Shadow Work Voice Notes

On this day, I was feeling extremely uncomfortable and in need of talking through what was going on so that I could better understand what I was feeling. Since this whole podcast was born out of this very need, I decided that I would share this deeply personal, open, and uncensored voice note, where I seek to make conscious a feeling which had previously been vague and unconscious.

This is part of the practical, real process that I use in my personal shadow work "practice" that helps me to open up and identify what the heck is going on in my inner world.

Shadow work- making the unconscious conscious in order to know yourself, feel your feelings, and embrace your deeper truths- has different layers to it. One of them, and what I share in this voice note, is the mental process of gaining or deepening awareness and understanding of your present reality.

Be forewarned... this one may go a bit all over the place at times, as I use my mind to try to express and bring clarity to my emotions. It's not a linear process and may meander a bit as I gather my thoughts and try to put it into concrete terms... and, lol, I do get a little deep into an analogy (because I do love my analogies!!) - but if you bear with me and get through to the end, it does all come together.

My desire is for this to serve as an example of how you might approach exploring your feelings, thoughts, and tendencies.

Self-questioning and using your mind to be the interpreter and explorer of your inner world... that is the process. Remember, your mind is not the one who comes up with the answers. It simply observes and interprets.

ps- I don't normally curse, but when I started recording I had thought I was just recording it as a personal note. I decided later that this was a good one to share! So there is a curse word or two in the middle there 😬

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Who am I?

I am Natalie White, founder of Saturnish and Shadow Work Coach.

I aim to help you, you beautifully and perfectly imperfect human, to see, express, and embrace all that you are- especially those parts you have previously rejected.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find out more about me and all that I offer⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Join me⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠here, in my Facebook group, Surrendring to Gravity⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and get to know me more personally

And if you are enjoying this and other episodes, I'd be so happy if you would ⁠⁠⁠support this podcast⁠⁠⁠, subscribe/follow, and/or leave a review.

I feel like popular culture tends to reject routine and schedules as something antiquated and restrictive... and, to a degree, the prescription is that it is something we need to break free from.

I know that, for some time, I thought I had been conditioned to follow schedules and routines and that this was a mental block I needed to overcome. However, through learning more about my Human Design, I came to realize that my body actually needs and thrives on routines!

This is not to say that all routines serve me; it takes an understanding of what my energy needs are in order to honor the kind of routine that my body needs.

In this entry, I explore my relationship to routines, how and why they serve me- and also when they don't!

This kind of self-awareness is an important one. I think that we too easily and glibly will make blanket assumptions about what is good and what isn't without actually analyzing what is working for us and what isn't.

🪐

Who am I?

I am Natalie White, founder of Saturnish and Shadow Work Coach.

I aim to help you, you beautifully and perfectly imperfect human, to see, express, and embrace all that you are- especially those parts you have previously rejected.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find out more about me and all that I offer⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Join me⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠here, in my Facebook group, Surrendring to Gravity⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and get to know me more personally

And if you are enjoying this and other episodes, I'd be so happy if you would ⁠⁠support this podcast⁠⁠, subscribe/follow, and/or leave a review.

I have always struggled with anxiety. It's what comes up for me when I'm having a difficult time... it's my "safe" emotion that takes over when I'm resisting what I'm feeling.

On this one particular day, I was struggling quite a bit with a strong bout of anxiety when I had a question pop up out of nowhere that gave me pause... the question was, "What if I didn't feel anxious right now?"

Kind of a weird thing to ask yourself, isn't it?! lol... But I sat and pondered it and observed myself...

And I had quite an interesting resulting experience and realizations!

🪐

Who am I?

I am Natalie White, founder of Saturnish and Shadow Work Coach.

I aim to help you, you beautifully and perfectly imperfect human, to see, express, and embrace all that you are- especially those parts you have previously rejected.

⁠⁠⁠⁠Find out more about me and all that I offer⁠⁠⁠⁠

Join me⁠⁠ ⁠⁠here, in my Facebook group, Surrendring to Gravity⁠⁠⁠⁠, and get to know me more personally

And if you are enjoying this and other episodes, I'd be so happy if you would ⁠support this podcast⁠, subscribe/follow, and/or leave a review.

