Today I’m reflecting on my conversation with Dr Nick Lewis and thinking deeper about Byron's jug of cold water from te previous episode

I explore the small mercy of asking for help. From the awkwardness of tiny favours to the deeper challenge of seeking emotional support, and how letting others in can prevent small problems turning into bigger ones.

There’s also a great true story about a friend of mine, you’ll love it, honestly, it’s one of my favourites. 

If you want to share a Small Mercy of your own, you can contact me through the Small Mercies Instagram page, I’d love to hear from you. 

@small_mercies_podcast

Thanks for listening.

How can we tell when something’s not right in our lives before it reaches breaking point? In this episode, I sit down with Dr Nick Lewes to explore the signals we might be missing, and why it’s often so hard to see them in ourselves.

Nick shares insights from his work and research into mental health and wellbeing, and we talk about how awareness, small changes, and honest conversations can make a difference.

This is part one of our conversation. In next week’s episode, I’ll be reflecting on what we’ve discussed and sharing a small mercy inspired by our discussion.

What we cover in this episode:

• Subtle signs that we might not be okay

• Why we often ignore or downplay those signs

• How others can spot changes in us before we do

• The importance of listening — to ourselves and to each other

How can we tell when something’s not right in our lives before it reaches breaking point? In this episode, I sit down with Dr Nick Lewes to explore the signals we might be missing — and why it’s often so hard to see them in ourselves.

Nick shares insights from his work and research into mental health and wellbeing, and we talk about how awareness, small changes, and honest conversations can make a difference.

This is part one of our conversation. In next week’s episode, I’ll be reflecting on what we’ve discussed and sharing a small mercy inspired by our discussion.

What we cover in this episode:

• Subtle signs that we might not be okay

• Why we often ignore or downplay those signs

• How others can spot changes in us before we do

• The importance of listening — to ourselves and to each other

  
  

  
  

In this episode of Small Mercies, we explore how gentleself-reflection and kindness toward ourselves can shift the way we handle setbacks and build resilience. Drawing on insights from compassion-focused therapy and recent research, we uncover simple but powerful practices to break free from self-blame and rumination. Join me with some personal stories andpractical steps to help you move forward with greater emotional stability and self-compassion.

The Six Thinking Hats in the Context of Self-Reflection 

Blue Hat – The Ground Rules of Reflection: Purpose: Process Management & Emotional Safety

Always start with the Blue Hat. It sets the tone, pace, andintention for your reflection.

Key Questions to Ask Yourself:   Why am I choosing to reflect on this right now?
This establishes relevance andencourages intention.

What do I hope to understand, learn, or gain?
This keeps the focus on growth, not justrevisiting past events.

How will I know when to stop and move on?
This helps set emotional boundaries and prevents spiralling.

Additional Safety Checks:

Is this the right time to reflect on this?

Is there something more urgent or supportive I need first?

Am I focusing on one clear moment or spiraling into everything?

Can I influence or learn from this or am I ruminating on things outside my control?separates reflection from rumination.

What do I need in place to feel safe while reflecting?

If this becomes too much, what’s my exit route?

Am I here to understand myself or to punish myself? 

Would I let a friend speak to themselves likethis?

White Hat – The Facts: Purpose: Objective Observation

Focus on what actually happened, without interpretation oremotion.

 Ask Yourself:

What did I see, hear, say, or do?Stick to observable facts only.

Red Hat – TheFeelings: Purpose: Emotional Awareness

This hat is about acknowledging your feelings honestly.

Ask Yourself:

How did I feel at the time?

How do I feel about it now?

Allow space for emotional honesty without judgment.

 Black Hat – The Caution: Purpose: Realistic Risk Assessment

Identify what went wrong or what risks existed.

Ask Yourself:

What didn’t go well?

What did I miss?

Where were the warning signs?

 Yellow Hat – The Positives: Purpose: Strengths & Wins

Recognise what went well, even if the overall outcome wasmixed.

Ask Yourself:

What went well?

What did I handle well?

What knowledge, skill, or support helped me?

Builds confidence and resilience.

Green Hat – Future Possibilities: Purpose: Creative Growth & Action Turn reflection into progress and new ideas.

