Something Positive for Positive People

Ya'll! We have a local semi-celebrity on this one!!!! You gotta listen to find out who she is  . (She doesn't think she's a celebrity. I think she is because she sings for money lol) This isn't your stigma. It belongs to the uneducated, uninformed, inexperienced individuals who don't have, don't know they have or in denail about the  potentially coming in contact with herpes. I was there until I got it along with many others. There's a transition period that begins with your diagnosis where what you KNEW about herpes is now what you believe about yourself, and then you begin to realize majority of those beliefs are untrue as you begin to have your own experience. This new found experience means understanding terminology, how your body responds to the virus, and beginning to educate and inform yourself and then realizing each person has their own experience.

I believe that through educating people as the opportunities present themselves is an important key to disassembling the stigma. We all fear judgment but the only way to free ourselves of it is to help free others by sharing our experience as the most educated group of people about herpes being that we have it. There's nothing to be ashamed of except the indifference we express by not speaking up against those who make those ignorant herpes jokes. I'm guilty of it and hope I never find myself in a position to not educate in that instance again.

Please continue to rate, subscribe to and review episodes of the podcast so that others are able to connect with the resources available to help them better understand the virus, their experience and connect with others for support.

I'm on Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr and Reddit @HOnMyChest.

Episode 22 - Sex Positive Families: Preparation Over Prevention

37 year old (we think) Melissa hosts the Sex Positive Families podcast which I’ve followed on Instagram for several months now @Sexpositive_families. She’s a social worker/sexual health educator doing amazing work I felt was useful to Something Positive for Positive People. I didn’t have good sex education growing up, many of the people on the podcast have expressed the same, and I can speak from experience, that lack or absence of proper education is a contributing factor to the stigma around STI’s that many of us struggle with. Melissa teaches us how to have sexual health conversations with our youth. This episode was fun, informative and definitely useful.

The most interesting takeaway to me was tickling and how it relates to sex as an adult. In tickling, the tickler often feels the other person is enjoying themselves due to the amount of laugher taking place. The tickled is laughing, and at some point is saying no or stop, and their no goes ignored. In sex (as an adult), I could find myself doing this enjoyable fun thing with someone while they are showing signs of enjoyment, but if they say no, I could go on to ignore that because ohhhh they don’t mean no, they can’t mean it because they’re having too much fun. I thought that connection about consent between tickling as a child and sex as an adult was powerful. There are many other cool gems in this episode to listen for, so I hope you’re able to get them and have some awesome SEX-ual health convos with the youth you’re closest to.

In relation to the focus of this podcast, AFTER reaching out to Melissa, I found out she is HSV-2 positive!!! We still do the ‘Hi I’m Courtney and we’re speaking with ______ about their experience with _______’, but the important lesson here is that as someone living with HSV, I wouldn’t have known she had HSV had I not been open about my own. The fact that I was reaching out for the sole purpose of connecting our listeners to her work goes to show you just how common the herp-glerp is.

Telling your kids about your diagnosis - Should I Disclose My HIV or HSV status to my children: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLEFZ9DrQE8

Melissa of Sex Positive Families can be found at www.sexpositivefamilies.com, on Instagram @SexPositive_Families, Facebook @sexpositivefamilies, Twitter @sex_positivefam, YouTube Channel: Sex-Positive Families

You can find Sex-Positive Swag at www.redbubble.com/people/sexpositivefamilies

Please continue to rate and review the podcast as it does help with the rankings and get this podcast to those who need to find it. Many people have been connected to the resources available that they may not otherwise have come in contact with so soon. I’m on Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr and Reddit @HOnMyChest

I really do wish I could speak to more STI’s but finding people with HIV/AIDS who are willing to share is quite a challenge. If you’re ready to share, please reach out.

Stay Positive!

61 year old Theresa, retired nurse/Salisbury, NC resident was diagnosed with HSV-1 and 2 after discovering her husband of 32 years' infidelity with men. That, on top of her diagnosis was the catalyst that led her to leaving that marriage where according to him, she 'had gotten what she deserved'. Theresa immediately recognized the mental hold the stigma behind herpes would have on her if she didn't do something about it quickly. She decided to be open about her status and put energy into doing things she enjoyed. She began dating within and outside the community, refusing to limit her options. In doing that, she met her now husband of 7 years. He was a muggle (someone without the condition of their potential suitor borrowed from the world of J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter).

