It was during an incredibly difficult and emotionally painful season that I got the word “Faith” tattooed on my forearm. Faith. It is more of a reminder for me of God’s faithfulness, of my need to trust Him more than it is a statement of my religion. It is a reminder that God’s unchanging character is good. It is a reminder that He is a good Father. It is a reminder that He will work every painful situation I face for my good and His glory. It is a reminder that Jesus can identify with my pain, disappointment, and frustration. It is a reminder that the Holy Spirit lives in me and empowers me if I trust Him.

As Christians, we have faith in a God — amidst unhealthy, destructive, negative, painful, out-of-control circumstances and relationships — who is faithful. We have faith in a God who has good for us. We have faith in a God who desires us — who pursues a relationship with us. Not in a generic God loves the whole world kind of way; but He desires to communicate with you and be in a personal relationship with you. As messy and imperfect as it may be, He desires a relationship with you.

God wants to speak to you. He wants to speak to those areas of your heart, mind, and life that are buried, painful, and out-of-control. He wants to meet you there. He wants you to live in a healthy relationship with Him so that you can live in a healthy relationship with others and His local church. This personal, loving God is the one we serve. This is the God we trust.

Join me in this last episode from our Faith Bible Study for Cultivate Online as I share about one of the most difficult times in Lacey and I faced in our marriage — the time we walked through infertility.

I used to work as the media director for a large church in Alaska. We had a large demographic in our church that worked on the Northern Slope or were deployed in the armed forces. As the media director, it was my responsibility to create an online experience for those people to take part in while away from their friends, family, and church community.

For this online campus to take place, we needed high-quality video and lighting. Also, we needed to make sure there were adequate stage directions so that the cameras and camera operators got the best angles. Therefore, we used strategically placed pieces of tape on the stage to indicate the best lighting positions. We also communicated with the worship and preaching teams where they could stand. All of these dynamics made it possible for those in our online community to participate. It wasn’t perfect, but we did our best.

Our efforts were not always welcomed with open arms. One praise team member resented being told where to stand. He believed that I was “quenching the Holy Spirit and his personal freedom”. He eventually quit the praise team and left the church altogether. This wasn’t the saddest part, however. He managed to gather a group of people who also felt “quenched”. Together, they began a movement on social media and in the local community that referred to us as the unbiblical church that quenches the Spirit.

My wife and I were personal friends with many of these “marginalized” people so we knew their stories. Regardless of the reality or legitimacy of their offenses, they felt smothered, stifled, manipulated, belittled, or hurt by someone at the church. And rather than resolving these offenses, they used them to justify their hatred of “organized religion”. Collectively, these unresolved offenses fueled their belief that the organized church was unbiblical.

The reality is, if we serve under someone or pursue relationship with people, we will be hurt. They will let us down. They will disappoint us. We will be offended.

Join me in this episode of Cultivate Online as I share my experience with the local church and hopefully shed some light on why it’s important — even amidst offensive people — to be an active member in a local church.

I grew up in a conservative home. My dad was a pastor. We read the Bible. We only listened to Christian music. And we didn’t date… we courted. We went to church every Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday night, Thursday night, and all major holidays. But, most importantly, we believed in the trinity: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Scriptures.

Okay, so, the Bible isn’t really a part of the Trinity. But, it’s as though knowledge of the Holy Scriptures had become the only true way to experience the Holy Spirit’s voice. It’s not that I had rejected Him, I just didn’t have personal meaningful interactions with Him. In addition to this lack of attention to the Holy Spirit, I had witnessed manipulation, laziness, and irresponsibility all in the name of being “led by the Spirit.” Finally, people who were “filled with the Holy Spirit” seemed to be super emotional.

All of these experiences led me to conclude that good Christians aren’t emotional. I began building the habit of invalidating my own thoughts and feelings. Simultaneously, I developed an attitude and belief that emotions (and emotional people) were unhealthy, undisciplined, and ultimately, ungodly.

My perspective of the Holy Spirit had been causing my relationship with Him to be sterile and impersonal. Since ours was a cognitive, fact-based relationship, I believed (and therefore experienced) the Holy Spirit’s help intellectually and morally. But, it never felt personal. Basically, my theology of the Holy Spirit was a backlash against every negative experience and bad example I had seen or heard growing up. It was a perspective primarily made up of hesitancy, skepticism, and most importantly, rationality. It also hindered me from pursuing a genuinely fulfilling relationship with Him.

Join me in this episode of Cultivate Online as I share my experience with the Holy Spirit and hopefully help you see Him in a new light.

Jesus most often referred to himself as “the son of man”. He loved identifying with humans. He loved being close to humans. He loved sharing the same nature and experiences as humans. This is what makes him able to relate to and understand us. It is why we can confidently go before him and ask for grace and mercy. This is why he can be the perfect judge because he perfectly understands our experiences. He’s the perfect helper because he perfectly overcame.

Our view of God will determine how we experience Him. If we view Him as a heavy-handed, rules-focused deity, then we will either reject Him for His harshness or burn ourselves out trying to earn His favor. Either way, this is not the relationship He desires with us.

We have all ugly cried before. You know what I am talking about. It is raw emotion expressed in a mixture of sweat, snot, and tears. This emotion often comes when the disappointment, frustration, or stress in our life is so heavy on us that we have no other choice but to cry. In this episode, I introduce a Bible study we produced a few years ago called Faith. It answers the question, how do you live in faith amidst frustration, disappointment, and feeling out of control. This introduction is the first of six episodes in this series. You can find the videos and small group study notes on our website, www.CultivateRelationships.com/resources.

Encouragement is more than saying positive things to someone; it speaks truth and life over the person from God’s perspective — often affirming their God-given identity. Being able to speak encouraging words to someone — no matter who it is — comes from our willingness to see that person as being made in the image and likeness of God. It chooses to celebrate who they are without stumbling over who they are not.

If we could all be honest for a moment, this past year has made us all feel out of control for one reason or another. Our schedules and routines have been completely demolished. Some of us have even lost jobs and loved ones. Whatever it is that brings us security — health, finances, or relationships — has been taken away.

So what do we do when we feel out of control? Where do we go? Who do we seek out? Because the person, place, or behavior we go to reveals where we believe security, comfort, or control can be found.

What person or situation makes you feel anxious, uncared for, or out of control?​ What do you say or do when people or circumstances do not work out how you had expected?