Speaking Wrong At The Right Time

Speaking Wrong At The Right Time

By Adam B. Coleman
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Speaking Wrong At The Right Time episodes

  • The Wrong Speak Shop Is Open

    For six years Wrong Speak, the platform I founded, has published writers who say what they actually think. Now you can wear it, drink from it and carry it.

    The Wrong Speak Shop is open at wrongspeak.net/shop

    The Wrong Speak Shop is open, with six designs on tees, hoodies, mugs, tumblers, tote bags, caps and stickers. Every piece is printed when you order it, and every purchase supports independent writing at Wrong Speak.

    Speaking Wrong At The Right Time is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

    The designs
    • Free Speech Is Too Expensive To Give Up: a speech bubble, a price tag and a plain conclusion.

    • Say What You Mean: plain words, no euphemisms.

    • Say The Wrong Thing: the word they’d rather redact, printed in full.

    • Group-Think Is Not About Guidance: a line from Adam B. Coleman’s Black Victim to Black Victor.

    • More Than A Roof and The Value Of Your Time: two lines from The Children We Left Behind.

    Free Speech Is Too Expensive To Give Up, on the Heavyweight Tee

    “Your children deserve more than a roof—they deserve a home.”
    Adam B. Coleman, The Children We Left Behind

    More Than A Roof, on the Premium Pullover HoodieSomething for every budget
    • Tees from $22, in three weights: Everyday, Soft and Heavyweight

    • Pullover hoodies from $58

    • Ceramic mugs from $18 and 20 oz insulated tumblers at $38

    • Cotton tote bags at $28

    • Embroidered dad caps at $30

    • Stickers from $4

    The Value Of Your Time, on the ceramic mugThe Wrong Speak cap, embroidered, EST. 2020Movie posters, too

    Our films have a place in the shop, too. You’ll find official movie posters for The Illegal Highways and America’s Moms—another way to bring Wrong Speak into your home.

    Books in the same cart

    Our books are sold on the same site, so you can check out a book and a shirt together. Shipping is worked out at checkout.

    Group-Think Is Not About Guidance, on the cotton tote

    Visit the Wrong Speak Shop →

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  • It’s the Economy, Stupid: Why the Midterms Were Predictable

    A lot of people are trying to translate the midterm losses on the Republican side into some deeper meaning when this is all rather simple:

    “It’s the economy, Stupid” — James Carville

    When you’re glued into politics, reading blogs, scrolling through social media, you get inundated with niche issues and everyone is trying to convince you that this is the defining problem that will swing an election.

    Speaking Wrong At The Right Time is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

    And it never really is. These are usually tertiary to the real reason the average person who barely cares about politics got in their car and drove to the polls; kind of like a protest drive since gas prices are relatively high.

    The country isn’t split between hardcore Democrats and Republicans because clustered in the middle are fickle and swing voters who are reacting to the moment. These are people who selectively vote (even if they predominantly vote for one party) or might vote for both parties.

    These are regular Americans who pay more attention to their wallets than what some Ivy League economist says about the economy.

    I once heard someone describe the economy for the average person as a “vibe” versus a reality and I think they’re kind of right. When the economy is doing well, you hear from friends and family of someone getting a new job, buying a new house or leveling up in life in some fashion.

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    When the economy is bad, all discussions with people in your life are rather bleak and asking people to spend money on a night out features hesitancy as everyone’s money is tight.

    The midterm results are predictable from a couple of stances: history and the economy.

    In the past 50 years, there have only been 2 out of 13 midterms that went in favor of the party of the president in power. This means that 85% of the time, voters choose the opposition party to the president.

    History tells us that Americans take about two years to dislike what the president is doing and punish their party in the midterms. As I said before, American voters for national elections are fickle.

    This coincides with the only 2 times that it went in favor of the party in power, when the president had approval ratings over 60% (Bill Clinton and George H.W. Bush).

    Pretty much every president has low approval ratings, or at least periods of low approval ratings that coincided with midterm elections.

    Right or wrong, the economic woes of the public will always be put at the feet of the president. If the stock market sucks, it’s the president’s fault. If you can’t afford DoorDash like you used to, it’s the president’s fault.

    The midterms are the way for the American public to punish the president in power. Yes, the typical political discussions matter, like quality of candidates etc. However, if people are angry and emotional, they don’t generally make rational decisions.

