Like I said, it's the attention for me. I can be a very forgiving person and I have forgiven many times and many people. I also ask that the Lord forgive me for my sins for I know that I am not perfect and I have made many many mistakes. But one thing I can honestly say about myself, is that I am very loyal. At one time family meant everything to me, and the hustle was always for them. I mean for myself as well, shopping is one of my favorite hobbies, and I had habits that I had to financially maintain along with being a mother. I enjoyed being a mother, despite them getting older and being snobby and fussy, and or lazy, LOL. I have always loved my boys. I wish I had given them so much more so much earlier, but seriously guys, for years since a child I have been dealing with a lot of manipulation, gas lighting, false love and abuse for a long time. Sometimes abuse is not always what we think it is. Like, I noticed in most urban communities, we tend to be very hard on our kids. This is by way of verbal brutality. I did it too. But after spiritually awakening, I swear I started to see everything. It was like life as I knew it was all a lie. Not to mention there were so many lies hidden from me. I know for sure that this stems from a lot of envious, dislike and maybe some hitting pains. But I would have never suspected to be away from my family for a little over 2 years now. They don't even know exactly how a lot of this has affected me. I will never be the same again but I will always have this big hole in my heart from my nieces and my nephews. Everything just messed up now and the boys are just about grown, even with the new one a new kid, it can't replace the two young men that I have dedicated my soul too. They admitted some pain too in which I learned how the way I was living or persay movement was affecting them. But only if they knew, what Mommy wanted. I can't say sorry for speaking my opinion on people that have convinced,me. There was just wasn't a normal bond between my parental figures. I always knew I was alone, especially being the oldest of five others. I really had nobody to go to, in times of need. And the woman that I acquainted myself with over time, I don't want the same issues of jealousy and or them always ,in lack which drove me crazy. It's like damn do I always have to pay when we go out just because I'm a dancer?. I mean it gets no deeper than you know your ex or exes being in competition, Gross. At this point I just want peace and justice but I know for sure that the Lord and God our Father โค๏ธ, rah, Allah, is with me at all times. My brother St. Michael has to cease and step in but crying has left my heart.