Something Something Joystick

This week, we’re joined by the extremely funny Alexei Toliopoulos for our marathon Halloween special! We talk about aging, masturbation, dick band-aids, hairstyles, the sudden departure of what could’ve been Tom’s true love, Ghostbusters, our experiences with the paranormal, Harry Potter, Apocalypse Now, porn parodies, ‘cars of jum’, The Walking Dead, Lost: The Video Game, sitcoms of the 90s, Dishonored, Doom, the alphabet, glasses face, Foghat, Fight Night Champion, Rocky VII: Adrian’s Revenge, Generic Cola, Skyrim, casual racism, SingStar, 50 Cent: Bulletproof, High School Musical, and Max Payne. In SSST: Federal judge throws out most of the PSN hack suit, Wii U gamers will need an Origin account to play online, Halo 4 was Microsoft’s most expensive game, Rockstar ramps up to announcing GTA V details, and GTA: Vice City gets a re-release. In Ask SSJ: we talk about teachers, Itty Bitty Schnitties, furniture stores, face-mashing, Chocolate Rain, General Pants & the Privates, Facebook hacks, apparent drunkenness, strokes, hitting on mums, claustrophobia, vertigo, pigeons, vulnerability on dates, and Ghost Rider. MUSIC USED: SSJ Halloween Theme: Xavier Rubetzki Noonan Flesheaters: Matt Nida / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Halloween: Albino Ghost Monkey / CC BY-NC-ND 3.0 SSJ Theme 2: Xavier Rubetzki Noonan CLICK HERE to download! CARS OF JUM Check out Alexei on Twitter: @ThisIsAlexei We mentioned The Book Was Better podcast - go check them out! They're one of our favourite podcasts! Add Sandsky on XBL: colourfast Add Xavier on PSN: xavierrn FREE ADVICE: If you try and eat all your Halloween candy in one go... you're probably not old enough to be listening to this podcast. Seriously, where's the overlap between trick-or-treaters and SSJ listeners?

This week, the always hilarious 'Zesty' Zac Innes drops in on us, and we talk about cigarette packaging,  colostomy bags, Tom's love life, boy bands, gender politics, holodeck technology, PlayStation AllStars: Battle Royale, Tokyo Jungle, the adventures of Zac's Sim Philip McFly, and a horrific game of RollerCoaster Tycoon. In SSST: Nintendo cuts Wii console prices, Tom tries to get minors to blow him, Microsoft releases Xbox sales figures, the next Mass Effect game won't feature a Shepard re-hash, Nihilistic Software move away from boxed games, and Deadly Premonition gets a PS3 release. In Ask SSJ: We talk about our love lives again, classic jokes, cannibalism, sex with cartoon characters, fetishes, crappy Halloweens, crime sprees, weird things to masturbate to, definitive proof that evolution is a lie, and our take on the classic hypothetical - would you fuck or fight your clone? MUSIC USED: Kurt Vonnegut - Born Ruffians SSJ Theme 2 - Xavier Rubetzki Noonan Gh00lz of Br00klyn - FB5K / CC BY-NC 3.0 flying above a snowfield - areographe FEATURE TRACK: Sea Of Lies - Edema Ruh (Want your track featured? Email us at [email protected]!) CLICK HERE to download! we need to create an video game animal known for its speed! A HEDGEHOG! sounds great i woulda went with cheetah but whatever time for lunch Check out Zac's podcast, Gaming Cult. It's really good. For real. Add Xavier on PSN: xavierrn Add Sandsky on XBL: colourfast FREE ADVICE: Don't get the Wheat bread at Subway. It's fucking dry as shit.

This week, we discuss spring and French onions, soap operas, fear of love, Red Dead Redemption, Light & Easy, SEGA MegaDrive Ultimate Collection, Assassin's Creed III, Skyrim, Burnout 3: Takedown, OkCupid, and Padme Amidala. In SSST: PAX Australia will be held in Melbourne, Bioware announce Mass Effect Trilogy, Ubisoft announce Assassin's Creed: Ezio Trilogy, and PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale's full roster has been released, with no Crash or Spyro in sight. Then we plan a sitcom about crack dealers... I swear, it just came up. In Ask SSJ: we discuss The Matrix, fax machines, space masturbation, the difference between cans and tins, Jim Henson, the ramifications of peeing in the shower, 1912 porn, The Matrix (again), Weezer, crispy chicken, the history of vaginas, and more. MUSIC USED: SSJ Theme 2: Xavier Rubetzki Noonan Piece Of My Baby's Sweet Motown Cake (Rehearsal Demo): General Pants & the Privates Troubled Dreams: Rushjet1 / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 So Much Love: Pablo J & the Lobsterettes CLICK HERE to download! VENUSAUR, OH NO! COUNTER-ATTACK WITH WHATEVER YOU FEEL LIKE, MAN Add Sandsky on XBL: colourfast Add Xavier on PSN: xavierrn Free advice: Don't bite your friends! Sandsky looks a little different this week.