Theresa's main takeaways are to not let the stigma define you, go be happy, when you get tested or get a partner tested, be sure to be assertive in your request and ask for a full panel which includes herpes testing so that you know your status. You're not a virus, you HAVE a virus! Your person is out there and you shouldn't limit out half your options by dating only individuals who share your condition. BAM there's the title. No Limits!

Theresa's story is one that confirms our experiences in the moment equip us for what is to come to us so that we're prepared for it. Whether good or bad, how we perceive the experience really affects how we live life. We shouldn't put limitations on our happiness. We cut off entire worlds of possibilities in doing that. Be vulnerable. It's ok. There's strength there.

I can be found on Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr @HonMyChest. I'm also Courtney Brame on Facebook. You can't miss me, my cover photo is the podcast logo.

*Trigger Warning* In this episode of Something Positive for Positive People, 26 year old Katie talks about her experience with HSV-2 which she contracted 3 years ago from a sexual assault. At 2:00 into the episode it is first mentioned. At 6:00 into the episode, Katie tells the story of her sexual assault. This story and conversation ends at 24:30 just before you hear me say, "Now back to the herpes".

Shortly after her diagnosis of HSV-2, she met and disclosed to her now boyfriend putting her at a 100% successful disclosure rate. Just a heads up for all the haters lol.

I would like to ask for your forgiveness for making the statement that makes Katie's sexual assault makes everyone else's means of contracting their std seem like nothing. So for that I apologize. I caught it in the moment but continued to say it anyway. My friend I had proof-listen to this episode pointed it out to me.

Follow me on Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr @HonMyChest for more updates on the podcast. Episodes will be released regularly on the first of each month with bonus episodes in between. I'm always looking for guests to share their experience with stds and skin to skins (My attempt to de-stigmitize the skin to skin virus, herpes).

Stay Positive!

The majority of this episode, we discussed the secret communities/groups that can be found on social media for individuals living with hpv/hsv. We talk about the good and bad of these communities and how they relate to the stigma. (I immersed myself into these and found myself through this, but everyone is different as you’ll hear in this episode) “I have herpes and I don’t know if you’re worth taking the risk…” Paraphrasing this as a phenomenal means of disclosure. When you establish yourself as a high value individual, you set the tone of your own value and you’re able to project yourself as a high value individual when you become the chooser. Don’t be all like, “I have herpes, do you accept me?”. Be like “I have herpes and I think you’re cool enough to know this about me, but I’m still deciding if you’re worth the risk”. Way different dynamic.

I can be found on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr @HonMyChest Link to the show in the comments!

Stay Positive

So we've decided to refer to herpes as an STS(v) Skin to skin Virus rather than an std since the herpes virus is transmitted through more means than just sexual contact. Angela Johnson of www.projectaccept.org shares with us her experience with cold sores since she was 10 years old. Now 51 years of age (and wine fine), she takes every opportunity to educate others about cold sores (which are herpes) whenever she has an outbreak. Angela has no shame... (except for what we discuss in the opening of part 2 of this episode) about her herpes. She wears it proud and does all she can to combat the stigma behind it, especially for those who contracted it by means other than sexual contact. Tune in to this episode for inspiration to shift your perspective of this STS(v) and open yourself up to the idea of becoming a lighthouse to someone by educating them about our condition and YOUR experience. Please rate and review this podcast. Subscribe as well please! I can be found on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr @HonMyChest

Stay Positive

Cassie, 29 year old St. Louis resident, food service working, heterosexual HPV & HSV2 Positive female . . . . There, I think I covered it all in a half-assed sentence (lol) shares her personal experience living with HSV2 after being diagnosed at age 17.

IT, the Clown, is a perfect analogy for what stigma does to us. In IT, the clown was most powerful when the children were alone dealing with IT. Let's Replace the word IT with stigma. The stigma attacked the kids and caused physical harm UNTIL they began to talk to one another about it. When they realized they weren't alone, the stigma fought harder. The kids knew they had to hold strong and stick together. They went down there and kicked that stigma's ass! Next time you get down about herpes, just talk to someone about it. It wants us to feel alone because it draws power from that fear that comes from loneliness. The stigma loses it's power when we find ours in community (when we are ready). Let's kick this clown ass stigma's ass!!!

