Cross-Cultural Worker Expectations Worksheet – by James Covey, MA LPC-S

Internal Expectations

A) Give grace to myself or others. Is my expectation unrealistic? Is this person
able to give me what I need at this time? Do my expectations need to be
adjusted?
B) Release, surrender or grieve an unmet expectation. Do I need to release the
timing of something, confess an unrealistic standard, release the way I think
something should be done, need to suspend judgment about a person or
situation, people group, or grieve that I may not see that expectation fulfilled?
C) Explore deeper healing around a theme. I am aware this expectation is linked
to an area where I need healing. As God has raised my awareness this week, I
want to surrender to Him anew AND have a conversation with someone about
how to pursue healing more deeply.
D) Praise God for His mercy. I’m realizing my expectations have been exceeded
in some areas! I want to take some time to worship and thank Him for His
kindness to me.
E) Redirect my misplaced hopes towards God. I’m realizing how externally
focused I am on getting my needs and desires met. The Lord is inviting me to
release others and turn my focus back on Him as the source of my hope.

External invitations
1) Help in the fog. I don’t know if my expectation is realistic OR I can’t find the
expectation or don’t know how to resolve an unmet expectation. I need someone
to help me explore what is happening on a particular situation.
2) Call to action. Do I need to clarify an expectation with others, have a
conversation about my disappointment, or mirror back to someone a theme I see
in someone’s life around expectations?
3) I need others. This expectation is realistic but I’m having trouble moving
forward. I may be hitting a deeply ingrained attitude or behavior OR see this as
an issue of character development. I need coaching, accountability, prayer, or
counsel.

“Trauma is a deep wound of the heart and mind that takes a long time to heal. It hurts every part of our lives: how we relate to others, how our body feels, what we think about, and how much we can trust God. It can make us feel separated from God and others” – Trauma Healing Institute 

Essentials for People Care and Development: A Collection of Best Practices, Research, Reflections, and Strategies (Missio Nexus Improve Series): 
by  Geoff Whiteman  (Author), Heather Pubols  (Editor) Buy it now on Amazon

Compassion Fatigue

“It is impossible to be close to suffering and not be impacted by it” – Mark Ventrella. 

“Most healthcare providers enter the field with the intent to help others and provide empathic care for patients with critical physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. Healthcare providers, however, can be impacted by the continuing stress of meeting the often overwhelming needs of patients and their families which may result in compassion fatigue. ” https://proqol.org

One could easily substitute Cross-Cultural workers for health care providers in this definition as often they are in positions of caring for those around them. The ProQOL is an excellent source for assessing burnout, compassion fatigue, and compassion satisfaction. 

 Professional Quality of Life (proQOL) is intended for any helper – cross-cultural workers, health care professionals, social service workers, teachers, attorneys, emergency response, etc. Understanding the positive and negative aspects of helping those who experience trauma and suffering can improve your ability to help them and your ability to keep your own balance.   https://proqol.org

Join Brandi and James as they discuss emotional intelligence, what it is, and why it is important for cross-cultural workers and organizations to be emotionally intelligent. 

Daniel Goleman, the author of Emotional Intelligence, defined emotion as “referring to a feeling and its distinctive thoughts, psychological and biological states, and range of propensities to act.” What he meant is that God created human beings to feel a wide range of emotions. (Pete Scazzaro)

By teaching people to tune in to their emotions with intelligence and to expand their circles of caring, we can transform organizations from the inside out and make a positive difference in our world –Daniel Goleman

Click to access ID%20The%20Window%20of%20Tolerance%2020%2006%2016.pdf

The Window of Tolerance is a model founded in Neuroscience (the scientific study of the nervous system), which helps develop good practice for improving and maintaining mental health and wellbeing.

It offers a way of thinking about how we function optimally, in our various roles, and how to manage when heightened emotions begin to have a negative impact.

Developed by Dan Siegel, a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, the Window of Tolerance describes the best state of ‘arousal’ or stimulation in which we are able to function and thrive in everyday life. When we exist within this window, we are able to learn effectively, play, and relate well to ourselves and others.

Join Brandi and James as they talk with Brianna White, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, about anxiety in teenagers, specifically Third Culture Kids. Brianna said;

“we all need to remember that anxiety is a body reaction to a challenge we are facing. It can be really uncomfortable but that doesn’t mean its bad or dangerous and that it is ok to feel anxious.” 

And for TCK’s that, “Common sense only is only common if you have common experience” 

Breanna is an adult Third Culture Kid who grew up in Ukarumpa, Papua New Guinea. While there, she saw firsthand how important it is for teens to have access to mental health care wherever they are. That inspired her to become a counselor. After graduating from Ukarumpa International High School, She obtained a B.A. in Psychology from Taylor University and then a Master of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from Fuller Graduate School of Psychology at Fuller Theological Seminary. Now, she is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Child Mental Health Specialist.

Join Brandi and James as they talk with Brianna White, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist about anxiety in teenagers, specifically Third Culture Kids. Brianna said;

“we all need to remember that anxiety is a body reaction to a challenge we are facing. It can be really uncomfortable but that doesn’t mean its bad or dangerous and that it is ok to feel anxious.”