    If the reason for them voting is based on spite, do you really have a chance of changing their minds? You can't fact your way out of shifting an emotional voter.

    Some pundits are making this as an indictment against the Iran war, which I don’t think is accurate. Americans barely care about what’s happening outside of our country; they just care about how it affects them.

    If Trump bombed Iran every day at 9 am, Americans wouldn’t care as long as gas prices are low. If killing the Ayatollah means that home prices never come down, they’d strongly have you reconsider that decision.

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    I know I’m making Americans economically callous but history tells us this. And I don’t blame us for being this way. There are only so many things happening in the world that I am capable of caring about. But it’ll definitely matter when I have to literally pay the cost of it when it comes back home.

    I’m not a Republican but I voted Republican because immigration is my number one issue as I see it as an economic, human rights, and national security issue all wrapped up in one blanket and they’re the only ones at least speaking my language.

    However, I don’t necessarily blame people voting against Trump even if I disagree. I know why they’re doing it and the reason you wouldn’t vote for a party or candidate isn’t necessarily the reason someone is voting for them.

    So, none of this surprises me. We have a history of flip-flopping between parties, which honestly, I would rather have than what I see happening in Western Europe which is about how insanely leftist do you want to be since there is no real counterbalance.

    If you’re a Republican who is upset today, it’s not the end of the world. Here is what will happen: Mostly nothing since campaign rhetoric is always about 90% stronger in words than what they will actually do once they hit the bureaucracy of D.C.

    If you’re a Democrat who is happy, savor it for now because history tells us that you will be to blame when things don’t go as you promised the public.

    If you’re worried about leftists gaining power, keep in mind that a lot of people haven’t really heard many of these people talk in context before. When the public hears how batshit insane Talarico is, voters may choose differently in four years.

    Or, which is possible, Talarico changes his tone and his identity to satisfy external forces (I mean, politicians aren’t known for being genuine anyways).

    Today is not a day for panic if you’re on the right; it’s a day of reflection. Trump will be out of power in two years and the best thing you can do is critique today’s failures so your party and the American public can have a more prosperous future.

    Refer a friend

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  • Perception Is the Weapon: How Communists Hijack Unrest

    Communists understand public perception and they exploit our weaknesses for their gain. They understand that you can change the world with narrative, not reality, which means truth is arbitrary to the end goal of social change or demoralization.

    When watching the riots in Europe, people often don’t understand why the police force won’t go a step farther in its use of force to bring an end to the unrest. The simple answer: Perception.

    Speaking Wrong At The Right Time is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

    A thought experiment: Can an unarmed person be dangerous? Logically, yes they can, and I think most people can understand how, depending on the situation.

    However, emotionally, and with certain optics, them being unarmed disarms our logic and we stop perceiving them as dangerous when their opposition is well equipped.

    There are several strategies at play with the riots happening in Europe that allow the malicious people to seemingly get away with destroying society.

    First is a process of building and hijacking.

    There must be an innocent-sounding reason for there to be people who are upset, one that gains the sympathy of the public but most of all the mainstream media.

    In Europe, no matter which network you’ll watch, they will give the rationale for chaos as being connected to cost of living and educational standards.

    The media sets the stage for excuses for why windows are broken, buildings burn ablaze, and neighborhoods look like war zones.

    Then the hijacking begins...

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    Let’s say that the initial reasons are due to educational standards and they are innocent in their origin; the communists will latch onto it like a leech and suck the goodwill dry for their need to demoralize.

    Whether it’s the George Floyd riots or the riots happening in Europe, there are always non-violent protests that happen first and then terror that follows. This is purposeful, as all reporting will say that there are “mostly peaceful protests,” which is a preferable soft-language tactic that hides what it really is: a communist uprising.

    The police won’t use extreme force because the narrative is against them; hence the perception of armed men and women with guns pointed at people who are upset about classroom sizes will always stand against them.

    The U.S. has tons of guns in circulation and the communists could easily arm themselves and get into shooting battles with the police. They could easily decide tomorrow to start an all-out assault en masse against the government.

    However, doing that turns the public against them and the narrative will be that they are violent terrorists, not concerned citizens who want “social justice.” They understand that they can do low-level aggression for hours upon hours, days upon days, as long as they don’t cross that line.

