I sit down with Jay Setchell — Marine Corps veteran, serial entrepreneur, and author — who has died and been brought back more than once.

At nineteen, Jay was declared dead in Vietnam. Seventeen months and twelve days into his service. He spent the next year in a hospital, then fought seventeen more years for the disability rating he'd already been promised. In 1973, a drunk driver hit him nearly head on; he describes watching the scene from outside his own body. Then on the Fourth of July, 1981, he jumped into three and a half feet of water, broke his neck in four places, and drowned. He was under for eight minutes.

He's seventy-six now, uses a power wheelchair, and is still building companies.

What stayed with me wasn't the survival. It was that Jay says he never once asked "why me" — with one exception, and his mother's answer to it stopped me cold.

We get into what he actually does when things get hard, why he thinks community and discipline are the two things we've quietly lost, and the story of the sculptor who taps the same spot ten thousand times before it finally breaks. I also push back on him a little, because "suck it up" doesn't reach everyone — and his answer to that is better than the phrase.

His line is simple and he means it literally: it's always too soon to quit.

Learn more about Jay: https://neverquittrying.com/

Chapters

[00:00:00] Intro "I broke my neck in four places and drowned" [00:04:34] Why the Marine Corps — and the 17-year fight that followed [00:10:05] Three deaths: the auger, the drunk driver, and the pool [00:17:05] "Sweat dries, blood clots, and broken bones heal" [00:21:18] Some people won't take help — triage it and move [00:26:39] Community, casseroles, and the people you'll never repay [00:31:20] The burn, the betadine, and a little bit at a time [00:35:55] The sculptor, the sail to Paris, and why you need a target [00:42:18] What he actually does when it gets hard [00:47:16] Five lanes of traffic and a cut on his leg [00:51:26] Discipline, consistency, and what's actually in church [00:55:34] The 88-year-old who's planning her 95th birthday

Free 1-month of the Meditation App - Waking Up https://dynamic.wakingup.com/guestpass/SC58BD912

Please Subscribe to my YouTube - YouTube Subscription Link

Disclaimer

Professional medical care and psychotherapeutic services are not offered on this Youtube channel. It is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast is at the user's own risk. The content of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such condition.

Seeking professional support is encouraged if you think you have an issue and that you want help.

On this episode of the State of Mind Mental Health Podcast, I sit down with award-winning journalist Amanda McCracken, author of When Longing Becomes Your Lover: Breaking from Infatuation, Rejection, and Perfectionism to Find Authentic Love.

Amanda had dated over a hundred men by her late thirties and still couldn't understand why nothing was working — until her therapist said one sentence that cracked it open: "Amanda, longing is your lover."

We get into limerence, the obsessive rumination on an idealized version of someone, and why it can feel better than an actual relationship. She walks me through the dopamine loop underneath it, how her late ADHD diagnosis made her crush-after-crush history finally make sense, and how purity culture and late-in-life virginity turned longing into a hiding place. She tells me about the concert ticket she bought for a man who never showed, the moment her body started shaking during intimacy, and the somatic work that taught her safety was not the same as boredom.

Learn more about Amanda's work: https://www.amandajmccracken.com/

Chapters

[00:00:00] Intro: Meet Amanda McCracken: Where "Longing Is Your Lover" Came From [00:04:19] Addicted to Longing: Dopamine, ADHD, and the Hamster Wheel [00:10:14] Purity Culture, Late-in-Life Virginity, and the Safety of Longing [00:14:49] Shame, Guilt, and "Does My Virginity Have a Shelf Life?" [00:19:32] Anchor Men: Self-Defining Memories and Why We Get Stuck [00:23:59] Chasing Him to Detroit: Red Flags and the 40th Birthday Concert [00:28:03] When the Body Wakes You Up: Shaking, Safety, and Receiving Love [00:32:28] Self-Compassion, Control, and Why She Had to "Win" Love [00:37:02] "You're Worth Waiting For": How She Knew He Was the One [00:41:20] Limerence in 2026: Ghosting, Swiping, and Intermittent Reinforcement [00:45:21] Closing Reflection: Imperfect Love and One Practice for This Week

Free 1-month of the Meditation App - Waking Up https://dynamic.wakingup.com/guestpass/SC58BD912

Please Subscribe to my YouTube - YouTube Subscription Link

Disclaimer

Professional medical care and psychotherapeutic services are not offered on this Youtube channel. It is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast is at the user's own risk. The content of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such condition,

Seeking professional support is encouraged if you think you have an issue and that you want help.

