Somebody Write This

"After a European loses $65,000 dollars in poker, an Englishman investigates a young woman's terrifying past."

Is the Englishman the same person as the European? What's in the young woman's terrifying past? And which of them is attending an intense, week-long counseling session? Our guest Naomi Laeuchli is here to help us walk through this confusion! You can check out her work on the Tales app for iOS and the Dorian app for iOS and Android.

"When a ruthless businessman arrives, she sets out with independence, her monster, and the French throne to put her life on hold."

Is this the literal French throne? How is a monster involved? And where does Philadelphia fit into all this? Fortunately our guest Jordan Conrad is here to work it all out with us! Follow Jordan on Instagram @jordan_illustrates.

"A secret police enforcer rebuilds her life after she doesn't mess up the job in a haunted castle."

How does NOT messing up the job destroy someone's life? Who is haunting this castle? And whose French fiance is involved in all this? Thankfully we have our guest, author Elizabeth Bear, to help us work through this nonsense!

You can follow Elizabeth on Twitter and Instagram @matociquala and on her website elizabethbear.com, where you can sign up for her newsletter and Patreon. Her new book "The Origin of Storms" comes out this summer, so check it out!

"In Camden Town, the most famous U.S. Olympic wrestling champion, looks out of her window."

Well, that's not a whole lot to go on. What happens next? Why is this woman in Camden Town? How does she encounter a psychopathic serial murderer? Author Megan Darragh is here to help us sort it out.

You can follow Megan on social media:

"Three cute little old ladies, living in the twentieth century, try to help each other refuse to kill people."

Why is refusing to kill people difficult for these little old ladies? How do they help each other? Are they the wealthy ones mentioned in the title? Our guest Vernon Greene joins us to make it all makes sense! Check out his YouTube series A Fan's View (on Twitter @a_fansview) and you can find him personally on social media at @wvglag.

"A monster film where a dead body helps the penguins embark on a road trip."

How can a dead body help anyone? Is it the monster of the monster film? And how do the sewers of London play into this? Our guest Cynthia Hand helps us figure out these questions and more! You can check out her website at cynthiahandbooks.com (or the Lady Janies series at ladyjanies.com) or follow her on Instagram @cynthiahand and @ladyjanies. Keep an eye out for "My Imaginary Mary," releasing in August!

"A lonely sociopath hired to manipulate a parole officer discovers just how dark mysterious artifacts are."

How are they trying to manipulate a parole officer? What are these mysterious artifacts? Is one of them a stolen script? Our guest C. Rae D'Arc is here to help us out! You can follow her blog at https://craedarc.wordpress.com/, follow her on Instagram @craedarc, or find her books on Amazon.

"Jabba the Hutt must choose between his desire to find a unique and beautiful therapeutic outlet and the responsibilities of receiving daily visits from his downstairs neighbors."

...Well, that's a mouthful to begin with, and our guest Josh Garcia-Cotter has some ideas of his own he wants to work in, so before we know it we have something wild and wonderful in front of us! You can follow our guest Josh on Twitter and Instagram @joshinthemosh89.

"A former British Army officer arrives in Arizona, 1873." What is this British Army office doing in Arizona? How is 1873 significant? And who is this colleague who's been murdered? Glad we've got our guest Ono Northey here to flesh out this seemingly simple story. Check out his website at ononorthey.com and his book series, The Shard Chronicles, on Amazon!

"The infamous story of Frankenstein, who gets Santa's flight off the ground on a worm farm in California." What are Santa and Frankenstein doing in a story together? And what are they doing on a worm farm? And... there are rocket ships here too?

Fortunately, our guest Andy Luke is here to make it all make sense -- or get as close as we can. Check out his website at andy-luke.com to find his work and contact him on social media!