Speak Out 253

It’s the most wonderful time of the year – [Tacoma Pride](http://tacomapride.org/)! This week Jessica chats with Jarel Sanders and Manny Santiago about Pride, what it means to them and what they are most excited for this year. Jarel, an [Associate Board](https://www.253club.org/) member at the YWCA, reflects on [the history of Pride and the people who made Pride possible](https://www.biography.com/news/stonewall-riots-history-leaders) for so many of us today. Manny Santiago is the Executive Director of the [Rainbow Center](http://www.rainbowcntr.org/), which is the primary organizer of Tacoma Pride, and he looks forward to connecting with his LGBTQ ancestors and what we can build in the future for LGBTQ people.

[Tacoma Pride](http://tacomapride.org/) has a rich history of its own, beginning as a community effort to celebrate Pride through STD prevention. Since this Tacoma Pride has grown and changed, with its focus shifting to honoring the LGBTQ community and all that this community does for the South Puget Sound Region. Tacoma Pride is a weeklong celebration with family-friendly events of every type that begins with the Pride flag raising and the Rainbow City Awards that honor six Tacomans who have been outstanding in their LGBTQ-centered work. Make sure you stop by Pride throughout next week, and if you are at Pride on Pacific Ave this Saturday stop by the YWCA tent and say hi!

This week we are joined by Caroline Harris, a University of Puget Sound alum and Crime Victim Advocate at the Kitsap Sexual Assault Center, who talks about what college-age students are doing to address consent. During her final year at UPS, Caroline completed a capstone project that looked at the theoretical framework around consent and the theory of consent – in doing this [she interviewed peers about consent and pulled recurring themes from their conversation to expand upon how people view consent in their lives versus what is taught in consent education.](https://soundcloud.com/charrs/sets/consent-with-caroline)

**In This Episode:**

**Consent Breakdown** – There is a national push for consent education on campuses, but there isn’t a lot of overlap between this education and how it is carried out in student’s lives. As Caroline mentions, [consent is typically explained in metaphors,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8) without talking candidly about consent in relation to sex or physical situations, which makes it difficult for the conversation to feel applicable to people’s lived experiences.

**Healthy Love** - Caroline highlights that college is late in a person’s life to begin the conversation about consent, ideally these conversations would happen at a much younger age and don’t need to be centered around sex, because consent is present in almost everything we do. [YWCA Pierce County runs a prevention program in Tacoma high schools that focuses on promoting healthy relationships](https://www.king5.com/article/news/local/pierce-county-ywca-helps-victims-of-domestic-violence/482451432) and how to identify and create healthy practices for teens that they can continue to practice later on.

**Starting Conversations** – [When approaching the conversation about consent with younger people, removing sex from the conversation is a great way to begin.](https://www.parentmap.com/article/metoo-sexual-assault-how-teach-consent) Telling someone that their wishes are respected in that place and when they say no it is respected and heard. These conversations are so important because they range from giving someone a hug to playing with toys. It teaches kids that they have control over their body and that they can speak up when someone is making them uncomfortable.

This week, Claire and Jessica talk with Jarel Sanders, [YWCA Associate Board](https://www.253club.org/) member and DSHS Social Service Specialist, and Jonathan Grove, former [YWCA](https://www.ywcapiercecounty.org/) Board member and former coordinator for the [Men’s Project at the PLU Center for Gender Equity](https://www.plu.edu/gender-equity/mens-project/). Join us for this casual conversation about masculinity, toxic masculinity, mass shootings and feminism.

Books Mentioned:

[The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love – bell hooks](https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084)

[Refusing to be a Man: Essays on Sex and Justice – John Stoltenberg](https://www.amazon.com/Refusing-Man-Essays-Sex-Justice/dp/1841420417)

Claire talks about pregnancy and childbirth with Gabriela Raisl (current Associate Board member), Carly Roberts (former Associate Board member) and Kaarin Austin (former Associate Board member). All of our guests have personal experience with our topic, Kaarin’s daughter is 16 months old, Carly’s daughter is 6 weeks old and Gabriela is 30 weeks pregnant (at the time of this podcast’s recording), and they share their experiences with becoming a mother. Join us in this conversation about expectations, unforeseen complications and the importance of honesty and support during pregnancy and postpartum. 

A special thank you to this episode’s sponsor – [Circle of Life Holistic Care](http://www.circleoflifeholisticcare.com/)!

Today we are joined by a few very special guests – Gabriela Raisl and Tolu Taiwo of the YWCA Associate Board and Sonya Renee Taylor, founder of The Body is Not an Apology, author of the book by the same name, and YWCA Annual Luncheon Celebration 2018 keynote speaker. In this episode, Clair, Gabriela, Tolu and Sonya converse about a myriad of topics highlighted in The Body is Not an Apology ranging from toxic masculinity, true body positivity and existing as a Black woman in the U.S.

