Ladies & gentleman there is a serious problem in the US that no one is addressing! The latest data shows ingenuity, drive & domination directly correlate to wearing pants and alarmingly 87.7% of Americans are unable to put on pants.

Fortunately pioneers & patriots at Smarty Smarty Pants has created a product that will undo the internet fuckery that has enslaved so many one zip at a time. America will return to the powerhouse it once was thriving with individuals looking to create, win & take what they want with absolute piss & vinegar.

"You Spread'm We'll Cover'm"

Goose interviews local community celebrity known for her one of a kind balloon making tennis camp, which became instrumental for enhancing corner workers during covid, bringing rainbows to the streets & unions to children in order to negotiate with their parents.  

Have you ever wanted to buy stuff but couldn't because you suck at having money?! Did you ever get excited when you find money on the floor?!  Did you ever want buy your own island so you have a place for all your sex robots?!

If you answered yes then Pocket Thief has the goods for you! Pocket Thief is an app that gives you money to buy stuff and you don't owe anything out of your own personal bank account.  

So where do the funds come from?  Someone else's bank account!  You might thinking, is this stealing? I was always taught stealing was bad and bank robbers go to jail.  The short answer is that it's not stealing if no one knows about it, then it becomes selfless giving.

All you need to do is upload a receipt of something then Pocket Thief scours local bank accounts in your community and pulls the funds from accounts that don't need their surplus of funds.  The individual with more money than you has so much that they won't know they just bought you dinner.  The end result is the community helps each other!

Take financial responsibility off your shoulders with Pocket Thief.

Love Always,

Tank & Goose

We're back along with another ridiculous phone conversation with a good buddy of ours.  Our call couldn't have had better timing.  So it turns out she took an edible, threw on some Pink Floyd and then we magically appeared to inject beyond stupid conversation.

We cover highly debated topics such as gay hooker dogs, all seahorses being gay, making balloon animals with your ass and so much more intellectual small talk.  This is an excerpt of much more which will be uploaded over time. 

Tight Jeans Loose Leash,

Tank & Goose

Have you ever been stuck in a situation where your guilty pleasure endangered your life?!  If you're reckless like our buddy then you are cheating death or serious injury every time you give into your fat bitch kink.

If you're going to go down that road then at least be prepared.  You don't want to disappoint your wife and kid by missing Johnny's birthday because your girlfriend broke your leg while throwing down some 300lb reverse cow girl.  Don't be that guy or girl!

Your heart is your best friend when your sixty-nining Moby Dick.  When you're dragged into deep waters you need to be ready to dig in.

Love Always,

Tank & Goose

Are you overweight? Do you need a lifestyle change? Does your dog look sad or yell at you all day? Is the glow of Netflix slowly changing your face blue?  Does your penis only get touched when you have to look for it to piss?  Do your saggy tits & fupa make you look like a giant sack of old potatoes?!

Bow Wow Bang! is your magic fitness system that will make you doable again, enable your glorious whoredom & most importantly your dog will love you again.  

Empower your dog with arms and run through mountains.  Strain your heart with cardio, fear & insurmountable love.  Diamonds are created from extreme pressure.

Yours Always,

Tank & Goose

What if you were told that your boring penis has hidden abilities to change size, shape & even color!  In order to unlock these hidden abilities you need a key.  That key is Peniscape! 

Peniscape figured out how to get the breakthrough science into your dick.  Download the app & synch your dick using a newly discovered wifi signal! Then perform some creative wizardry on your dick with a few buttons on your phone.  

Big boys the playing field has been leveled.  Little dudes tight jeans loose leash!

Yours always,

Tank & Goose

Part one of many parts of a long ridiculous phone call describing a lesbian's journey through relationship adversity featuring West Coast Gal Grande Supreme.  In this call we ask how she was feeding Ms. Supreme & shipping/handling fees associated with importing her from the west coast.  If you love to get your hands on fat girls let us know!  #tacoputasupreme