Start with Small Steps

206 - Meet New People and Build Lasting Friendships

In this episode, we explore how to make new friends and build lasting relationships in a world where social connections have become harder to maintain. Inspired by Start With Hello by Shannon Martin, we discuss how small steps can lead to big changes in your social life. Whether you’re looking to rebuild connections lost during the pandemic or find new ways to meet people, this episode offers practical advice on how to start.

The Power of Hello: How something as simple as greeting your neighbors can create opportunities for connection.
Conversation Starters: Turning everyday events like buying a new car into ways to meet new people.
Joining Clubs or Hobbies: How participating in group activities or hobbies helps form connections with like-minded people.
The Challenge of Social Endurance: Recognizing that not every attempt to make friends will succeed, but persistence is key.
The Importance of Vulnerability: Authenticity and openness are crucial in building strong, lasting friendships.

Takeaways:
Start Small: Meeting new people doesn’t require grand gestures—just saying “hello” is often the first step. Be Consistent: Building friendships takes time and requires patience and endurance. Not every interaction will lead to a lasting connection, but some will. Be Genuine: Friendships are built on authenticity, so approach new relationships with openness and curiosity rather than a need to impress.

https://startwithsmallsteps.com/206-meet-new-people-and-build-lasting-friendships/

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJill

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithstartwithsmallstepscast

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]

205 - Harnessing Military Brat Lessons

In this episode, we talk about Harris Faulkner’s book Nine Rules of Engagement, where she shares life lessons gleaned from growing up in a military family. Faulkner reflects on how military values such as resilience, teamwork, and integrity have shaped her approach to personal success. These principles are not just for soldiers but can be applied to everyday life to achieve success, overcome challenges, and develop inner strength.

Trust in Your Potential: Faulkner emphasizes how military life fosters a sense of self-reliance and potential. Boot camp is more than just physical endurance—it’s about pushing mental and emotional boundaries to discover your true strength.

Building Your Special Forces: Surrounding yourself with trusted individuals—your own "special forces"—is critical for overcoming life’s battles. Faulkner encourages finding people who have your back and nurture mutual trust.

Overcoming Demons: Faulkner's rule on dealing with personal demons stands out. Whether they are habits or internal struggles, facing them head-on is essential for growth. She shares personal stories about how confronting her own shortcomings led to progress.

Takeaways:
This episode underlines the importance of personal integrity, readiness, and teamwork. The key to success lies in understanding your mission, staying ready to act, and always maintaining strong personal relationships. Tune in to learn how Faulkner’s military upbringing can inspire and guide your personal journey to success.

https://startwithsmallsteps.com/205-harnessing-military-brat-lessons/

https://www.harpercollins.com/blogs/authors/harris-faulkner

https://abcnews.go.com/US/book-excerpt-harris-faulkners-rules-engagement/story?id=56245142

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJill

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithstartwithsmallstepscast

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]

204 - The World Through the Five Senses

In this episode, we read about the fascinating world of senses based on Gretchen Rubin's book Life in Five Senses. We explore how being more mindful of sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch can profoundly change how we experience life.

Sight: Vision is more than what meets the eye. Our brain fills in the gaps, making sense of incomplete or ambiguous images. We also learn how perception changes based on context, like hunger influencing our view of objects as food.

Sound: Rubin talks about the contrast between city noise and natural quiet. Even silence has its own "noise" if we listen closely. She explores how focusing on everyday sounds, like the hum of traffic or the chop of vegetables, can offer new insights into our surroundings.

Smell and Taste: These senses are strongly linked, guiding our food choices and triggering memories. Rubin reveals how scents like freshly baked cookies can create emotional responses, even influencing decisions like buying a house.

Touch: The pandemic made us realize how much we crave human touch, whether it's a hug or a pat on the shoulder. Touch extends beyond physical connection, including the vibrations of a car or the feel of soft fabrics.

Takeaways:

-Becoming more aware of our senses enriches our experience of the world.
-Small steps, like focusing on one sense at a time, can deepen mindfulness.
-Rubin encourages us to journal our sensory experiences to enhance memories and appreciation for everyday life.

https://startwithsmallsteps.com/204-the-world-through-the-five-senses/

https://gretchenrubin.com/books/life-in-five-senses/

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJill

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithstartwithsmallstepscast

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]

203 - Rediscovering Life Through Our Senses

In this episode, we explore the fascinating world of our senses with insights from Gretchen Rubin's book Life in Five Senses. We discuss how our senses shape our understanding of the world, the ways in which they adapt when one is lost, and how paying attention to them can enhance our everyday experiences.