We talk about our experiences disclosing (and sometimes not), the false sense of security condoms bring people who think that the use alone protects them from stds. Cassie has had repeated successful disclosures and often made the decision for the other person not to move forward intimately because they don't fully recognize the risks. Oftentimes because we have an std, we feel an overwhelming sense of relief when we are accepted by someone for our condition. However, we KNOW our status and don't often think to have the other person recognize the risks involved or fully understand what their own status is.

The thing I found most interesting that Cassie shared with us is that in her experience, she's known women decide not to have children because of their herpes diagnosis in fear of the risks that can occur. Cassie has two healthy children she birthed vaginally and they have yet to experience any visible symptoms of HSV.

The takeaway here is to REALLY find a safe place to talk about it. By safe place I mean blogs, forums, online communitiies, close friends and relatives too.

I also said Fucking a LOT. Cassie and I really clicked and I felt comfortable enough to have the free flowing conversation we had. Apologies for the offenses.

Please subscribe to the podcast for new episode updates. Rate and review us on your podcast player to help more people find this content. I can be found on Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr @HonMyChest

I am not a medical professional and please understand this content is experience based. If you have any concerns about your medical health, please seek guidance from a licensed medical professional.

It's very rare that you hear about people disclosing and having success. I've been fortunate to have Tim come on and share his most recent success story with us. While shy at first in speaking on the podcast, you hear throughout as Tim begins to open up and get more comfortable sharing his experiences leading up to him meeting an amazing person and how that awkward conversation can potentially go if you're willing to put yourself out there. I originally wanted Tim to share with us BEFORE he disclosed to capture the emotion of leading up to it then I realized that was super selfish and I should have checked in with him to see which was best for him. Fortunately it went well. He has a pretty amazing weekend lined up for himself and his girlfriend coming up.

For obvious reasons, Tim couldn't go into too much detail about his past or his situation due to his need to remain anonymous and given his previous workplaces. So a lot of the pauses are just him finding other ways to word things or me making sure we stay away from digging too much into that kind of info.

For more updates on Something Positive for Positive People, follow me on Twitter, Tumblr or Instagram @HonMyChest

Stay Positive

This episode highlights River. River is living with HSV and had a rough time getting the medical guidance she needed after her diagnosis. Being diagnosed with herpes is one thing but not having an idea of the 'next steps' can make for a more horrific experience. Fortunately for River, she had a strong support system, her fian- I mean boyfriend was there for her the entire way. (Inside joke about the fiance part) lol. Gotta listen to get that joke :)

Please rate and review this episode on your podcast player to let us know what you thought.

I can be found on Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr @HonMyChest

Stay Positive

28 year old Luna is an herbalist, blogger, ethical slut, intersectional feminist, spoonie who FINALLY gave in and made an FB account sharing her amazing work!

You should listen to this episode if you're nervous about disclosing. Luna gave me confidence to share my story with those close to me. If she didn't, not near as many people would know about this podcast so I know she'd be encouraging to you.

I had the pleasure of getting Luna AKA @Herbslut to meet with me again to redo our episode together. She and I can talk for hours and hours so I did my best to limit it to under 1. We stayed on topic . . . for the most part. She even did a great job covering for me while I jumped up to get the door to give my Granny the keys to my car. Just a disclaimer, she was laughing at that around the time of the knocking lol.

This woman's bravery inspired me to share the podcast with my community and then be open about my condition to those around me. Not that I run around saying I have herpes or anything like that, I just don't avoid the topic altogether anymore.

We also discuss having the conversation about stds with potential partners. Being polyamorous, Luna shares her template for disclosing to potential partners.

We touch on the sex education and how sex is portrayed in media using Wonder Woman as an example.

Enjoy.

Luna can be found @Herbslut on Instagram or www.herbslut.com. Twitter: @Herb_Slut Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herbslut Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herbslut/

Thank her via Twitter and/or by leaving a review of this episode on your podcast player so more people can find this podcast.

I'm @HonMyChest on Instagram and Twitter. Stay Positive.