Gabriel builds a chicken coop from historic artifacts, sparking a debate about preservation. The siblings' friend explains the importance of historic toilets to tourism and argues with Gabriel about roadside markers and accessibility 

Bip Orgrease finds a strange object in an antique shop. The narrative describes the rundown area of Bullamanka where the narrator and Bip live, far from the town's more prosperous side. 

Gab and Eti are contacted by the General Tom Thumb National Historical Site, which claims to possess his ornate portable toilet and a vast collection of miniature prophylactics. 

A state historian accuses Gab and Eti of trivializing history. Dr. Eldunker studies outhouse fires, fearing the "thought police." The narrative connects fires, sewage, and Gulliver's Travels. 

The narrative digresses into the historical significance of single-occupancy toilets, pondering Marco Polo's pit stops and the potential Chinese expertise in humanure composting. 

Gab and Eti consider displaying their historic portable toilet with a new one. Architects propose a theme park. The GWSHF tracks George Washington's toileting habits. 

Pastor Jicklo uses a teletransportation booth to visit the Celestial City, finding nothing. Gab and Eti ponder the hole in their toilet, possibly caused by time-traveling astral projections. 

 Gab and Eti advertise their historic portable toilet, their deceased dad is stuck to a rocker in the basement, and Judge Uckerknobb calls it all a socialist hoax. 

 Gabriel introduces his ghostwritten memoir, detailing his family's third-person speaking quirk and ancestor Matthew's chaotic life in the New World.