 Ask Yourself:

What could I try differently next time?

Are there fresh ideas or experiments I want to try?

What have I learned that might prevent this fromhappening again?

What more could I learn?

What would taking responsibility — notpunishment — look like?

Taking Responsibility – Not Punishment

Responsibility means facing what happened honestly andacting with integrity. It is not about guilt or shame.

It Sounds Like:

“I did that. It had consequences. I don’t wantto repeat it.”

“I understand more now than I did then.”

“I can choose differently next time.”

It Looks Like:

Apologising, if it’s safe and appropriate.

Repairing damage through action, not self-blame.

Setting new boundaries or supports to avoidrepetition.

 It Feels Like:

A quiet resolve, not guilt or performative shame. Just truth paired with action.

Books and Papers Referenced in This Episode

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (translated by Gregory Hays)

Six Thinking Hats by Edward de Bono

 Sound FX and Music

Sound Effects: https://freesound.org 

Music: https://pixabay.com 

Presidents Voice:  https://finevoice.fineshare.com

 Research Referenced

Paul Gilbert’s Compassion-Focused Therapy:

 University of Vienna (2022) Study

 Kristin Neff’s Work on Self-Compassion

We explore the vital role of rest in our lives:  why ignoring our natural circadian rhythms comes at a cost. From the history of working to the clock during the Industrial Revolution, to the modern-day hustle culture fueled by constant connectivity and the “Nerd Reich,” we unpack how work-life boundaries have blurred. Discover the science behind strategic pauses, micro-naps, and the “4 o’clock slump,” and why stepping away can unlock creativity and protect your wellbeing. Plus, hear an unexpected story about a mole who knows when to pause — and why you should too.

Learn practical ways to reclaim your time, take tactical breaks, and resist burnout in a world that demands constant productivity.

Books and Papers Referenced in This Episode

• The Visual Detox by Marine Tanguy — explores creative strategies for reducing digital overload and improving mental clarity.

• The Half Has Never Been Told by Edward Baptist - a deep dive into the brutal history of American slavery and its role in shaping modern capitalism.

Circadian Rhythm and Health:

• World Health Organization (WHO), 2019 “Night shift work and circadian disruption are probably carcinogenic to humans.” WHO IARC Monographs on the Evaluation of Carcinogenic Risks to Humans, Volume 124

Attention Residue:

• Leroy, Sophie. (2009). Why is it so hard to do my work? The challenge of attention residue when switching between work tasks. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, Volume 109, Issue 2, 2009, Pages 168-181

Glymphatic System and Brain Detox:

• Xie, L., Kang, H., Xu, Q. et al. (2013). Sleep drives metabolite clearance from the adult brain. Science, 342(6156), 373-377. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.1241224

Strategic Pausing in Surgery:

• Catchpole, Ken, et al. (2007). Patient handovers within the hospital: translating knowledge from motor racing to healthcare. Quality and Safety in Health Care, 16(2), 120-124. https://doi.org/10.1136/qshc.2006.020230

Sound FX and Music

• Sound Effects: https://freesound.org 

• Music: https://pixabay.com 

Show Notes

This week on Small Mercies, we explore the healing ritual of cooking — not for performance, but for presence. When you handle, prepare, and taste real food with attention, it can soothe the nervous system, support your gut, and help you feel steady in yourself. Whether it’s a hot lemon in the morning or a bowl of soup at night, feeding yourself consciously — not perfectly — is a quiet act of self-trust.

Italian Soup Recipe
You don’t have to make the croutons — buy some or leave them out. It’s all good.
https://ottolenghi.co.uk/pages/recipes/chickpea-tomato-bread-soup

Gut Health Books
Jeanette Hyde – The Gut Makeover
https://www.jeannettehyde.com/books

Eve Kalinik – Happy Gut, Happy Mind
https://evekalinik.com/shop/

Tim Spector – Food for Life
https://zoe.com/cookbook-foodforlife

Research
Cooking and Brain Function

• A 2018 paper in Cell Metabolism found that food textures and flavours activate dopamine-rich reward circuits in the brain — both from taste and from expectation.

