with each other.

We then discuss what you should expect from a friend, and when it’s okay to bring things up if you friend isn’t fulfilling your expectations. There are different boundaries around when it’s acceptable to bring up something that’s a problem with the friendship itself and something about them as a person that you have a problem with.

We also cover what kind of people we choose to surround ourselves with— obviously we don’t expect our friends to be perfect people but we discuss whether it’s important to us for our friends to have the same values as us.

This is one of the few episodes where we’ve change our own minds about something by the end of the episode, we hope we change how you think about friendship too!

We’d love to hear more from you about your friendships. You can find us on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook @sextraspodcast, our website www.sextraspodcast.com or join our Patreon community where you’ll get access to the full video episode, bonus and behind-the-scenes content and even get a free sticker.

Next week we’re joined by female friendship expert Shasta Nelson, we look forward to seeing you then!

Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Produced by Mable Productions

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

JOIN OUR PATREON community to continue getting involved in these conversations and to get access to full raw video footage of each episode and exclusive bonus content:

Welcome to our first episode of our first ever miniseries!! This miniseries is all about friendship and we’re kicking it off with an episode about what happens when you’re more than friends with someone.

We start the episode with a segment where we ask if you’ve ever caught feelings for a friend and if you’ve ever had sex with a friend, plus if you would sleep with one of your current friends.

We then get into the main episode where we ask whether it’s ever okay to sleep with a friend, and break down everything that could go very wrong or very right if you choose to go down that path. We ask whether sex with a friend has to mean something and how your opinion on this might impact how your friendship could change after having sex.

We also ask how to identify if you have feelings for a friend and how to distinguish between platonic and romantic or sexual feelings for a friend. It can be quite hard to tell sometimes, and lots of us have had a crush on a friend, so it’s nothing to be ashamed about, but it’s also important to ask ourselves when you should voice these feelings and when they should be kept very quiet (like when they’re ahem in a relationship).

We then get onto deeper topics like if it’s ethical to be friends with someone if you have an ulterior motive of trying to sleep with them, or if you have feelings and hope they’ll be convinced to have feelings for you in the process of being friends. We also discuss the dynamics between male and female friends and the expectation of sex in those friendships, plus the whole made up concept of the friend zone.

We hope you enjoy the first episode of this miniseries! We’ll see you next week to talk about conflict with friends, before the last episode where we talk to female friendship expert Shasta Nelson about how to make and maintain friends.

You can find more of us and get involved over on our Instagram, TikTok and Facebook @sextraspodcast, email us [email protected] or visit our website www.sextraspodcast.com.

Thanks for listening, we’ll see you next week!

Produced by Mable Productions

Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back to Sextras! Your favourite sex and relationship podcast is back for season 3, baby, and to make up for a very long season break we’ve got a catch up episode where we tell you about our summers (and now...autumns) and outline everything that’s happening this season.

We’re changing up the format slightly because (as you’ll know if you’re living your 20s with us) things are slightly hectic right now, so we'll be releasing episodes less frequently and in miniseries. We're kicking off the season with a miniseries about friendship, from toxic friendships to making new friends and what to do when friendship becomes more than just friendship.

We also get into what we’re doing with our lives—Honey just started a Masters and Maria’s preparing to move to Paris in the New Year. Then we get into Honey’s dating fatigue (nothing new) and voluntary celibacy, plus Maria spills the details of travelling with her boyfriend and her struggles with a long distance relationship.

We have lots of amazing guests and episodes lined up for you in season 3 and we can’t wait to get into it, we’ve missed you guys!

You can also now become a patron of Sextras over on our Patreon, where we’ll be posting the full video podcast from now on along with exclusive behind the scenes recordings, bonus episodes and free stickers for all our patrons. Make sure you go subscribe there and wherever you get your podcasts so you don't miss out on anything coming in season 3.

You can also find us on Instagram, Facebook and TikTok @sextraspodcast, our website www.sextraspodcast.com and we'd be extremely grateful if you could share the podcast with your friends and leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts. We’ll see you next week!