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    If you watch footage, you’ll see Antifa with umbrellas on sunny days. They use that as a low-impact aggressive weapon that they can open and push into the faces and bodies of people repeatedly. I’ve seen videos of a line of Antifa with black umbrellas setting up a wall to charge the police with, and they will never be shot at because of it.

    Because who wants to be known as the cop who shot some idiot with an umbrella? That will be the perception and it will always work in their favor. Trust me, communists love having martyrs in case someone in law enforcement makes a mistake.

    The perception will be that this person was a mother, father, son, or daughter who was just “protesting” for “social justice” and “the system” killed them for standing up for the greater good. Their deaths will be flaunted as a reason to tear apart our society and demoralize us further, pushing us one step closer to the revolution that communists want.

    Communists don’t need everyone to join their cause; they just need the majority to do nothing when they begin the takeover. When they say our society sucks because of X reason, they just need you to nod in agreement.

    Repeating their slogans from the comfort of your home and being comfortable with their vision is enough for them.

    You’ll be inundated with riot videos and the police will respond the same way every time. They will let low-level terrorism occur because they can’t afford the perception of appearing as a heavy-handed police state that shoots unarmed people for being upset about how things are run.

    The hijacking of movements is key for them to gain leverage and coverage to riot. If they just chose a random Tuesday to burn down a building, they would be exposed and easily labeled as a malicious force. The protester cover is a blanket that hides their motives and keeps us comfortably believing that communism is dead.

    Maybe it’s the post-Cold War feeling that communism is somehow dead and that any mention of it is hysterics.

    The communist will always walk that tight line because they know how weak we are at examining the context surrounding violence in the West, especially when law enforcement is involved.

    I’m not advocating for the shooting of people on the streets, but what I am saying is that we’ve lost the ability to think critically about situations involving violence when there is a lopsidedness in ability to use force.

    And the communists know this. They will always use our weaknesses against us and lie for the sake of gains in public perception.

    Refer a friend

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  • Why Family Separation Is Destroying A Generation

    Most of the biggest social problems we talk about like addiction, violence, homelessness, and broken young men are downstream of one thing: children growing up without both parents.

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    I know this because I lived it. I grew up in a broken home, moved constantly, lived in shelters, and was institutionalized as a child because I didn’t know how to handle the pain. The damage didn’t stay in childhood. It shaped how I saw myself and the world for years.

    Family separation isn’t a minor issue. It’s one of the most significant factors shaping the next generation. The statistics are clear, and the human cost is even clearer.

    I shared the full story and the data recently at church. You can watch it here:

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  • I Met My Father for the First Time at 42. I Finally Feel Whole.

    This weekend, I met my father for the first time in Dallas, Texas, and it truly marked a new chapter of unification with someone I should have known from the beginning.

    Everyone has asked me how it felt to meet him and there is only one answer: Whole.

    Speaking Wrong At The Right Time is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

    Since discovering that the man who I thought was my father wasn’t, after an Ancestry test, I’ve been through a range of emotions in a very short amount of time.

    I remember staring at my phone for probably 20 minutes trying to make sense of what I was seeing, only to finally accept that my father is someone else.

    For a few days after this, I went from being shocked to confused about my identity. The man who I thought was my father was a Trinidadian immigrant and even though he wasn’t active in my life, I thought I was half Trinidadian.

    I spent years finally accepting who I was and my circumstance, all for it to be untangled in a matter of minutes. I was an abandoned child but I wasn’t even sure who abandoned me. Who in fact was responsible for my creation?

    I want to emphasize that my outcome is, by the grace of God, the best possible outcome that could have happened. You hear the stories about families wanting nothing to do with the child who is looking for answers and a connection.

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    I approached it with the lowest possible expectation and received the opposite. I was accepted immediately by my family. My cousins weren’t just cousins by blood but by action. My uncle quickly turned into a mentoring male figure who is always available.

    And then of course my father has done everything that I wanted as a father in the short time of knowing him. He calls and texts me at least once a day. He’s answered all of my questions with honesty and has shown me nothing but love.

    As a 42-year-old man, I require a different type of father than what I would have needed as a child. And if I’m honest, I’m still figuring out what it means to be an adult son with a caring father.

