Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD with Eve Menezes Cunningham

‘If you have tried counselling or you've tried therapy and it has made you feel worse, know that you're not alone. That, unfortunately, is quite common, but fortunately there are many, many styles and many, many different people who can help you’

This special extended episode of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast was recorded to support you with any mental health issues you might be struggling with by sharing parts of my own journey.

And a) I forgot to mention an enormous part of my own journey – the house fire that led to my PTSD then CPTSD diagnoses and b) I somehow got the date for Mental Health Awareness Week wrong.

I only shame spiralled for a couple of minutes before laughing at my ADHD brain.

With compassion.

And I decided that because this is SUCH a personal episode, I’d share it now in case I changed my mind by May.

Some content warnings:

·       birth trauma

·       intergenerational trauma

·       racism and colonisation

·       mixed heritage

·       CPTSD

·       Insomnia

·       PTSD

·       misogyny: child sexual abuse and sexual assault

·       self-medication (alcoholism)

·       trichotillomania (hair pulling)

·       suicidal ideation

·       disordered eating

·       Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

·       chronic pain (endometriosis)

·       more trauma and

·       ADHD

I realise again now that I forgot to mention the perimenopausal and menopausal impacts on my mood, sleep, cognitive function, self image, anxiety etc but because of the horrendous endometriosis symptoms for so many decades, am utterly delighted to be post menopausal – that being said, if you’re struggling with perimenopause and/or menopause, DO get the support and help you need and deserve.

Sending so much love to you wherever you are and whatever you’re dealing with.

le grá,

Evei

Transcript

I love diving. I'm a snorkel member of a

sub-aqua club, but I've been going to all the dive lectures and we have a

secondary breathing device for air supply when we're underwater with our buddy.

And it used to be that if they were in trouble running out of air, you would

give them what's called the octopus.

Whereas now you simply raise your hands and

allow them to TAKE that help that is available rather than risk getting in

their way or giving in a way that isn't helpful. So I think when it comes to

mental health awareness, that's really important as well. You know what's right

for you.

It's much more helpful for you to think about,

in an ideal world, what support would be most beneficial for you rather than

anyone, however well-meaning, deciding that you need X, Y and Z. So collective

care is really important.

…

Welcome to this special Mental Health

Awareness Week edition of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast. And very unusually

for me, I have a script. I thought I'd do a bit of time travel and share some

love and compassion with my Inner Children and Younger Mes as I reflect on my

own mental health journey from wishing like from 49 now as a trauma therapist,

as a supervisor, as a coach, using EFT, NLP, all the tools I have in my

toolkit, all the self-care I write about and share with groups and that I adore

and that I still see as essential for me.

It's been really interesting reflecting on my

journey with various aspects of mental health. And I thought by giving some

examples from my own life, it might hopefully help you find some love and

compassion for yourself. And maybe some hope - I'm now the happiest I've ever

been.

I have the tools that help me to navigate

life's challenges. And I'm going to send some of that back to Younger Mes, but

I also hope it will encourage you to get the support that you deserve and can

benefit from. So I won't share everything.

And again, I'm sharing that because part of

trauma recovery and working with befriending ADHD brains is recognising that

sometimes we can share more than we then feel good about. And I remember in my

early 20s going through a stage where I felt like a raw nerve and I felt

constantly like I'd shared too much. I was living in a new to me city in

Cardiff, and it was long before social media. Even the internet wasn't even

really in my day to day.

So I'm just sharing that I'm kind of being

careful with myself, I am going to share a lot. And there are some content

warnings around abuse and suicide. So do look after yourself and maybe listen

to this with extra gentleness.

It will be longer than most of the episodes.

But I'm just wanting to encourage you to get the help you need and deserve if

you need and deserve it. I mean, obviously you deserve it, but if you need it,

if you're feeling in any way, shape or like you could use extra support, you

deserve that extra support.

So make it happen in whatever way is

appropriate for you. I want to share hope. I used to feel broken beyond repair

for as long as I could remember.

I didn't know then about Complex PTSD (Complex

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and developmental trauma. I didn't know about

neurodivergence and ADHD. I just, from my earliest memories, felt like there

was something very wrong with me and that things that were easy for others were

a struggle.

We know from Brené Brown and other research

around vulnerability and shame and healing, it's really important to choose who

we share with. So in your case, it might be a trained therapist or coach or a

loved one who you really trust, but really honouring, like work with your

nervous system, move towards what feels good and away from what doesn't.

Retrain your nervous system if you were raised in a way or conditioned in a way

as an adult that has taken you away from that inherent inner knowing, because you

deserve to feel good and you deserve to heal.

And we are wired to heal in community. We

co-regulate. It helps us recover from trauma.

It helps us recover from tiny things as well

as big things. But it really is about having those right energies around you,

people who are loving and welcoming and supportive and safe, not who are going

to use your vulnerabilities against you. So collective care is another element

that is really important.

The better we are at taking care of ourselves,

the more we can, from a wholehearted place, support others. It's the cliche

around putting your own life mask on. Life mask? Oxygen mask, life jacket,

whatever, on first rather than helping.

I love diving. I'm a snorkel member of a

sub-aqua club, but I've been going to all the dive lectures and we have a

secondary breathing device for air supply when we're underwater with our buddy.

And it used to be that if they were in trouble running out of air, you would

give them what's called the octopus.

Whereas now you simply raise your hands and

allow them to TAKE that help that is available rather than risk getting in

their way or giving in a way that isn't helpful. So I think when it comes to

mental health awareness, that's really important as well. You know what's right

for you.

It's much more helpful for you to think about,

in an ideal world, what support would be most beneficial for you rather than

anyone, however well-meaning, deciding that you need X, Y and Z. So collective

care is really important.

It's wonderful to keep an eye out for our

loved ones and people who are struggling, communities on the other side of the

world who need support and help. And we are all connected, it goes without

saying, but you can only really control yourself.

Honouring that and recognising that will make

you better at the collective care element because you'll be helping others then

from that more grounded, resourceful place where you're able to hear what they

actually need and want rather than potentially making things awkward, if not

worse.

I am wanting to start at the beginning and I'm

also recognising that memory, especially when it comes to complex trauma and

ADHD, all memories are unreliable. There are so many different versions.

One thing I'd like to say up front is some of

this might sound quite miserable. I have reconnected with childhood friends

through social media and I've seen old photos of myself and some of them, yeah,

I do look like there was something very wrong and in others I look filled with

joy. So part of my, in my late 40s, healing journey has been recognising that,

yeah, while there was a lot of bad, there was also good and it's really nice to

be integrating all of that now.

In terms of re-traumatising yourself, it's

really about knowing, like, even when it comes to choosing a therapist, if you

decide to go down that path, my earlier experiences with therapy, when I was,

probably the first time was when I was at university and they had it free

through the Students' Union and I just felt like I was failing my therapist,

that I was doing it all wrong.

Then I had some counselling through an Employee

Assistance Programme in my last office job. And it was revolutionary for me,

but again, I had that real sense of not doing it right and feeling afraid that

I was getting it wrong. That I had to somehow, like, compulsively confess

rather than recognising here was a person who was being paid to actually help

me heal in the best way for me.

Like, this is just so radical and I think the

more I've gone down the ADHD rabbit hole the past few years and getting that

diagnosis myself last year, recognising how Neurodivergence Affirming Therapy

is so important because of that RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Disorder).

I just again want to flag that now because if

you have tried counselling or you've tried therapy and it has made you feel

worse, know that you're not alone. That unfortunately is quite common, but

fortunately there are many, many styles and many, many different people who can

help you.

Experiment, explore and find someone who you

feel safe to bring your whole self to. So I hope that as you listen or watch

this, listen to or watch this, that you will recognise that you are worthy,

you're not too much, you are enough and you are completely lovable, that you

deserve care, you deserve to heal and you deserve support and guidance.

Some of what I might suggest Younger Me could

have done with in terms of support that's coming to me now, with the benefits

of hindsight and decades of working in this field, might appeal to you and it

might prompt other ideas for you where you think, ‘Oh no that doesn't appeal,

but yeah I could really use this and that would help me.’

If you're in Ireland or the UK and you want

to, if my approach appeals, you can fill out the short contact form at

selfcarecoaching.net/contact and we can book a free telephone consultation, no

obligation. I am pretty much at capacity the whole time which is brilliant, but

also I do have some availability, so depending on the kind of time of week that

would be suiting you and also what you'd be wanting support with, I will work

with you if I can because I adore this work and also the more I am feeling better

myself, the more my capacity is expanding. But wherever you are in the UK or in

Ireland, in Ireland check out iacp.ie for the directory of accredited

professionals and counsellors and psychotherapists and in the UK and check out

bacp.co.uk and look for accredited therapists or counsellors. And UKCP are

another organisation for psychotherapy but make sure that you're working with

someone you feel good with, make sure you feel able to talk to them, that you

feel safe with them, that you feel welcome with them, that you feel cherished

might feel like too strong a word, but we're working towards ventral vagal

wellness the whole time, we're working with our nervous systems because we're

mammals and it's really important.

I am going to start with the pre-verbal and I

am going to just apologise to my mammy for being such hard work from before I

was born, so she had a terrible pregnancy with me, lost an enormous amount of

weight, nearly died and then a traumatic birth. I was a forceps baby because I

was breech so it was very traumatic for her and it also had an impact on me and

I was ill a lot as a baby, as a small child, in hospital a lot. I think I'm in

a medical textbook for having a classic case of whooping cough that came with

the spots, so that didn't happen very often so there's a baby picture of me in

some medical textbook apparently.

Being the daughter of immigrants as well, my

mother of Indian origin but born and raised in Kenya, so she was a double

immigrant, my dad from Ireland to London. Looking back, I really wish that they

had lived in a friendlier, more welcoming climate and I know things are bad now

and I know things were bad then and I think it's absurd when we're all human,

we're all connected, none of us where we're born or who to.

But it's something I recognise looking back

would have had an impact on the way they raised me and them not feeling 100%

safe and welcome and cherished in their new home country and them wanting me to

be safe. Potentially some of the criticism was trying to keep me safe in a way

they wish but of course with anything like that and I just wish now, I mean I

wish that racism had never been invented by white people to other people in

order to oppress and plunder and colonise and all the rest of it, that's a

whole other story and yet it is a part of all of our history and we are all

dealing with the need for reparations, we are dealing with the need to make

things right and to heal and we need to address those very long ago traumas as

well as more recent.

I'm mentioning it here just for now, all I do

is I send Metta (Loving Kindness) to groups, I send Metta to myself, I send Metta

to my loved ones, to obviously my parents, sending that loving kindness, may

they be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease, may they be able to take care

of themselves joyfully, may they possess the courage, wisdom, patience and

determination to manage life's challenges and I know we talked about

Ho'oponopono a few weeks ago:

I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank

you.

That kind of energy clearing, that reminder

that we're all connected and the more we clear our own energy, the more we're

helping at least not make things worse by acting out in rage or upset or hurt

or whatever that might be, so moving on to my earliest memory where I was

around three years old.

I don't have many memories from childhood but

I do remember being burgled coming back from the park and apparently they

didn't take the soap I noticed and my parents were like, they were clearly

people who had even less than we did and we were in Tottenham in London and we

moved after being burgled several times to Essex but I imagine that would have

had an impact on how safe my parents felt as well as me recognising through

money mindset work I've done in like the past decade or so that I grew up with this

sense of it not being safe for me to earn enough or have enough until everyone

on the entire planet had enough because otherwise they might steal it rather

than.