Produced by Mable Productions

Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We thought we’d surprise you with a little bonus episode we recorded a while ago in which we review Love Is Blind and The Ultimatum: Marry Or Move On, shows on Netflix, and talk about what they tell us about dating culture on a wider scale.

We give our opinions on the concepts of the shows and the ways people act when put in those positions, and then attempt to answer the larger questions raised by the shows such as if love is blind and if it’s ok to give someone an ultimatum in a relationship, particularly whether you can give an ultimatum to marry you or not. We talk about how the shows give us an insight into how pervasive monogamy is, even amongst younger generations, whether people care about appearance when dating (and why) and why anyone is looking to get married at a young age.

If you’ve not yet watched the shows we recommend that you watch them before listening to the episode because we give spoilers! (they’re also excellent entertainment).

We hope you enjoy this sneaky bonus episode, and if so don’t forget to subscribe so you can keep up to date with our future releases! We’re currently on a season break but we’ll be releasing content on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook @sextraspodcast and you can still send us your submissions or get in touch on our website www.sextraspodcast.com or email us at [email protected].

Have an amazing summer and we can’t wait to hear all about it when we’re back in season 3!

Produced by Mable Productions

Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is our last of the season, so we talk about what we have learnt about relationships this season, our favourite and least favourite moments and answer all of the submissions from our listeners that we have stacked up over the past few months.

We begin by giving a run down of the season- which moments stood out to us, what we’ve learnt, how we’ve changed, and spill some tea about the behind the scenes of the podcast. We point you guys in the direction of certain episodes should you be looking for advice on particular topics.

Then, we move on to your stories and questions to end up the season. We’re so thankful to all of you who have contributed to the season in some way, and we’d love to do more episodes in season 3 that are made up of only your submissions. This episode includes questions about one night stands, the contradiction of the Kardashians promoting body positivity, whether it’s normal to masturbate to other men when you identify as straight, tips on getting back out there and blowjob tips.

We hope you guys have enjoyed this season and learnt as much about relationships, sex, and yourself as we have! If you have, please keep following along and supporting as much as you can. We put in so much work, and so if you have listened to even one episode it would be so great if you could subscribe and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, and if you can share with your friends or on social media.

Thanks to our sponsor for this episode, The Natural Love Company, who make sustainable, vegan and cruelty free sex toys and lube. If you’re listening before June 30th you can enter our giveaway to win a vibrator and lube via this quiz (hint- the answers are all somewhere on our Instagram) https://8tmk3gtuaxi.typeform.com/to/OGxWQmIJ. Otherwise, you can use the code SEXTRAS to get 15% off at www.thenaturallovecompany.com.

Don’t forget to follow us on Instagram, Facebook and TikTok @sextraspodcast, find us on YouTube at Sextras Podcast, our website www.sextraspodcast.com or email us at [email protected]. Even though we’re on a season break, we’ll be updating our social media and you can keep getting in touch with us and submitting your stories on there or anonymously on our website.

Have an amazing summer and we’ll see you next season!

Produced by Mable Productions

Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We’re finally back with part 2 of season 1’s episode ‘Talking To My Mum,’ where we spoke to Honey’s mum. This week, we’re joined by Maria’s mum, Maria, to hear all about being a mum of four and moving from Mexico to London.

We begin the episode by hearing about Maria’s upbringing in Mexico and what sex education in Mexico is like. She tells us about how sex wasn’t even spoken about when she was growing up and how this influenced how she wanted to talk to her own kids about sex and relationships.

Then, we move on to discussing what it was like to raise children first in Mexico and then move to the UK, and the cultural differences between the two. Maria tells us about the expectations of being a mum in Mexico and how she was able to explore herself as a person more in the UK, plus the differences in talking about sex and relationships in the UK versus in Mexico. We hear about what Maria told her children about relationships and sex when they were younger and what she’s learnt about herself and relationships throughout the years, ending with some advice Maria has for us and for other young people that she wishes she’d known at our age.

We hope you enjoy, it was such a pleasure to be joined by Maria. Please leave us a review as we approach the end of the season, and stay tuned for some very exciting announcements coming in the next week on our social media— Instagram, Facebook and TikTok @sextraspodcast, on our website www.sextraspodcast.com and feel free to get in touch with us with any stories or questions for our last episode via email [email protected].