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    This entire experience has made me realize that I grew up tolerating a half-state of existence instead of a whole one. In terms of family, I only knew my mother’s side and I just got used to this reality.

    Now having a large family embrace me on my father’s side, I realized that I lived my entire life not being made whole. I always talked about the impact of not having my father active in my life but I didn’t realize what I was missing by not having my father’s family too.

    However, I’m not angry at anyone or resentful. I was able to withstand this experience and stand strong enough to talk about something that most people run away from.

    God has given me the strength to overcome my circumstance and not turn into a negative statistic. Instead, I’ve used my story to help and critique culture in hopes of preventing another childhood circumstance like mine.

    I am thankful that I learned of his existence while he’s still alive to embrace me. He’s 76 and I have no idea when it will be his final day on this earth. If I’m honest, I feel like I have so little time to make up for the 42 years I’ve lost.

    I’m going at a comfortable pace and I am grateful for the opportunity to have him in my life.

    It sounds weird to say after all of these years of being neglected by a father figure: I have a father who actually cares about me.

    I wouldn’t change anything about my past and there is no point in crying about this. But there is a future I can forge with him, as I am planning to see him again before the end of the year.

    No regrets or animosity. I am whole now. All Glory to God.

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  • They Hid This From You!

    “They’re all lying to you. They didn’t want to teach you this. You were purposefully bamboozled.

    No one knows the truth, except for me. And now if you listen to me, you’ll know the REAL truth.”

    This is the hidden knowledge sales pitch in online sectors like politics, religion, and finance, with the intention of massaging your ego more than your intellect.

    Speaking Wrong At The Right Time is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

    I usually don’t name podcasts because then it becomes about that individual rather than the point I’m making.

    Recently, there have been podcasts that have been seen as incredibly divisive and yet they have a hardened, loyal fanbase. They don’t just have controversial guests on, they have guests who purposefully counter the narrative.

    I would see people commenting, “Why would X have X person on their podcast?! They’re a kook!”

    It’s because the host is either infatuated with the guest or is purposefully using hidden knowledge to keep their audience glued.

    What is hidden knowledge? Hidden knowledge isn’t information you just didn’t know. It’s information that was supposedly kept from you.

    The key word is “hidden,” meaning it was an act of hiding something. It’s meant to imply that this information was kept from you, on purpose, and supposedly for a nefarious reason.

    The nature of learning is that you are consuming information that you didn’t know prior. That’s not a conspiracy. That’s just the normal process of learning. What these people do is weaponize this process by convincing adults that the reason you lacked this knowledge is that someone was trying to manipulate you.

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    It comes with the presumption that you should know just about everything now as a functioning adult, and the fact that you didn’t know X detail must mean that someone took it away from you.

    Mind you, hidden knowledge doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s correct information. It just means it’s counter-information.

    The pushers of hidden knowledge pump up the ego of their listeners as being an audience of geniuses who are thirsty for information and only they are smart enough to know that this counter-information is the real information.

    The rest of the world is filled with fools, but you, yes you, are special. You’re curious enough to ask the right questions and find the right answers by going to the real sources. It’s a massive ego trip.

    We are in the era of counter-culture and counter-information. These aren’t inherently bad, but it takes a critical mind to decipher what is real and what is nonsense. The problem is that we have people who trust sources rather than information.

    I’m not a fan of CNN, but not everything coming from CNN is fake. Not everything from Fox News is completely honest. And your favorite blog does have a bias. Not all information should be weighed the same, and just because you didn’t know something doesn’t mean it was withheld from you.

    Consider that you didn’t know something simply because you were never exposed to the idea before. It’s not a conspiracy when a five-year-old was never told about thermodynamics. The reality is that you will never know everything, and even if you’re an expert, you can get things wrong.

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    The podcast world has amped up the angles of hidden knowledge, and it’s playing with the minds of its listeners, who think they’re being enlightened but they’re getting scammed with information.

    I’m a consumer of all types of content, and it’s not just politics. It’s finance podcasts that give airtime to a “guru” who is in his mid-20s and claims to drive nothing but exotic cars and live a lavish lifestyle by teaching people how to get rich. I’ve literally watched a finance podcast applaud a guy who is telling their audience how to commit bank fraud.