I'm sharing probably possibly too much but

also I just want to share what might be helpful because so much of what we

internalise before we make it conscious and before we take that awareness and

that curiosity and most importantly that compassion to all these beliefs that

are driving us but often without us knowing.

Maybe some of what I'm saying will resonate

for you, maybe some of it will help you and maybe it might make you laugh or

maybe, I don't know, I'm just sharing in case it's helpful. So we moved, that

was my first move when I was three nearly four and my second earliest memory

was, this might sound really inconsequential but it came up when I was

preparing for this, meeting a neighbour who became a friend.

She was a year older than me and she was

confident and she came striding down the front drive when the movers were there.

Now I don't know if it was movers or if we were doing it ourselves but I

remember her asking me my name and me asking her her name and I'd never heard

her name before and I thought oh and she said, ‘That's a weird name’ about Eve

and I remember at like three not yet four censoring myself already having that

sense of it not being okay to express myself and to say I've not heard your

name before either or you've got a weird name too or whatever it might have

been. I just remember that kind of it was okay for her to be a little bit rude

about my name but it wasn't okay for me to do anything that might cause her

upset. So now just sending love to that Little Me.

I think she had a beautiful name I'm not going

to share it now just in case it causes any hurt or upset now but it might be

something again that you resonate with. I changed schools a lot I went to two

different primary schools, three if you count the elementary school in America (we

lived there for a year) and then two different high schools in the UK when we

came back.

There was a lot of changing there was a lot of

kind of reconnecting with old friends, making new friends and feeling like I

didn't have any friends. There were times, I'm smiling now but I remember not

knowing day to day going into school whether my friends would be talking to me

or if they'd have told the whole class to not talk to me which was really

painful because I again didn't know what I'd done wrong.

And looking back I hadn't done anything wrong.

Again with the neurodivergence awareness and with ADHD, it's that understanding

why I was so vulnerable to that and part of why as well as the trauma...

Happy Brigid for 1st February! As well as working with the energies of this special time of year, there’s the potential for therapeutic time travel and giving yourself the gift of silence.

https://youtu.be/8ohlnm6jt6k

As we move into February by honouring the Irish Goddess Brigid and the part of YOU (whatever your gender) that is Divine, as well as working with the seasonal energies of the Celtic Wheel of the Year (renewal! Strength! Energy! Creativity!), we’re also exploring (with embodied journalling prompts) past, present and future. And the power of silence! 

And to thank Half Moon (free subscribers) and Full and Super Moon (paid subscribers) members of the Sole to Soul Circle there’ll be some bonus content winging its way to your inboxes tomorrow (a Past/Present/Future Brigid Oracle Card reading) and a deeper dive on Thursday (preparing for Brigid with a simple self healing ritual – complementary, ALWAYS SEEK APPROPRITATE MEDICAL ADVICE – for your whole household).

Let me know how you get on.

Le grá (with love),

Evei

it's really about hope and light and warmth and bringing it back and cultivating it within yourself, recognising that renewal of your own strength and energy and so it's a lovely time of year. I mean, the whole year is a lovely...

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I am so excited to be sharing new trauma informed and ADHD friendly ideas for you to help you take better care of your Self: That highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself, as well as the basic self-care which we all know can be so challenging at times. I really appreciate you tuning in. If you want a deeper dive, you'll be getting bonus content each week. Sign up to the Sole to Soul Circle. You can do that for free or from as little as €8.00 a month. And you can also find more ideas in the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

Welcome to this new episode and this new month with the Feel Better Every Day podcast. We're moving into February. I know that it's technically still January, but we're honouring Brigid, the goddess and the saint for Brigid on 1/2/25.

It became a national holiday here in Ireland just last year or the year before, and it just feels appropriate as we move into February content as well as connecting with the goddess or god within you and treating yourself with all the love and care and compassion that you and everyone else deserves.

It's an opportunity to welcome yourself back to your body and to really think in all sorts of ways how would you be treating yourself if you genuinely loved and cared about yourself and always remembered that you are part of the divine.

Brigid, also known as Imbolc, is part of the Celtic Wheel of the Year where we celebrate spring and it's early February, so it always surprises me that we're celebrating spring so early, but it's like those first little shoots of growth, the beginning of the return of the sun and it's really about hope and light and warmth and bringing it back and cultivating it within yourself, recognising that renewal of your own strength and energy and creativity.

It's a lovely time of year, I mean the whole year is a lovely time of year. I'm recording this in January and we've actually got snow outside and it's beginning to melt and seeing those green leaves below it is that sense of Brigid coming in less than a month. But I want you to think for yourself, how would your self care, how would your days be different, what would you be doing differently, how would your environment be different if you knew with every fibre of your being that you are part of the Divine and that you DESERVE exquisite self care and that it doesn't have to be tedious and time-consuming and exhausting, but it can be light and it can be what brings you energy?

You might want to grab a journal, you might want to just sit with it or you might want to do some embodied journaling after listening to this. Embodied journaling, for those of you who aren’t yet familiar with my approach, is recording yourself. You might record yourself on your phone or like video, audio, whatever, but you can pick up a lot of information as you watch back in terms of what lights you up and what do you notice yourself feeling heavier or lighter around.

Following your natural energy, your natural rhythms, your natural cycles is so much more empowering than enduring and forcing yourself and being miserable with it all.

So notice when you think about your own energy being renewed, what pops up for you? Are you like, ‘I don't need it, I'm fine, I'm very energised and all is good’? Or are you feeling like you've been running on empty for ages and does that feel like a fairy tale that it could somehow be renewed?

Ask yourself what might help you feel more renewed, feel more refreshed, feel more energised and let yourself imagine your ideal in terms of if you have all the resources, all the times, all the energy available to you and also what might be actually doable, what might be realistic, what might be one thing or what might be even two things, but create a bit of a spectrum around it, like making it more sustainable for yourself and get curious about it.

Some things that you try, you actually won't need to do them for as long as you might think you need in order to get quite remarkable benefits. And something that's really helping me so far this year, for the past many, many years, I've done an almost annual 24-hour DIY silent retreat where I have no phone, no music, no telly, no washing machine even.

I let myself use the oven and boil the kettle and things like that, but I do my best to be as quiet as silent. I do my best to be telepathic with the cats and I always find it hard going into it around Christmas time, New Year, because we've got more time off and being self-employed, I'm always aware of that.

And I think to myself almost every year, ‘I love that, that was amazing, that was so cleansing, that was so energising, that was so creativity boosting. I'm going to do it every bank holiday or every month!’

And I've never done it at any time other than late January, sorry, late December or very beginning, no, always late December actually. And this year I thought, ‘You know what, Evei? You never do it throughout the year. So rather than tell yourself this all or nothing, like do 24 hours in one go, you got benefits after even an hour just knowing that you had this long stretch of time, you've got in the habit of having your phone on like last thing at night and first thing in the morning.

‘How would it be once a week to give yourself the gift of a 12-hour silent retreat where from before you go to bed until you wake up and then a few hours after that, you have complete silence, no phone, you do your yoga, you do all these things.’

And I can't tell you what a gift it's been.

I'm going to be doing a longer episode around that for December but we're early days but I'm doing it every week so far and it's amazing. So think to yourself, what would be your ideal in terms of what might energise you and what is doable, what is realistic, what is something that you will actually want to gift yourself.

Thinking also in terms of strength, noticing have you been ill, are you recovering from injury, are you simply dealing, like everyone, with a tough few years? It feels like a lot of people, most people are being tested at this time with a lot of resilience building life experiences and challenges both global and personal and like more local.  

So think to yourself about imagining yourself at your most vital, your most strong, your most resilient but not you know resilient like bracing yourself for yet more bad, more challenge, more negativity but imagining that strength like the new shoots of spring, having the courage to spring forth through the snow or through the cold, the baby lambs being born. Now I live in farm country, vegan in farm country and seeing like the baby lambs and there's such vulnerability and tenderness and also such strength and hardiness and connecting with that within yourself.

Noticing also when you feel most creative, when you feel most renewed, when you feel most in your element and safe and explorative and warm and hopeful, it might be that you are working on a new book or a new whatever endeavour it might be but that sense of hope, that sense of energy, that sense of knowing that it's a marathon not a sprint and it will take rewrites or the equivalent in whatever medium you're working in.

Even using your life as a creative project because you being alive is recognising you get to design your life in whatever way you choose and allowing yourself to connect with that creativity and to connect with your inner strength, your energy and move towards the environment that feels good for you.

So making tweaks in your home, changing behaviours that get in the way of you feeling creative and fulfilled and building more in, again recognising there's a spectrum with all of this.

Getting curious about it, just really noticing if you believed that you were part of the Divine, you know you are part of nature, you can't help but look around and yes there's a lot of sorrow and there is also a lot of magic, a lot of miracles. If you let yourself remember that we are part of nature and that all that is magical about the new growth, about the spring, about the renewal, about the strengthening, it's all possible and happening within yourself as well.

How can you make space for that? How can you honour what's naturally happening within you and cultivate it and attend to it with tenderness and with care and with kindness and with the awe that you and the world deserve?

Maybe thinking also to, we're going to go in the Half Moon bonus content into a Brigid Oracle Card reading for free subscribers, so if you want to join you can do that at evemc.substack.com but thinking of your own past, present and future.

Thinking about how a time or several times or your life might have been different if you had never forgotten what you were born knowing, that you are Divine, that you are part of the divine and that you deserve love, being cherished, being safe.

You may have ADHD, you may have survived trauma, you may have had many many challenges but you are still so so worthy and so like what would it be like to send some love, to send some acceptance, to send some tools back to Baby You? Child You? Teenage You? different times of your life with that real renewed push of energy and strength and creativity around your own recovery, your own healing, your own personal growth.

I love hearing from you so do comment, message, get in touch through the website thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com or you can listen at the feelbettereverydaypodcast.ie

And I look forward to sharing more with Half Moon and the deeper dive for the Full Moon and Super Moon members of the Sole to Soul Circle but I really encourage you whether you do that or not to connect, oh for the Full Moon members we're going to be going through some simple rituals you can do yourself to honour the time of year, the seasonal energies of Brigid in a few days.

So pay attention to your energy, notice what feels good, notice what doesn't, give yourself permission to go with your strengths, to go with your creativity and let me know how you get on.

I love hearing from you, I really appreciate you listening.

This episode like all episodes so far has been produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham and you can listen via your favourite platform so if you subscribe there you're less likely to miss future episodes and also watching on YouTube if you prefer to do that.

I love hearing from you so do rate, review, comment, like, subscribe, whatever feels good for you but most of all whatever the weather's right now, know that spring is coming, know that it's always worth hoping, it's always worth planning for better and taking those steps that you're in control of with so much being out of your control that is likely to bring you the outcomes and the life that you want and deserve to be living.

So thanks again for listening and I will see you next week.

If you are a Half Moon member or Full or Super Moon member of the Sole to Soul Circle, you'll be getting your bonus material recordings tomorrow and the day after, and you can subscribe for free or a small monthly or annual amount at evemc.substack.com

Thank you so much for listening to this episode and all the episodes you've listened to of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I love sharing them with you and I also love to hear from you. So let me know your comments, your questions and please rate, review, share, comment, like, subscribe, whatever you feel like doing.

This episode was produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham and next week I'll be sharing some of my personal journey with mental health issues including trauma recovery, ADHD, anxiety, depression, CPTSD and various childhood memories that were good and bad and just looking back. As we talk so often about mental health awareness, I thought I'd share some of my reflections with compassion.

It's a longer than usual episode, but I hope that it will empower you to seek the support that you need and deserve, or for you to be better able to support loved ones.

