Sexual Craftsmanship

Figuring out who you are as a sexual person is process - your sexuality is dynamic, and everyone seems to have an opinion about what you should do and what your sexuality should be like. You receive messages from family, friends, and your society at large.

Men should do this. Women should do that. Should. Should. Should.

The murkiness of "should sexuality" is evident when it comes to discussions of consent and the discomfort that can accompany them. But, what if consent wasn't a means to the end of having sex, but instead was an end in itself. Consent at its best is a practice that you live out as an expression of your sexual autonomy.

In today's episode, we're joined by Shaun Miller. Shaun is an independent scholar focusing on the philosophy of love and sex which includes sexual ethics, intimate interactions, and reforming gendered expectations. Among other things, he's taken deep dives into models of consent and positive masculinity.

Together, we explore:

• What, exactly, a philosopher is doing when they study sex anyway
• How consent and sexual autonomy are linked
• Different models of consent, and which is most powerful and practical
• Positive masculinity and its connection with sexual autonomy
• The best place to start integrating sexual autonomy in your sex and relationship life starting now

Thanks to Shaun Miller for joining us on the Sexual Craftsmanship podcast. Shaun was born and raised in Utah and went to earn his PhD in philosophy. He currently resides in Washington DC. Shaun’s research interests currently include BDSM, sexual consent, positive male sexuality, and investigating how sex robots could change our intimate lives.

You can learn more about Shaun by visiting his website: https://shaunmiller.blog/

If you want to get involved with the Sexual Craftsmanship community and have input into upcoming episodes, head over to the Sexual Craftsmanship subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/SexualCraftsmanship/

Curious what it’s like to learn with me? Check out my FREE course on How to Avoid the Friendzone for Good. Go to: avoidthefriendzone.com

Connect with Sexual Craftsmanship online! 
Website: https://sexualcraftsmanship.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0o8MkhxcIwoSyTeM3AQ7lg

Support the podcast on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/SarahMartin

Body language is as rich and nuanced as any spoken language. You are always talking with your body, even when you're not conscious of it. Everyone else? They're always talking with their bodies, too. Learning the basics of body language will serve you throughout your life, and in the arena of sex and relationships in particular.

It takes time to get fluent in body language, and it's hard to know where to start. The internet is full of deep, dark body language rabbit holes - if you go looking, you'll find endless tutorials, tips, and tricks that all promise to crack the code and make you irresistible.

What you'll learn on the podcast today boils body language down to some essential elements and will give you the power to discern between other advice - what's useful, and what's a bunch of bullsh*t.

Today, you'll learn:

• The two principles underpinning all body language
• The four basic dimensions of body language
• How these dimensions layer together to send different messages
• The very simple way to flirt using body language

Also, last week I was LIVE with the Wilzig Erotic Art Museum (WEAM) talking all about pickup artists. You can catch the replay at the WEAM Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/WilzigEroticArtMuseum

If you want to get involved with the Sexual Craftsmanship community and have input into upcoming episodes, head over to the Sexual Craftsmanship subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/SexualCraftsmanship/

Curious what it’s like to learn with me? Check out my FREE course on How to Avoid the Friendzone for Good. Go to: avoidthefriendzone.com

Connect with Sexual Craftsmanship online! 
Website: https://sexualcraftsmanship.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0o8MkhxcIwoSyTeM3AQ7lg

Support the podcast on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/SarahMartin

We have all sorts of weird messaging in society around touch, in part because touch is often framed as inherently sexual. In reality, touch is as inherently sexual as English - you can say some extremely erotic things with touch, sure, but you can also make small talk and have heartfelt conversations.

In today's episode, we'll cover:

* Where people consistently go wrong with touch and why
* Environmental and social factors that influence touch communication
* The 5 Main Messages you can send with touch
* Concrete, simple actions you can take to improve your touch fluency immediately

If you want to get involved with the Sexual Craftsmanship community and have input into upcoming episodes, head over to the Sexual Craftsmanship subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/SexualCraftsmanship/

Curious what it’s like to learn with me? Check out my FREE course on How to Avoid the Friendzone for Good. Go to: avoidthefriendzone.com

Connect with Sexual Craftsmanship online! 
Website: https://sexualcraftsmanship.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0o8MkhxcIwoSyTeM3AQ7lg

Support the podcast on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/SarahMartin

Emotional vulnerability is a polarizing topic. And that's because, like all polarizing topics, it sits on top of a tension. 