Mentioned in this episode:

[Waffle House arrest – Demand justice for Chikesia Clemons](https://www.thecut.com/2018/04/chikesia-clemons-assault-waffle-house-video.html)

[Sister Citizen: Shame, Stereotypes, and Black Women in America](https://www.amazon.com/Sister-Citizen-Shame-Stereotypes-America/dp/0300188188) (features Melissa Harris-Perry’s Crooked Room analysis for Black Women)

[Adrienne Marie Brown – Emergent Strategy](https://www.amazon.com/Emergent-Strategy-Shaping-Change-Changing/dp/1849352607)

[Son of Baldwin](https://www.facebook.com/sonofbaldwinfb) (Digital Community on FB)

[Kiese Laymon](https://twitter.com/KieseLaymon?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor)

Food and dignity go hand in hand when it comes to our clients. YWCA Pierce County strives to bring dignity and healing to our clients in every avenue of our work – and we can’t do that without Feed 253\. Today we’re talking to Feed 253 co-founder and director Heidi Stoermer about food insecurity and why Feed 253 dedicates their time to supporting local nonprofits with food support. In particular to YWCA, Feed253 cooks two monthly meals for clients and their children who are attending support groups and also supplies all of the Thanksgiving food for families we serve.

What a meal means – When Feed 253 gathers food to make Thanksgiving boxes for YWCA clients they don’t just include a turkey – rolls, butter, whipped cream, stuffing, green beans and pie! The significance of providing the same Thanksgiving experience as someone who isn’t fleeing violence is so important to all of us at YWCA. Bringing normalcy back to our clients and their children is a big part of healing in a way that also provides dignity. Just because someone is living in our shelter and doesn’t have financial security at that current moment does not mean that they deserve anything less than someone who has that security.

Made with love – Feed 253 brings so much intention to the meals that they make for YWCA clients – every meal is nutritious and balanced with a main course, sides and dessert (of course). They have also provided back-up meals for YWCA staff to prepare should a volunteer group fall through for a dinner. This intention and care shows our clients that they are important and that they matter to our volunteers.

Some other local groups doing incredible work with food security are the Emergency Food Network and Hilltop Urban Gardens (HUG).

If you are interested in preparing a monthly dinner for YWCA clients – please visit our volunteer opportunities page on our website.

With our constant news cycle that is constantly filled with negative news, it’s important to remember what brings us hope in our lives. Claire, Jessica and Laine are joined by Stella Keating to talk about what brings them hope in dark times. Much of what is discussed today is the hope that young people bring to many of us in the fight for justice. Stella is a trans youth who is taking a role in politics, she has been involved in numerous political actions and is deeply involved in the fight for trans rights and recognition in U.S. law. The energy and motivation that young people continue to bring into the world is admirable and definitely something that we need in our current climate. 

Stella is a part of a new nonprofit, Gendercool (https://gendercool.org/), that aims to share powerful and positive stories on who transgender kids and their peer allies are rather than what they are. This project is illuminating as it seeks to build understanding through storytelling about the accomplishments of young remarkable leaders. Another group of young people who give us hope are the Planned Parenthood Teen Council (https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-great-northwest-hawaiian-islands/education/teen-council) , who advocate for LGBTQ inclusive sex ed and peer-to-peer education.

Laine brought up travel as something that gives her hope. Sustainable and equitable travel is deeply important to broadening your horizons and meeting people you would never talk to is invaluable. There are also so many organizations doing great things in conjunction with travel – in Vienna is Magdas Hotel (https://www.magdas-hotel.at/en/ ) which takes refugees in and educates them on travel and tourism, teaching them the ins and outs of running a hotel. In addition to all of that, the hotel’s furniture is built from recycled materials (#zerowaste). Another cool travel organization is Copenhagen’s Street Voices (https://www.visitcopenhagen.com/copenhagen/street-voices-gdk1092925), which employs people experiencing homelessness as tour guides to show tourists a different side of the city. Travel allows you to meet people you would never meet and hear perspectives you never could before.

What gives us hope is connecting with other people and finding both our similarities and differences. What gives you hope?

A special thank you to this episode’s sponsor – Move to Tacoma (http://www.movetotacoma.com/)!

The #MeToo conversation has been happening for several months but there is still much to discuss. Claire, Laine and Jessica are joined by YWCA Associate Board member Reina today as they talk about sexual harassment in the workplace. Sexual harassment at your job is second nature for almost every woman, from degrading work uniforms to uninvited sexual advances by supervisors and coworkers to a sexist comment as you walk by. Today we hear about our hosts' first experiences of workplace harassment and how it has shaped their careers.