I’m delighted to welcome Jayne Leonard of Vive Counselling back. We’re talking about self care with ADHD and connecting with that most empowered, deserving part of ourselves in order to be of service.

You might remember Jayne from Episode 28 where she helped me reframe cooking from chore to self care.

Today, we’re diving into another self care idea from my book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-Care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing

Both Jayne and I were diagnosed with ADHD in 2024 and while this conversation may be especially relatable for other late diagnosed ADHD adults, the ideas can benefit anyone.

And Half Moon (free subscribers) and Full and Super Moon members of the Sole to Soul Circle will be receiving bonus content and deeper dives on Wednesday and Thursday.

SUBSCRIBE OR UPGRADE HERE

This year, I’ve deepened my connection to my Inner Queen, which has helped me better understand and embrace how my brain works.

Connecting with my Inner Queen helps standing tall and moving towards what I want in life.

It’s not about being above anyone else but about drawing strength to be of service. Jayne shared her connection with her ‘boss self’, inspired by her four-year-old’s natural comfort and ease in her own power.

We discussed how societal messages, particularly for women and girls, can make empowerment seem like ‘being bossy’.

Jayne highlighted the mindset shift involved in stepping into power. Whether presenting to a group or having a client conversation, she notes how being in her empowered state changes everything.

It’s a reminder that confidence can be part of self and Self care, especially for those of us with ADHD who’ve internalised messages of being ‘too much’.

Jayne and I discussed the importance of respect, both for others and ourselves. Respect isn’t about hierarchy; it’s about recognising the inherent worth in everyone—including yourself. For those of us who felt silenced or different growing up, reclaiming our voice and self-respect is a radical act of empowerment.

le grá (with love),

Evei

diva like, or you're getting that you’re being bossy. Bossy was a word I heard a lot.

You know, but really it's just, I'm actually just making my voice heard. I'm actually just meeting my needs.

And that's not to say you're trampling on anyone else's needs, but you're

absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I am so excited to be sharing new trauma informed and ADHD friendly ideas for you to help you take better care of your Self – that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself, as well as the basic self-care which we all know can be so challenging at times. I really appreciate you tuning in. If you want a deeper dive, you'll be getting bonus content each week. Sign up to the Sole to Soul Circle. You can do that for free or from as little as €8.00 a month. And you can also find more ideas in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

Do you ever feel like you're being too much and you either consciously or maybe unconsciously, like a default, disempower yourself? If so, this episode, where I have the lovely Jayne Leonard joining me again, is about connecting with your Inner Queen or Inner King, and I hope that you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed recording it.

Thank you for listening.

Thank you so much for joining me again, Jayne.

Thank you for having me.

So Jayne has become a friend. We met through the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy Editorial Committee, and she's brilliant. You might have heard her Episode 28 on cooking as self-care.

And today we thought we would talk about one of the self-care ideas in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better, Self-Care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, around connecting with your Inner King and Queen. And basically, both of us have ADHD. We were both diagnosed in 2024.

And it's been such a steep learning curve for me. Jayne has helped me enormously. And I thought maybe us talking around some of the self-care concepts I'm sharing might help you, whether you have ADHD or not.

So today, we're talking about the idea of that inner sovereignty, and especially with ADHD. I know myself, I'm 49 now. And I've been connecting with my Inner Queen for many years on and off, but especially this year, as the greater understanding I have, the greater awareness I have around how my brain works, is helping me be less dismissive of many, many things I do.

I still laugh at myself very much. But I also empower myself much more. And thinking also in terms of neurodivergence, and social justice, and a sense of fairness, and all these things that have always been really important to me.

Like even when I say Inner Queen, I mean that part of yourself, that sovereign, that part of you, that whatever it is you want in life, you can stand tall, you can move towards it. Politically, I'm more of a democratic socialist, like I don't think anyone is above anyone else.

But when I connect with that kind of queen energy, and just thinking, like last night, I can stay up late and get my bookkeeping sorted, even though I'm scared of numbers, I can do these things.

So I wanted to just have a bit of a chat with Jayne around this idea, and how we both resource ourselves and empower ourselves with ADHD and in general.

So yeah, so when you when you say Inner King or Queen, at first, I said, Oh my gosh, what is this? I don't understand. But when I thought about it, I absolutely know what you mean.

I just call it a different name. I think I kind of see it as almost me being my full adult empowered self versus maybe my, my child self a little bit, a little bit more vulnerable, a little bit more hesitant. And lately, I think I've been calling it kind of more like I'm stepping into my boss self, because my four year old, she puts her two hands on her hips and says, I'm the boss.

And it just kind of pictures when I look at her, that's kind of how I feel when I step into kind of my full power. I love that so much, empowered by a four year old, because it is that connection that she still has, and hopefully will keep that so many of us lose as we get socialised.

So we, we get disconnected from that inner power. So, yeah, I think we start to see it as almost a bad thing at times. And I'm not sure if that's more in women and girls than it is. Yeah.

And but it's definitely almost a sense of, you know, oh, you're getting a bit like diva-like, or you're getting a bit bossy.

Bossy was a word I heard a lot. You know, but really, it's just, I'm actually just making my voice heard. I'm actually just meeting my needs. And that's not to say you're trampling on anyone else's needs, but you're...

Absolutely, absolutely. And I think that's what I really liked when I first came across the idea of an Inner Queen, it being the leadership to serve, rather than to corrupt, or to like, kind of take, but very much drawing on your strength and resources to be of service from a wholehearted way.

And that has to start with self care and self love. So knowing that you're worthy. Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, a queen expects to be cared for. So we do, we have to care for ourselves. And yeah, that's, but even stepping into that power is in itself an act of self care.

Absolutely. Like, when you know you need to speak up for yourself, or do, like, even thinking, like, I was thinking today, I've had for the past however many months since I read James Clear's Atomic Habits, when I say when I read, since I read most of James Clear's Atomic Habits, and I wrote in chalk on some of my internal doors, and I wrote on the side of my medicine cabinet, WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU REALLY LOVED YOURSELF? DO THAT. Because it just felt, and that to me is connecting with that Inner Queen energy, like kind of whether it comes to lighting candles before a bath, or eating something nourishing, as opposed to something fast, or like a gazillion choices we make.

His point is, it's those daily habits, those tiny habits, each habit, each action, each behaviour, we're voting for the kind of person we want to become. So again, connecting with that kind of queen or king energy, helping you recognise the power, helping us all recognise the power we have with the tiniest of decisions. Yeah, and I think actually when you say recognising, that's part of it for me, is that I can still be doing the same thing. So I might be giving a presentation, or just having a conversation with the client, but it's that state of mind that determines where I am.

So sometimes I can be doing it and second guessing myself, because I'm in my child state, or whatever. But then when I actually step into my full power, I realise, oh no, I actually am doing a good enough job, you know. But I think it's that mindset of, well you shouldn't be too confident, or you shouldn't be too sure of yourself.

And I suppose that was a lot of messages you get, especially when you've ADHD, you get that a lot, those messages a lot as a kid.

Yeah, and I'm thinking when I was growing up, like especially by my late teens, early 20s, where I kind of became more aware of stuff. My role models were people like Alice Walker and Gloria Steinem, and much older women who seemed very much in their power, but in a real amazing activist kind of way.

Whereas now I have much younger role models like Beyoncé and Taylor Swift, and like Greta [Thunberg], I've forgotten her last name. But so many young girls and women, and boys and men, and people of all genders, but being their whole selves. But I think especially with younger women and girls, because I remember being so socialised, to not be bossy.

I was an older sister

I am an older sister as well, and I was a terrible older sister, my poor little brother. But the idea, it's not valued those same qualities in the same way. And yet the older I get, the more I recognise, it's like there was something about respect the other day on a meme, and how if you see respect as something that people owe you, as you an authority, as opposed to just that everyone deserves respect, then you expect someone else to respect you as an authority before you'll even respect them as a human, as a person.

And it's like, oh my god, that explains so much about what's going on. Everyone deserves respect. Everyone has that power.

I think with the internet, there's a lot of bad stuff, but also more and more people finding their voices. And I'm ADHD ConvoCoaster stuff. Have you heard that meme? No.

Oh yeah, that's just standard ADHD conversation.

No, that's how they go. Yeah.

So, yeah, just the respect stuff, I suppose. That is, it's even back to like the self-respect, just give yourself the respect to have your voice heard. And, you know, because I think a lot of the time we do give, well, I don't know, from my point of view, I would give other people the respect and I would say, oh, they deserve this.

But, you know, it is working extra hard to do that for myself because of maybe a lot of feeling weird or different or strange when I was younger and silencing myself. Yeah. I think you're saying that I went to a VDay conference (VDay.org) in NYC when I first went freelance 2004. So my first ever press conference was with, I got to meet Gloria Steinem but she had to leave but Eve Ensler, Sally Field, Jane Fonda, Elizabeth Lesser… It was amazing. We had activists from around the world, but they had a couple of like media titans who I didn't know because I'm not American, but Pat Mitchell and Pat Black.

But in their session, they were talking about how it's really important in every meeting for especially if you're a woman to speak up no matter what it is you say, just like you say, like getting your voice heard. And I think from an early age, I was always good at speaking up, but like my mother would call me the fool, like in the Tarot deck, like that kind of, and I would do it. And I remember when I was an undergrad, it was kind of like I'd say something stupid in a tutorial to empower and embolden my peers to say something sensible.

And it's probably taken until my late 40s to recognise it's all very well speaking up and being silly, but actually speaking up from a more empowered way as well. There's almost like a rescuing there. No, but I love what we've been talking about so far.

And there's going to be a bit of bonus content for free subscribers to the Sole to Soul Circle and then a deeper dive for Full Moon and Super Moon members. So if you're not already a member, you can subscribe for free or as a paid member at evemc.substack.com. But for now, I'd just like to say thank you so much, Jayne. That's been amazing.

Thank you, Eve.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. If you'd like to subscribe and haven't already, you can do so via your favourite podcasting app. I also appreciate all comments and questions. If you've got any suggestions for future episodes, anything you'd like answered, let me know. And this episode, like all episodes, has been produced by me, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham. Next week we're working with the Irish Goddess Brigid. It's become a bank holiday here in Ireland honouring the Goddess Brigid and St Brigid. So working with the Divine Feminine and some little rituals to support you in working with the seasonal energies.

I hope you have a gorgeous week.

How organising your home and business can revolutionise your life: a conversation with Lisa Woodruff

You can become a Half Moon (free) or Full or Super Moon (paid) member of the Sole to Soul Circle at evemc.substack.com for bonus content and deeper dives into this and other episodes.

If you’ve ever found yourself drowning in clutter, overwhelmed by to-do lists, or unsure how to manage everything on your plate, you’re not alone. Many of us struggle to balance daily tasks, especially when managing ADHD, multiple roles and family demands.

I recently had the pleasure of speaking with Lisa Woodruff, founder of Organize 365, about her journey organising not just her home, but her mind.

Here’s what we discussed about how creating systems can lead to better self-care, greater clarity, and more energy to do the things that matter most.

Discovering the Sunday Basket: a game changer for ADHD and organisation

Lisa and I connected after I came across her Sunday Basket concept on the ADHD for Smart-Ass Women podcast with Tracy Otsuka. As a late diagnosed (48) woman with ADHD, I was intrigued by Lisa’s idea of chunking tasks into manageable pockets and folders. I’d been using index cards and calendars to organise my thoughts, but this method of batching tasks made so much sense.