On the one hand, all humans have emotions. We want to be fully ourselves, and that includes our emotions. On the other hand, we’ve all been told what we *should* do when it comes to emotions, and this is doubly so for men. 

In short, men want to be able to express their emotions in relationships, and also receive the message that to do so makes them seem weak.

Fear not, though. When you are able to ditch the cheap, off-brand version many of us call emotional vulnerability in favor of the real deal, a whole world of opportunities awaits. Oh, and the real deal? It's sexy AF.

In this episode, we'll cover:

• What emotional vulnerability is
• Common mistakes people make
• What you can do instead to enjoy truly emotionally vulnerable relationships... and be sexy AF

If you want to get involved with the Sexual Craftsmanship community and have input into upcoming episodes, head over to the Sexual Craftsmanship subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/SexualCraftsmanship/

Curious what it’s like to learn with me? Check out my FREE course on How to Avoid the Friendzone for Good. Go to: avoidthefriendzone.com

Connect with Sexual Craftsmanship online! 
Website: https://sexualcraftsmanship.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0o8MkhxcIwoSyTeM3AQ7lg

Support the podcast on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/SarahMartin

It's that time again! Here's the next episode of a recurring feature of the Sexual Craftsmanship podcast: Her Side interviews!

Each Her Side interview features the experience of a woman who dates men in STEM. This is your opportunity to catch a glimpse from the other side. What resonates with you? What can you take from this story to apply in your own life?

In this episode, we'll meet Ieva, who has an affinity for, and an attraction to, hardcore Linux users. She shares with us her frustrations and triumphs with online dating and her view on what makes someone attractive that they might not even be aware of. Ieva reminds us of the power of focusing on our common humanity, rather than separating from each other along gendered lines. 

This is an excerpt from my extended interview with Ieva. If you're curious to hear more, head over to Patreon - the extended and only roughly cut and edited Her Side interviews are available to Patrons only.

If you want to get involved with the Sexual Craftsmanship community and have input into upcoming episodes, head over to the Sexual Craftsmanship subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/SexualCraftsmanship/

Curious what it’s like to learn with me? Check out my FREE course on How to Avoid the Friendzone for Good. Go to: avoidthefriendzone.com

Connect with Sexual Craftsmanship online! 
Website: https://sexualcraftsmanship.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0o8MkhxcIwoSyTeM3AQ7lg

Support the podcast on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/SarahMartin

It is entirely possible to resolve death grip without needing to give up masturbation or porn, and to do so coming from a place of sexual empowerment that prioritizes your pleasure.

In this episode, we'll cover:

• The prevalence of sex-negative advice related to death grip
• The origins of our negative attitudes toward masturbation
• How masturbation is the pathway out of death grip, rather than the problem
• The 6 step approach to resolving death grip
• One trick you can use when it comes to porn's role in death grip

If you want to get involved with the Sexual Craftsmanship community and have input into upcoming episodes, head over to the Sexual Craftsmanship subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/SexualCraftsmanship/

Curious what it’s like to learn with me? Check out my FREE course on How to Avoid the Friendzone for Good. Go to: avoidthefriendzone.com

Connect with Sexual Craftsmanship online! 
Website: https://sexualcraftsmanship.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0o8MkhxcIwoSyTeM3AQ7lg

Support the podcast on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/SarahMartin

It's true - without conscious attention paid to stoking desire, desire will wane in longer relationships. So many people move through life feeling a frustrated nostalgia for the early days of effortless passion with their partner. Others wonder if something is wrong with them because they normally don't stay in relationships for longer than 6 months.

Here's the thing - there's nothing magical or mysterious at work. Rather, excitement fading in a longer relationship is a consequence of biology and neurochemistry. All is not lost. It's actually relatively simple to nurture your horniness and yearning for your partner indefinitely, if that is what you wish to do.