What is the meaning of life? Why does anything exist at all? Yes, yes. The "age-old" question.

As a lifetime spiritual seeker, this was a question that had always been an itch I could not scratch. So many spiritual teachings would speak to creation and how "god created us all" and all of that... and the best I could ever seem to get out of anything was that it was because god loved us so much. But that never seemed to really answer why the heck any of this exists at all. Yes, we are evolving and one of the answers was that this is the way back to "perfection."

But why were we ever not always perfect to begin with?! What is the purpose... the meaning of it all... what is the point of this existing we are all doing??

I did come across an answer that actually felt satisfying to me, though, and that answer and my resulting thoughts and realization are what spurred this particular entry.

🪐

Who am I?

I am Natalie White, founder of Saturnish and Shadow Work Coach.

I aim to help you, you beautifully and perfectly imperfect human, to see, express, and embrace all that you are- especially those parts you have previously rejected.

⁠⁠⁠Find out more about me and all that I offer⁠⁠⁠

Join me⁠ ⁠⁠here, in my Facebook group, Surrendring to Gravity⁠⁠⁠, and get to know me more personally

And if you are enjoying this and other episodes, I'd be so happy if you would support this podcast, subscribe/follow, and/or leave a review.

Trigger warning: This entry includes discussion of suicide and the feelings associated with it.

Through these experiences of unreality, where I experienced myself as two separate consciousnesses at the same time, I came to a place where I felt the most profound and painful emptiness.

In this space, I viscerally understood what it is that can drive people to commit suicide. 

From sitting with and in this feeling… from allowing myself to experience the feeling as an observer, I gained some very deep and meaningful insights about myself, the feeling, and, in a sense, our shadows. (Although I don’t directly speak to the shadow in this entry.)

It is so difficult to hold space for these kinds of feelings without losing ourselves in them. But it is necessary if we are able to process and move beyond them. 

I understand that there can be a danger in it, so always seek help if and when you need it. Even just talking to a trusted friend can help. Expressing and saying it out loud is more crucial than I can express. Allowing someone else to see you as you are is scary but also super important. It allows us to experience that our true selves CAN be seen and held and accepted.

If you need help working through difficult feelings, I can help; schedule an intro session.

🪐

Who am I?

I am Natalie White, founder of Saturnish and Shadow Work Coach.

I aim to help you, you beautifully and perfectly imperfect human, to see, express, and embrace all that you are- especially those parts you have previously rejected.

⁠⁠Find out more about me and all that I offer⁠⁠

Join me ⁠⁠here, in my Facebook group, Surrendring to Gravity⁠⁠, and get to know me more personally

In my mid 20s, I started to experience something I came to think of as “unreality.” It was a strange feeling that would overtake me without warning, and make me feel like nothing was real.

Trying to stay sane and navigate life while in the throws of these bouts was… well, quite challenging!

These experiences happened at varying degrees over the span of 3-ish years, as my awareness of myself and what was truly correct for me deepened in ways I did not understand at the time.

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Although it was quite difficult to go through and made me question whether I was quite literally going insane, they are experiences that I now find to be quite valuable because through them, I did learn a lot about myself.

And it may not exactly be a beautiful story, like the one about the night that I understood the universe (that was entry #2 and I highly suggest you go listen to that one, too, because it sort of preceded and paved the way for these experiences with unreality)… they are still stories I like to retell because of the lessons that can be taken from them about the nature of consciousness within us and the connection between our conscious and unconscious selves…

All from my deeply experiential point of view!

🪐

Who am I?

I am Natalie White, founder of Saturnish and Shadow Work Coach.

I aim to help you, you beautifully and perfectly imperfect human, to see, express, and embrace all that you are- especially those parts you have previously rejected.

⁠Find out more about me and all that I offer⁠

Join me ⁠here, in my Facebook group, Surrendring to Gravity⁠, and get to know me more personally.

I see people talking about awakening and ascension all the time, and there’s something about it that has always sat kind of wrong with me. There’s an underlying icky feeling that I get from the way that people talk about these concepts, yet I had never quite put my finger on it or put it into words before.

On the day that I recorded this voice note, I had come across more than one post explaining what ascension felt like… or how to tell you “are awakening” … stuff like that…

And I thought to myself, “What the heck does that even mean??”

