Sporting Woods

Luke's Mad Kents walk into the Stroker Dome as clear favourites. The Wristy Strokers have home ground advantage and a very large field.

Welcome to Simulated Online Cricket - a fake T20 league played on a cricket video game and called like it's the real thing. Regular Sporting Woods listeners: this is the cricket one.

Pool B round one wraps up at the Stroker Dome's debut: square boundaries, no lawn striping, and a field so big the batters are running twos all night. Michael is back from his week off, and it's a cold one - 17 degrees, which the Wristy Strokers' owner Maddie H, aka "the bad dad", apparently loves.

In this episode:

- Halftime is "Critiquing Bad Dad Jokes", in honour of the bad dad himself. Tim and Luke rate the cringe live.

- The origin of the Montreal mishap, finally explained for anyone who missed Season 1

- Umpires Terry Arky and Tom Arto. Teriyaki and tomato. Some very saucy umpiring.

- Will Sheldon Cottrell ever get off the drinks cart?

- A beer van gets mistaken for an ambulance

- Re-Exporting would like to clarify their business model. It does not get clearer.

- Simulations brought to you by the Bloke in a Bar NRL Podcast and New Balance, the preferred shoe of bad dads everywhere

Listening, not watching? One of the crowd sponsor signs has been completely blacked out on screen. The boys insist it was too controversial to show.

Next up: the Hooroo Pubudus take on the Wristy Strokers at Skatt Bros Stadium.

New SOC episodes every Monday and Thursday. Hit follow so you don't miss one, and leave a rating - it genuinely helps new people find us.

How did you find the show, and where are you listening from? Tell us in the comments. We're trying to work out who's out there.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/RYrID6F6NNk

Music: [Sports FM] by Shane Ivers - https://silvermansound.com

Pool B kicks off, and a host has real skin in the game.

Welcome to Simulated Online Cricket - a fake T20 league played on a cricket video game and called like it's the real thing. Regular Sporting Woods listeners: this is the cricket one.

New pool, new mimosas. But first, the boys deal with the fallout from the end of Pool A - a formal complaint, a committee that includes Commissioner Al Legedly and Brock the Sock, and a ruling that is not going down well with everyone.

Then it's on to Angle Park Oval, a brand-new ground with the CBD right behind it and office workers getting a free view from their windows. Tim's El Tigre Chinos, three-time grand finalists, take on Juzzy T's Hooroo Pubudus - a spin-heavy experimental side captained by none other than the Big Corn. It goes all the way down to the very last ball.

In this episode:

- Michael's halftime game, The Green Glass Door: you can bring a silly dance through, but not vibes. Good gear, yes. A mimosa, no. Can you crack the rule before the boys do?

- The Big Corn takes the ball, then orders a burrito from the outfield

- The Ivan Cleary-inspired Tigers bus replaces the well-priced family SUVs

- Rebasing would like to remind you they do not install basins. Please stop calling.

- Simulations brought to you by Lifeblood and Hilton Plasterers

- Joffrey Archer

- Michael reveals he was born in 2002 (he was not)

Listening, not watching? At one point the boys rotate the entire picture sideways to get a better look at a diving catch. It's exactly as bad as it sounds.

Think you know the Green Glass Door rule? Drop your guess in the comments before you hear the answer.

Next up: Luke's Mad Kents take on the Wristy Strokers at the Stroker Dome.

New SOC episodes every Monday and Thursday. Hit follow so you don't miss one, and leave a rating - it genuinely helps new people find us.

How did you find the show, and where are you listening from? Tell us in the comments. We're trying to work out who's out there.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/kuE0_ozXFzc

Music: [Sports FM] by Shane Ivers - https://silvermansound.com

The tightest possible finish, at the one ground that just won't let anyone breathe.

Welcome to Simulated Online Cricket - a fake T20 league played on a cricket video game and called like it's the real thing. Regular Sporting Woods listeners: this is the cricket one.

It's conflict round, the last round of Pool A. The Brisbane Burners travel to the Alpha Arena to take on the undefeated Revolution, and a win locks in their first ever finals berth. The Burners are fully zen. The Revolution are fully low-key. It comes right down to the final over.

In this episode:

- Sage burning is banned at the Alpha Arena, so Michael's halftime show becomes "Michael Eats The Sandwich". It's exactly what it sounds like.

- Tim and Luke question whether that counts as entertainment. Michael promises you'll hate next week's halftime show even more.

- Michael leaves the executive box mid-chase to put his toes on the turf. It does not go well.

