Silent Noises

⁠⁠https://medium.com/@nickbeefman⁠⁠In this episode, the lads spiral from self-help to self-roast. One reflects on a hotel room victory—stretching, meditating, running, even reading—while the other shares his lifelong war with gym nemeses who don’t wipe down equipment or do proper reps. From CrossFit rants and competitive fragility to philosophical musings on preparation and procrastination, it’s part confessional, part therapy session, part slow-burning existential joke.

They try to be better men. They really do. But the road to self-improvement is slippery when you’re fueled by spite, poetic thumb-in-bum epiphanies, and unresolved trauma involving shirtless gym bros. Bonus: a poem about the podcast itself, some armchair CBT, and a derailed argument about the Atami Bath House. This week’s accidental theme? The dumb beauty of trying when you don’t quite believe you can.

Milking Hours, Sauna Rage & Redundant Undies

⁠⁠https://medium.com/@nickbeefman⁠⁠

This week, we dive deep into the sticky, squishy middle of self-improvement—where dopamine hits and dirty laundry collide. Your favorite duo unpacks what it actually takes to build better habits for 2025, from quitting the inbox-induced work wank cycle to waking up at 4:30am in a house full of tiny human alarm clocks. There’s talk of early morning gym sessions, mindfulness meditations, and the kind of creative outbursts that begin with poetry and end with a power ballad about undergarments.

⁠https://nickbeefman.substack.com/⁠

⁠https://www.silentnoises.co.nz/⁠

We also take a steamy detour into a public sauna showdown involving scripture, sweaty confrontation, and spiritual growth. One host channels inner peace, the other prepares for righteous battle—in togs. Plus: Mike's guilty food confessions, a surprising weight-loss camp story (involving neither movement nor bowel movements), and a heartfelt ode to throwing away holy undies in favor of adulthood. It’s raw, it’s real, it’s possibly the only podcast that ends with a demand for original poetry and a guinea pig housing renovation montage. Buckle up.

⁠https://medium.com/@nickbeefman⁠

Two guys embark on a noble, beer-fueled quest to make 2025 suck less than 2024. In this episode, they lay out their daily, weekly, and fortnightly habits—cutting out takeaways (except for Fridays), exercising through the pain, stretching in eerie silence, and battling the siren song of doomscrolling.

Along the way, they uncover the tragic betrayal of bathroom scales, debate the ethics of eating elephants, and wonder if they should start painting with their penises.

Progress? Questionable. Commitment? Strong. Willpower? Debatable.

⁠https://nickbeefman.substack.com/⁠

⁠https://www.silentnoises.co.nz/