This week, we talk about Cloud Four, the ethics of breakfast, choir, the myth of creation, the counterfeit bible industry, and Satan Satan Joystick. We almost talk about our love lives, favourite Pokémon, X-COM Enemy Unknown, Dishonored, and space jump. In SSST: THQ Asia Pacific closes Australian offices, Sony patents a temperature-changing controller, Rockstar Games Collection Edition I compiles some of Rockstar's best, Nintendo bumps New Super Mario Bros U down to 720p, Halo 4 leaks, and Diablo might've come to the Game Boy. In Ask SSJ: We talk about devious plans for revenge, a public access commercial break TV show, Tom's imperviousness to leg pain, toilet-based paranoia, one-night stands, annoying internet trends, and MILFs. MUSIC USED: SSJ Theme 2: Xavier Rubetzki Noonan Look Back: 2NRO8OT / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 Yellow Dust: Rolemusic / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 FEATURE TRACK: The Pieces - Cloud Four (Want your track featured? Email [email protected]!) CLICK HERE to download! DIRT BETWEEN MY NAILS! Add Sandsky on XBL: tmsndrsn Add Xavier on PSN: xavierrn Free advice: If you make your pets fight in real life, you'll be arrested. The police also frown on crushing pets into balls.

Rise and shine, Little Juans! It's time for Episode 45 of Something Something Joystick! This week, we talk about Billie Ray Cyrus, weird dreams, Cap'n Fishy, my vampire father, our love lives, old people fucking, Skyrim, coffee, Red Dead Redemption, plans for our 50th episode, and the gender of God. We talk about our experiences at IGN's Halo 4 Black Beta and EB Games' EB Expo (including shout-outs to Geek Bomb and the guys from IGN AU, as well as scoops on WonderBook, Tomb Raider, the WiiU and more, some analysis on the retailer-run expo... and Ray Romano). In SSST: Microsoft cuts Xbox 360 prices, Nintendo confirms WiiU region lock, Cliff Bleszinski leaves Epic, ex-Rare employees reunite for new project, Sony announces Vita's 10-year lifespan, Retro City Rampage gets a release date, as does The Unfinished Swan, and the internet creeps all over Dianna Agron. MUSIC USED: SSJ Theme 2 - Xavier Rubetzki Noonan you and i - areographe Horoscopes - Astrid & the Asteroids Power Supply - Anamanaguchi / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 CLICK HERE to download! DON'T EAT PORK - NOT EVEN WITH A FORK. CAN'T TOUCH THIS! Add Sandsky on XBL: colourfast Add Xavier on PSN: xavierrn FREE ADVICE: Try adding a little sugar to your popcorn. The sweetness mixes beautifully with the salt, creating a whole new dimension of flavour. Also, don't try and eat it with your nose.

This week, we discuss spring and French onions, soap operas, fear of love, Red Dead Redemption, Light & Easy, SEGA MegaDrive Ultimate Collection, Assassin's Creed III, Skyrim, Burnout 3: Takedown, OkCupid, and Padme Amidala. In SSST: PAX Australia will be held in Melbourne, Bioware announce Mass Effect Trilogy, Ubisoft announce Assassin's Creed: Ezio Trilogy, and PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale's full roster has been released, with no Crash or Spyro in sight. Then we plan a sitcom about crack dealers... I swear, it just came up. In Ask SSJ: we discuss The Matrix, fax machines, space masturbation, the difference between cans and tins, Jim Henson, the ramifications of peeing in the shower, 1912 porn, The Matrix (again), Weezer, crispy chicken, the history of vaginas, and more. MUSIC USED: SSJ Theme 2: Xavier Rubetzki Noonan Piece Of My Baby's Sweet Motown Cake (Rehearsal Demo): General Pants & the Privates Troubled Dreams: Rushjet1 / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 So Much Love: Pablo J & the Lobsterettes CLICK HERE to download! VENUSAUR, OH NO! COUNTER-ATTACK WITH WHATEVER YOU FEEL LIKE, MAN Add Sandsky on XBL: colourfast Add Xavier on PSN: xavierrn Free advice: Don't bite your friends! Sandsky looks a little different this week.

This week, I spend most of the episode making Tom's hangover worse, as we discuss the (now sadly removed) Alligator In The USA, Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light and Red Dead Redemption. We then start fighting earlier in the episode than ever before. In SSST: Sony announces the new PS3 Super Slim, we discuss the future of the PS3, Bioware co-founders leave for beer-er pastures, Ubisoft leak their WiiU lineup, PS+ Vita details emerge, Slender gets a sequel, Gravity Rush gets a sequel, YOU GET A SEQUEL, Squeenix announces a Kingdom Hearts HD collection, and we decide what Keiji Inafune should do to spice up YAIBA. In Ask SSJ: We discuss large dildos in traffic, Tom's Wolverine penis, narcissism (and wolves), a communist utopia on the moon, bingo, James Colley, ringtones, torture, Louis CK, inner turmoil, Noni Hazelhurst, Pulp Fiction, and sex with your parents. MUSIC USED: SSJ Theme 2: Xavier Rubetzki Noonan Helix Nebula: Anamanaguchi / CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 I Need A Life: Born Ruffians CLICK HERE to download! SO I PUT MY SCALES UP, THEY'RE PLAYING MY SONG, I KNOW I'M GONNA BE AN ALLIGATOR Check out James Colley's podcast Historians of Time! Also all our other favourite podcasts! Add Sandsky on XBL: colourfast Add Xavier on PSN: xavierrn Free Advice: If you're thirsty, try water! It's nature's Gatorade!