After hearing Lisa talk about how this system helps to externalise our brains and reduce the clutter in our heads, I realised I was onto something bigger. Lisa’s approach—breaking down tasks into chunks using folders and pockets—has been life-changing for me. I created my own DIY version of the Sunday Basket (I call it my Brain in a Box) since I’m based on the west coast of Ireland, where shipping from North America can be tricky. But even without the physical product, the concept alone has revolutionised how I manage my time, energy, and responsibilities.

Lisa’s story: supporting ADHD and externalising thoughts

As it turns out, Lisa has ADHD too. She recently received an ADHD diagnosis and shared her experience of being overwhelmed by ideas and racing thoughts—something many of us can relate to.

She explained how the Sunday Basket helps her externalise her thoughts so she doesn’t feel as though she’s constantly spinning in circles.

She spoke about the importance of creating systems that allow for clarity—whether through tangible baskets or mental organisation systems. According to Lisa, by having a structure to manage these thoughts, she has been able to avoid the anxiety and sleepless nights that once plagued her. This concept of externalising your brain, whether by writing things down or sorting through organised folders, was a breakthrough for me, and I’m sure it will be for many others.

The role of organisation in Self care and self-actualisation

For Lisa, organisation is much more than just managing your space—it’s a form of self-care. She believes that when we have systems in place to help us manage the overwhelm, we free up energy for other areas of our lives. It’s not just about keeping things tidy; it’s about creating a life that reflects who we truly are and what we want to accomplish.

In our conversation, she emphasised that organisation is also tied to self-actualisation—the idea that we are capable of achieving our highest potential. Lisa spoke about how the systems she’s created allow her to focus on one idea at a time, something she believes is key to achieving success. This idea resonated deeply with me, especially as someone who naturally juggles (and often drops) multiple ideas at once.

Connecting with Self

As we delved deeper into the conversation, Lisa shared a more spiritual perspective on organisation. She spoke about how our energy is intertwined with everything we do—whether it’s our work, relationships, or personal goals. Drawing from her own Christian beliefs and her ongoing pursuit of a PhD, she emphasised the importance of following your energy. For her, that means listening to her intuition and knowing when to push forward and when to take a step back.

She also explained how we as women often give our energy to others—whether it’s our families, communities, or work—and how essential it is to balance that with self-care. When we focus on what truly excites and energises us, we not only take care of ourselves but also contribute more meaningfully to the world around us. It’s about finding a balance that allows us to show up fully for ourselves and for others.

The importance of taking action

During our conversation, Lisa shared an insight that stuck with me: ideas alone are not enough. Action is what brings those ideas to life. She shared how many people get stuck waiting for permission or perfect conditions before taking action. But Lisa urges us to break free from that mindset. She explained how she often reminds her team, ‘We can do whatever we want,’ emphasising that we don’t need permission from anyone to take action on our dreams. This idea of stepping into action, no matter how small the step, is a powerful reminder to stop waiting for the perfect moment and start creating now.

Whether it’s organising your home, pursuing a new career, or even starting a personal project, taking action is the key to bringing your ideas to fruition.

Advice for Younger You

When I asked Lisa what advice she would give to her younger self, she shared a poignant reflection. Lisa recalled how, as a child, she was constantly questioning authority and thinking outside the box. However, if she could go back in time, she would tell herself that she didn’t need as much permission as she thought. We often hold ourselves back, waiting for others to approve or validate our ideas, when in reality, we have the power to create and act on our own terms.

Where to find Lisa Woodruff

If you’re looking for more guidance on organising your home, business, life and mind, Lisa’s resources are wonderful. You can find her on the Organize 365 podcast, or visit her website at organize365.com.

She also shares insights on Instagram under the handle @organize365.

In conclusion, I feel more empowered taking control of my organising systems, not just for a cleaner home, but for a clearer mind and a more focused life. Lisa’s approach to organisation, self-care, and energy has reinforced my commitment of the last couple of years in terms of creating and refining systems and structures that support me in achieving greater peace and success. Whether you're managing ADHD, juggling multiple responsibilities, or simply seeking more clarity in your life, I hope you find this as helpful as I have.

le grá (with love),

Evei

As we embark on a New Year, it's the perfect time to reflect and set intentions for the months ahead. In this episode of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, we explore some powerful techniques to help you use your imagination for GOOD as you work towards co-creating your ideal future.

Take a moment to imagine yourself a year from now, at the beginning of 2026. Picture yourself happy, healthy, and thriving. What does this version of you look like? How do you feel? What have you accomplished? This simple imagery exercise can be a powerful tool in shaping your goals for the year ahead.

Choosing a ‘word of the year’ or using ‘evocative words’ as they’re known in psychosynthesis, can be incredibly impactful. These words act as anchors, helping to focus your mind on your intentions. In yoga nidra, we use 'sankalpas' - positive intentions or resolves that come from the heart - which serve a similar purpose.

Our brains are wired to notice what we focus on thanks to the Reticular Activation System. By consciously choosing what to pay attention to - through intentions, words or imagery - we can effectively 'programme' our minds to seek out opportunities that aligned with our goals and what we WANT v what we don’t want.

It's crucial to give yourself permission to want what you want. Imagining 2025 as your best year ever isn't selfish: It's a step towards creating positive change in your own life and, by extension, the world around you. Remember, your personal wellbeing contributes to global wellbeing.

As we delve deeper into these practices, remember that self-care isn't selfish. By focusing on your personal growth and happiness, you're better equipped to contribute positively to the world around you.

Wishing you a fantabulous 2025 filled with intention, growth (of the things you want more of) and positive change!

le grá,

Evei

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Welcome back to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I'm Eve and I'm sharing today, building on the New Year's Eve-ish episode around your word of the year and going into it a bit more.

If you have the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, you can read more about this self care idea on the 4th of January: It's all about figuring out what you want and how to get it in a really holistic way, bringing in all the different tools I use in my work.

And we're talking about setting intentions, we're thinking about what you'd like to be feeling a year from now, where you'd like to be beginning of 2026, working backwards, using your imagination to think about how to move closer to what you want. I've been recording a lot of episodes today, so I can't remember if this is in the future or in the past, but I'll read out the pages that might be of most interest.

 So, in the book, the 4th of January is very much about setting intentions. The 17th of June is about evocative words, so we dealt with the Word of the Year and beginning to deal with that in the last episode of 2024 (episode 38: Your Vibe for 2025).

And we talk about sankalpas the whole time in yoga nidra, it's that positive intention or resolve and it's referred to several times in the book (see Index). Just thinking about something as simple as the Relaxation Responses we talked about last week (episode 39) and how you can pick one word for three minutes, it might be a word that you carry with you for a year or a month or a week or a day or a lifetime, I've heard about some people who use the same words from childhood before they even learn how to do the Relaxation Response.

Our intention, our thinking about this time next year can be really powerful, so you might want to give yourself a moment to think about this time next year and just let an image form of you really happy and really well and all going good, and just pause this, make a few notes about it.

You might want to think about ‘evocative words’. Roberto Assagioli, who created psychosynthesis, the kind of counselling I do, was very influenced by Eastern philosophy, and it was the sense that what we focus on grows, so people who talk about the Law of Attraction are talking about this the whole time, like where awareness goes, energy flows.

In terms of the way the brain works, the Reticular Activation System is the part of the brain that will see more of what we focus on (you can read more in my Rapport article). It's our natural way of deleting, distorting and generalising because we would literally go insane if we were having to properly process every single sensory input that comes at us the whole time.

So when we're choosing, for example, an intention or a word or a sankalpa, something to help us move towards what we want to move towards, everything we watch, everything we listen to, everything we surround ourselves with, everything we take the time to visualise, to do imagery work around, to use in the Relaxation Response, to use as our sankalpa in a yoga nidra, it's all amplifying it, it's all harnessing the power of the unconscious mind by making what you want this time next year or using any time frame you choose just so much easier.

So think about what sprang to mind for you.

I'm going to go into more depth with the Half Moon membership of the Sole to Soul Circle, and you can subscribe for free at evemc.substack.com to access this bonus content. And then there'll be another deeper dive video for the Full Moon and Super Moon members of the Sole to Soul Circle and you can again upgrade through evemc.substack.com

And that deeper dive is to help ground what we're talking about further and I love sharing these episodes with you, I really love hearing from you, I appreciate all your shares, likes, comments, questions, emails, rating, review, whatever feels good for you, please do share and let me know if you've got questions.

So happy, Happy New Year still and give yourself permission to want whatever it is that you want. Give yourself permission to imagine 2025 being your best year ever.

There's an enormous amount of suffering in the world, enormous amount of challenges, your suffering does not help anyone else. You're focusing on the kind of world you want to help create, you're focusing on the life you want to create, it's going to help you help others from that more wholehearted way, so the work we're doing around self care is far from selfish.

It can contribute to your personal peace and ultimately to world peace, but give yourself permission to really recognise the power of your intentions and that isn't just for personal goals, that is for global goals as well, so look after yourself and see you again soon.

As we embark on a new year, many of us are seeking ways to improve our wellbeing and reduce stress in our lives. One powerful tool that has stood the test of time is the Relaxation Response, a concept developed by Dr Herbert Benson, a Harvard cardiologist and pioneer in mind-body medicine.

The Relaxation Response is a physical state of deep rest that counteracts the Stress Response that may well feel more familiar in our bodies in these go go go 24/7 times we live in.

The Relaxation Response is a natural antidote to the Fight Flight response, which can be triggered all too often in our busy modern lives. Dr Benson's groundbreaking work, published in his 1975 book The Relaxation Response, remains relevant and potentially life-changing even today.

With up to 90% of doctor's visits attributed to stress-related issues, it's clear that managing stress is crucial for our overall health. Stress can exacerbate chronic conditions, intensify pain, and contribute to a host of physical and mental health problems. By regularly practising the Relaxation Response, we can mitigate some of these effects and promote healing in our bodies.

The beauty of the relaxation response is its simplicity and accessibility. You don't need any special equipment or beliefs to benefit from it. Here's a basic method to get started:

1. Choose a quality you'd like more of in your life (e.g., calm, peace, joy – check out last week’s episode (38) Your Vibe for 2025 to help you choose).

2. Find a comfortable position where you feel supported.

3. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.

4. As you breathe in, imagine drawing in the quality you've chosen.

5. As you breathe out, imagine spreading that quality throughout your body.

6. Continue this practice for at least three minutes.

As we start the new year, it's an excellent time to prioritise rest and relaxation in our daily lives. This might mean scheduling regular breaks, practising yoga nidra, or simply giving ourselves permission to do less and be more.

Remember, your to-do list will never be completely finished. Life is inherently messy and busy. By making space for rest and relaxation, we're not falling behind – we're actually setting ourselves up for greater productivity, creativity, and overall wellbeing.

Instead of pushing ourselves to do more this year, why not challenge ourselves to rest more deeply? By consciously activating the Relaxation Response regularly, we can improve our physical health, mental clarity, and emotional balance.

Whether you choose to practise formal meditation, engage in repetitive activities like knitting or running, or simply take a few minutes each day to breathe mindfully, you're giving your body and mind a precious gift.

As we step into 2025, you might make a commitment to yourself to prioritise rest, play, and relaxation. By doing so, we're not just improving our own lives – we're contributing to a calmer, more peaceful world.

Wishing you a very Happy New Year! One that will include deep rest, joyful play, and the transformative power of the Relaxation Response.

Half Moon (free subscribers) and Full Moon and Super Moon (paid subscribers) members of the Sole to Soul Circle will be getting your bonus content tomorrow. JOIN US

le grá,

Evei

TRANSCRIPT

It's not all bad. I mean, stress can be a wonderful thing. We live in exciting times

as well as challenging times, but we want to allow the nervous system to have

that flexibility and it helps us to have that overall flexibility by really

doing the things that calm the nervous system. And this is one gorgeous, gorgeous

way.