    The hosts always say the same thing: “Wow. I never knew that. How come they don’t tell us about this?” Well, because fraud is a crime, and the guy sitting across from you (who probably paid to get on that podcast) is a criminal.

    As a Christian, I listen to Christian podcasts and commentary, and the obvious con men always push hidden knowledge. That line of scripture you thought was straightforward is actually the wrong interpretation.

    You were being lied to, and now listen to them because only they know the truth. They often anoint themselves as prophets while providing no inkling of a prophecy.

    People fall for these charlatans because hidden knowledge is enticing, and even with God, people want to feel that they know Him better than someone else.

    So, how do you protect yourself from hidden knowledge pushers? First, lose your ego. Humble yourself and don’t make everything about you. Just because you didn’t learn about something by the time you were 30 doesn’t mean that some information puppeteer orchestrated it.

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    Second, measure it against the real world. If a finance guy is telling you some quick scheme to make money, ask successful people (or if you don’t know any, listen to their interviews) how they made their money.

    Legitimate successful people usually make their money over a span of years and have failed multiple times along the way. You’ll quickly realize there was no hidden knowledge involved, just boring stuff you already knew.

    Third, look for your thrills elsewhere. Part of the reason people like hidden knowledge is that it’s so counter-narrative that it’s exciting. It’s like your best friend telling you a secret, making you a part of this exclusive club of information holders.

    Lastly, if you want help spotting them, they often use buzzwords like “Truth” all the time. If you have to say the word, it probably isn’t true. Things that are, are.

    They don’t need exaggeration, disclaimers, or reassurances. If they call themselves a “truth teller,” they are likely full of sh*t. Who calls themselves a “lie teller”? No one. Being truthful is implied.

    If they say “look it up,” it’s to disarm you and encourage you not to look it up. It’s to get you to say, “Why would someone lying tell me to look something up?” The pause and asking of that question is exactly what they want.

    The presupposition is that the world is far more malicious and callous than you believe. There is always a plot, and they are your information saviors. This is the victim-savior dynamic, because without their podcast, you’d never know the truth.

    This is the audience they want. An audience of victims who are simultaneously too smart to fall for the mainstream.

    But if you want the most secret of secret knowledge, subscribe and join their Patreon for $20 a month.

    Refer a friend

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  • My Wife Is A Blessing
    Paris - December 2019

    Today, my wife and I are celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary, which coincides with us being together seven years.

    If I were to describe my wife, I would label her as one of the best people in the world. She has this quality that makes everyone who meets her fall in love with her.

    Speaking Wrong At The Right Time is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

    Lauterbrunnen - September 2026

    When I think back to the beginning of our relationship, I saw this about her at a function we went to at a friend’s art studio.

    My friend had this smart piece of artwork she drew of a cat that Michele commented on, saying how much she liked it.

    I made up an excuse to step away and plotted with my friend to buy the artwork from her, but not to say anything to Michele as a surprise.

    Mind you, at this function, she didn’t know anyone there yet. When I peeked across the room to check on her (and to make sure she didn’t see me buying the artwork), I could see her beautiful smile as she laughed in the company of strangers.

    It’s one of those cliché movie moments where it feels like everyone is moving in slow motion. It was a moment I realized that I could take her anywhere and she would find a way to have a good time.

    It was the first time in my life I ever thought about how my partner represents me and how I represent her. These weren’t concepts I consciously thought about until her.

    Without even asking, people would come up to me and tell me how much they love her. She radiated something unique that literally every single person who meets her is attracted to.

    I’ve been writing for years and even I struggle to put the proper words to it. The only way I can describe it is that she has an excitement for life and a genuine curiosity about the world that makes other people feel comfortable.

    I joke with her and say she likes everything, but it’s more like she’s open to what and who God places in her pathway.

    I’ve lost count of how many of my friends have said they like me but they love Michele. It’s a statement that I completely understand and I take as no insult.

    That day was the first day I saw her as my potential wife. Honestly, every day after that was me assessing her for marriage and making sure that I was being logical in my relationship decisions and not just caught up in my emotions.

    We became official in September 2019, and before the end of the year, I knew I was going to ask her to marry me. I’d been in many relationships prior, but she was the first woman I foresaw that my life would be tremendously worse without her in it.

