Rowan and Dave find a bad book. In it is a screaming kid who corners you with magic tricks and corny patter, a long-grieving mother on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and a dude in a tophat who gives Willy Wonka a run for his money in the creepy-children’s-book-creation category. And he likes eating worms? Has he even tried pancakes? Listeners beware: spooky spoilers within!

Rowan and Dave are visiting friends in Rhode Island who introduce them to a wonderful version of hide and seek that involves a blindfold and clapping. It’s totally not creepy. Neither is the walled off basement they didn’t know they had. Good news, though. We invited Ed and Lorraine Warren over for pancakes. And an exorcism. Listeners beware: spooky spoilers within!

Rowan and Dave go trick or treating in Haddonfield, Illinois. Even though the news says a dangerous dude escaped from a mental asylum, the police seem wholly unconcerned. So, it’s probably okay. It is annoying that the dude’s shrink is here, though, yelling at all of us that Michael has come back home. We bet it’s for pancakes. Asylum pancakes? Yikes… Ooooh! Cool Shatner mask, buddy! That knife looks so real. Listeners beware: spooky spoilers within!

Rowan and Dave are in Tokyo looking for the best pancake house in the city. I knew I should’ve taken Japanese in college! Hey, why is everyone running? Should we run, too? But we didn’t get to carbo load! Maple syrup gives Rowan quick burst energy, and—oh never mind. No one outruns Gojira. Listeners beware: spooky spoilers within!

NOTE: Make sure to watch the 1954 version!!! NOT the 1956 version.

Rowan and Dave stop in at the local hardware store and are creeped out by a guy in the power tools aisle. He’s fondling a ridiculously huge rechargeable drill and walking around like a peacock. That’s not normal, right? Maybe we’ll just head over to the pancake house for a bit. We can pick up what we need later on. Listeners beware: spooky spoilers within!

Rowan and Dave crash a 70’s prom and try not to get killed by the blood-soaked, telekinetic prom queen. It’s going to take a giant stack of pancakes to calm this girl down. And who decided that strawberry syrup was a good idea? That…is strawberry syrup, right? Right? Listeners beware: spooky spoilers within!

Rowan and Dave ate some pancakes, and now every time they look over their shoulders they spot a different person in the distance, following them very slowly. And are they…naked? Why? That’s so awkward. Also: would anyone like a pancake? We’d really like to pass this on. Listeners beware: spooky spoilers within!

Rowan and Dave visit a cool old New York apartment building and hear creepy chanting coming through the walls from the place next door. It’s fine, though. Nothing’s going on. It’s totally normal. Besides, the kooky old couple who lives there have invited them over for pancakes. What? No, you’re crazy. Listeners beware: spooky spoilers within!

Rowan and Dave are probably going to just wait for the next train. This one looks full…of zombies! As if being stuck on a crowded train with a bunch of strangers isn’t bad enough. And they’re not likely to be serving pancakes at this point, either. Listeners beware: spooky spoilers within!

Rowan and Dave try not to cry when there are no more pancakes, because La Llorona will get them. Or will she? Is that how it works? It’s kind of unclear. Hey look! It’s the priest from the Conjuring! Cool crossover. Oh wait. So, he’s not going to be in the rest of the movie? Rowan and Dave do stick around for the rest of the movie, though. And they have some stuff to say. Listeners beware: spooky spoilers within!