Start Right Here: Conversations About What Matters Most

The first thing we’ll say to anyone who has listened to any of our episodes to date is a BIG THANK YOU. We are not going anywhere but we are transitioning to a new focus and format for our weekly podcast. All that comes with our new title: "Emotional Sobriety." Next week’s episode will be a fresh start.

Today, Allen, Thom, and Patrick discuss what it means to say goodbye due to change in circumstance, relationship ending, or death. The most essential point we can make is that any attempts to avoid or even deny loss when it is happening in our lives will only serve to slow our progress and often leads to our becoming completely stuck. Though consciously and honestly processing all thoughts and feelings related to loss takes a lot of work, it is only through that processing that we grow. In our final installment of Start Right Here, we observe how moving through loss with honesty and vulnerability can result in significant and often life-enhancing gains.

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We appreciate feedback! Contact us at [email protected] for any questions and comments.

Conversation about how we are challenged in the present to attend to unfinished emotional business continues, with both Allen and Thom giving specific examples (personal and professional) of how this work plays out. Producer, Patrick Newman, asks about actually finishing what is unfinished and if there is a time when it is completed, which takes the conversation in the very important direction of understanding that the goal is not to "finish" but to continue to attend to what we become aware of.

The shift in attention is more a matter of process than it is content. The emotionally sober person accepts responsibility for facing and addressing what comes up, but need not feel compelled to search every corner of the psyche what might be unresolved. Once more, a common theme for this podcast emerges: life is to be lived only from the present moment. We are not required to understand everything that has gone on before, nor required to predict the future.

Opie disobeys his Pa in order to look good in his friends' eyes and learns a valuable lesson.

Pre-Order Allen Berger's new book, "12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety" here: 

https://4dphd.com/product/12-essential-insights-for-emotional-sobriety/

Listeners could also benefit from this free download from Thom, describing INTRApersonal Change Process: 

https://3f48999b-b083-4400-97b5-96c49b21a0e7.filesusr.com/ugd/e71801_bcea88c1cdd6458caa10058d8b169463.pdf

Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below)

https://zoom.us/j/330149513

Password: 375986

We appreciate feedback! Contact us at [email protected] for any questions or comments.

Allen, Thom and Patrick all share their personal experiences to shed light on the therapeutic work of investigating our past as a way of helping to resolve issues in the present. Emphasis is placed on the importance of understanding that all changes we make happen in the present tense, that we always have choices available to us. Dealing with past in therapy and through support groups is not something we do to completion but instead is the beginning of an expanded redefining of ourselves. Next episode will be a continuation of this discussion with an emphasis on what we can do to bring about practical changes in the present.

Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below)

https://zoom.us/j/330149513

Password: 375986

We appreciate feedback! Contact us at [email protected] for any questions or comments.

Allen, Thom & Patrick are joined by two of the participants in the Thursday evening Emotional Sobriety Support Group -- Carol and Craig -- to discuss the importance and the "how-to's" of making good use of a solid support system in recovery. Some of the discussion goes to trusting one's own judgment when there is discomfort in a relationship with a therapist and there is even a short therapy-session that arises in the session that is illuminating. Primarily the emphasis is on each of us accepting full responsibility to create, maintain and make good use of support of other people as we continue to progress in recovery.

Andy and Helen go on a date and try to keep Barney from finding out.

Any questions, comments or suggestions? Email us at [email protected]

Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below)

https://zoom.us/j/330149513

Password: 375986

Allen & Thom do a deep dive this week into their raw formative periods, underlining how the pain and complications of their pasts contributed to the men they are today. They offer insight into their recoveries, as well as intense and humorous anecdotes about their early careers working in mental wards with violent and disturbed patients.

We’re off next week for Easter, but we’ll be back on 4/11 with two new guests.

Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below)

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Password: 375986

Allen and Thom deepen their conversation from the previous episode about the actions we can all take to improve our self-esteem, emphasizing that concepts alone change nothing. It is all about putting what we are learning into practice. In the case of self-esteem, we are often limited by the repetition of early familial programming that has become "normal." Once problems are identified, the first step to changing things ironically is to accept what we are discovering.

Reference to Thom's first book, Simple Truth, specifically his therapeutic nutshell, "Each day practice accepting exactly who you are and you will never stop changing." Beyond that daily acceptance, introducing some doubt is step 2 -- meaning, becoming able to question/doubt the accuracy and/or completeness of how we have come to define ourselves. Step 3 is introducing imagination with hypothetical question such as songwriter Jana Stanfield does in her song, “If I Were Brave.” The question posed is, "What would I do today if I were brave?" More to follow in this ongoing conversation, but Allen and Thom point out that change always requires our personal involvement and a willingness to take action.

Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below)

https://zoom.us/j/330149513

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This week we dig into questions of self-esteem, self-respect and self-worth. Unpacking why these are so hard to come by for some people, and discussing the ways that we can cultivate these qualities in ourselves. Next week we continue by considering the practical ways we can GROW our self-esteem.

Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below!)

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Dr. Nadine Macaluso, psychologist & ex-wife of The infamous Wolf of Wall Street, joins the conversation. She shares some of her personal story - from experiencing trauma to specializing in treating trauma but the focus remains on the importance of reaching out to find the right kind of help whenever help is needed. Don’t wait for the shame to subside or for a glimpse beyond feelings of discouragement or even hopelessness. These professional people-helpers talk about the importance of pushing past perfectionism & self-condemnation to get the help we all need.

To learn more about Dr. Macaluso, visit-

https://www.nadinemacaluso.com/

https://www.instagram.com/drnadinemacaluso

And to contact Allen & Thom, email us at [email protected] with any questions or comments.

NEXT WEEK: The conversation moves to understanding more about what it means to have and hold onto self-esteem.

Allen, Thom and Patrick continue their conversation from last episode, making the point that “anybody can have a good day on a good day,” but it really is how we respond and handle ourselves when things don’t go our way that reveals character. Discussion leads to the idea that integrity, not personal satisfaction or happiness is the emphasis in the pursuit of emotional sobriety. Allen announces that he and Thom, along with co-author, Vince Hyman, are currently writing a book called Emotional Sobriety: One Day at a Time and Allen reads one of Thom’s recent contributions (about integrity) to the book. Andy and Barney take the girls out on the town.

Next week, we are joined by Dr. Nadine Macaluso to discuss dealing with trauma and PTSD.

Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below)

https://zoom.us/j/330149513 

Password: 375986

Allen, Thom and Patrick share some of their responses to the recent Senate impeachment trial of the former president, including a celebration of the excellent job done by the House Impeachment Managers and disappointment in 43 Republicans senators voting to acquit in spite of the evidence. Realizing that they had accidentally stumbled into their topic for the episode, they continue with examples of how we can respond to disappointments and even devastation by experiencing the loss but not letting that loss stop us from taking appropriate and positive action to keep moving forward. One lens they look through is that of writers dealing with anxiety and rejection on the way towards publication. 

NEXT WEEK: We’ll continue exploring constructive ways to respond when life gives us lemons.

Gomer changes a light bulb (;

Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below)

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Password: 375986