To celebrate 2 years of the podcast we’re having a picnic on 25th June in Hyde Park from 1pm onwards, we’d love if you joined us! Check out our social media for more info.

See you next week!

Produced by Mable Productions

Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this week’s episode we talk to the wonderful Dr Aditi Paul about her research on Gen Z hookup and dating culture. Her book The Current Collegiate Hookup Culture is out now, so please request that your local library or institution purchase it!

We begin the episode by hearing about Aditi’s interest in dating and hookup trends, which inspired her to begin her research on this topic. Aditi is a professor at Pace University, so we ask her if she and her colleagues have assumptions about how gen z date and have sex at uni, and if that was really accurate to what she discovered in her research.

We hear how gen z use dating apps, and if they really all have sneaky links, if they’re anti-relationship, and how often they’re hooking up with people and with who. Aditi tells us whether sex lives of college students really have changed from previous generations, and what new terms there are to describe sex and hookup culture.

Aditi also goes into safety and sex, such as how alcohol impacts the decisions students are making when it comes to sex, and if they practice protected sex. We love that Aditi’s research focuses on people of colour, different genders and sexualities, and so we were of course interested to hear how sex changes amongst different groups, like whether the LGBT community use dating apps more or less than the straight community and how much sex people of colour are having in relation to stereotypes that negatively impact how they are perceived.

We hope you guys enjoy the episode, thank you so much to Aditi for this informative and fun chat! Please request for your institution to purchase her book, and go find out more about her work and her on her website http://www.draditipaul.com/, and her social media @aditipaul & @iamaditipaul.

As always you can find more of us on our website www.sextraspodcast.com, and Instagram, Facebook, TikTok and Reddit @sextraspodcast.

Don’t forget to check out our sponsors, too, it really really helps us out! Get 20% off + Free Shipping at Manscaped.com with code SEXTRAS20. Get 10% off sustainable and beautiful sex toys at www.thenaturallovecompany.com with code SEXTRAS.

See you next week!

Produced by Mable Productions

Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this week’s episode we’re talking with Honey’s ex girlfriend, Neha, all about their relationship and break up.

We begin the episode by hearing about both sides of the relationship, from how they met to how the relationship progressively got worse and eventually how they broke up. If you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while, you’ll know that Honey has spoken about how her first relationship was quite toxic, and so we break down exactly what that looked like in a young queer relationship, and how that has affected them going forward.

We reminisce on the importance of having a queer community when you’re younger, and how there’s not much of a model for relationships so they can often get messy. We hear how their mental health impacted the relationship, and how this meant they triggered each other whilst dating, and warn against the dangers of codependency in a relationship. Maria also gives her perspective on the relationship from the outside, though she was very much involved at the time, and how it seemed to disintegrate.

We also cover how the break up eventually happened- they did break up and get back together several times- and the difficulties that came along with seeing your ex every day when you go to the same school. Lastly, we cover how they went from exes to friends, and the progression of making up after a break up and realising what you’ve done wrong and what you’ve learnt from a relationship.

Listen in to hear us cover all sorts of things, from staying friends with an ex, to coming out as queer, to toxic relationships and different sides of the same break up.

We hope you enjoy the episode, we really enjoyed recording with Neha and we hope you’re inspired to have a similar conversation with your ex, should it be right for your situation!

Go follow Neha on Instagram @nehaclimbs, and you can find us @sextraspodcast on Instagram, Facebook & TikTok, our website www.sextraspodcast.com, or email us at [email protected].

Thanks to Manscaped for sponsoring Sextras. Get 20% Off + Free Shipping at Manscaped.com with promo code SEXTRAS20.

Please leave us a rating wherever you’re listening or watching and we look forward to seeing you next week!

Produced by Mable Productions Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When it comes to love, there are some people that believe love should be difficult, and some that it should be easy. In this week’s episode we attempt to answer if love should be easy or hard, discussing how to communicate your expectations and how to show love to your partner depending on their love language.