In this episode of the State of Mind Mental Health Podcast, I sit down with Daryl Dittmer — author of When I Stop Fighting and When You Stop Fighting, coach, and host of The Show Up Podcast — for a conversation about what actually changes a person from the inside out.

Daryl got sober at 19 after an intervention and thirty days of inpatient treatment. Forty years later, he's still doing the work. We talk about why the 12 steps were never really about drinking, what he found when he started looking outside the faith he was raised in, and why he says he loves not knowing.

We get practical, too: his morning pranayama breathwork and meditation, why he gives himself grace to skip a day, how gratitude keeps his ego in check, and what holds you steady when people tell you no all day long. He explains why he makes people work on themselves before he teaches them sales, and why the difficult things aren't bad things — they're stepping stones.

We also get honest about aging, bodies that stop cooperating, and the voice that whispers you're not enough.

Daryl's parting tool: first things first, and the rest gets added on.

Learn more about Daryl's work here: https://www.daryldittmer.com/

Chapters

[00:00:00] Cold open, intro, and Daryl's story [00:06:37] The 12 steps, surrender, and cleaning your side of the street [00:20:14] Reverence, humility, and our addiction to knowing [00:28:00] Why the inner work comes before the sales work [00:37:22] Easy culture and why difficult things aren't bad things [00:43:19] Breathwork, meditation, gratitude, and giving yourself grace [00:50:19] Aging, "I'm not enough," and the body you actually have [00:55:31] Life as an ecosystem — first things first

Free 1-month of the Meditation App - Waking Up https://dynamic.wakingup.com/guestpass/SC58BD912

Please Subscribe to my YouTube - YouTube Subscription Link

Disclaimer

Professional medical care and psychotherapeutic services are not offered on this Youtube channel. It is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast is at the user's own risk. The content of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such condition.

Seeking professional support is encouraged if you think you have an issue and that you want help.

On this episode of the State of Mind Mental Health Podcast, I sit down with Dr. Bryan Gastelle, a clinical psychologist and the founder of Empower Psychotherapy, a fully remote practice serving clients across multiple states. Bryan works primarily with neurodivergence — ADHD and autism — along with couples, trauma, anxiety, and depression.

We get into the stuff that usually gets skipped. Why autism flies under the radar for decades, and how masking actually forms. Whether people on the spectrum really lack empathy (the answer is more interesting than you'd think). What sensory overload feels like, and the small adjustments that take the edge off. Where ADHD and autism overlap around executive function, and what AuDHD means. Why ADHD gets missed in girls so often. And whether the rise in diagnoses is a real increase or just better recognition.

Then we go practical. Exercise and the neurotransmitter cocktail it releases. Meditation as attention training — treating focus like a muscle that starts out weak. The do-it-now rule for short tasks. Building SMART goals so a vague plan stops feeling impossible. And how ADHD shows up in relationships through forgotten texts and undone dishes, plus how both partners can meet in the middle without it becoming an excuse.

We close on shame — the self-blame that piles up after years of being told you're lazy — and how Bryan dismantles that in CBT.

Live with courage, clarity, and compassion. Practice inner strength, and develop within.

Chapters:

[00:00:00] Cold Open: When ADHD Looks Like "You Don't Care" [00:01:04] Welcome and Meet Dr. Bryan Gastelle [00:05:11] Obvious Cases vs. Flying Under the Radar: How Autism Gets Missed [00:09:50] Do People on the Spectrum Lack Empathy? And How Therapy Actually Helps [00:14:31] Sensory Overload: Eye Contact, Crowds, and What Takes the Edge Off [00:19:12] AuDHD, Executive Function, and Why Diagnoses Are Rising [00:23:21] Why ADHD Looks Different in Boys and Girls [00:27:44] Exercise, Meditation, and Training Attention Like a Muscle [00:32:00] ADHD in Relationships: Texting, Chores, and Real Compromise [00:36:05] Do It Now: SMART Goals and Offloading Working Memory [00:40:12] Shame, Self-Blame, and Why It's Not a Character Flaw [00:44:31] Final Advice and Where to Find Bryan

Learn more about Bryan's work: https://www.empowermytherapy.com/

Free 1-month of the Meditation App - Waking Up https://dynamic.wakingup.com/guestpass/SC58BD912

Please Subscribe to my YouTube - YouTube Subscription Link

Disclaimer

Professional medical care and psychotherapeutic services are not offered on this Youtube channel. It is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast is at the user's own risk. The content of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such condition.

Seeking professional support is encouraged if you think you have an issue and that you want help.

In this episode of the State of Mind Mental Health Podcast, I sit down with Robert Mahoney, CEO and founder of TVTP Solutions, for a conversation about something most of us would rather not look at directly: how a person ends up on the pathway to violence, and how much runway there usually is before they get there.