In this episode:

It starts at the beginning – sexual harassment in the workplace starts as early as your first day on the job. What this means for most women is that at their first job when they are teenagers they are faced with complex and mature situations to navigate without having support or immediate knowledge of how to handle these situations. This early harassment in a woman’s career also teaches us that sexual harassment at work is common and usually goes without punishment for the harasser.

It happens in every industry – The service industry, government, private companies and nonprofits all are places where sexual harassment occurs. Sometimes it is from a supervisor or a customer, sometimes it is from a donor, but it is present in every workplace situation, through policies and practices for addressing it vary widely (https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/12/24/16807950/legal-system-sexual-harassment). So often the conversation around sexual harassment places the responsibility for preventing it on the victim (more frequently women), with suggestions to avoid sexual harassment ranging from dressing more modestly to avoiding riding elevators alone or certain elevators altogether. We must change the way we talk about sexual harassment to begin to address this problem that is so prevalent in the workplace.

Power dynamics – typically sexual harassment comes from someone who is in a higher power position than their victim, which limits the action that a victim can take – and it puts peoples livelihoods and careers on the line if they try to stand up to someone in a higher status. We see this often with companies deciding to protect the harasser because they are more highly trained and in a higher position in the organization. We must call on organizations to protect people who come forward about harassment and take steps to protect not only the victim of harassment but ensure that no one is harassed in the future. (https://nwlc.org/resources/metoowhatnext-strengthening-workplace-sexual-harassment-protections-and-accountability/)

*Sexual harassment can happen to any person regardless of gender or gender identity. This podcast specifically discusses sexual harassment that women face in the workplace.

In this episode, Jessica and Claire talk with Lynn Goralski and Lisa Keating about what it means to be transgender and what the fight for trans rights looks like in Washington. Lynn is a transgender woman who advocates for LGBTQ rights in Pierce County and Lisa is the founder of My Purple Umbrella, an organization that advocates for gender diverse youth and their families. Lisa is also the mother of a transgender daughter. Today’s podcast was recorded before the deadline for signature gathering on I-1552 - a potential Washington State ballot initiative that would have banned transgender people from using public facilities that match their gender identity. Thankfully I-1552 did not gather enough signatures to make the ballot, but there are many anti-trans initiatives and campaigns happening right now in the U.S. – one of them is in Anchorage, AK. Fair Anchorage is the organization opposing the anti-trans initiative, to learn more about Fair Anchorage and what they are doing, visit their website http://www.fairanchorage.org/.

Terminology – Transgender is an umbrella term to describe a person whose internal sense of self does not match their body. Gender diverse is a broad term to explain an individual who doesn’t align with a feminine or masculine side, they are more fluid in how they present their gender and/or identity. Gender non-conforming is another term to describe someone who does not fall into a gender binary (being strictly male or strictly female).

Intersectionality – Trans rights are a feminist issue. Transgender people experience discrimination and oppression at overwhelming rates in every aspect of their lives. Trans people are also the target of large rates of hate crimes. Trans women face higher rates of discrimination, violence, sexual assault and poverty –with trans women of color facing the largest threats. These are all civil rights violations because they are rooted in the denial of a person’s right to be who they are. Equal means equal.

This episode is sponsored by My Purple Umbrella.

Today’s episode is a special collaboration with Sound Outreach’s Credit Up podcast hosted by Jeff Klein, Sound Outreach’s CEO. Sound Outreach is focused on helping people in Pierce County be financially empowered. Jessica and Claire talk with Jeff about the complexities of figuring out one’s finances, and how everything is more complicated for people in domestic violence situations. Listen and share, you’ll learn something new on today’s podcast and might even take another look at your own finances after this episode!

Finances and Domestic Violence – Financial abuse is a common tactic used in domestic violence (https://ncadv.org/blog/posts/quick-guide-economic-and-financial-abuse). Victims may not have access to their finances or have no credit (having relied on their partner's credit accounts), which prevent them from securing housing of their own. Some victims have had employment-related abuse and have never had a job, which forces them to be financially dependent on their abuser, so when they are able to leave their abuser they have limited resources and no income to help secure basic needs.

It costs a lot to be poor – There are so many additional barriers that exist when you have poor financial history (https://www.thesimpledollar.com/three-reasons-its-more-expensive-to-be-poor/). For example, your credit score can affect so many things, like car insurance rates, so if you have bad credit your car insurance rates are much higher and more expensive, but in order to improve your credit score you need to have a greater income. For many people a car is a must-have, and it’s needed even more when it might have to be your home for the night, as is the case with some survivors of domestic violence. Another common barrier is minimum balances on bank accounts, if you are unable to hold a certain amount in your bank account, that can cost anywhere from $5-15 per month just to have the account – and that doesn’t include expensive overdraft fees for accounts without the minimum balance. All of these things mean higher costs for people with less money.

Learn more about Sound Outreach and financial empowerment by visiting their website at http://www.soundoutreach.org/.