Hi,

I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and welcome to the Feel Better Every Day

Podcast, Season 2. I am so excited to be sharing new trauma informed and ADHD

friendly ideas for you to help you take better care of yourself. That highest,

wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of

yourself, as well as the basic self-care which we all know can be so

challenging at times.

I really appreciate you tuning in. If you want a deeper dive, you'll be getting

bonus content each week if you sign up as a free or paid subscriber to the Sole

to Soul Circle. You can do that for free or from as little as €8.00 a

month.

And you can also find more ideas in the book 365 Ways to Feel Better Self-care

Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

Happy New Year. Welcome to Episode 38 (oops - 39) of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I can't believe it's 39 and we're in Season 2 now and we're going weekly.

I hope that you're enjoying them and that also if you're a free subscriber or

paid subscriber, that's Half Moon member or Full Moon or Super Moon member of

the Sole to Soul Circle, that you're enjoying the deeper dive videos as well.

But there's something for everyone, and you don't need any of this to just listen

to your own body, listen to your own soul, listen to your own heart, listen to

your own thoughts, and just ask yourself in any given moment, ‘What do I need

right now? How might I rest, reboot, relax?’

And that being said, I hope you enjoy the episode.

Welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, welcoming 2025, wishing you a wondrous New Year and also a ‘new year, new you’ in a very different way. So we're working still with 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and for today's episode

we're going into more depth around the Relaxation Response.

Developed by Dr Herbert Benson, and he, well

it was discovered by Dr Herbert Benson, he was a Harvard cardiologist working

out of the same lab as Dr Walter B Cannon who, decades earlier, had discovered

the Stress Response and fight, flight (later freeze was acknowledged and tend

and befriend and there are different responses to stress).

Dr Herbert Benson wrote a gorgeous book

published in 1975, the year I was born, and it's still radical now, I'm nearly

50. And this is the kind of thing more people need to know about because up to

90% of doctors visits are due to stress.

It's not that it's all in your head but it is

all in our bodies. So much stress then exacerbates whatever chronic conditions

you might have, whatever like pain spots or like you might get migraines, you

might get backache, whatever it might be, it's going to be made worse when

you're tight, when you're tense, when you're under stress.

Dr Herbert Benson was a cardiologist at

Harvard and he went on to create so much around, he was a mind-body medicine

pioneer, lecturing around the world into his 90s and he was studying meditating

monks and also meditating lay people in America.

They were so excited about what they were

experiencing when they were meditating, they wanted him to test what was

happening with their hearts. Because he was at Harvard in the 60s and 70s he

was kind of like, ‘Go away, stop it, you're embarrassing me,’ so he actually

snuck them in at night.

It's such a gorgeous book, The Relaxation

Response, if you want to read it. And he realised that yes, they were really

onto something. I'm going to demonstrate something a bit unusual about one way

to access this with even greater ease for the Full Moon and Super Moon members

of the Sole to Soul Circle, so if you would like to subscribe or upgrade, you

can do that at selfcarecoaching.net or at evemc.substack.com and you can do

this anytime, anywhere.

The more comfortable you are, the more held

you feel by the planet, by the furniture, by whatever, the more deeply you'll

be able to relax.

 He discovered that it took three minutes or

longer to go into what he terms the Relaxation Response, but in this state of

rest, which is a wonderful way to start 2025, and to build deeper rest into

every day for yourself.

We do too much, we try to do too much, we then

beat ourselves up for not getting it all done and it will never all be done.

I'm so looking forward to sharing the Getting Organised episode with you in a

few weeks and my interviews with Lisa Woodruff, who just is an inspiration and

much of that is her reminder that your to-do list will never be done.

While we're alive, life is messy, so it's

really important to schedule in rest, to schedule in space. I changed my life I

think a year and a half ago when I started doing a daily yoga nidra and then

nearly a year ago I started making time on the advice of my acupuncturist to do

a longer yoga nidra every lunchtime. And I still find it challenging. I think I

have to do do-do-do-do-do but I am in that practice. It's an extension of my

yoga practice and sometimes it's more challenging than getting onto the mat and

doing a physical practice because doing is more comfortable than receiving and

just allowing.

So yoga nidra, there's more in the book on

that, there are free resources on the website, there are loads of bespoke

unique resources for the Full Moon and Super Moon members but you can access

loads of free ones at selfcarecoaching.net or through my YouTube channel.

But the point is even that is a meditation in

terms of you doing your best to stay alert and aware and harnessing that state

between sleep and wakefulness. We're going through a lot of different types of

brainwave activity, it's all wonderful but by allowing yourself freestyle rest

you're going to have more fun, you're going to have more time to play, to do

the things you want to do. And the Relaxation Response: it’s a practice, it’s a

meditation and it can be done in as little as three minutes.

So choose a quality you'd like more of in your

life. And while Herbert Benson recognised through his research that people

around the world throughout human history have been naturally entering what he

terms the Relaxation Response as an antidote to the stress response throughout

human history, it was just something when we felt at ease enough, the heart

rate, everything would soften, everything would relax and deep deep healing can

occur under these conditions.

He found a secular way to get the benefits so

you don't have to be praying or meditating, you don't have to believe in

anything, you can simply identify a quality you would like more of and breathe

that quality in and breathe that quality out.

By doing it for three minutes or longer,

you're helping then to activate the parasympathetic branch of the nervous

system, that Rest Digest response. You're helping it all flow more easily,

coming down from the sympathetic activity that's not ALL bad.

I mean stress can be a wonderful thing. We

live in exciting times as well as challenging times but we want to allow the

nervous system to have that flexibility and it helps us to have that overall

flexibility by really doing the things that calm the nervous system and this is

one gorgeous gorgeous way.

I'm looking forward to sharing a yoga pose

that can help you get into it more deeply in the Full Moon members’ deeper dive

video and I'll be talking a bit more about it in the video for Half Moon members

(free subscribers). You can become a Half Moon, Full Moon or Super Moon member

of the Sole to Soul Circle at evemc.substack.com but you don't NEED to do any

of that to give yourself permission to start 2025 differently.

Prioritise that reboot for yourself,

prioritise rest, prioritise play, prioritise fun, give yourself that

spaciousness. If the holiday period has been relaxing and enjoyable and you

want to bring more of that into the new year, brilliant. If it's been hectic

and chaotic and you're looking forward to getting back to work in a bit of

peace, whatever it is you want, give yourself permission to make space for it.

Let me know how you get on, thank you for

listening, watching, liking, subscribing, rating, reviewing, commenting, ask

whatever questions you want and I look forward to sharing more next week. Happy

New Year!

Thank you for listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. If you haven't already

and would like to. I really appreciate your sharing umm, whether it's one with

one person who you think would benefit or on your social media.

If you haven't already subscribed, that will help you if you want to be less

likely to miss future episodes. But they're coming out every Tuesday now so you

can dip in and out as you like. They're available via your favourite podcasting

apps and on YouTube and there are links in my social media. Next week, we're

building on last week's theme around your vibe for 2025 and by doing a deeper

exploration of intentions.

And today, New Year's Eve, is a wonderful day to really think about what you're

ready to let go of, what you're ready to welcome. And I hope that you'll give

yourself some time and space tomorrow, New Year's Day, if you're listening to

this, the day it comes out. To give yourself a taste of all you want to welcome

into 2025 and whatever day of the year you're listening to this on, whatever

year you're listening to this in.

I hope that you will also give yourself some time each day to give yourself a

taste of what matters to you, what you want to prioritise, and be that bit more

intentional about making time for rest because you deserve to recharge.

Happy Christmas! What’s your vibe for 2025?

So long 2024! As we prepare to welcome 2025, you might want to reflect on your experiences and set your sights on the year ahead. This period offers a wonderful opportunity to contemplate the energy we wish to bring into 2025 and beyond.

In January, we'll delve deeper into this concept, drawing inspiration from the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-Care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing. We'll explore various methods to focus our energy, intentions, and awareness, utilising the Reticular Activation System.

This approach combines scientific backing with a gentle, reflective practice that honours the new year's energy in a way that can positively impact your entire year.

Choosing your word of the year

Many people select a 'word of the year' to guide their focus. This practice has gained popularity. My recent choices include Pleasure, Joy, Love, Abundance, Peace and Healing. For the upcoming year, I’ve chosen the word HARVEST, reflecting my desire to acknowledge past efforts and recognise personal growth instead of only ever looking forwards.

The concept of Harvest can be particularly helpful for others, like me, who are future-focused, serving as a reminder to ground yourself and acknowledge achievements. It encourages us to recognise our DONE list alongside the never ending To do list, celebrating how far we've come in our personal journeys.

One thing I’m really proud of and excited to finally be sharing is the new look (sound) podcast with additional bonus content for every episode for Half Moon (free subscribers) and Full Moon and Super Moon members of the Sole to Soul Circle. If you’re not already a member, you can join us at selfcarecoaching.net or evemc.substack.com

For more than 20 years, I’ve been sharing loads of self-care tools but by being more strategic in my approach now, it’s a better curated experience for you AND is making my life easier, working with my ADHD brain.

But this is me – how about YOU? There are so many qualities you might choose from.

Personalising your approach

While some may find it challenging to choose just one word, the act of focusing can be empowering and effective. Remember that there are no strict rules and you might want to consider:

- Selecting multiple words that resonate with you

- Choosing a word for each quarter or month or even week and day!

- Creating your own unique approach to setting intentions

The key is to find a method that feels authentic and inspiring to you personally.

As we approach 2025, take some time to reflect on the qualities you'd like to cultivate in your life. Write down all the words that call to you, then listen to which one speaks the loudest.

Remember, choosing one primary word doesn't mean neglecting other important aspects of your life.

Whether you're settling on a single word or exploring multiple intentions, the process of embark on this journey, consider sharing your thoughts and chosen words with others.

Not only does this help solidify your intentions, but it also creates a supportive community of individuals working towards personal growth.

Wishing you a very Happy Christmas and a new year of self-discovery (in a gentle, joyful way!), growth, and positive change.

May your chosen word or words guide you towards a fulfilling and peaceful and ______[you decide!]____ 2025.

le grá,

Evei

TRANSCRIPT FOR EPISODE 38 OF THE FEEL BETTER EVERY DAY PODCAST

Welcome to the end of 2024, and we're working with recognising what you want to be open to in 2025 and beyond. We've done our releasing with the Yule Log (episode 37 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast).

I hope you were able to join us for that. I'm recording this before it, and it's a wonderful time of year to think reflectively compassionately and gently and just get clear about what kind of energy you want to be bringing into the new year.

In January, I'm going to be going into more depth with that, working with the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better, Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, looking at different ways in which we can focus our energy, our intentions, our awareness and ways of working with the Reticular Activation System.

There is science behind a lot of this now but it's also just a really lovely, gentle, quiet way to honour New Year energies in a way that can have a positive impact on your entire year and beyond.

So for today, you've probably heard people talk about their word of the year. I've been doing this for several years now, I've had everything from Pleasure to Joy to Love to Abundance to Peace to Healing and this coming year I decided a couple of months ago (it came early for me this year) HARVEST.

I've been self-employed for more than 20 years and I do an enormous amount but 2024 was a year of an enormous amount behind the scenes sorting. In terms of I started working with a virtual assistant who's been helping me make more of the resources I've recorded over the years or written over the years more accessible in an easier format.

I’ve a bit of a library going on with the selfcarecoaching.net website and it's an ongoing process as is my Substack. I'm also creating some other resources, The Self Care Coaching Collections and online courses.

