in the dark, there is less fear of being seen 

my loved ones actually come closer, there is no shame of them 

pressing against me, breathing with me, my hunger can show itself 

my passion can open, the blue hung can easily glide down 

to touch the red seed essence, and up to touch the white 

so they can join their virtue 

when I feel obstacle it is best if I draw close to myself 

lift the pelvic floor and press the diaphragm down, vase body

offer up the eyeballs so the gripping can relax 

energies settle and breath softens again 

tender allowance for the eyes that don’t want to look up 

when the sun is bright or there is glare 

connect through the Heart, Torus Tube

remembering my shamanic origins as Santa Claus 

Saint Nicola, Saint Catherine, flying reindeer

though I don’t need to ingest the medicine, I Am the Medicine

courage to stay present in these places 

with the autonomic contractions in my body 

to let the sickness pass through, there is ease, there is challenge

I have the skill, I have all the help, I remember my reindeer husband 

my Medicine husband, in this place and it looks like him  

I continue to cut roots of confused presentations 

and honor what is True 

birth of the Christ Light between the antlers of the reindeer 

Yeshua the Master and his Magdalena, as shaman, as yogin

they did not have to take the mushrooms either

we can transmute all words and sounds through the throat chakra 

even those that we hear or read, though we may not be speaking them 

all sound is mantra 

I come into my sensuality to come into practice, 

to be ready for my yidam, my secret lover

pile of spiral silver earrings, glitter and pearl 

behind the post in the bathroom stall

when we meet everything that manifests on the inner and outer 

with unconditional love and acceptance 

then we can change our destiny 

it is not fixed or predetermined, we choose it every moment

Yeshua the Master said, it is not about praying to me as your savior, come into my arms and together we align 

with the Mother-Father Creator God, the giver of Life, 

which is already yours, eternal and sweet as the morning dew. 

Let your longing soften you, for that which you think you cannot have but is already yours.

cultivate your light body and know the One directly 

hang onto your hats, it is the season. It is the moment

everything you hoped for, everything you feared 

it comes in the dark of night, 

so dark you think you will die of suffocation, terrible and wondrous beginnings and endings at this time of the year, 

the birth of the Christ light so wrathful 

the birth of the Christ child so tender, 

it comes in a storm, whirlwind in the dead of the season

steady wisdom of the sure-footed creatures of the North

my reindeer and buffalo angels come to snuffle me, snuffle the baby

there is no holding on to anything but your beloved 

and he is not who you thought. 

the birth of the Christ child is the cause of happiness, 

but it must result in human happiness, joy in the dark of the night, 

not alone, my family, my loved ones, we press close together,

 we affirm each other and the sacred together 

we sing praises in the dead of the night, 

even in deep depression and despair 

we look for the causes of happiness, know them and become them 

the victory of the Peace that is so implacable 

that the mind cannot comprehend. 

Alien Star Orchid Dakini. I came here to be human 

so confusing and disorienting, valiant struggle to learn 

Tree of Life, Breath of Life, humans hurt each other 

they ignore each other and insult each other 

they deprive each other of what is needed and wanted 

all of samsaric existence, when we experience life through samsara

Hathor Star Nation, shared Merkabah 

humans seem to get together and talk about things 

but there are so many other things going on beneath the surface 

so many energies in multiple other dimensions

I never understood how to focus just on that most surface level 

I am the One of Supreme Peacefulness 

I am the One who proclaims the sound of HUM

lover and beloved as Father,

not father to me, but Father in himself

spine and the wings, stem and the bowl

Father and Mother, masculine and feminine in the Union 

the roles disappear, but are not diminished 

I see you, I am seen, it is personal, it is cellular 

we ride on the golden wings of the hawk 

against the back, hold me so close, 

up in the sky, protecting the eyes and the corridor to Heaven

the Mother and Father are One 

Indestructible Bindu of red and white seed essences 

eternally wed in the Heart 

the Light and Will of the Father, the Love and Devotion of the Mother

Love of the body, of the Earth elements 

the physicality must come from the Mother, she is that

the body and the Love of it

The Precious Treasury of the Basic Space of Phenomena 

is the depth of mind of the omniscient lama 

that beautifully reveals the meaning of Dharmakaya, 

Genuine Mind itself, to be Naked Awareness 

with nothing to be added or dispelled

I possess the slow seeing of Owl, measured turning of the head Medicine of discernment, wisdom, and destroying deception

Truth of the Garden, Truth of the hell realms 

lighting the way through death with shared Light and cultivation

to liberate the suffering ones, following Yeshua and Magdalena 

but he has forgotten, or maybe not 

yet he is choosing something else 

in this moment of eternity and I am grieving 

I pray to be shown the highest good that is in this 

I especially pray to know my own happiness 

the Causes of Happiness, and my deepest desires fulfilled

one part leaking energies and one part pristine absolute Truth

tantric, shamanic, and indigenous

we travel into the celestial realms through my voice, 

then root into the body of the Mother, fingers touching lightly, 

sinking bare toes into warm sand, sun kissing shining faces

man and woman on this earth walk, witnessed by the medicines, 

creatures, angels and other humans in the light of day

letting go of him from ceremony, from the womb of purification 

I took him in so deeply with the spoken prayer 

the smoke, earth and sky, grandfather Tabaquito 

letting go of him from traveling 

through astral realms and the underworld,

where I already knew him

we have been there before many times together 

he does not want to do this with me now

Master Alchemist, I am assigned the task of transmuting 

every elemental energy and emotion without judgment or reactivity, 

Sacred Neutral, every step I take is leading to my happiness

I practice as the yidam even though I feel like an undeveloped fetus 

like a raw peeled shrimp from the lower realms

the alchemical centers are the glands of the endocrine system 

the chakras, they are the autonomic foci of the nervous system 

portals from the subtle dimensions into the physical body

fusion of sun and moon in each one 

Master Alchemist, the knowing of this 

the need to balance it with development of the human 

the paradox of needing to practice in these profound secret ways

just to tolerate being in this body 

and in contact with other humans and form 

forgiveness of the looking forward to new sweaters and crystals 

and things that I don’t even really want