- Fan favourite umpire Perry Carditis is back, alongside debutant Lou Spowels

- Michael's battery-operated personal fan, a perk of the Alpha Arena's executive package

- Luke's mustache enters week five of no growth

- Where does an Arctic scientist keep his Bitcoin? Thank you, crypto.com.

- "Uncle Wayne magic", and some very unfounded allegations about the final pool game

Listening, not watching? Yes, Michael really does eat the whole sandwich on camera, for well over 90 seconds, to music. In the video you can also see him vanish from the executive box for his toes-on-turf trip.

Got an umpire pun we haven't used yet? The hosts want to hear it. Drop it in the comments.

Next up: Pool B gets underway. El Tigre Chinos take on Hooroo Pubudus at Angle Park Oval.

New SOC episodes every Monday and Thursday. Hit follow so you don't miss one, and leave a rating - it genuinely helps new people find us.

How did you find the show, and where are you listening from? Tell us in the comments. We're trying to work out who's out there.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/5OIaT_I-rF4

Music: [Sports FM] by Shane Ivers - https://silvermansound.com

Rain, a Duckworth-Lewis parody gone rogue, and a finish that comes down to the very last ball.

Welcome to Simulated Online Cricket - a fake T20 league played on a cricket video game and called like it's the real thing. Regular Sporting Woods listeners: this is the cricket one.

International round wraps up with our first visit to the Alpha Arena, home of the low-key alphas, The Revolution. They host the defending champs, the Dogs of Waugh, in a rematch of last season's semi-final. Then the weather turns. Play gets interrupted, overs disappear, and the hosts rebuild the whole format live on air with their own version of DLS - "the Duck Lois".

In this episode:

- The Alpha Arena: massage seats in every row, enormous boundaries, no field markings, and a lone waste bin replacing the well-priced family SUVs

- Michael's halftime quiz gets pulled forward by the rain - a Sporting Woods trivia question about the boys' own podcast

- An umpire's name escalates from "Racha" to "Sriracha" to "Sir Archer" over the course of the match

- Luke cramps up mid-game, live on air. He's calling it his flu game.

- Luke's mustache hasn't grown in four weeks and he'd like some answers

- Hotels are red, houses are green: Michael settles a Monopoly debate

- Pirates were the first into crypto. They bit coins. Thank you, crypto.com.

- A low-scoring chase, a dramatic run-out, and a contentious umpiring call

Listening, not watching? The game's loading screen gives Steve Smith an unfortunate bulge, and the booth can't stop talking about it. The rain, the empty unmarked field and Virat Kohli's golden spats are all on screen in the video version.

Next up: The Revolution host the Brisbane Burners, with a semi-final spot on the line.

New SOC episodes every Monday and Thursday. Hit follow so you don't miss one, and leave a rating - it genuinely helps new people find us.

How did you find the show, and where are you listening from? Tell us in the comments. We're trying to work out who's out there.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/-H_fnnIaIoU

Music: [Sports FM] by Shane Ivers - https://silvermansound.com

Retro kits, a halftime sage burning ritual, and another decisive overthrow - business as usual.

Welcome to Simulated Online Cricket - a fake T20 league played on a cricket video game and called like it's the real thing. Regular Sporting Woods listeners: this is the cricket one.

Round 2 is the season's first themed round: 1992 World Cup commemorative kits, with the Burners in green and the Golden Nuggets in a yellow the hosts insist is canary, not gold. Both teams need a win. The Burners are fielding exactly three recognised batters and Ramen, the sacrificial burner, back at the top. When they fall behind early, The Burners respond the only way they know how: a full halftime sage burning to waft out the bad energy.

In this episode:

- The Burns Ward revealed: a no-frills home ground with a sand outfield, one side screen, no boundary boards, $25 coffee and groundskeeping once a year

- The MTV Next bus is parked in the background again, and the ball goes under it

- A real sage burning at halftime. Commentary tracks its effects for the rest of the match.

- Should Ramen be promoted from burner to full-time opener? The hosts want your verdict

- A new nickname for Trent Boult, the goat stays benched again, and umpires Tom Arto and Euan Watami take the field

- Simulations brought to you by PK Trey Tilts (not to be confused with KP Tilt Trays) and 3 Mobile, from the makers of 2 Mobile

- For the second time this season, a stray overthrow matters more than anyone could have predicted

Listening, not watching? Yes, the sage burning was real - the hosts confirm it on air for podcast listeners specifically. The retro kits, the leftover airline logo still painted on the field and the MTV Next bus are all visible in the video version.