And I'm still working on a couple of books. I'm doing an enormous amount working on the journal that I'm editor-in-chief of, the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy, as well as having a private practice, supervision, Self care coaching, trauma-informed and ADHD friendly therapies which I adore.

I'm really lucky that at 49 I'm happier than I've ever been and I want the same for you. Whatever your age. I want you to really think about what you want more of. I think for me, Harvest as my word of the year came to me because I am recently diagnosed with ADHD, very very future focused.

This morning, at time of recording, I was really anxious about my NCT test, my first ever because I only learned to drive this year and it took all my energy and focus and awareness and about an hour after I got back and little Beatrice Lobster (my car) had passed, someone said, ‘Congratulations!’ And I had no idea what they were talking about. Because I do so many different things, I forget.

Harvest already has been a way of helping me ground more and acknowledge my DONE list as well as my To do list. I recognise how far I've come with my own trauma recovery, with my own healing as well as focusing as much as I can on where I want to go.

So that's my word for the year! As I said, we're going to be going into more detail with other ways of setting intentions, we're going to be looking at Sankalpas (positive intentions used in yoga nidra), working through some of the ideas in the book in early January but if you were to just think, right now, what words (and again, ADHD brain, the idea of picking just one word, why would you do that? I want all the words but I'm also joyful at the idea of harvest as my main word) would you pick?

If, like me you have lots of qualities you would like to bring more of into your life, let yourself! Write them all down and then get a sense of whichever one is calling to you most loudly at this time. It doesn't mean that you can't work with the other energies as well, but as someone who's been told to focus more since I was a small child, I hate using the word myself and yet the more we can focus, the more effective we can be. The more empowered we can be. The more we can help others as well as ourselves.

Let me know how you got on. There'll be an extra video for free subscribers of the Sole to Soul Circle where there'll be some journal prompts around that. And also, there's a deeper dive video for Full Moon and Super Moon members of the Sole to Soul Circle with a gorgeous energy clearing practise, Ho’oponopono.

If you haven't already upgraded and you would like to, you can do so from as little as €8 a month. If you do the annual plan, it's even cheaper and you get lots of extra deeper dives and other goodies coming your way.

Thank you for watching, thank you for listening, thank you for sharing, subscribing, commenting, liking, engaging in any way.

If you found this helpful do please share and do let me know what your options for your year, for your word of the year are, what your contenders are and if you've already settled on one.

And it might be that, I mean some people choose a word for a quarter or a word for a month or a word, there are no rules. There ARE lots and lots of self-care ideas, so let yourself make your own rules and enjoy.

https://youtu.be/c5THqIWplUQ

Solo episode: Embracing the Yule Log tradition: a ritual of release and renewal

What's a Yule Log?

The Yule log is more than just a festive decoration – it's key to powerful symbolic rituals rooted in the Celtic Wheel of the Year. As this Winter Solstice approaches, I’m sharing a fun and simple ritual that can offer a meaningful way to reflect on your past and prepare for the coming year.

If you’d like to join me for this unique Yule / Winter Solstice Circle on Friday 20th December (9.15pm Irish time), RSVP for the link – if you’re not already a Full Moon or Super Moon member of the Sole to Soul Circle, you can upgrade from €8 per month (or even less if you opt for the annual subscription option).

The Significance of Yule

At its core, Yule is about hope and light during the darkest time of the year. It represents the promise of brighter, warmer days ahead – a concept that has comforted humans throughout history. The Winter Solstice marks the point when days begin to lengthen, symbolising renewal and potential.

While I hope you’ll join me live on Friday, you can create your own Yule Log ritual too

This week’s podcast episode goes into more detail: You can listen here or via your favourite podcasting platform or watch on YouTube

The beauty of this Yule log ritual is its simplicity:

* Use a physical log if you have a fireplace

* Alternatively, use a piece of paper and a pen

* Reflect on the whole of this past year, 2024, and the rest of your life if older stuff comes up for healing

* Write down whatever you want to release

* Reflect on the year ahead, too – 2025! There’ll be more on your Vibe for 2025 next week but for now, jot down what you want to invite in

* Once you’ve journalled and jotted your notes, use a fresh piece of paper or an actual Yule Log and write what you’re ready to release, imagining the energies of release moving from you into  the log or paper then write or draw symbols (depending on the size of your Yule Log) to represent each element you’re releasing on the log

* Repeat for what you’re welcoming

* On or around Yule / Winter Solstice, BURN it (safely) and continue to reflect, release and welcome as you watch the flames take your intentions

* Give yourself some more time and space to journal around how this whole process felt

The process of letting go and welcoming in

The ritual is about:

* Identifying things you want to release

* Acknowledging both small and significant experiences

* Preparing to welcome new possibilities

* Remembering that you get to choose your focus and priorities

Personal reflection

You might want to consider writing about 2024’s

* Self-doubt

* Challenges faced

* Personal growth

* Emotional burdens

* Your hopes for the future

Why this matters

Releasing allows us to:

* Clear mental and emotional space

* Create room for new opportunities

* Practice self-reflection

* Connect with an ancient tradition of hope

Final thoughts

Whether you're dealing with what feels like trivial concerns or profound life challenges, this Yule Log ritual offers a symbolic way to process your experiences. It's a personal journey of surrender, trust and renewal.

If you’d like to access the full transcript for this and future episodes, you can become a free subscriber (Half Moon member) of the Sole to Soul Circle and they’ll go straight to your inbox with each new post. Wishing you the coolest of Yules!

Le grá,

Evei

TRANSCRIPT

We need hope. We need to know that we have control over certain things that we can

control and that lighter times are ahead, warmer times are ahead, brighter times

are ahead.

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast

Season 2. I am so excited to be sharing new trauma informed and ADHD friendly

ideas for you to help you take better care of yourself. That highest, wisest,

truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself, as

well as the basic self-care which we all know can be so challenging at

times.

I really appreciate you tuning in. If you want a deeper dive, you'll be getting

bonus content each week. If you sign up as a free or paid subscriber to the Sole

to Soul Circle, you can do that for free or from as little as €8.00 a

month.

And you can also find more ideas in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better Self-care

Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

I've been listening to your feedback and have made some changes. So new

episodes will be out on Tuesdays and then for free subscribers and paid

subscribers of the Sole to Soul Circle. And you can find out more at evemc.substack.com

You'll get your bonus content on Wednesdays and I am really hoping that you're

going to enjoy this episode today for you'll. And there's an invitation to join a

special Winter Solstice / Yule Circle, where we work with our own Yule Logs on

Friday evening. So that's Friday the 20th of December, 9.15pm, Irish time

2004.

If you're listening to this later or in another year, you can still follow the

instructions and do your own Yule Log ritual. I hope you enjoy the episodes and

thanks again for listening.

When you think of Yule Logs, you're likely to think of the delicious chocolatey treats,

and since being vegan I haven't indulged in those, but I used to really enjoy

them every year and growing up.

But there’s MORE to Yule Logs that that. For the last few decades that I've been working

with the Celtic Wheel of the Year. For many years, I would just use pen and

paper and burn it with a candle.

But since I moved to Ireland and got my own fireplace, I've been working with actual Yule Logs each year, and I wanted to introduce my Yule Log for this year, and to encourage you to do the same if that appeals.

I talk about Yule a bit in 365 Ways to Feel Better, Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, and for Full Moon and Super Moon members of the Sole to Soul Circle, I'm going to be holding a special Winter Solstice / Yule Circle where we do some meditation and burn our Yule Logs in Circle (from wherever you are in the world)

I'm sending this out early so that you can prepare, whether you're hearing this on the podcast or seeing it on YouTube or through the Sole to Soul Circle newsletter, or if you are a member. For members, I want to go into a deeper dive, as I'm doing each week, to really help you connect with what you're doing, and I realise that I haven't even said what I'm doing, what you're doing!

So Yule, like Christmas, like so many of the festivals at this time of year, they're all

about light in darkness, they're all about hope, they're all about... I mean,

times were really hard, I've had the heating on for ages today, but when you

think about so much of human history, there was no such thing as central heating.

And we need hope, we need to know that we have control over certain things that we can

control, and that lighter times are ahead, warmer times are ahead, brighter

times are ahead.

So using a Yule Log, or if you don't have an open fireplace or stove, using any piece of paper and pen, and reflecting on 2024, thinking about the year so far, your life so

far maybe. Just using this wonderful time of year where we know that the days

are going to start getting longer again from the 22nd of December, and release,

release, release, release, release, release.

The more we can let go of, the more we can open up to all that is good in the world. So

it's as simple as taking a pen, and I'm going to start mine now, even though

it's not Yule, but just for the purposes of this video, the first thing that

popped into my head is self-doubt. I mean, obviously some is a good thing, and

I'll never be free of it, but I'm much better when I'm proactively moving

towards things rather than talking myself out of things.

So that's my first little entry on my 2024 Yule Log, and what I'll be doing over the coming

weeks is adding to it (I recorded this weeks ago), adding to all the things I

want to burn away, release, let go of, and also some of the things I want to

welcome in 2025 and beyond.

It's a way of trusting, surrendering, letting go. It's a fun thing to do with your family, if

you have a family who's interested. Mine humoured me for a little while, but I'm

sharing it with y’all now.

Let me know how you get on, and let me know what you're so ready to say goodbye to from

2024.

I'm welcoming HARVEST as we move into 2025, and in next week's episode, you'll be hearing

more about how you might do that, how you might choose a focus for your year.

Your vibe for 2025.

Some people call it a word of the year, and there are all sorts of ways of working with it,

and I'm not going to go into that right now, but that's coming next week. But

for now, let me know what you're ready to let go of, how you feel at the idea

of seeing. You can let the most trivial things go, you can let big things go. Grief, loss,

heartbreak, illness.

Obviously, it's symbolic, but you are taking some time to reflect, taking some time to

think about some of the lessons, some of the blessings, what you're ready to

release and what you’re ready to welcome. So I hope

this is helpful, and please like, comment, share, subscribe, follow all the

things wherever you're watching or listening to this, and I hope you have the

coolest of Yules!

Thank you for listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I would love to hear

what you're adding to your Yule Log for the year. And I really hope that I will

see you on Friday evening next week. We're going to be looking at your vibe for

2025. I really hope that you have a good Winter Solstice.

And if you haven't already subscribed for the bonus content you can subscribe

via selfcarecoaching.net or evemc.substack.com or find out more through thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com

/ thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.ie

And this episode, like all of them, is produced by me, your host Eve Menezes

Cunningham and I look forward to sharing more with you next week.

This episode is an unexpected one but I was so quick to find solace in my habitual self and Self care practises this morning, I wanted to share them with as much love as I can for all beings on the planet. The US election results are horrifying (that a self confessed sexual predator and multi convicted felon is somehow considered better than someone as accomplished and talented as Kamala Harris - am telling myself all sorts of stories about how much men (and many women) must really hate women, migrants, LGBTQ+ people and others but that's not helpful.

So am bringing myself back, repeatedly, to the daily practises that keep me grounded and resourceful. I hope they'll help you too. Sending enormous love to you and yours.

About Eve Menezes Cunningham

The author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, Eve Menezes Cunningham runs Feel Better Every Day (aka selfcarecoaching.net) and the Sole to Soul Circle: Self care for trauma recovery and ADHD (evemc.substack.com).

Integrating a wide range of trauma informed and ADHD friendly therapies, coaching and supervision, she specialises in all things self care (and Self care for connecting with and taking better care of your highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous Self), especially around trauma, anxiety, stress, sleep issues and finding more purpose, meaning and joy, ADHD and perimenopause and menopause.