Robert's work started after Hurricane Katrina, when he watched a response fail over details nobody had thought about. That curiosity turned into a career in emergency management and eventually into a hard question about targeted violence: if these attacks are truly random, why does the perpetrator's history read like a warning label every single time?

His answer reframed the whole thing for me. We don't have a reporting problem. We have a coordination problem. Grievance matures into ideation, ideation into research, research into preparation — and along the way, different sectors each hold a sliver of the picture while everyone waits for a threshold to be crossed.

We get into why the loudest warning signs don't look threatening at all. The death of a grandfather. Quitting the hockey team. Pulling away from friends. Robert walks me through the three buckets every human is trying to fill — identity, purpose, and community — and why arguing someone out of a belief almost never works when what they're actually attached to is belonging.

We also talk about renaming threat assessment teams as care teams, why bus drivers and sanitation workers make excellent early nodes, what Starbucks understands about designing calm that schools don't, and how Robert stays steady doing this work.

If you want the practice for this week: notice the quiet withdrawal in someone near you, and ask about it before it looks like a problem.

Learn more: https://tvtpsolutions.com/

Chapters

[00:00:00] There is a pathway to violence [00:04:02] We don't have a reporting problem, we have a coordination problem [00:09:21] Why every sector waits for a threshold to be crossed [00:14:53] Isolation, and the warning signs that don't look threatening [00:18:58] The liquor store paradox: maximum security, maximum fear [00:23:14] Toyota, Mercedes, and building prevention into how you operate [00:28:50] Identity, purpose, community: the three buckets everyone fills [00:33:07] Interruption, not intervention [00:38:32] From threat assessment team to care team [00:45:25] Nudges, Starbucks, and designing spaces that feel calm [00:52:02] Lockdown vs. run: fire codes exist, security codes don't [00:56:03] Staying steady in this work

Free 1-month of the Meditation App - Waking Up https://dynamic.wakingup.com/guestpass/SC58BD912

Please Subscribe to my YouTube - YouTube Subscription Link

Disclaimer

Professional medical care and psychotherapeutic services are not offered on this Youtube channel. It is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast is at the user's own risk. The content of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such condition.

Seeking professional support is encouraged if you think you have an issue and that you want help.

On this episode of the State of Mind Mental Health Podcast, I sit down with Dr. Greg Obert, clinical psychologist and founder of Royal Oasis Psychotherapy Institute, to talk about a line from his website that stopped me: therapy isn't enough.

Greg walks me through what effective therapy actually looks like — evidence-backed, goal-driven, time-limited — versus the hour of nodding and "how does that make you feel?" that too many people are paying for. We get into why the skills only work if you use them after you log off, how to tell whether a support group is genuinely wrong for you or your defenses are talking, and why he can't make anyone change no matter how much he'd like to.

He also breaks down the dive response, a 30-second cold-water reset for when emotions hit an 8 out of 10, and shares his free Autopilot Interrupt Protocol — micro-drills that build mindfulness capacity without shaving your head and moving to a mountaintop.

We cover DBT's Eastern roots, network models of depression, childhood patterns, past lives, and why he's deliberately putting more fun back into his week.

Learn more about Greg's work here: https://www.royaloasispi.com/

Free 1-month of the Meditation App - Waking Up https://dynamic.wakingup.com/guestpass/SC58BD912

Please Subscribe to my YouTube - YouTube Subscription Link

Disclaimer

Professional medical care and psychotherapeutic services are not offered on this Youtube channel. It is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast is at the user's own risk. The content of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such condition.

Seeking professional support is encouraged if you think you have an issue and that you want help.

In this episode of the State of Mind Mental Health Podcast, I sit down with Dr. Dhruva Gulur, a physician whose life reads like several lives stacked on top of each other. Dhruva walks me through a childhood shaped by his mother's schizophrenia, his father's rage, and the abuse that filled their home in Juneau, Alaska. He tells me how he landed in juvenile detention three times, drifted into gangs in Seattle, and then, after his father brought him to India, somehow earned seven scholarships into medical school.

We talk honestly about what came next: becoming a doctor while carrying deep self-loathing, the drinking and drug use he hid from everyone, and the cocaine-induced manic episode that nearly cost him his career, his home, and his life. From there, Dhruva shares the practices that helped him rebuild, including what he calls mind hygiene, a daily writing habit he uses to catch blame, resentment, and self-criticism before they take over.