The Role of Senses in Perception: We explore how our brain processes sensory information to create a complete picture of the world, combining inputs like sight, sound, and smell to form our understanding.

Adaptability of Senses: Rubin shares her experience of losing her sense of smell due to COVID-19 and how this impacted her perception of taste. This temporary loss highlighted the interconnectedness of our senses and their adaptability when one is compromised.

Unique Sensory Experiences: Everyone experiences the world differently through their senses. We discuss how personal preferences, such as taste and smell, vary and how our brain's biases influence these sensory experiences.

Enhancing Sensory Awareness: Rubin's daily visits to the Metropolitan Museum of Art were an attempt to immerse herself fully in sensory experiences. We discuss how such practices can deepen our appreciation of the world around us and bring us more into the present moment.

Takeaways:

Our senses are powerful tools that shape our perception of the world. By paying closer attention to them, we can enhance our experiences and find more joy in everyday life.

The adaptability of our senses is remarkable, showing how our body compensates when one is lost or diminished.

Each person's sensory experience is unique, shaped by their preferences and brain's biases. Embracing these differences can lead to a deeper understanding of ourselves and others.

https://startwithsmallsteps.com/203-rediscovering-life-through-our-senses/

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJill

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithstartwithsmallstepscast

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]

202 - Wear the Six Thinking Hats

In this episode, we explore Edward de Bono’s revolutionary framework, "The Six Thinking Hats." This method offers a structured approach to problem-solving and decision-making by encouraging participants to adopt different mindsets, each represented by a colored hat. We explore how this technique can be applied in various scenarios, from corporate meetings to family discussions, to foster better collaboration and innovative solutions.

Blue Hat: The Blue Hat is all about control and organization. It sets the agenda, defines the problem, and ensures that the discussion remains focused.

White Hat: Focused on facts and information, the White Hat calls for data-driven thinking. It eliminates biases, enabling a clear view of the situation.

Green Hat: Creativity flourishes under the Green Hat. It encourages thinking outside the box, exploring new possibilities and ideas.

Yellow Hat: This hat embodies optimism. It looks at the positives, seeking the benefits and opportunities in any scenario.

Red Hat: The Red Hat allows for the expression of emotions and feelings, which are crucial but often overlooked in decision-making.

Black Hat: Lastly, the Black Hat introduces caution. It highlights potential pitfalls, helping teams to avoid hasty, ill-considered decisions.

Introduction to the Six Thinking Hats: We start by explaining the core concept of the Six Thinking Hats, detailing each hat's role in the decision-making process. Learn how the Blue Hat manages the flow of the discussion, while the White Hat focuses on facts, and the Green Hat unleashes creativity.

Real-Life Applications: Discover how the Six Thinking Hats can be applied to everyday situations, like planning a vacation or making strategic business decisions. We share examples that highlight how this method can transform complex, contentious discussions into productive and inclusive decision-making processes.

The Benefits of Using the Hats: We discuss why the Six Thinking Hats are effective in fostering balanced thinking. By separating emotions from facts and allowing space for creative ideas, this method ensures that all aspects of a problem are considered, leading to well-rounded solutions.

Key Takeaways:

-The Six Thinking Hats method encourages exploring different perspectives to enhance problem-solving and decision-making.
-This approach fosters collaboration by ensuring that every viewpoint is considered in a structured manner.
-Using the Six Thinking Hats can lead to more innovative, practical, and inclusive solutions, whether in a corporate setting or personal life.

https://startwithsmallsteps.com/202-wear-the-six-thinking-hats/

https://www.debonogroup.com/services/core-programs/six-thinking-hats/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOMDQgjb360

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Six_Thinking_Hats

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJill

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithstartwithsmallstepscast

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]

201 - Creating Your Own Luck

The intriguing concept of luck as presented in A.H.Z. Carr’s book "How to Attract Good Luck and Make the Most of It in Your Daily Life." challenges the traditional notion of luck as mere chance or superstition, Carr offers a practical approach to creating luck through preparedness and the right mindset.

Redefining Luck: Carr redefines luck as not a mystical force but a product of our responses to opportunities. He emphasizes that luck arises when we are prepared for chance events. For instance, if a piece of paper blows in our path, our decision to pick it up or ignore it can lead to different outcomes. This proactive response is what transforms chance into luck.