Eve’s work incorporates traditional talk therapy and coaching as well as somatic (body based) and energy approaches for a holistic approach. She is an an Irish Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (IACP) Accredited supervisor and counsellor, British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) Senior Accredited Supervisor and Past Chair of BACP Coaching, EFT International Accredited Mentor and Advanced EFT Practitioner, a Yoga Professionals UK Experienced Yoga Teacher and NLP Master Practitioner.

Based in Westport, on the west coast of Ireland, Eve works online and by telephone with clients and supervisees across the UK and Ireland with some nature based outdoor sessions in Westport.

She has been on IACP’s Editorial Committee since 2021 (Editor-in-Chief of the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy since February 2024) and editorial team for Rapport, ANLP’s NLP journal, since 2007. Eve’s work been featured in hundreds of titles including Psychologies, Therapy Today, Coaching Today, the FT, the Guardian, Evening Standard, Metro, Mirror, Irish Country Magazine, Stellar and Cosmopolitan.

Eve offers free resources via selfcarecoaching.net and facilitates the Sole to Soul Circle: Self care for trauma recovery and ADHD online membership (evemc.substack.com).

It’s a fully embodied, nervous system friendly, trauma informed approach, helping people integrate self and Self care practices into their daily lives to create a life you don’t need to retreat from.

She also produces and hosts The Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

TRANSCRIPT

Start by placing your feet firmly on the ground while allowing whatever you're sitting on to support you completely—let yourself feel held by it while connecting with earth beneath you knowing we're just tiny blips among its inhabitants

Welcome to Self Care for Despair. An unexpected, unscheduled episode of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Episode 36.

I woke up feeling like I’m sure so many of you did this morning. All through the night I’d been thinking, ‘Nope, she’s going to catch up. She’s going to catch up, it’s going to be okay,’ and then it wasn’t. In the past, I’d have cried for days. I mean, let’s face it, I moved countries because of Brexit. Politics IS personal and it is scary and it’s now more than ever that we need to take amazing care of ourselves and of each other, so I hope this episode will help you to do that.

In this episode, I share a trauma sensitive Metta meditation, a simple breathwork practice, a shortcut to helping you feel better, a way to comfort and soothe yourself and some of the other self and Self care things that I’ve been doing this morning and today.

Since recording it this morning, I’ve gone for a swim and I swam my heart out and I’m just going to encourage you to welcome all of your feelings and honour all of your feelings, look after yourself and connect with your loved ones, connect with others who are hurting and just sending enormous love.

I hope you find it helpful and, remember, you have so many resources yourself, don’t give into fear and hate. Let yourself wallow. Let yourself cry. Let yourself heal. I mean, crying is healing but also know that there are so many amazing people in the world, so many people who go out of their way to help other people, to care for other people, to save other’s lives like running into burning buildings or accidents.

This is not representative of the world and, while you’re safe physically, do these practices that let your brain KNOW that you’re safe. Let your whole system know that you’re safe. Regulate your nervous system and connect with all of your resourcefulness. You can still thrive.

Welcome to an unscheduled episode of the Feel Better Every Day podcast. Having been awake for much of the night, watching with increasing dread and disbelief, I went back to bed and focused on connecting with how I felt. I'm over on the west coast of Ireland, so I can only imagine what it's like for so many Americans who are feeling unsafe—literally unsafe.

I thought I'd do something to help people who, like me, are anxious about what it means for the planet, for women, for trans people, and for all sorts of minorities. It's important to remember that you have more power than you think, that you can self-soothe, that you can work with your own nervous system, and that you can support your amygdala—the alarm bell in the brain that may feel like it's ringing incessantly right now.

You can bring your prefrontal cortex on board. You can use your vagus nerve to send messages of safety to the pons, the part of the brain responsible for body language and breath. By working with your breath and posture, you will begin to calm the amygdala much faster than by telling yourself what might feel like lies about how it will all work out.

We don't know what will happen, but we know that we're wired to feel safe, loved, and welcomed in order to thrive. A lot of people right now are not feeling safe, welcome, or loved; they're feeling very afraid. After the Brexit vote in 2016, I cried for days and ended up leaving England, where I had been born and raised. Being Indian-Irish, London born, I suddenly felt very unsafe. I look white and sound English. I’m aware that I have an enormous amount of privilege, yet I remember how visceral that fear and horror was. I know many people are feeling that way at the moment.

I want you to be able to soothe yourself, support yourself, empower yourself, resist and fight, love and connect, and thrive. Start by just noticing how you're feeling right now. Use zero as neutral: minus 10 for absolute depths of despair and plus 10 for amazing. You may be feeling amazing; I don't know. Notice what you're feeling right now and ask yourself what you need at this moment. If you could do anything right now, what would it be?

For me this morning, I went back to bed, pulled the duvet over my eyes, and cuddled a teddy bear because the cats didn’t want to be near me. I decided to do a longer yoga practice; that really helped me. I did that before turning my phone on; at that stage, I was still hoping for a different outcome. I connected with my breath as I do every morning and did my Metta meditation.

So let's start there. With the Metta practice. You begin with: ‘May I be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease.’ Just notice how you feel in your body as you say those words and wish yourself well. ‘May I be able to take care of myself joyfully. May I possess the courage, wisdom, patience, and determination to manage life's challenges.’

Then you move on to someone you love: ‘May they be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease. May they be able to take care of themselves joyfully. May they possess the courage, wisdom, patience, and determination to manage life's challenges.’ Next is someone you feel more neutral about: ‘May they be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease. May they be able to take care of themselves joyfully. May they possess the courage, wisdom, patience, and determination to manage life's challenges.’

Traditionally from the Buddhist tradition, you'd pick someone you find challenging; if that feels too difficult today, choose someone else you love instead. For someone challenging today, I'm going with Mitch McConnell—he could have put an end to all this after Trump’s second impeachment (after the insurrection in January 2021) but didn’t. Letting it go: ‘May he be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease. May he be able to take care of himself joyfully. May he possess the courage, wisdom, patience, and determination to manage life's challenges.’

As I did that practice with him in mind, I imagined him being scared. This is Metta—we're expanding our heart's electromagnetic field energy outward before bringing it back to ourselves while remembering that we're all connected; we are all one.

Think about where you live—maybe your town or country: ‘May we all be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease. May we be able to take care of ourselves joyfully. May we possess the courage, wisdom, patience, and determination to manage life's challenges.’ Now think about a part of the world where you feel desperate or helpless—not naming any specific places but perhaps one you've been thinking about every day for a while: ‘May they be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease. May they be able to take care of themselves joyfully. May they possess the courage, wisdom, patience, and determination to manage life's challenges.’

For today’s focus—America: ‘May they be happy and healthy; peaceful and at ease. May they be able to take care of themselves joyfully. May they possess the courage wisdom patience and determination to manage life's challenges.’ [My phone suddenly burst into Taylor Swift’s Bad Blood – you might be able to hear it] Forgetting any bad blood between us all—send everyone those wishes for happiness health wellness ease and peace.

Think about the world at large; you can pause this episode if needed or do it for as many individuals or groups you're concerned about—different minority groups or individual loved ones—and when you're ready take it out into the world at large: ‘May we all be happy and healthy; peaceful and at ease. May we be able to take care of ourselves joyfully. May we possess the courage wisdom patience determination to manage life's challenges.’

The most important thing is bringing it back to yourself: ‘May I be happy and healthy; peaceful and at ease. May I be able to take care of myself joyfully. May I possess the courage wisdom patience determination to manage life's challenges.’ Take a moment now to notice how you feel after this whole practice.

I start every morning with Metta; I include all my clients—past present future—everyone I've ever worked with or will work with that day along with everyone I'm worried about or love; it takes a while but just notice how you feel afterward.

Personally speaking—I can't imagine life without this practise; it's been one of my most transformative experiences which I've discussed in my book along with others but Metta alone combined with breathwork is incredibly powerful.

This simple breath practice is a way to send immediate signals of safety through the vagus nerve up towards the brain while cascading down through our entire system—80% of those signals travel upwards through this vagus nerve pathway so we're much better off moving or breathing ourselves into feeling safety rather than trying to talk ourselves into something we don’t genuinely feel.

Start by placing your feet firmly on the ground while allowing whatever you're sitting on to support you completely—let yourself feel held by it while connecting with earth beneath you knowing we're just tiny blips among its inhabitants—the earth will endure regardless; humanity may not but earth itself will remain fine.

Reach out towards that nourishing supportive energy right now; let yourself rest within it while noticing what's happening with your breath naturally without trying too hard to change anything—notice whether you're breathing from your upper middle or lower lungs making mental notes as needed.

Get a sense if your inhalation is longer than your exhalation or vice versa or if they're even—again note these observations mentally or physically before moving on because here’s where if desired—you can regulate yourself through simple actions helping improve how you're feeling.

There's real power in mindfulness—in being present with what is without trying too hard especially during times like today when so much feels beyond our control—building our capacity simply being present without becoming dysregulated is an invaluable skill while having regulation abilities remains crucial.

If it feels good, aim towards breathing down into your belly—it may require more conscious effort which is brilliant since breath tends not receive our awareness often enough—anytime we breathe more mindfully we're literally changing how we feel activating our parasympathetic nervous system helping ourselves enter rest-and-digest mode while reinforcing feelings of safety reminding us in this moment—we are safe.

As I encourage connecting further with breath—I realise I'm talking quite a bit but notice how it feels bringing breath consistently down towards belly—you may find it gets stuck somewhere along its journey but remember—it’s not about judgement—you’re alive!

To maximise benefits bring breath right down aiming for slightly longer exhalations—some prefer counting—for instance breathing in for four seconds then out for six or simply focusing on lengthening exhalation slightly longer than inhalation each time.

This requires extra awareness helping keep our wandering minds returning back towards practice rather than getting lost amidst distractions occurring every moment when we breathe unconsciously most times—but by focusing on deepening breaths while extending exhalations—we're more likely noticing when thoughts drift away gently guiding awareness back towards breathing process itself remaining patient especially during distressful feelings.

Just a few breaths can truly help—you might find one minute wonderful but five minutes even better! Start wherever suits best—you can repeat throughout day grounding yourself connecting deeper breaths longer exhalations while observing feelings shift accordingly—even taking heart rate before after could prove interesting as typically reductions occur.

Finally—for this unexpected special edition—we'll explore the Butterfly Hug—a lovely way giving yourself a hug! Simply cross hands over chest resembling butterfly shape gently tapping one hand then another inhaling as tapping occurs on one side exhaling when switching sides—it’s an effective method of connecting safely with your body and breath while allowing gentle movement bridging both parts brain together promoting coherence and congruence whilst supporting oneself, recognising all the feelings arising naturally without judgement.

I won’t delve into Tapping today since numerous resources exist online including all the free videos available through selfcarecoaching.net (and in the Sole to Soul Circle: Self care for trauma recovery and ADHD, offering additional exclusive content related each theme discussed here.

If tapping isn’t appealing right now consider simply tapping the thymus area and collarbone, gently bringing comfort even amidst tears, shaking sensations, releasing pent-up energy within the body, noticing how these actions resonate deeply inside us all collectively experiencing shared struggles during tough times overall!

Stamping also serves purpose getting feelings out effectively reminding us today isn’t normal nor is anyone in the world around us designed thrive without mutual healing support amongst each other. It’s incomprehensible witnessing deliberate harm inflicted upon others causing immense pain so releasing these energies becomes essential grounding ourselves enabling resilience love ultimately leading a thriving existence.

