Songs and Tales: A Literary Guide to Middle Earth

What do Hip-Hop legends Bone Thugs-N-Harmony have in common with Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee? That's right, they've both journeyed to the crossroads. This week's episode is extra chaotic courtesy of recording during a thunderstorm that knocked out the power three times and the fact that your co-hosts were slap-happy from scotch and diuretic biscuits. Despite these obstacles, Clara and Aaron manage to have a cogent conversation about the environment of Mordor, Christian symbolism in Frodo and Sam's relationship, and what both agree is the most moving scene of the trilogy. 

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Faramir is not a big jewelry guy. And that’s really the best reason Clara and Aaron can give for him not wanting to take the One Ring when it’s revealed that Frodo has it. Why else would you say no to such unlimited power literally at your fingertips? Okay, it could also be because Faramir is wise and honorable and just and like a million other great qualities. Plus, he’s also hot! Seriously, someone get this awesome guy on a dating app.

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This episode has Bowie, it has the California Raisins, it has Shakespeare, it has Timothy Olyphant … wait *checks notes* sorry just Oliphants. But Sam is just about as excited to see them as a 45-year-old divorcee probably would be to see Timothy Olyphant. Basically, Aaron and Clara cover a lot of ground in this episode which takes us from the Black Gates of Mordor to the Roman-esque gardens of Ithilien.

Bless us and splash us, Precious, we've made it to the second half of The Two Towers. Join your hosts as they catch back up with Frodo and Sam who are all sorts of lost in the Emyn Muil (a name Clara struggles to pronounce several times) and tame the insatiable, the inimitable, the unforgettable GOLLUMMMM … or is it Smeagol. Honestly, it's tough to keep the two straight. In this episode, Clara and Aaron also discover that Sauron is moonlighting as a storm front. Not everyone needs a side hustle, Sauron! 

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Look out below! Palantir incoming! The powers of this mysterious orb are rivaled in mystery and power only by the voice of Saruman. Both are hard to resist because, really, who doesn't love an orb to ponder and a melodious voice? We know we do! Unfortunately, we also learn that melodious voices aren't all they're cracked up to be and not all glowing orbs are friendly. Plus, Clara has a saucy theory as to why Wormtongue hucked the Palantir out a window in the first place. 

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Honey, you're a sapling

Small thing 

Walking in the woods 

Gonna be a big Ent someday 

You've got leaves on your face 

Oldest race 

Herding your Huorns all over the place 

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If you met a guy named Wormtongue you'd probably trust him implicitly too, right? So no one can really blame Theoden for being taken in by someone who seems like an all around wholesome chap. Except, I don't know, the fact that his actual name is Wormtongue is maybe a bit of a tip off that not all that glitters, and whatnot. Plus, Aragorn and Eowyn touch hands and sparks fly. 

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Let’s not beat around the bush, the Ents are pretty much all Clara and Aaron discuss in this episode. If you have a problem with that, you’re welcome to leaf anytime. Your hosts actually make very few tree puns in this episode (why do you think we’re cramming them all into the description), but they do discuss Ent language, Ent wife loss, and Ent culture. Plus Clara asks the question she’s sure you’ve all been thinking: Just how do Ents procreate?

We’re back, baby! Yes, that is a direct quote from the first three chapters of The Two Towers, into which Clara and Aaron are finally delving. Things start off on a depressing note, as Boromir dies right away. Luckily, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli recover quickly from their grief with a brisk run (endorphins do make you happy) and we meet the Riders of Rohan, everyone’s favorite horse boys. Plus, we learn that orcs have personalities and they want meat back on the menu, boys!

“Galadriel’s mirror on the wall, will the One Ring prevent Gondor’s fall?” The answer is no, Boromir, so stop asking. And quit bullying Frodo! In this episode your hosts re-visit their discussion of elven time, debunk the theories of some internet idiots, and chat about what Frodo sees from atop his big-boy chair. Also, in case you forgot, Aragorn is the Messiah. Plus, Aaron shares a depressing theory about Ents. 

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