    She’s my best friend and I trust her with my life. Every year we travel for our anniversary to reconnect and brace ourselves for new experiences.

    There have been so many circumstances where we had to step up for each other in a difficult situation, even in medical situations, and we always came through because we have each other’s backs.

    Nothing brings me more pleasure than seeing her smile just like that day in 2019. She is truly loved by many internationally.

    I know she’ll read this: Happy Anniversary, Michele. You are the blessing I never thought I deserved.

    Side Note: We still have the art work

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  • I Accidentally Found My Real Father

    Several weeks ago, I discovered that the man I had grown up thinking was my father wasn’t my biological father. There were never questions on my part or rumors within the family. This discovery was purely by accident, and even when I think about it, it was sort of a miracle as to how this came about.

    I normally don’t give disclaimers to my writing, but I think it’s important for such a sensitive topic: There is going to be information I’m just not going to provide due to being too personal. I have no anger or resentment towards anyone, so the purpose of this isn’t to attack or judge anyone; it’s to tell my story.

    However, this is going to be a longer-than-normal post due to the amount of details I am willing to provide.

    If we are to start from the beginning: The man who I thought was my father wasn’t really active in my life. I’ve written in my book “The Children We Left Behind,” describing him as a stranger. After we left Detroit, where I was born and where he lived, I would hear from him maybe once a year and sporadically see him if he was driving to the northeast.

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    When he did come to visit us, it never felt like he was there to see me. The best way of describing his visits is to compare them to a pit stop on the way to a greater destination for his travels.

    We didn’t really interact much, and I never felt like he cared about me. At most, he felt obligated to do small gestures, but he didn’t genuinely care about my welfare or emotional state.

    The last time I saw my father was when I was about 16 years old, and the last time I talked to him on the phone, I was about 21 years old, and it was a short conversation initiated by me. It was brief because it was clear that he wasn’t interested in talking to me and made it feel like I was bothering him.

    From that moment on, I told myself that I wasn’t going to try to build a relationship with him, but if he were to call me, I’d answer. He never called back and has since passed away.

    It took years of self-reflection and therapy to accept that my father didn’t love me, but his lack of love or care was not my fault. It’s no kid’s fault. This acceptance is the only way that I’m even able to talk about it because it stopped being a pain point for me. I can’t shed tears as if I’m responsible for his neglect.

    I stopped hating him and being angry at him and forgave him for his failures. I used his faults as a lesson to not become like him with my son. My first motivation when my son was born was to be the opposite of him and build a wonderful relationship with him (my son will be 21 in less than a month).

    Fast forward to several weeks ago, when I’m sitting on the couch watching talk shows featuring adults who are looking for their fathers and siblings. I’ve always known that I had a sister out there that was fathered by him, but just didn’t care to know more until that day. I thought to myself, “What if she’s looking for me?”

    Based on information I knew, he wasn’t active in her life at all, and all I had was a first name and possible location. At first, I searched on Facebook and Google for some potential clues but found nothing. My wife suggested I get an Ancestry.com DNA test to see if something comes back linking me to her; I agreed that it was a good idea.

    A few weeks later, I get a notification that my results are in. The way Ancestry results are separated is by mother and father. My father was born in Trinidad and migrated to the U.S. as an adult, so my expectation was to see information about lineage to the Caribbean.

    However, when I clicked on my father’s side, his surname wasn’t listed and all of the names there were typical African American names.

    The closest relative with DNA results was a first cousin, and in his tree, our lineage wasn’t directed toward the Caribbean but instead toward Mississippi.

    I stared at my screen for about 20 minutes trying to make sense of what I was reading. It took that long to accept the reality: The only way this makes sense is if he’s not my biological father.

    I called my wife over and discussed it with her to make sure that I wasn’t crazy to come to this conclusion.

    I didn’t know what to do next. I sent my first cousin a message but got no response at the time. I mean, how do you go into a situation like this to tell someone that one of their relatives is my father?

    I ultimately contacted a “Search Angel” who happened to be from the Detroit area. She took on my case for free to try to figure out who my father is. A couple weeks went by, and she figured out who my cousin was and contacted him directly.

    He’s a police officer and thought that she was some sort of scammer at first, but eventually realized that what was being discussed was real.

