I accept the suchness of suffering, allowing it to be as it is, 

my heart of compassion vast enough to embrace it 

and enough space for it to relax and dissolve back into the Light and emptiness it truly is. We are the ancient ones,

returned to create a holy temple

in which heaven and earth can touch, embrace and merge.

The desire for enlightenment, so he will approve.

The lama said, some years ago, it would be good if you could let go of your desire for him. that means my entire ego structure, my entire separate self. 

The Buddha avoided looking at the face of his wife in his mind 

so that he could pass into enlightenment. How dare you! 

But he has a buddy. Yeshua the master passed

into his awakening with the help of his beloved.

We are the wisdom keepers,

the guardians of the light languages, 

the stone libraries and the names of God. Oh ancient ones, 

we cherish the yearning, 

I still my mind to let my prayers spill forth 

in the thaw of warming moons, released from their crystalline form by secret sounds, as they emerge from the Dreamtime.  

Peace, Be Still, and know that I Am God...

I can slow my vital signs, I know how to play dead. I can visualize,

open myself to whole vistas, magical stories, is this fantasy?

The white linen pants have pockets that can hold your rings 

while you wash your hands. it is safe to sweat now. 

I am reborn into this body, innocent heart, or maybe born 

for the first time, into these tissues and desires and myriad sensations. beloveds, walk with me, press close,

in this bardo of becoming, 

bardo of death at the airport on my way to my daughter’s wedding . How will I be with this new body and new life? 

fresh out of the womb, tender out of the chrysalis. 

I did not realize the extent of my motivation by disdain and aversion, look at me, look with me,

my sins are forgiven, the lama is pleased.

She is his buddy . Strange to not actually be on the earth at the moment, as I am in the sky, in the atmosphere,

not quite in outer space

I have come as the fire-crystal in the land of darkness, 

allow the waterfall, I focus my mind on Shiva, he cannot resist...

I practice with the sacred marriage, I am the bride,

I am the Christ, 

we make the vow, we practice in the marriage bed, 

I am in the sacred marriage with you and all of life, step into it,

unconditional love, truth, forgiveness, and freedom. 

the way must be made clear through

honesty and pure intention.

Nadi, prana and bindu, container, energy, and substance. 

The discipline required of an alchemist to hold all three elements together long enough for an alchemical reaction to occur can be considerable. pairs of red and white drops

in special places, 2 sets.

Leaves are not flower petals, although they may be brightly colored. even a good communication must be let go of, 

after a time the message no longer applies. 

there is a moment when the sun slants down low in the sky 

that it reaches right into the womb of the mother, 

softly caressing her innards. I place my offering inside

and there I find a love note.

Little squeaky one flew right by me in the forest twice, 

at first just behind the tail feathers of mama and then alone. 

some brown, some stripes, bless your sweet life. 

I raise up high, I press down low, I offer, offer, offer, 

we prostate upon the earth, we undulate in the lovemaking, 

we offer, offer, offer...

embodiment of the heart sutra, 

through Grace, through emotional honesty 

The blessed lady Buddha transcendent Wisdom heart Sutra. 

I want, I need, I feel. The sound is the bridge, the song, 

the medicine song, the love song,

the pounding drumming song, 

the song of highest destiny for all of earth’s children, the lullaby, 

the serpentine song of the ripe lotus, entorchment and penetration. 

Only in duality do needs conflict with each other. We stay 

real on the relative, and we practice drenching in the union, 

letting it drip into manifestation. 

You said you know the human mind, 

I try to refrain from letting mind assess me, others and situations 

with its divisive and suspicious nature, and sometimes fail.

Honesty with the level of attunement that we share. 

The low side and the high side, bring it all into consciousness and then there's choice, choose her or choose me, lying to her, lying to me.

Your sins are forgiven, the lama is pleased.

The four causes of finding a rebirth in the pure land of Dewachen : 

to know of it, aspire to rebirth there, and beseech the Dharmakaya lama Amitabha;

pure motivation, out of compassion for all beings; 

the accumulation of merit through the seven branch offering; dedication of the merit...

I remember walking this way before in suffering, lost in thought 

and agony, habits of looking for the suffering, to try to recall it, 

demons of doubt, my beloved Christ, we cleanse the seven seals 

for each other, to cast out the demons. I remember 

before the suffering, the pure, milky white substance

that gives birth. 

I remember my devotion and let it save me. I remember before that, when there was no devotion and there was no me, no one to save, 

no separate self, and this is my salvation, dried brown grasses, 

and a rustling movement along the side of the path. When there are demons in the body, everything feels

uncomfortable and irritating. 

I remember! I remember you.

Magnetu, angel of truth, dark blue, 

and laughing with a space between your front teeth. 

I remember peace and forgiveness with a slice of pizza in my stomach, all flour and cheese and tomato sauce.

spiderwebs trembling 

under the touch of the setting sun. 

Al-uzza , Fatimah, razbah, Johannes, Noah, dancing wind. 

Hathor star nation, come to me through my emotional body. 

my beloved, my beloved, the emotional body of God. 

we melt the bindus into seed essence through our union, 

they flow through channels and impregnate the Mandalas. 

I bring my consciousness to my cosmic presence, 

facilitating ascension through my physical aspects. through this 

co-creative unity, each initiation brings me to greater self mastery, portals into the great mystery. 

Be summoned, enter, become fused with, 

be pleased, and become of the same taste...

I am the throne, I am the one ascending the throne 

to worship  the divinity of the holy human being that I am. 