• A 2024 study in Frontiers in Psychiatry found that viewing food increases midbrain–visual cortex connectivity, especially in those with cravings. Cooking and active engagement help regulate this.

• A 2023 study using fNIRS brain imaging showed that handling food helps engage the prefrontal cortex — improving focus, planning, and emotional regulation.

Lemon, Gut Health, and Mental Well-being

• A 2022 review (MDPI) noted that citrus compounds — especially from peels — have anti-inflammatory and antioxidant effects that support both gut health and brain function.

• A 2022 clinical trial found that lemon juice before meals can increase gastric acid secretion, supporting better digestion. (Cymbiotika Health Report)

• A Harvard-linked observational study (2025) found that people who consumed more citrus had higher levels of beneficial gut microbes and a 20% lower risk of depression. (As reported by the New York Post)

Microbiome and Mental Health

• McDonald et al. (2018), mSystems: The American Gut Project found links between microbiome diversity and self-reported mental health.

• Soto-Moran et al. (2020), PubMed: An 8-week study found that flavonoid-rich orange juice improved gut diversity and mood in young adults with depressive symptoms.

• Cryan & Dinan (2019), Physiological Reviews: A comprehensive review of how the gut microbiota impacts mood via the immune system, vagus nerve, and inflammation.

Support for Eating Disorders

If food is a source of distress rather than peace, there is help available.

United Kingdom
Beat: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk
Eating Disorder Advice (EDA): https://www.eatingdisordersadvice.co.uk

United States
NEDA (National Eating Disorders Association): https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

Europe
EAT.org: https://www.eat.org

This week on Small Mercies, we explore the quiet power of connecting to nature — not for a reward, but because something in us recognises something in it. From ancient folk stories to cutting-edge research on forest bathing, we uncover how even 20 minutes among trees can lower stress, calm the mind, and restore attention. You don’t need a forest — just a willingness to notice.

Episode Notes: Forest Bathing & Nature Connection

Outdoor Forest Bathing – How to Begin

Spend20 minutes in nature with your senses wide open.

Let it be slow, sensory, and intention-free.

Top Tips:

·      Don’t go with a goal. Just go to be there.

·      Walk at half your usual pace.

·      If it’s safe, leave your phone at home. No headphones.

·      Use your senses:

·      Listen to birdsong or wind in leaves

·      Smell bark, crushed leaves, or soil

·      Touch rough bark, soft moss, or sun-warmed stone

·      Taste air on your tongue — moist, dry, rich with scent

·      Press your ear to the trunk of a tree. (In healthy trees, water and sap movement can create subtle sounds — like faint gurgling or rustling).

·      Don’t narrate or analyse. Let the mind quieten.

·      Don’t try to identify birds or plants. Just notice.

·      Sit down if you can. Let your nervous system settle.

·      Close the experience with a quiet ritual:

Leave a breath, a touch on bark, a thank you. Not for reward — just as respect.

Indoor Nature Connection – When You Can’t Get Out

You can still benefit from forest bathing principles indoors. Here’s how:

1. Interact with Houseplants

Run your fingers along a leaf’s edge
Smell the soil after watering
Rest your palm on a stem or pot and sit quietly2.Natural Light & Air

Open a windowLet fresh air or sunlight into the roomWatch the movement of trees or clouds outside
3. Watch Nature Videos
Especially slow, immersive visuals — not fast-cut documentaries.

Search for “forest bathing video,” “tree movement ASMR,” or “river slow TV”
Let your breathing match the rhythm of the visuals
4.Sensory Pause

Light a natural candle (pine, cedar, earth scents)
Play natural ambient sounds — wind, stream, birds
Close your eyes and imagine sitting in a forest clearing

5. Quiet Ritual

Offer a breath. A moment of stillness. A hand to a leaf.

Say thank you. Out loud or inwardly.

Sound and Production References:

Sound Effects: https://freesound.org 
Theme tune: https://pixabay.com

 Machine voice: https://luvvoice.com

Science & Research References:

Ulrich et al. (1991): Hospital patients with a view of trees healed faster and used less pain medication.