In this episode we cover:

• Why, exactly, it is that desire wanes in otherwise wonderful relationships overtime
• The two things desire and eroticism need to survive and thrive in longer relationships
• How to break the cycle of relationship churn, if you're stuck in it
• 5 unconventional tips to make sex exciting again

If you want to get involved with the Sexual Craftsmanship community and have input into upcoming episodes, head over to the Sexual Craftsmanship subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/SexualCraftsmanship/

Curious what it’s like to learn with me? Check out my FREE course on How to Avoid the Friendzone for Good. Go to: avoidthefriendzone.com

Connect with Sexual Craftsmanship online! 
Website: https://sexualcraftsmanship.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0o8MkhxcIwoSyTeM3AQ7lg

Support the podcast on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/SarahMartin

The sad reality is that no one can read your mind. Everyone has different types of fear around asking for what they want. Your fears didn’t come from nowhere - they have biological, social, and cultural origins.

What's more, these fears are part of larger structures that RELY on you remaining afraid of acting on your desires.

Therefore, asking for what you want is a revolutionary act.

In this episode, we cover:

• What gets in the way of asking for what you want
• Ask vs Guess culture and how this affects you
• The AAA Approach that supports you in asking for what you want
• The ABC Method to use when structuring an ask
• Example scripts, including Dutch Pandemic Sex Buddies

Today's episode comes directly to you from a class I taught for the Sexual Craftsmanship community. The community has moved from Facebook to Reddit.

If you like what you heard, come join us!

If you want to get involved with the Sexual Craftsmanship community and have input into upcoming episodes, head over to the Sexual Craftsmanship subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/SexualCraftsmanship/

Curious what it’s like to learn with me? Check out my FREE course on How to Avoid the Friendzone for Good. Go to: avoidthefriendzone.com

Connect with Sexual Craftsmanship online! 
Website: https://sexualcraftsmanship.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0o8MkhxcIwoSyTeM3AQ7lg

Support the podcast on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/SarahMartin

Guys, I am so excited to bring you the next episode of a recurring feature of the Sexual Craftsmanship podcast: Her Side interviews!

Each Her Side interview features the experience of a woman who dates men in STEM. This is your opportunity to catch a glimpse from the other side. What resonates with you? What can you take from this story to apply in your own life?

In this episode, we'll meet Marta, who has a lifetime's experience dating men in STEM (well, apart from that first boyfriend when she was 14, who she only dated for a week). She met her husband in high school, though they didn't get married until many years later. Marta shares some powerful insights into sex and pleasure and why listening skills are so important. 

This is an excerpt from my extended interview with Marta. If you're curious to hear more, head over to Patreon - the extended and only roughly cut and edited Her Side interviews are available to Patrons only.

If you want to get involved with the Sexual Craftsmanship community and have input into upcoming episodes, head over to the Sexual Craftsmanship subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/SexualCraftsmanship/

Curious what it’s like to learn with me? Check out my FREE course on How to Avoid the Friendzone for Good. Go to: avoidthefriendzone.com

Connect with Sexual Craftsmanship online! 
Website: https://sexualcraftsmanship.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0o8MkhxcIwoSyTeM3AQ7lg

Support the podcast on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/SarahMartin

The most common way relationships of all types don’t work out is through a mismatch of desires. This is true for all relationships: from one night stands through friends with benefits and short term dating to long marriages.

The place to begin is with defining your own desires for relationships in concrete terms.

Today we cover:

• Ways to tell if mismatched desires are present in your relationships
• The 3 Levels of any relationship
• Questions to ask yourself to define your desires at each of these 3 levels
• One handy trick you can use to stay in touch with your desires

If you want to get involved with the Sexual Craftsmanship community and have input into upcoming episodes, head over to the Sexual Craftsmanship subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/SexualCraftsmanship/

Curious what it’s like to learn with me? Check out my FREE course on How to Avoid the Friendzone for Good. Go to: avoidthefriendzone.com

Connect with Sexual Craftsmanship online! 
Website: https://sexualcraftsmanship.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0o8MkhxcIwoSyTeM3AQ7lg

Support the podcast on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/SarahMartin