Attracting Opportunities: The first step to creating luck is attracting opportunities. Carr argues that being likable and maintaining a zest for life are key factors. Friendly and generous people tend to draw others to them, increasing their chances of encountering opportunities. He also warns against traits like greediness and anxiety, which can repel luck.

Recognizing and Responding to Opportunities: Recognizing opportunities when they arise is crucial. Being alert and attuned to the rhythms of life helps us identify potential in everyday events. Once recognized, acting on these opportunities is vital. Carr shares personal stories and examples to illustrate the importance of timely and appropriate responses to opportunities.

Adapting to Your Environment: Carr highlights the importance of adapting to the rhythms of your environment. Whether in a bustling city or a quiet rural area, recognizing and responding to the unique opportunities in your surroundings can enhance your luck. Understanding and adapting to these rhythms is essential for creating luck.

Takeaways:
Luck is about being prepared and responsive to opportunities. By being likable, recognizing opportunities, and acting on them, you can create your own luck. Additionally, adapting to your environment helps in identifying and seizing opportunities, further enhancing your chances of experiencing good luck.

https://startwithsmallsteps.com/creating-your-own-luck/

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18079569-how-to-attract-good-luck

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJill

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithstartwithsmallstepscast

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]

The MEEPS Method for Problem-Solving

Change is hard, but with the right strategy, it becomes manageable. The MEMPS method—Motivate, Equip, Nudge, Push, and Shove—offers a structured approach to tackling problems and achieving goals. Here’s how you can apply this method to your own life. The system takes into account the book by Richard Thaler and Cass Sunstein, Nudge.

Motivate The first step is to inspire excitement. Create a vision board, set clear goals, and involve your friends and family for support. Motivation is about fostering a desire for the end result, making the journey towards it exciting and desirable.

Equip Preparation is crucial. Ensure you have everything you need before starting. For example, if you’re aiming to exercise more, have the right clothes, shoes, and a gym plan ready. Properly equipping yourself prevents loss of momentum and sets a solid foundation for success.

Nudge Subtle reminders and small incentives help keep you on track. Whether it’s setting reminders on your phone or using apps like Streaks, gentle nudges maintain progress without overwhelming pressure. They serve as friendly prompts to keep you moving in the right direction.

Push Sometimes, a firmer approach is necessary. Set clear, measurable benchmarks and involve others to hold you accountable. If mornings aren’t working for your exercise routine, adjust the plan. Direct actions, like placing alarm clocks away from your bed, ensure you take the necessary steps towards your goals.

Shove This is the last resort. It involves significant consequences or commitments that make it almost impossible not to follow through. For instance, committing to give away money if you don’t achieve a goal can be a powerful motivator. While harsh, shoves ensure that critical goals are met.

The MEMPS method is versatile and can be tailored to various goals, from health and fitness to professional development. By following these steps, you create a structured pathway to success, ensuring that every effort you make brings you closer to your desired outcome. Start with motivation, prepare yourself, nudge gently, push when needed, and reserve the shove for when it’s absolutely necessary.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=Y7BoHeGhB0I

https://startwithsmallsteps.com/the-meeps-method-for-problem-solving/

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJill

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithstartwithsmallstepscast

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]

199 - Overcoming Costs and Creating Incentives

This episode examines how costs, incentives, and biases influence our behavior and decision-making processes. Drawing from both economics and psychology, we discuss strategies to identify and manage these factors effectively, ensuring better outcomes in personal a nd professional scenarios.

The Role of Incentives: We explore how incentives, whether financial, social, or intrinsic, significantly impact behavior. From bonuses at work to rewards for good grades, incentives motivate us by offering tangible or intangible benefits. Stephen Levitt’s work highlights how even small incentives can drive substantial changes in behavior. We discuss various examples and the importance of creating effective incentive structures.

Understanding Costs: Costs are not limited to financial expenses; they also include time, stress, and opportunity costs. We delve into how evaluating these costs helps in making more informed decisions. Real-life examples illustrate the hidden costs we often overlook. Understanding the full spectrum of costs associated with our decisions is crucial for making better choices.

Psychological Influences: Behavioral economics combines psychology and economics to understand decision-making biases. We discuss common biases, such as resistance to change and the preference for immediate rewards, and how they affect our choices. By recognizing these biases, we can develop strategies to overcome them and make more rational decisions.

Managing Costs and Enhancing Incentives: To make better decisions, it’s essential to identify and manage costs effectively. We cover strategies for recognizing direct and indirect costs and mitigating them through informed planning.

Additionally, we discuss the importance of clear goals and rewards, visible progress tracking, and regular reassessment of incentive programs to ensure they lead to desired behaviors without unintended negative consequences.

