Something Positive for Positive People

It feels so good to be back from hiatus. I hadn't realized what disengaging from my identity here as a podcaster was doing for me, but it was through this experience that I learned. I was prioritizing money over being and in turn I was able to identify various ways my identity was being invalidated over time. That invalidation of identity led to burnout manifested in the form of a hiatus. On this episode, you see where I'm at and where we're going with SPFPP. And also, shoutout to Elle Stanger for putting me onto Audre Lorde who I tried to quote in this podcast episode but butchered it, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare”.

It's not goodbye, it's good transition. Also a must listen. Come, get what you need, then leave. Move on. Herpes stigma is internal and starts with the power we, those impacted by it allow for it to take from us. Give it something useful to US, practical applications only.

SPFPP advocacy has shifted to the integration of mental health resources and STD Prevention Efforts. Our goal is to make for an intentionally inclusive space for us as people who've tested positive after prevention efforts failed us due to their lack of transparency. I present this at the 2021 State of Michigan HIV and STI conference and here's the audio for it! Change is coming ya'll!

Malia shares her experience having taken advantage of the opportunity our donors provided for 12 people to have received 12 sessions of group therapy through Something Positive for Positive People. A major highlight here is how healing, through therapy at least is seen as a luxury, when it’s such a necessity. I’m validated in my recent thoughts that SPFPP ought to be MORE in a sense of expanding beyond therapy for people with herpes.I have a realistic vision for this to be a space where people positive and optimistic about their healing process can receive the support they need,. Healing WILL become more accessible through what we’ve built here.

How a person receives their diagnosis often reflects not only HOW, but even IF a person chooses to disclose their herpes status. Kelsey was diagnosed July 2020 with genital HSV1 and was only aware her outbreaks presented themselves internally because she advocated for herself. What presented as yeast infections actually turned out to be a herpes outbreak on her cervix. She fought for her health.

Hannah, who will have received her second shot is about to give dating a second shot! Having had HSV 4 years, she only disclosed to the guy she was seeing for those first 2, meaning she went 2 years without dating at all. She shares how therapy was supportive to her in being willing to put herself back out there after essentially feeling like when the relationship ended, she was diagnosed with HSV all over again.

The majority of this episode, we discussed the secret communities/groups that can be found on social media for individuals living with hpv/hsv. We talk about the good and bad of these communities and how they relate to the stigma. (I immersed myself into these and found myself through this, but everyone is different as you’ll hear in this episode) “I have herpes and I don’t know if you’re worth taking the risk…” Paraphrasing this as a phenomenal means of disclosure. When you establish yourself as a high value individual, you set the tone of your own value and you’re able to project yourself as a high value individual when you become the chooser. Don’t be all like, “I have herpes, do you accept me?”. Be like “I have herpes and I think you’re cool enough to know this about me, but I’m still deciding if you’re worth the risk”. Way different dynamic.

I can be found on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr @HonMyChest Link to the show in the comments!

Stay Positive

Dr. Allison Mathews represents 2BeatHIV which is a research project based at UNC’s Institute for Global Health and Infectious Disease and Department of Social Medicine. We are part of a 5 year, NIH funded grant called searcHIV, focused on examining the social and ethical aspects of research on curing HIV.

2BeatHIV is working to find ways to improve community engagement around HIV cure research. 2BeatHIV wants people to be involved and gain a sense of ownership over the future of HIV cure. The project hosts a series of contests to get the best community-based ideas on how to spread the word about HIV cure research.

2BeatHIV is currently looking for community engagement by submitting your ideas on what a cure would mean to you. Please help us get closer to an HIV cure. Submit your social media posts and or videos to any of the following 2BeatHIV pages explaining what it would mean to yourself or a loved one.

There's a ton of ways to get involved to help us get closer to a cure, what we need are more individuals willing to participate in clinical trials. More diverse participation will REALLY assist in making progress for us . . . . 2 Beat HIV.

Instagram: @2BeatHIV

Facebook: 2 Beat HIV

Twitter: @2BeatHIV

Follow us on Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram for updates on the podcast: @HonMyChest

Our guest shares her experience navigating narcissism in her family and partners. She shares her healing process having gone through quite a bit of sexual trauma (trigger warning). Therapy has supported her in being able to enter a healthy relationship, This episode does highlight the importance of support as well.

Jennifer completed our first cohort of SPFPP therapy sessions & shares what she got out of it. She’s also decided to get back with an ex. Social media emphasizes disconnecting from toxicity in relationships. What we don’t see is what neutralizing that toxicity looks like. Perhaps it’s an opportunity to implement boundaries with toxic people for healthier interactions when they can't be avoided.

Follow up email from the guest and I have permission to share:

Hey Courtney -

Thanks again for the opportunity to share my experience in the herpes support group and my personal herpes story on your podcast. I will be honest: I was a little uncomfortable coming out of our talk on Wednesday night, because I didn’t expect to get so in depth talking about my relationship, especially knowing that this information will be heard by the whole inter webs! I know that my choice to start a relationship back up with my ex might be frowned upon or even the subject of ridicule, but I think it is important to reiterate that life, love, healing, everything — not one bit of it is linear - it is a fucking rollercoaster, full of ups and downs, and all of our rides might look a little different, and that’s ok. ️After sitting in my discomfort these past few days, I wanted to add something that came to mind this morning as I was further ruminating on our talk.

Between you and I, I know we shared several discussions related to my relationship(s) that I am sure were less than positive. lol. But the thing about me, my past, my diagnosis, and now the full circle choice in starting my life again with my ex, is that my particular pattern in relationships (in general) was to “run…” I was a runner. Prior to my diagnosis, when things got hard / difficult / barely annoying in relationships, I bolted. I came from a family that idolized the mentality - “if something is broke, just throw it away and get something new / better.” So that’s how I handled all relationships.

To make a very long story as short as possible, I wished I had the words during our interview to have said this: (**you said this to me during one of our talks last year that BLEW MY MIND**) My herpes diagnosis, in a way, saved me. IT GROUNDED MY ASS HARD. I had to - no, I was FORCED to - stop running. I had to sit with myself, my diagnosis, my pains, my failures, successes, loves, losses, everything. I looked deeply at the things I wanted, I re-evaluated my priorities, I was able to look at the people and things who were standing in front of me loving “a whole me” and the others who were just taking up space and who needed out. Through this, I found redemption for myself and for a boy who was growing up in front my eyes and wanted to be with me on newer terms, despite mistakes made. Lots of relationships go through heartbreak or struggle and couples get through it. For me, this last year has been a journey toward deep inner love for myself that allowed me to be present with my new, even BETTER self — HSV2 + and Fabulous. I KNOW the herpes support group further solidified my feelings of forgiveness, for myself and others, in that the herpes didn’t ruin my life, it brought me so much more into truly “ living “ than I have ever been.

Thanks for your time in reading this. Hope to talk again soon. I would love to be a part of the behind the scenes, helping you and SPFPP in any way I can!

Best,

Jennifer