This week, we talk about our new mic setup, buffalo wings, IGN's Tekken Tag Tournament 2 Black Beta, Brain Soup, lazy editing, our upcoming Peanut Gallery special, Enslaved: Odyssey To The West, the Mythbusters, an update on our Bane impressions, SSJ Industries' boss Pendleton Pig, and Truth Or Lies, which we award our first official SSJ Seal of Disapproval. In SSST, we break down the WiiU's release details, talk about Inafune's new ninja-mech-zombie game, check out what people voted for on Steam Greenlight, get worried about what this R18+ rating really means, titillate each other with the ESRB's rating for Dead or Alive 5, and plug the heck out of Sifl & Olly's new show. We launch right into Ask SSJ, which leads to discussions of toughness, adulthood, milk-based conspiracies, classic literature for teenagers, lettuce, childhood delusions, the value of honesty, annoying phrases, clean breakups, body image, fetishes, and auteur directors. MUSIC USED: SSJ Theme 2: Xavier Rubetzki Noonan Laputa: Henry Homesweet / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 Like When You: Born Ruffians CLICK HERE to download! ZANG! Add Sandsky on XBL: colourfast Add Xavier on PSN (please!): xavierrn Free advice: ♫ Don't eat knives. You can put 'em in your mouth, but don't keep 'em there! ♫ this is where the magic happens!

This week, on a very special Xavier's Birthday episode, we try out some new mic techniques and talk about hangovers, Taylor Swift and pedophilia, Mega Man X in bed, Ultimate Marvel Vs. Capcom 3, Banjo Kazooie, Donkey Kong 64, Mario Kart 64, Virtual Chess 64, a bizarre Super Mario 64 mission, Crackdown, and lying about enjoying a party. As a special birthday surprise, I barely put together any news this week, but I make up for it by barely putting together a theme song for SSST either. We do talk about a few things - those copies of Resident Evil 6 were totally stolen, the Killzone Trilogy is totally a thing, EA is totally uninterested in games with no online component, Darksiders II is totally saving THQ's bacon, Ubisoft announced a totally rad new AssCreed mobile game (Assassin's Creed Utopia), and Ace Attorney is totally coming to 3DS. We go long on the Ask SSJ this week, talking about cereal conspiracies, the Illuminati, laughing at friends' injuries, horrible drug trips, seeing each other's privates, "being like food", near-death experiences (and the dangers of bark), the worst episode of SSJ, manliness, the economic ramifications of infinite money, euphemisms for masturbation, superhuman vomiting, drunken promises, our newest fan the Grim Reaper, bloodsports (and the cruelest deathtrap of all - life), what it takes to be cool, and our new names. Then Tom gets offered coke, I realise I'm actually 21, and then THE EPISODE ENDS. WHOA MUSIC USED: SSJ Theme 2: Xavier Rubetzki Noonan And The Beat Goes On: Pablo J & The Lobsterettes Die Uhr Rmx: Pocketmaster / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 apelz: Occasional Octopus CLICK HERE to download! C-SUS 2?! I DOUBT IT! Add Sandsky on XBL: colourfast Add Xavier on PSN: xavierrn FREE ADVICE: Sex is a trapping of the weak. YO POKÉMON SNAP GANGSTZZZ

This week, we talk about Baby Mario, child torturer Shigeru Miyamoto, a 'pizza button', the complexities of racial sensitivity, Spring Break, 'bales of weed', Wes Anderson, the existence of a soul, Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, Pro Evolution Soccer 2013, Dead Or Alive 5, Rocksmith, and Sound Shapes. We have a buttload of news this week: PAX heads to Australia, Team Bondi announce Whore Of The Orient, Insomniac Games announce Fuse, Deep Silver announce Dead Island: Riptide, Double Fine announce Middle Manager of Justice, Square Enix announce Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII, as well as a giant collection of every major game in the series. Amazon France leaks a potential Killzone Trilogy, Konami announce a social game, a new Metal Gear Solid game called Ground Zeroes, and a movie adaptation. Valve is finally releasing Black Mesa Source, we talk about another coffee table book (this time based on Punch-Out!!), the FAA makes movements to end their reign of tyranny, and the glorious nation of Poland gets their hands on Resident Evil 6. MUSIC USED: SSJ Theme 2: Xavier Rubetzki Noonan Kurt Vonnegut: Born Ruffians Water In The Something: Occasional Octopus CLICK HERE to download! RACK CITY BITCH RACK RACK CITY BITCH Check out Mike and Tom Eat Snacks (and while you're at it - other Podcasts We Like!) Add Sandsky on XBL: colourfast Add Xavier on PSN: xavierrn FREE ADVICE: If you can't do a Bane impression, don't try it out on your podcast anyway.