Next up: The Revolution take on the Dogs of Waugh at the Alpha Arena.

New SOC episodes every Monday and Thursday. Hit follow so you don't miss one, and leave a rating - it genuinely helps new people find us.

How did you find the show, and where are you listening from? Tell us in the comments. We're trying to work out who's out there.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWcioGQ3Uqc

Music: [Sports FM] by Shane Ivers - https://silvermansound.com

A dropped catch at the Canary Islands might be the moment that decides this whole match.

Welcome to Simulated Online Cricket - a fake T20 league played on a cricket video game and called like it's the real thing. Regular Sporting Woods listeners: this is the cricket one.

Round 1 rolls on at Municipality of Las Palmas Oval, where the Golden Nuggets host The Revolution. A routine chance goes down off Big Goss's hands mid-chase, and the whole game changes from there. The mullet duo of Colin de Grandhomme and Ishant Sharma (the golden mullet, if you're new here) do their best, but it's the drop everyone's still talking about by the final over.

In this episode:

- Tim and Luke, still reeling from last episode's tie

- Stump the Boys debuts at halftime: an officially sanctioned (Michael's words) trivia segment

- A detour into dips that nobody saw coming - guac, tzatziki, hummus, baba ganoush - plus Luke's 10kg of gravy powder

- A review so dramatic it gets thermal vision

- The well-priced family SUVs have been upgraded. They're family work vans now.

- Every four and six brought to you by a sponsor. Astral Pipes are back. They still pipe.

Listening, not watching? The review uses mock "thermal vision" and slow-mo replays on screen, all played completely straight. Michael is still broadcasting from his executive lounge set.

Who do you reckon wins next time? Next up: the Brisbane Burners host the Golden Nuggets at The Burns Ward.

New SOC episodes every Monday and Thursday. Hit follow so you don't miss one, and leave a rating - it genuinely helps new people find us.

How did you find the show? Tell us in the comments. We're trying to work out who's out there.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUJ0uQnaFAM

Music: [Sports FM] by Shane Ivers - https://silvermansound.com

The Dogs of Waugh open their flash new stadium. The budget Burners turn up to spoil it.

Welcome to Simulated Online Cricket - a fake T20 league played on a cricket video game and called like it's the real thing. Regular Sporting Woods listeners: this is the cricket one.

Season 4 kicks off at The Kennel, the Dogs of Waugh's brand new home ground (fan-voted, narrowly beating "The Water Bowl"). The defending champs have spared no expense. The Brisbane Burners have recycled their jerseys and sponsors from a primary school, picked a team that's mostly bowlers, and sent Ramen out to open the batting as a sacrificial "burner". What could possibly go wrong?

In this episode:

- Burners owner Michael, mimosa in hand, gets his own executive lounge courtesy of Commissioner Al Legedly. Totally unbiased.

- Poetry Corner debuts at halftime with an original work, "ZZ Bottom" (that's Zed Zed)

- Umpires Joel/Jolene and Willy Won't He, and Tim's ongoing battle to tell them apart

- A boundary count-back rule SOC has proudly refused to update since 2019

- Michael quits smoking mid-game, live on air

Listening, not watching? Michael films from his own "executive lounge" set, mimosa in hand, holding a green SOC microphone covered in cricket balls. Team sheets and scores are on screen in the video version.

New SOC episodes every Monday and Thursday. Hit follow so you don't miss one, and leave a rating - it genuinely helps new people find us.

How did you find the show? Tell us in the comments. We're trying to work out who's out there.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZbzn_YmNZ4

Music: [Sports FM] by Shane Ivers - https://silvermansound.com

2023 in SPORT in review! Back in the booth to definitively decide the superlatives of the year just gone. Categories include:

Big Rugby season needs a Big Awards Episode.

GOOD BAD UGLY SPONSORED BY SIMULATED ONLINE CRICKET – STILL ON TIK TOK!

NOVAK DJOKOVIC FLOG OF THE WEEK

LIMP DICK TEAM OF THE WEEK

DAVID KOCH PETTY MOMENT OF THE WEEK OR BENNY G ALPHA MOMENT OF THE WEEK?

ON THE TAKE

MICHAEL VILKINS SPORTING OBSERVATION OF THE WEEK

AMERICAN CORRESPONDENT

EUROPEAN CORRESPONDENT

TIPPING SCORES & LADDER

SWEEZYS

SPICY MATCHUP SPONSORED BY CHILIBOM