Regarding stamping—it’s mentioned within the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better, originating from Olivia Roberts who presented concepts during energy work conference years ago in Eastbourne in the UK. She called it Resolution Magic. She’d been suffering migraines and would normally remain still, attempting to avoid disturbance until finally fed up she began stomping, shouting ‘Go away! Go away!’ surprisingly leading the migraine to dissipate entirely!

She researched further discovering positive effects particularly on IBS and other chronic conditions emotions benefitting greatly from such releases—I’ve encouraged clients to adopt similar practices for well over a decade whenever possible (if animals aren’t present preventing proper stamping) to encourage letting go entirely “Go away!” Release whatever burdens weigh heavily on your hearts and mind.

Sometimes it might wind you, other times, simply contemplating stomping and shouting brings smiles, processing stress healing emerging naturally within us all.

Sending enormous love to everyone. Do whatever necessary to help your self and your Self. Drink plenty water, consume nourishing foods, act loving, be safe, creating welcoming environments, connect with loved ones and keep an eye out for others struggling too.

Sending enormous love once again! If found helpful please share with someone who might find it helpful. Look after yourself—I’ll return soon sharing more regularly scheduled content!

This episode of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast was produced by me, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham. I hope that it was helpful and I hope it will encourage you to remember and connect with all the self care resources you already have that are helpful and that you take the time and look after yourself and nourish yourself and let yourself feel as safe, welcome and loved as possible.

Thank you so much for listening and for joining me on this journey. This final episode of Season 1 is where I am honest about what I've ACTUALLY integrated from my gorgeous guests' episodes.

Scroll down for links to all the episodes on YouTube and audio.

WHO AM I?

I'm your producer and host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing (Pen & Sword, 2017), freelance journalist and Editor-in-Chief of the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

I'm also an online trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. Past Chair of BACP Coaching, I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net).

I started The Feel Better Every Day Podcast in 2023 because I realised that even with the focus of my work being self and Self care (for 20 years now!), I often struggle.

And so do so many of my colleagues. We're all human! So I interviewed several of them including neuroscientists, authors writing about health and wellbeing, fitness professionals, therapists, coaches, energy workers and medical professionals.

We ALL have gaps and even gulfs between what we would LOVE to be doing for ourselves each day and what we actually do.

My hope with each episode is that you'll go easier on yourself and do something rather than nothing from your own ideal self or Self care repertoire.

Create a life you don't need to retreat from! Let me know how you get on! I really love hearing from y'all.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

You can access loads of resources at selfcarecoaching.net and your whole self is also very welcome to join Embodied with Evei at evemc.substack.com Even if you're listening to this later, you'll gain instant access to the rich archive of recordings from the time you join.

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast @evemenezescunningham

Trailer for The Feel Better Every Day Podcast

https://youtu.be/0_6382uyTDM?si=liqi-wd9HX3oFbSM

Episode 1: IDEAL daily self care practises v the ACTUAL essentials

https://youtu.be/RmGUzy8Q56w?si=TQ5A-k2WdKugi1jq

Episode 2: Be Bad, Better with Rebecca Seal

https://youtu.be/5GRqqLk_h-w?si=z_2gbcnCDYQtrxBx

Episode 3: Caroline Shola Arewa

https://youtu.be/4Z1hgXyQzXY?si=eJjvo36IHlYHb4ql

Episode 4: Andrew McGonigle (aka Doctor Yogi) on being less rigid

https://youtu.be/wd4fHFoIrFE?si=ku8hGVPhNIIGeV7K

Episode 5: Yasmin Shaheen-Zaffar

https://youtu.be/lhshfsLgC6I?si=5VaS1jzHwGI6sRwB

Episode 6: Sarupa Shah on self care and the art of doing nothing

https://youtu.be/rGTnuZrz7d0?si=1m55c5u6KHezs2-1

Episode 7: bestselling author Nick Williams on play and creativity

https://youtu.be/gWXOlExbz1k?si=IOgN1Vdg4FDPN289

Episode 8: Martine Henry

https://youtu.be/d8KH3Elo0wM?si=28EUF8YpxSbUKZtA

Episode 9: Priya Sher

https://youtu.be/q-jzLAApnrY?si=4Vef5d3Zyg-eWmzW

Episode 10: Paul O'Brien

https://youtu.be/PXOK5Gs6I54?si=9vktNIHu-VnPJN49

[no video for episode 11]

Episode 12: Emma Turnbull

https://youtu.be/xJnGidCFZSQ?si=J8iNJqxvn7ciT_fc

Episode 13: Veena Ugargol

https://youtu.be/BXVNce4Hggs?si=kaXsQDxcFtKF0r7A

Episode 14: Suzy (Sky)Walker's ideal and actual self care practices

https://youtu.be/om4gSkZ1Ri0?si=Uinb-uQ4lOtram79

Episode 15: Gill Fennings

https://youtu.be/6D95a3SN8xw?si=E-G3YvGPDfwEr0m9

Episode 16: Dr Dina Glouberman

https://youtu.be/-msvmtPQQPo?si=BpxYglcpctK-K47W

Episode 17: Kathie Bishop

https://youtu.be/-waf9GKMohk?si=cQhu8if2Lnbrf4DY

Episode 18: Marilyn Devonish

https://youtu.be/a09Mxdn_Pz8?si=RbPLuUkXXzZoUosV

Episode 19: Karen Falconer

https://youtu.be/e0SgwBRXMPo?si=Dc_afuhTCxDaSV7N

Episode 20: Dr Karen Ward

https://youtu.be/scvnM_X9mZY?si=Eq5JVFLMPq898aax

Episode 21: Leonie Dawson

https://youtu.be/Nl0lPi6BgDU?si=fhaQy7Xk2vCDfKu6

Episode 22: Chris Oxborrow

https://youtu.be/1luLt5aF8LU?si=VLDVL4tQ0ZbIIkR1

Episode 23: Josephine Hughes

https://youtu.be/EL7uJXvilxA?si=2NpWUaI6cPMjCg_3

Episode 24: Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas

https://youtu.be/RF5DAMsqye0?si=lOddpOJStCYwIcXg

Episode 25: Louise Lucas (formerly Louise Brown)

https://youtu.be/SYo05z69IP8?si=Wk4iUZ4b32dvADy0

Episode 26: Dr Sabina Brennan

https://youtu.be/U2UZ7WBw0FM?si=YPpY2IYeV78I0s6V

Episode 27: Grainne O'Neill

https://youtu.be/Qbdn8425Ef4?si=qnV_9HJzaMUz-d4l

Episode 28: Jayne Leonard

https://youtu.be/HAxVAkh1-Uw?si=liOIs6rURkQfK8fx

Episode 29: Medical herbalist and natural therapist Fiona Morris

https://youtu.be/yHQbopZ3jEw?si=h1pE_ezBhtbXD_xI

Episode 30: Mick Devine

https://youtu.be/hivI119QsCE?si=lU6OAbYHY8AdbEAB

Episode 31: Jane Travis

https://youtu.be/URkeQ03S_T8?si=vFY10i7DezNIWzfR

Episode 32: Joanne Mallon

https://youtu.be/iDUKmHd3FS0?si=GMRGUXuGm45V72vS

Episode 33: Colleen Kneafsey

https://youtu.be/oq_bezi2ZHw?si=AP9aCs9PgH6PXZ9K

Episode 34: Athena Sayaka

https://youtu.be/TTDkeuICJ_Q?si=Whqi65Yl5r8x4N51

Episode 35: My Season 1 Highlights

https://youtu.be/TIZb4qoxWKg?si=hG7KLefLWx_TLc2H

Trailer for The Feel Better Every Day Podcast

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/f065bd6d-6ef2-4130-8de5-2f4c95155d95

Episode 1: IDEAL daily self care practices v the ACTUAL essentials

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/b61de7e2-3e84-4ba2-af6c-3c39da708326

Episode 2: Be Bad, Better with Rebecca Seal

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/8537fdd6-0e13-4af5-9c24-701942910365

Episode 3: Caroline Shola Arewa

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/afb5a34c-66b7-4411-97a9-4a448d28eebd

Episode 4: Andrew McGonigle (aka Doctor Yogi) on being less rigid

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/01ac831a-cbce-427b-97ee-1616e7436079

Episode 5: Yasmin Shaheen-Zaffar

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/df0530fa-9110-4cfb-b5a8-b892363fd757

Episode 6: Sarupa Shah on self care and the art of doing nothing

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/a81d1145-5e2e-462d-8dd4-9852410e29ac

Episode 7: bestselling author Nick Williams on play and creativity

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/a37b2caf-6f00-486d-9e1b-698308a10675

Episode 8: Martine Henry

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/b8a0bab1-0b0a-4c02-a374-4cc8aa3831c5

Episode 9: Priya Sher

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/ecfbed59-5ac0-4a16-a6c2-6a669d0e06ce

Episode 10: Paul O'Brien

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/def4c853-f188-42df-b165-2392fdd0c121

Episode 11: Jini Reddy

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/55b97819-6f1c-41ef-a840-1b4e0c89a2a7

Episode 12: Emma Turnbull

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/212145ef-0217-4f93-b108-7a80db612eab

Episode 13: Veena Ugargol

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/ea0419a4-5dc6-428c-a437-7dc5a7af1c02

Episode 14: Suzy (Sky)Walker's ideal and actual self care practices

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/2d95314a-e00e-4e7c-b7e2-e8fe2b5eafe4

Episode 15: Gill Fennings

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/357973de-00dd-4adf-87ad-6aacd1b93f3b

Episode 16: Dr Dina Glouberman

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/02924939-4a12-4e9d-a1e3-cb891ac83a1f

Episode 17: Kathie Bishop

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/95a5302c-e0e2-4635-a4d4-5ec8521c41e2

Episode 18: Marilyn Devonish

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/a1ea41c9-40e9-4aac-adcd-1589cad216b4

Episode 19: Karen Falconer

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/7f430bdd-a617-4cdd-bdeb-892aea4252e6

Episode 20: Dr Karen Ward

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/faaa1438-ce14-4a57-8be1-b136cc40e71e

Episode 21: Leonie Dawson

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/28c138ae-ac0d-412a-96c5-64b81a8cb81e

Episode 22: Chris Oxborrow

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/099d0f90-959a-447a-9d18-3ab2e8f8a591

Episode 23: Josephine Hughes

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/c1950fda-356e-4f2a-90f0-5a9e710559ae

Episode 24: Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/054bb3cc-0acb-4af9-9c36-56adc9e48b9c

Episode 25: Louise Lucas (formerly Louise Brown)

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/ea6daa55-dee9-4824-b2d3-ec94d46973b1

Episode 26: Dr Sabina Brennan

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/a572514e-b4a2-4cea-8db6-dcda647269e6

Episode 27: Grainne O'Neill

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/e8307e1e-f405-459e-b7e3-db647ba4b6fe

Episode 28: Jayne Leonard

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/6937b8e9-8479-4224-9568-0d33d8202762

Episode 29: Medical herbalist and natural therapist Fiona Morris

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/2578695b-c43a-4959-99d9-b8b31abd708e

Episode 30: Mick Devine

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/3ccabcc3-3bef-4792-827d-2826e5ac86a2

Episode 31: Jane Travis

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/4294d4e0-8250-4afa-b47b-5c3344ba9acc

Episode 32: Joanne Mallon

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/54d85b3a-0d72-4598-acc1-3c39a276b246

Episode 33: Colleen Kneafsey

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/b8bd8e05-8b66-4128-bc2d-1a051da50bc3

Episode 34: Athena Sayaka

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/11bb3194-92a2-442a-af80-ea21cb5a4c93

Episode 35: My Season 1 Highlights (this one)