    The next morning, he replied to my message on Ancestry and we immediately had a phone call. I told him everything, gave him names and pictures. I supplied him with details that could be useful in the search. He agreed that it had to be someone in his family that he knew.

    You see shows like what I’m going through where the family wants nothing to do with a person like me in this circumstance, but before the end of our call, he told me “You are loved and accepted. You are family.”

    For a kid who grew up without half of my identity as part of my life, that meant the world to me. I didn’t know if we’d find my father at that moment, but I knew that I at least was accepted.

    Later that afternoon, he called me.

    “Are you sitting down?”

    “No,” I replied.

    “I think you should sit down.”

    I sat down and then he delivered the news.

    “We found your father.”

    I audibly cried like a small child; that’s the only way I can describe what was coming out of me. I didn’t think I would find him and figured that half of my identity would be a mystery.

    After our initial phone call, he called around and reached a relative, providing certain information but withholding some to see if it was a match. He remembered my mother, remembered the circumstance of her being pregnant, but didn’t know that I was his child. Coincidentally, my uncle remembers her too because it was through his first wife that she was introduced to him.

    Before I spoke to my father on the phone, my uncle called me and told me the same thing as my cousin: You are loved, you are accepted, and you are family.

    The moment came and I heard my father’s voice for the first time. He was happy to talk to me and apologized to me because he had no idea that I was his child. He’s 76 years old, a veteran and a father of other children.

    Unlike the other man, he wants a relationship with me. He cares that I’m doing all right and has reached out to me every day since. My cousins and uncles message me all the time, and in such a short time, I feel a great closeness with them.

    This past Father’s Day was a difficult one for me. I was at church without my wife, and while I’m always emotional at church, it was incredibly difficult for me to hold back tears that day. My deacon came by me and asked me if I was okay after the service, and I broke down crying.

    I accepted that my father was dead and I was going to live the rest of my life never being able to have a bond with my father, but it didn’t mean I liked it. I was glad that my son never had to go through what I did as a child, but I would have given anything to have a father that actually cared about how I was feeling.

    I feel like this entire situation was God hearing my cries. He answered a mystery that I didn’t even know existed. Growing up, everyone told me that I looked like my mother because I didn’t look like my “father.” Sounds silly, but I never agreed that my likeness was similar to my mother. I look exactly like my father and my siblings. I have facial features that are strong within my father’s side of the family. My father’s side features creatives too, like writers, songwriters (one wrote for Motown back in the day), and musicians. My father has been into photography for years, and my uncle does it professionally.

    I’m currently sitting on the balcony of an Airbnb in Crete, Greece, and even though I’m thousands of miles away from him and eight hours ahead of my father, every morning I wake up to a message from him.

    I plan to meet him in October as I’m attending a conference in the same state he lives in. I should also be meeting some of my cousins in October. My uncle, who lives in Detroit, said he wants to throw an entire family event just to welcome me to the family.

    I think I would feel differently if the man who I thought was my father was incredibly close to me and I looked up to him, but in this case, my biological father is filling in the gaps of what I didn’t have my entire life.

    I don’t know how many years or days I have with my father, and I’m just incredibly grateful that I found this out now while he’s still alive.

    Because I know some might ask: No, I don’t believe that my “father” was distant because he suspected I wasn’t his. He was neglectful to all of his children and never questioned paternity. He was just a terrible father.

    Every child wants and deserves to know where they come from. We all deserve an opportunity to build a bond with the people who brought us life.

    There is absolutely no point in debating the past, especially from my position. All I care about is the truth, ugly or not, and having the opportunity to move forward with my real father and new family.

    There is no room in my heart for anything other than happiness for God hearing my distress and bringing this truth to light. I am immensely grateful.

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  • My Appearance on Rita Panahi’s Show

    At the last minute, I was contacted to appear on Rita’s show and I’m grateful for the opportunity to talk about my documentary, “The Illegal Highways”.

    If you haven’t seen the trailer, you can watch it here:

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    3 min
  • "The casualty is the American citizen. We now all have to watch our back even more carefully when we're on the highway."

    I’m thankful for the opportunity to talk about my film to an international audience. I can’t wait for everyone to see this emotional and informative film.

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    3 min

About Speaking Wrong At The Right Time

From the publisher's feed

Adam B. Coleman's attempt at making sense of the world