After some vegetable talk and Vic Reeves club singer impressions we get around to discussing The Defiant Ones from 1958, a film about two chained together convicts, one black and one white, as they try to elude authorities that we are weirdly much more familiar with the numerous parodies of. This time, expect: wet cigarette smoking, toad eating, turpentine pondering, Thunderbirds-style crashing effects and asking the question what’s long for ‘Lon’? (Leonidas, apparently!)

How do you make a film which deals with very depressing and gruesome subjects whilst also making it broadly and bitingly funny? You make a film about Ambulance drivers! Code 3, from 2025, is a hilarious comedy drama featuring slapstick, gross-out and cynical humour that chronicles a 24 hour shift of Emergency Responders, which constantly resists becoming overly sentimental as it deals with harrowing and grim matters such as: horrific accidents, mental illness, violence, hospital politics and severe burnout.

You don’t get many films about the Amish, do you? At least, not ones where they aren’t used solely to be made fun of. It’s also nice to see Harrison Ford in the 80’s not being Indiana Jones or Han Solo. Witness, from 1985, is a bit of a classic thriller these days, but we have a few questions why, considering it’s the most calm and soporific film about attempted child murder. This week, you can expect: awkward puritan romance, public toilet throat slitting, barn-raising, lemonade chugging, a fresh-faced Viggo Mortensen and a weirdly off-putting, moustache-less Danny Glover.

When James Cameron made the most expensive and most profitable film ever made about the Titanic, there was only ever one guaranteed outcome: the inevitable rip-off. But what we couldn’t predict was that the rip-off itself would set new standards in laziness, incomprehensibility and not understanding tone. This shipwreck really needs to be seen to be believed as we dive into the awful, yet morbidly fascinating Titanic: The Legend Goes On.

After The Nightmare Before Christmas bridged the long gap between Halloween and Christmas, it took movies a surprisingly long time to capitalize on the success by making more stop-motion, spooky family animations to milk this wilderness period. ParaNorman came out at the tail-end of this revival period in 2012 and we all agree it is a marvellous, painstakingly made animation that inspires awe by the clear effort put into it, but we have an unclear consensus on how successful it is as a whole.

When you see a title like “I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle” you have no option but to watch it immediately, or at least we here at SFFCH had no option but to devour it whole and live with the consequences. We once again find a movie that the universe has seemingly snapped into existence solely for our consumption on this little niche podcast of ours and we are not left wanting. Clearly taking inspiration from The Evil Dead franchise, this movie is a uniquely British take on the comedy-horror genre involving satanic cults, murderous motorcycle gangs, banquet-hall bar-brawls, coffins in sidecars, poo creatures, out of place werewolf references and a ninja-star wielding priest C-3PO.

Total Recall? More like Total Rectal, amirite guys… (pause for laugh)… yeah, this guy knows what we’re talking about…

Anyway. Some long lost memories are very pleasant when they come back to you many years later, reminding you of a simpler time with old pals and the crazy things you did. And then there are those deeply repressed memories that surface which bring only misery, trauma and sadness. We’re sure you’re catching our drift with this intro, so we’ll just say we have some feelings about this 2012 remake that need dealing with and you get to be our put-upon therapist. Enjoy.

This week we are proud to present some quality animation from our home nation of Wales. And by ‘proud’ we mean wary. And by ‘quality’ we mean shoddy. And by ‘animation’ we mean… well that one’s still up for debate, we suppose. The Princess and The Goblin probably should have stayed in our dusty attic with the dodgy ghosts of our Great Grandmothers, but who are we to deny any part of our rich culture?

Enemy of The State seemed like just another far fetched, borderline sci-fi tech thriller when it was released in 1998, bypassing it’s implausibility with intense action and pacey style. But as we cast our watchful eye over it nearly 30 years later we discover that it is still definitely that, but deserves some props for it’s foresight that ages it slightly better than maybe it should have been. Also, it’s seemingly a stealth sequel to The Conversation from 1974, which is cool, we guess.

We wanted a submarine film, but they’re all about the Second World War, or some war at least. But do you know who you can trust for some crazy submarine hijinks? James Cameron. He’s always up mental underwater shenanigans. This week, we watched different cuts of The Abyss by accident and we cant decide which is better: the short version which is tight, but has a confusing ending or the long version with a bigger climax, but also features extraneous country singing.