Takeaways:

Understanding and balancing costs and incentives is essential for making informed decisions and fostering positive behavior changes. By recognizing the true costs of our actions and strategically implementing incentives, we can improve our personal and professional lives. Join us as we explore these concepts and learn how to navigate costs and incentives for better decision-making.

https://startwithsmallsteps.com/199-overcoming-costs-and-creating-incentives/

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJill

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithstartwithsmallstepscast

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]

198 - Navigating the Challenges of People Pleasing

In this episode, we explore the often-overlooked downside of being too nice. Drawing from "Anxious to Please: Seven Revolutionary Practices for the Chronically Nice" by James Rapson and Craig English, we discuss how chronic people pleasing can impact mental health, relationships, and personal fulfillment. We offer practical strategies to help listeners find a balance between kindness and self-respect.

The Hidden Costs of People Pleasing: Chronic people pleasing can lead to low self-esteem, depression, and strained relationships. It often involves second-guessing oneself and constantly seeking approval.

Recognizing Over-Accommodation: Awareness is the first step towards change. It is crucial to identify situations where one is overly accommodating and reflect on the emotions and thoughts behind these behaviors.
Steps to Reclaim Your Authenticity:

Small Acts of Self-Assertion: Start with minor actions like suggesting a restaurant or declining additional work.

Forgiveness and Patience: Changing ingrained habits takes time. Be kind to yourself throughout the process.

The Desert Practice: Spending time alone helps one reconnect with one’s personal desires and needs. This practice encourages listening to one's own voice away from external influences.

Developing a Personal Ethic: Adopt a mindset similar to a warrior who acts based on personal ethics rather than automatic niceness. This involves making conscious decisions aligned with personal values.
Takeaways:

Balance Kindness with Self-Respect: It's essential to be kind without compromising one’s own well-being. Awareness and small steps towards self-assertion can help achieve this balance.

Practice Solitude: Regularly spending time alone helps you understand and prioritize your needs.

Conscious Decision Making: Acting based on personal ethics rather than habitual niceness leads to a more authentic and fulfilling life.

https://startwithsmallsteps.com/198-breaking-free-from-people-pleasing/

https://www.amazon.com/Anxious-Please-Revolutionary-Practices-Chronically-ebook/dp/B001U29UDK

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJill

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithstartwithsmallstepscast

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]

197 - Seven Key Questions to Be Self-Aware

Understanding our essential self is a journey, one that requires introspection and a willingness to ask challenging questions. We look into these questions, drawing from Dain Dunston's book, Being Essential: Seven Questions for Living and Leading with Radical Self-Awareness. This two-part series emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in navigating life's journey and achieving personal growth.

1 Where Are You? This foundational question urges listeners to evaluate their current life position, not just physically but emotionally and psychologically. It sets the stage for understanding one’s starting point in the journey of self-awareness.
2 Why Are You Here? Delving into the meaning behind our existence and actions, this question helps listeners identify their life’s purpose, providing a clear direction and making everyday challenges more manageable.
3 Who Are You Being? Examining the roles we play in life, this question distinguishes between our essential and synthetic selves, encouraging authentic living.
4 What Do You Want? Understanding our desires and goals is crucial. This question helps listeners align their actions with their true aspirations, creating a cohesive path forward.
5 What Wants to Happen? This metaphysical inquiry explores the broader direction of our lives, encouraging alignment with the larger movements of the world or our community.
6 What Don’t You Know? Acknowledging knowledge gaps and seeking to fill them is essential for growth. Confronting the unknowns that hinder progress is a key aspect of self-awareness.
7 How Does This Feel? Assessing our emotional responses to our journey helps us navigate its complexities. Mixed feelings are natural, and understanding them aids in personal development.

Takeaways:
• Reflecting on these seven questions can lead to a deeper understanding of oneself, promoting personal growth and a more fulfilling life.
• Small steps towards self-awareness, as emphasized by Burroughs, can significantly impact overall well-being.
Authenticity in our roles and understanding our true desires are essential components of a meaningful life journey.

https://startwithsmallsteps.com/seven-key-questions-to-be-self-aware/

https://daindunston.com/books/

Jill’s Links

https://abetterlifeinsmallsteps.com

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsJill

https://affiliate.notion.so/NorthwoodsAI

https://www.youtube.com/@startwithstartwithsmallstepscast

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/startwithsmallsteps

https://twitter.com/schmern

Email the podcast at [email protected]