I am the ark of the covenant containing the great mysteries 

and miracles of Sofia Christ light. I bow at the altar in devotion.

The paradox of the absolute vow is that it’s not necessary, 

there is no one to make the vow 

and there is no one to make the vow to.

Thank you loved ones, you tend to me in my initiation , 

anointed and rubbed by the goddess, 

lying on the crystal stone altar, sucking and wringing out 

old black things from my body, and then we rest in the field together, the field of Grace, the codes awakened in my mind and cells.

My psyche is fractured, core wound of agony splayed open 

Illusion of defeat, of impossible dream

the body is hemorrhaging, but already dead, I find him way inside 

like a boil of pus, like a precious gem, way inside, 

from our many journeys together, the way I took him in so deeply 

this time around, over almost a decade. Splayed open 

and clamped down tight, wavering between the two, 

we let it be rhythmic respirations. My Dakini sisters, we travel 

to the 10 directions with our long-life arrows, adorned with silk ribbons, 

to hook back my life force. thank you, sisters, we do this together, breathing back vital essence and affirmation into the dead body. 

we travel into the subtle dimensions of the skin and the womb, 

my orchid sisters accompany, thank you beauties. 

My Magdalene brothers hold the space, protectors in every location, and on every petal, safety of the Mandala itself, 

precious guru rise up through the lotus in my heart 

We sanctify and clarify, and the joke is 

that we are already sacred and clear, but it is no joke, 

we must go through this process to bring the vehicle on board. 

And then we dissolve it, we cut through.

my body. heart, and soul are held within the loving and protective energy of the cloak of Christ consciousness...

Warm sesame oil with cloves rubbed into the hands and feet, 

points of contact with form, with the Earth, 

Warm sesame oil with cloves rubbed into the top of the head, 

point of contact with the sky, 

press then rub, press then rub, sensuality of longing, 

longing for the daughter that I just left

Dakini angels of the La, hooking back the life force, 

from the up and down and the eight Cardinal directions, 

long life Arrow with ribbons of the five colors and five elements, 

we retrieve my umbilical cord from the star where I left it, 

the star the fetus chose, instead of the womb

of my beloved mother of flesh and blood,

her terrible suffering too disturbing. 

We retrieve the leaking energies from the disempowered 

thought forms of the Astral realms, Gathering back parts 

of my heart and soul from people, places and things, like horcruxes,  not dissipated through curses and evil intent, 

but through the breaking apart of self

through trauma I could not bear. My dakini angel helpers

arise from the union in my heart, 

hayagriva and vajravarahi,

the Christ and his bride, that would be me. 

we retrieve parts of myself back from my lover‘s body, 

his armpit, his beard and that spot inside his groin 

that I like to smell. It is painful, but they’re just confused attachments, death of one kind but not the other

Awareness in its essence has never existed

as anything whatsoever 

and thus entails no proliferation or resolution, 

it is consciousness settled in its own place...

There’s more compassion now in the Great Blazing Bliss, 

I feel it, it must be so, in the center of the Mandala of power, 

of Bliss-emptiness, of primordial wisdom,

ripe lotus of passion, of discriminating awareness,

expressing glory of the blazing Vajra sun

and succulent silvery Moon in their atomic embrace. 

Blossoming Bhaga is PrajnaParamita.

The sacred grace and mercy of the divine mother 

is the great manifesting expression of divinity. I trust in it. 

though sometimes I lose faith, slapped around 

by the blizzard and ocean spray of the pushback as portentious, inexplicable and sensual things unfold through me.

Water initiation, the five constituents of the body

become the five Mothers. Light rays from them

draw in the five Mothers of the Mandala in the manner

of a second butter lamp separating off from the first...

I nectar up, to prostrate, to make my offerings, to get down low, 

to swoop up high, I nectar up to confess and purify, 

to cultivate the shakti, to spin the wheels of Dharma. 

I nectar up to make the seven branch offering,

disseminate the merit. 

I don’t need to accumulate it. I nectar up to rejoice 

in the medicine song and sufi dance,

celebrate the love between us, 

I nectar up to whisper, stay close, so close. I nectar up 

to find ultimate truth, tossing everything under

the hooves of the stampeding Buffalo, 

I bow to you, we share a secret wink of the eye.  

Let the mind be out of control, it is not in control anyway  

When wet blueberries are pressed together 

an oozing ulceration is formed, bedsore of the bounty.

A non-conceptual awareness is generated through the coming together of external and internal conditions and through this, 

great bliss is generated in your continuum...

Crown point, head center, nirmanakaya lama 

and refuge fields, white OM, OM, OM

above that, junction of Da’at,

Sambhogakaya lama and refuge Fields, 

reflected below, in the throat center, red AH, AH, AH

Then further above that, blue stargate,

Dharmakaya lama 

and refuge Fields, further below,

heart center, blue HUM, HUM, HUM

Agony and disdain, cyclops and evil eye, help me remember 

the eye of Ra , God‘s eye, just a slight shift in dimension 

is all that we need, look at me, look with me, so intimate, 

we travel the lemniscate, figure 8 with the eyes ,

following the red and white eternally wed, man and woman, Buddha and dakini

There is a garden with fleshy petals and breath, 

I am, you are, we are, 

there is a mountain of granite reaching for the sun, immeasurable, 

tip of a glacier with roots in the center of the Earth, 

reaching for the womb, there is space, there is nothing, 

no God and no breath, no boundary. I cannot see you 

because you are me and I am not me, I am Love