10 Commandments: Overview

Ever had one of those Sundays where the video didn't record and the zoom recording hilang and the sound board recording is in a thumbdrive but you dunno where the thumbdrive is?

Never? Eh-ehleh. Eksyen.

Well, neither have we. But on the weekend of this sermon, we were held up at the end of the altar call by a gang of armed leopards who demanded to have the copy of our newly-saved recording, after which they proceeded to delete all our files. Yes, leopards. The spotty big cats. Yes, with machetes. Why is it so hard to believe? Yes, we did lodge a police report and also yes, if we ever find them we will retrieve the sermon files. No, we will not evangelise to them. Dude, they're leopards.

Led by God: Sent the Spirit

Led by God: To the Father

Xīn Nián Kuài Lè!

🧨🧧🍊🍊🧧🧨

Our CNY Open House is this Sunday. We'll be having a mini-service at 10am followed by our Open House itself at 11am.

Come ready for a big feast, lou sang, two full-sized roast pigs, angpau for the kids and lots of festivities! Bring your parents, bring your children, bring your Ah Kong Ah Mah and get them to bring their clan association friends, and bring your friends. Aaand... bring a big appetite and your best CNY happy prosperous presence!

Welcome back to the show! In this Round Four, we’re gonna be playing Judas or Judah. I will make a statement and you have to guess if I’m talking about Judas or Judah. Are you ready? Let’s go!

Loved worldly riches.

Judas

Wrong.

It's Judah. *crowd gasps

Made the Lord feel very sad.

Judah.

Wrong again. That’s Judas. But of course.

Number three…

Wait. Is this Judas or Judah the tribe or Judah the southern kingdom or Judah the patriach or-

Ding-ding-ding! Welcome to Round Four A, where we will be playing Judas or Judah the Tribe or Judah the Nation or Judah the Man or Judas the Other Judas.

Kept the money bag.

Judas! Iscariot!

Correct!

Departed from the story and was scarcely mentioned again.

Judah! The kingdom! No wait, Judas! I mean, the Other Judas! Wait, no, Iscariot! It’s Judas Iscariot!!

Beeekkkk. Wrong!

Siapa tu Wan Anader? And knp kita selaaaalu kena lovekan dia? Ya lah, Wan Anader. You tak pernah dengar ke? Slaaalu diaorang kata "Oh you gotta love Wan Anader, love Wan Anader". Penting sangat ke, orang ni? Sebab, I nak you love pada I, bukan pada si Wan Anader tu. A-ah. But anyway, you kenal ke dia? More importantly, you love ke dia?

Bangun pagi gosok gigi

Cuci muka terus mandi

Pakai baju kemas rapi

Siap sedia...

Yknow, I never understood this song. Why should you cuci muka and then mandi? Why don't you just mandi terus and cuci muka while you're at it? There are only two possible reasons.

Number one: this song is to train 7 year old girls for a future where their adult selves maintain a multi-step beauty regime, one where cuci muka cannot just be done while you mandi. But then, why are the 7 year old boys singing this too?

The more likely reason...

Number two: This song was composed by Simon Peter the apostle himself, and it suitably captures his zeal when Jesus washes his feet and he tells Jesus "not just my feet, but my whole body too".

It's a shame that Peter never got songwriting credits, nevermind the royalties, to such a timeless Malaysian classic. Bro could've been famous.

Wah your Christian God so hip wan ah? Macam got a new brand called LED by God. What does this brand sell ah? Pencil led ah? So premium meh, pencil led also got branding like fashion line. Wait, it's a fashion line, right? That's why so many colour colour. Right? No? What do you mean read properly? I red properly oredi. I don't get it. You all Christians are quite weird, lor.

This week's sermon is about the digestive system. True story. You must be thinking, why would your pastor preach about the digestive system? In the middle of the 40 days of fasting and praying sommore. Is he like, trying to stumble us with unnecessary talk about food? The correct answer is: I don't know. I'm just the social media intern.

But I'll tell you what I do know. The best food to eat while fasting is baby food. Oh you totally can. It says right there on the box: food for tots.