If you are a single parent there is no way you haven’t been hurt by someone or something. Whether it be betrayal, abandonment maybe even God allowing a spouse to die - we all have been wounded in some way. We all have good reason to be angry for what we have been through. Often, the idea of forgiveness frankly isn’t something we even want to do. We know God tells us we should. We have heard that it is the right thing to do. But, no one can just flip a switch and act like nothing bad ever happened or was done, we have found the following 6 steps to be helpful in working towards forgiveness.
First, let's define forgiveness
Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
Equally important is what forgiveness is not
Forgiveness is Not Saying ...
-You were not hurt by what the other person did.
-Your pain is gone.
-Life can now pick up where you left off, you feel the way you did before, as if what happened never happened.
-You no longer believe the other person was responsible for causing harm.
-You excuse the other person’s behavior.
-You no longer view what happened as important.
-You share the blame for what happened.
-You can ever forget what happened.
There are many benefits to forgiveness.
Our benefit
John Hopkins study concluded the act of forgiveness can reap huge rewards for your health, lowering the risk of heart attack; improving cholesterol levels and sleep; and reducing pain, blood pressure, and levels of anxiety, depression and stress.
Kids Benefit -
They are watching - every action, every word you speak, every facial expression, every action is being watched by your children, who are eventually going to emulate millions of things you and your ex do.
We need to be free of our anger and bitterness for our kids. We need to leave a legacy of grace for them.
Gods command
He commands us to do it for our good.
Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
The six steps to forgiveness
1.Recognize it is necessary - We must recognize the benefits and importance.
2.It is a deliberate move forward- it is act of the Willard remember, Forgiveness is a Process
3.Check expectations - the offending party doesn’t have to recognize the fault
4. Pray for the offending party
5. Be grateful for the path - Gratefulness unlocks forgiveness
6.Surrender - Let go of the outcome - remember that hardship helps us remember the beauty of dependency on God.
Forgiveness, ultimately, is about freedom. When we need someone else to change in order for us to be OK, we are a prisoner. Without forgiveness, we’re shackled to anger and resentment.
