Slow Train to Heck

Zac Schraeder is a psychotherapist based in Toronto with a focus on helping folks process religious trauma - and particularly those of the LGBTQ2S+ community who grew up in the church, as they often receive so many deeply damaging messages from the religious communities of their childhood that have long-lasting effects. Zac joins the podcast this week to talk about the effects of that religious indoctrination, including his own experience of it growing up queer within the Catholic Church, and how we can work to process that messaging by realizing that those messages about ourselves came from outside of us and aren't valid.

We also talk a lot about how the Catholic Church (and many other Christian environments) have built-in mechanisms to suppress criticism and avoid any critical analysis of the harm their doctrines cause to people, and if you stick around to the end of the episode, I talk about how that is being shown again with how the pope recently phrased his apology to the indigenous people of Canada.

Content warnings: homophobia, depression, religious colonization

This week Jax shares her story and asks the question "Who is Jax?" Growing up in a conservative Christian environment, and having her personality and everything deemed to be of the "self" suppressed and replaced by Christian dogma, Jax is now working through the process of figuring out who she is outside of that environment. She also talks about  the "Christian agenda" - where the religion will not be satisfied until everything and everyone else conforms to itself.

Content warning: homophobia, white Christian colonialism, Christian abuse of indigenous populations

Jeremiah Chapman shares his story of coming to accept his sexual orientation this week on the podcast, and details his experiences growing up in a Charismatic Christian community where his sexuality was unacceptable, and drastic measures were taken to try to suppress it. This led to some seriously traumatic experiences that shaped how Jeremiah grew up and moved through life, but he's now able to share his story of how he's working through that, has come to a place of acceptance of his sexuality despite his upbringing, and how now he gets to live.

Content warnings: homophobia, homophobic slur used as an example of homophobia at 11:57, exorcism, depression, suicidal ideation, psychological trauma

The book about glossolalia and religious experiences Jeremiah mentioned is Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism, by Amanda Montell.

This week, Angela Keeley joins us to chat about her experiences of growing up in small-town Ontario as a Catholic, and how she found freedom in exploring her spirituality on her own without the box the Church built around her. She also talks about discovering her own privilege growing up in that environment as a white, cis-presenting woman despite the narrative of oppression she had lived in, how she worked through the misogyny inherent in that environment, how she unlearned her religious indoctrination and is still working through the nonlinear process of deconstruction, and the new spiritual practices she's incorporated into her life now.

It's a great conversation and I hope you enjoy it!

Jeremiah Pacey joins the podcast to talk about his experience growing up in evangelicalism, going through seminary, and eventually becoming an evangelical pastor. Today, he has left that environment, is fully LGBTQ2S+ affirming, and now leads a "love directed learning community" called The Banquet in Brantford, Ontario - but on his path to get there he encountered church abuse and religious trauma, not just to the evangelical communities he was a part of, but to himself and his family as well. Jeremiah's story is intense but important to hear, especially for those currently in ministry.

Content warnings: serious child illness, church abuse, homophobia, misogyny, suicide

Books Jeremiah mentioned: 
Brian McLaren - Faith After Doubt
Kurt Vonnegut - Welcome to the Monkey House

Sarah Lussier joins the podcast to share her story of growing up as a missionary kid and how her experiences in missions impacted her deconstruction and eventual departure from Christianity, and how hard it was to come to the realization that the life she was living was a myth. She also digs into her thoughts on how and why people have mystical experiences and how religious trauma affects people in different ways.

Sarah's Bandcamp: https://sarahlu.bandcamp.com/

Books Sarah references and has found helpful:

- Leaving the Fold - A guide for former fundamentalists and others leaving their religion, by Marlene Winell

- Sapiens, by Yuval Noah Harari

- Godless - How an Evangelical Preacher Became One of America's Leading Atheists, by Dan Barker

- The Magic of Reality: How We Know What's Really True, by Richard Dawkins

- How to Change your Mind, by Michael Pollan

- A New Kind of Christian, The Last Word and The Word After That, and A Generous Orthodoxy, by Brian McLaren

- Sensitive is the New Strong, by Anita Moorjani

- The Hyper Sensitive Person, by Elaine Aron

- My Stroke of Insight - A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey, by Jill Bolte Taylor

- Why We Believe What We Believe, by Andrew Newberg and Mark Robert Waldman

More resources about Human Design, which Sarah says has helped with her healing are books by Karen Curry Parker, and Mybodygraph.com.

Rebecca Price joins us this week to talk about her deconstruction story - growing up in the church and eventually being the victim of an abusive relationship, which resulted in her questioning what she believed about God and what the church had taught her about who God was. Rebecca explains through her own experiences how church teaching about "the consequences of sin" causes victims in abusive situations to feel like they deserve what's happening to them and amplifies the harm that's already happening. 

Content warnings: abusive relationships, spiritual gaslighting, victim blaming

This week, Leslie Skolly shares her deconstruction story, which was impacted by her time at Liberty University. She endured a number of painful things there which were reinforced and perpetuated by the evangelical and purity culture infusing that community. Leslie'  story is so important for all of us to hear and I'm honoured to be given the opportunity to share it with you.

Content warnings: purity culture, rape culture, sexual/physical/verbal/spiritual abuse, gaslighting, victim blaming

Natalie Van Osch joins the Slow Train to Heck to tell her story of growing up as a trans woman in a rural Catholic community in Ontario where her whole life was wrapped up in the Church, and her journey out of that environment and finding the freedom to explore her own identity. 

Content Warnings: transphobia, LGBTQ2S+ discrimination, depression, suicide

It's the first Slow Train to Heck of spring! In the spring spirit of new life and growth, we're talking with Fiona Stevenson this week about her own growth through her journey with spirituality. Seasonal metaphors aside, Fiona has a great story detailing the twists and turns of her path through Christianity - growing up as an atheist, converting to Christianity in the form of Catholicism, leaving the Catholic church, then later returning as a true "catholic" in the sense of the universal catholic church. Fiona also has a lot of great encouragement for those of us in the midst of deconstruction and feeling the pain of that, so if that's you, I hope this episode is helpful!

Content warnings: Catholic church abuses, including residential schools and sexual abuse

Check out Fiona's website at thewalkhome.org.