I see these words used a lot, but they are very mental and conceptual… what does it actually mean to “awaken” or “ascend”?? Like, in PRACTICAL, real terms??

So I felt called to sit and work out my thoughts on the deeper repercussions and reality behind these concepts.

As I talked through it, I came to some pretty powerful feelings, connections, and realizations about our humanness… and even connected it with the my previous discussion on the evolution of consciousness!

It is a pretty powerful entry, if I do say so myself! ✨

🪐

Who am I?

I am Natalie White, founder of Saturnish and Shadow Work Coach.

I aim to help you, you beautifully and perfectly imperfect human, to see, express, and embrace all that you are- especially those parts you have previously rejected.

⁠Find out more about me and all that I offer⁠

Join me ⁠here, in my Facebook group, Surrendring to Gravity⁠, and get to know me more personally.

Lately, I have felt as if my understanding of different spiritual concepts has deepened in quite an interesting way.

Through a recent conversation with a friend on the topic of the evolution of consciousness, I was able to tap into answers to questions I had wondered about for many, many years. It just… bubbled up, and somehow I got it… I could under exactly how and why it is true for us to say that “we are the universe experiencing itself.”

It was fascinating to ponder this realization about the nature of consciousness and our reality, and I wanted to share it. However, I must say- trying to put words to the deep feelings of understanding I experienced was quite challenging and I am not at all sure I was able to do it all any justice.

In all honesty, at this point, I do hope that these thoughts I am sharing here make sense to people who are not in my head!! Haha 🤭

I considered skipping over this particular voice note, for fear that it might seem like nonsense to those who listen in… yet, I do feel that it could be just the missing piece for someone who is ready to hear it. And so I release it to the ethers and let it be what it shall be. 💙

🪐

Who am I?

I am Natalie White, founder of Saturnish and Shadow Work Coach.

I aim to help you, you beautifully and perfectly imperfect human, to see, express, and embrace all that you are-especially those parts you have previously rejected.

Find out more about me and all that I offer

Join me here, in my Facebook group, Surrendring to Gravity, and get to know me more personally.

The smallest incidents that we experience as children can have long-lasting effects on our lives... in ways that we aren't even consciously aware of... even with no real memory of those very incidents!

I tell a small and silly story from my life about where and how my emotionally charged "belief" that leggings aren't pants came from. It's crazy because it's full of vague impressions and barely remembered happenings... but it packs a powerful lesson and reminder.

A call for deeper self-awareness maybe...

Our day-to-day moments and fleeting feelings have a lot to teach us, if we can just take the time to shift our conscious back to our present experience and dig into what we could call our vast feeling-inner-world... (don't mind me, just making up words and concepts here 😹)

Can you think of a moment in your life that defined a belief you've carried ever since?

Who am I?

I am Natalie White, founder of Saturnish and Shadow Work Coach.

I aim to help you, you beautifully and perfectly imperfect human, to see, express, and embrace all that you are- especially those parts you have previously rejected.

⁠⁠Find out more about me and all that I offer⁠⁠

Join me ⁠⁠here, in my Facebook group, Surrendring to Gravity⁠⁠, and get to know me more personally.

One of the biggest lessons that I learned about human interpersonal relationships, I learned from a cat. Crazy right?

But it's true. As humans, we have our logical and reasonable brains that hinder certain behaviors for the sake of propriety. Cats do not 🤭😹

And because of this, I got to witness firsthand a fascinating transformation in one little being... when I chose to allow him to just be "who" he was and accept him exactly as such.

It made me realize that it's exactly the same with humans...

It's just that the layer of complexity added to our interactions by our ability to police and filter our actions makes it a little less obvious.

And so... I learned these particular lessons from a cat...

🪐

Who am I?

I am Natalie White, founder of Saturnish and Shadow Work Coach.

I aim to help you, you beautifully and perfectly imperfect human, to see, express, and embrace all that you are- especially those parts you have previously rejected.

⁠⁠Find out more about me and all that I offer⁠⁠

Join me ⁠⁠here, in my Facebook group, Surrendring to Gravity⁠⁠, and get to know me more personally.