And for TCK’s that ,

“Common sense only is only common if you have common experience”

Breanna is an adult Third Culture Kid who grew up in Ukarumpa, Papua New Guinea. While there, she saw first hand how important it is for teens to have access to mental health care wherever they are. That inspired her to become a counselor. After graduating from Ukarumpa International High School, She obtained a B.A. in Psychology from Taylor University, and then a Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from Fuller Graduate School of Psychology at Fuller Theological Seminary. Now she is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Child Mental Health Specialist.

Why do they call it the neutral zone?? it doesn’t feel neutral at all. Its just hard! Join Brandi and James as they talk to Dr. Stephen Jones about his research, books, and personal experience with navigating transition. They cover the range of the transition experience and talk tools and practical steps for healthy transitions. Imagine if one can only function at 70-80% of your underlying capacity when living cross-culturally. What does accounting for that difference look like? 

Stephen W. Jones is father of three and husband of one. He works to see transformation in the lives of individuals, communities, and the world. He yearns to see beauty rise out of pain, and believes that rooting lives in eschatological hope sets people free.

Jones teaches, trains, and studies at the intersection of intercultural relations, cross-cultural ministry, and political science. He is a Ph.D. Candidate in International Development at the University of Southern Mississippi and earned his M.A. in Intercultural Relations from the University of the Pacific, in conjunction with the Intercultural Communication Institute.

He was formerly Assistant Professor of International Studies at Crown College in Minnesota, where he oversaw the Center for Global Engagement and the International Relations (B.A.) and Intercultural Youth Development (B.S.) majors.

Why do they call it the neutral zone?? it doesn’t feel neutral at all its just hard! Join Brandi and James as they talk to Dr. Stephen Jones about his research, books and personal experience with navigating transition. They cover the range of the transition experience and talk tools and practical steps for healthy transitions. Imagine if one can only function at 70-80% of your underlying capacity when living cross culturally what does accounting for that difference look like?

Stephen W. Jones is father of three and husband of one. He works to see transformation in the lives of individuals, communities, and the world. He yearns to see beauty rise out of pain, and believes that rooting lives in eschatological hope sets people free.

Jones teaches, trains, and studies at the intersection of intercultural relations, cross-cultural ministry, and political science. He is a Ph.D. Candidate in International Development at the University of Southern Mississippi and earned his M.A. in Intercultural Relations from the University of the Pacific, in conjunction with the Intercultural Communication Institute.

He was formerly Assistant Professor of International Studies at Crown College in Minnesota, where he oversaw the Center for Global Engagement and the International Relations (B.A.) and Intercultural Youth Development (B.S.) majors.

Join Brandi and James as they welcome Amy Galloway to talk about the roles of women in cross-cultural ministry. The topics range from how to create organizational change towards a minority (30% must be represented for change to happen) to the development traits women experience at different points in their journeys.

Amy Galloway has an undergraduate degree in International Studies and a masters in Communication, both from the University of Denver. She has spent the the last decade helping Novo walk through a cultural transition to increase gender diversity among their leaders. Now her primary focus is writing, leading retreats, and visioneering an activation/development branch from Malaga Spain with Sentwell.org. Amy contributions to the team includes through her communication gifting and heart for prayer. She coaches and trains in the discovery of calling and navigating major transitions in vocation, parenting, transitions, and women in leadership.

Amy writes a blog on life transitions called Beautiful Upheaval, where this reflection was originally posted.

Join Brandi and James as they interview Dr. Janeen Davis to figure out why we can’t all just get along! Janeen shares about her experience as a cross-cultural worker and care provider and how she found the Peace Pursuit Quickstart Guide and shifted from being a conflict avoider to a peace pursuer. 

Janeen Davis, PsyD, MFT, has served overseas in a large global ministry since 2007, where she led a Member  Care team in providing care and support for personnel throughout Asia whenever they experienced personal struggles, difficult team dynamics, and family needs.

In 2020, Covid forced her to evacuate her Asian home and transition back to the States, where she now  partners with Peace Pursuit International as a Master Practitioner and Trainer and serves as the Director of Counseling for a church in TN. She founded Purpose & Peace Solutions to be a center point for specialized  ministry services, through which she provides executive consulting, conference presentations, group trainings, creative development of media and marketing resources, and also offers virtual care for missionaries and Christ followers around the world. She can be reached at https://www.purposeandpeace.com for member care, training and retreats, conflict resolution, ministry consultations and counseling. 

If so, you’ve come to the right place. People from many cultures and age groups have used our QUICK START GUIDE to help resolve their interpersonal conflicts.

Experience shows that if both parties in a conflict prayerfully, thoughtfully, and sincerely complete the QUICK START GUIDE, they will reach appropriate confession and forgiveness in the vast majority of situations.

Even if only one party completes the QUICK START GUIDE, the probability of reaching peace is greatly increased.

Remember: proceed prayerfully, thoughtfully, and sincerely.

Visit the https://peacepursuit.org/Peace Pursuit‘s website to find out more