Park et al. (2010): Forest bathing lowers cortisol, heart rate, and blood pressure.

Bratman et al. (2015): Nature walks reduce negative rumination and calm brain regions linked to depression.
White et al. (2019): Just 2 hours in nature per week improves well-being.
Kaplan & Kaplan: Attention Restoration Theory — nature helps restore focus and reduce mental fatigue.
E.O. Wilson: Biophilia hypothesis — humans are wired to connect with nature.
Barbara Fredrickson: Nature fosters “positivity resonance” — moments of awe, calm,and connection

There’s no full episode of Small Mercies this week.

Sometimes life reminds us to slow down—and this week, I’m listening. Rather than rush through, I’m pausing to rest and return with a little more kindness in the tank.

In the meantime, here’s something to soothe the edges:

A short guided meditation by Ram Dass

Thank you for being part of this slow and steady practice. If this podcast brings something kind into your week, feel free to share it with someone who might need the same.

Back next week with a new episode.

Steve

Credits

Machine voice: luvvoice.com

Theme Tune: Pixabay.com

In this episode, we explore how fleeting interactions can have lasting effects on emotional well-being, what the science says about “positivity resonance” and social synchrony, and how to keep showing up gently, even when the world feels sharp.

Whether you’re out in the world or stuck indoors, there’s always a way to connect with others, with yourself, with the day. Because the opposite of loneliness isn’t popularity or constant company. It’s recognition.

This Week’s Small Mercie: Make One Micro-Connection a Day

This week, your invitation is simple: make one micro-connection per day.

It could be a smile to someone in the queue, a nod to your neighbour, or a quick compliment. Nothing big or heavy, just a brief moment of human contact to remind your nervous system: you’re not alone.

If you can’t get out or don’t feel up to it:

Try a phone or FaceTime call, just to say hello.Send out a kindness ripple; a thoughtful comment, a thank-you message, a small gesture of appreciation.

Or simply look out your window and silently wish a stranger well.
Even the smallest spark of connection can shift your internal state. You don’t need to fix anything. Just connect.

Research references 

Barbara Fredrickson – Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do, and Become

Introduces the concept of positivity resonance brief shared moments of connection that regulate the nervous system and support emotional well-being.

Jillian Sandstrom (Sandstrom & Dunn, 2014) – Social Interactions and Well-being: The Surprising Power of Weak Ties

Demonstrates that even brief interactions with strangers like small talk with a barista can boost mood, increase sense of belonging, and support mental health.

John Cacioppo – Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection

A pioneering neuroscientist whose work shows how loneliness impacts brain function and physical health, and how even micro-connections can help interrupt the isolation cycle.

Machine voice: https://luvvoice.com

Selected SFX: https://pixabay.com

Theme Tune: https://pixabay.com

In this episode, I dive into the unexpected power of gratitude—drawing surprising evidence from a U.S. military training programme that reduced PTSD and addiction rates, not with weapons or survival tactics, but with gratitude.

Joined briefly by 'Cynical Steve' (unsurprisingly) we explore how a simple shift in perspective can disrupt our ancient threat-response systems, bring calm to our nervous system, and begin to rewire the brain for optimism and emotional resilience.

I also share a simple, science-backed gratitude practice you can start today—and explain why it's only effective once you've laid the groundwork by protecting your sleep and setting boundaries.

This Week’s Small Mercy: Gratitude – Keep It Real

Write down three things you’re grateful for—simple as that. But for it to work, keep these tips in mind:

• Feel it, don’t just list it: Add how each thing made you feel. 

• Less is more: Focus on depth, not quantity. A few meaningful reflections beat a long list every time.

• Once or twice a week is plenty: Too often, and it becomes routine. Keep it genuine, not forced.

• Reflect forward: What did it teach you? How might you carry that feeling into tomorrow?

• Ditch the clichés: Your brain knows the difference between real and fake.
  

Credits

Ai Voiced by LuvVoice 

 https://luvvoice.com/

Sound Effects and Theme Music Pixabay 

https://pixabay.com/

Here’s a link to more about Circles of Influence: https://positivepsychology.com/circles-of-influence/