We begin the episode with a segment where we ask our listeners if they think love should be hard, as well as hearing some things they are willing to compromise and things they are absolutely not, as well as what expectations they know they need to have met in a relationship.

We then get into our thoughts on expectations in relationships. We discuss the narrative that’s sold to us in movies about romantic love and if it’s possible to meet someone who miraculously meets all of your expectations and knows how to show you love. We stress the importance of communication and talk about love languages, and if your partner can know and act on your love language without having to ask what it is. Sometimes we don’t have the capacity to show people love in the way their love language requires, and so we talk about what you should do if you have unfulfilled expectations in relationships, and what normal expectations in relationships are.

Ultimately, we believe that your main love language is something you should expect to have met in your relationship. It can be difficult to know whether you have too high expectations in relationships, but that is there is always at least one thing that you need from your partner in order to feel loved, and it’s reasonable to expect that they fulfil that for you! We often make excuses for our partners when it comes to things we’d like them to do but that they won’t, but we want to discuss if love should be hard work and what our limit is when it comes to not having certain needs met in relationships, and when you should walk away.

There is a myth that relationships are hard work, and they can definitely be worth this work, however you shouldn’t put up with not feeling loved or as if your partner isn’t making effort, because you can always find someone who is willing to make that effort to fulfil the things you need! We love you, and we hope you can all recognise that you are worthy of receiving love in ways that truly make you feel loved. If someone makes you feel like loving you is a chore it could be time to reconsider the relationships and whether you can find someone who can make you feel a little more loved.

We hope you enjoy the episode, if you do please leave us a review and subscribe! You can find us on Instagram, Facebook & TikTok @sextraspodcast, email us at [email protected] or visit our website www.sextraspodcast.com.

Mentions in this episode include “The Distribution of Chapman’s Love Languages in Couples: An Exploratory Cluster Analysis” (Bland & McQueen, 2018), which you can find here:

https://www.millersville.edu/psychology/files/bland/bland-lovelanguages.pdf. To find out your love language, do a quiz such as this one: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language.

Thanks to Manscaped for sponsoring Sextras. Get 20% Off + Free Shipping at Manscaped.com with promo code SEXTRAS20. We’ll see you next week!

Produced by Mable Productions

Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) it is a fact of life that most friendships change over time. This week we want to talk about just that, and our experience with how friendships change in your 20s.

We begin the episode with a segment where we ask you guys if you feel like your friendships have changed, and if so how. Then we did a poll asking what is worse— a friend break up or drifting apart— and if you’ve made any new friends recently.

Though some friendships will never die, it is an inevitable fact of life that as we as individuals grow and evolve, so too will our friendships, and sometimes this comes at the cost of certain friendships, and sometimes this means that you grow and evolve with your friends. No matter what, friendships are very important relationships in our lives and so when a friendship ends it can be sad and confusing, leaving you feeling lonely or as if there’s something wrong with you. This can even be the case when friendships change, and we really wanted to acknowledge the complexities of friendships, which don’t have the same set of rules and expectations as our romantic relationships.

We talk about how our friendships have changed over our lives, from how they’ve changed since college. We explain how when we notice friendships have changed we might feel a certain kind of way, but not necessarily because we blame anyone or because it’s anyone’s fault, but more because we worry what this says about ourselves and what it means for the future of our friendships. But friendship is malleable! Friends challenge each other, and grow together, and it would be boring if they stayed the same throughout our lives. We need to give each other the room to grow, and if that means we have our own things going on, and even eventually growing apart, then that’s okay.

Friendships change! We need to learn to live with it. We hope we encourage you to reflect a little bit on how your own friendships have changed, and whether that really says anything about you, or if it’s an inevitable part of life. All this to say, treasure your friends, and put the work into your friendships that you want to be reciprocated. Like any relationship, friendships need tending.

We hope you enjoy the episode. If so, please give us a follow over on our social media, we have a few exciting announcements coming up that you won’t want to miss! Find us on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook at Sextras Podcast, send us an email at [email protected], or visit our website www.sextraspodcast.com.

We can’t wait to see you next week!

Produced by Mable Productions

Original music by Sacha Puttnam

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.