We get into identity change, self-compassion, the shift from a fixed mindset to full surrender, and his provocative belief that real healing sometimes asks us to sit alone with ourselves. As someone who has spent years in my own recovery and inner work, I push back on a few things, share pieces of my own story, and we land somewhere honest about how change actually happens. If you have ever felt stuck in old patterns of blame, shame, or self-criticism, this is a raw, deeply human conversation about turning pain into purpose.

Learn about him here: https://dhruvamd.com/

[00:00:00] Cold open: hijacked before 6 a.m. [00:04:33] A Juneau childhood: abuse, addiction, and a home full of self-hatred [00:09:11] The courtroom, India, and seven scholarships into med school [00:13:30] A father's sabotage — and narcissistic traits vs. the real disorder [00:18:00] Becoming a doctor, hitting bottom, and a cocaine-induced manic episode [00:22:33] Everything he tried: AA, CBT, DBT, EMDR, and 60 coaches [00:27:00] "Mind hygiene" — writing his way out of self-hatred [00:31:49] Can you heal alone? The case for solitude (and my pushback) [00:38:04] The seduction of blame, the 6 a.m. spiral, and quitting sugar [00:42:56] A day in the life: Denver mornings, relationships, and surrender [00:48:00] The Jordan mindset: fixed, growth, acceptance, surrender [00:53:53] Self-compassion, identity alchemy, and final reflections

Remember: live with courage, clarity, and compassion, practice inner strength, and develop within. If this one resonated, follow the show, leave a quick review, and share it with someone who might need it.

Free 1-month of the Meditation App - Waking Up 30 Day Free Pass

Please Subscribe to my YouTube - YouTube Subscription Link

Disclaimer

Professional medical care and psychotherapeutic services are not offered on this Youtube channel. It is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast is at the user's own risk. The content of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such condition.

Seeking professional support is encouraged if you think you have an issue and that you want help.

In this episode of the State of Mind Mental Health Podcast, I sit down with Martina Nova — therapist, co-parent, mom of two, and author of the new book Same Page Parenting.

It's never really about the messy kitchen. For Martina, it was a cheese string wrapper left on the counter. For you it might be the dishes or the boots by the door. The fight is almost never about the object — it's about the need underneath it, and the story each of you carries from long before you met.

Martina walks me through what "same page" actually means, and it isn't what most people assume. It doesn't mean agreeing on everything. It means understanding where your partner is coming from, so you stop seeing each other as the problem.

She shares that her marriage ended while she was finishing the final edits of a book about staying connected, and what she learned about the quiet that says more than the yelling ever could. We talk about her ADHD diagnosis, and I push back a little on labels and identity — she gives one of the best answers I've heard on why a diagnosis can be an explanation without ever becoming an excuse.

We also get into the difference between feelings and behaviour, why repair matters more than getting it right the first time, and why kids benefit from watching their parents work things out.

Same Page Parenting has 13 chapters and 39 conversation topics designed to bring therapy-level questions into your living room.

Learn more about Martina here: https://www.novacaretherapy.ca/

Her Book: Same Page Parenting

Chapters:

[00:00:00] Cold open — being on the same page doesn't mean agreeing [00:01:18] Meet Martina Nova: therapist, co-parent, author of Same Page Parenting [00:06:21] The attuned kid: why she became a therapist [00:10:24] How the book started as a list of questions she gave her couples [00:15:13] Writing about connection while her marriage was falling apart [00:20:06] What "same page" actually means — understanding, not agreement [00:25:03] Labels, identity, and the ADHD conversation [00:30:00] Shame, systems, and the cheese string wrapper [00:36:25] Feelings vs. behaviour: the broken dish [00:41:50] Why parental alignment matters most for the kids [00:46:51] Different parents, different rules — the swearing question [00:53:16] Closing: don't stop talking

Free 1-month of the Meditation App - Waking Up https://dynamic.wakingup.com/guestpass/SC58BD912

Please Subscribe to my YouTube - YouTube Subscription Link

Disclaimer

Professional medical care and psychotherapeutic services are not offered on this Youtube channel. It is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast is at the user's own risk. The content of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such condition.

Seeking professional support is encouraged if you think you have an issue and that you want help.

In this episode of the State of Mind Mental Health Podcast, I sit down with Sherry Shaban, osteopath, certified athletic therapist, and founder of Make Peace With Food, to get to the bottom of something a lot of us struggle with quietly: why we keep ending up back at the same late-night snacking, stress eating, or binge eating patterns no matter how many diets we try.

Sherry's own story starts with a car accident at sixteen that ended her athletic career and led her through years of chronic pain and pain medication. That crucible pushed her into exercise science and osteopathy, and years of cycling through calorie counting, Atkins, Paleo, and keto, before she discovered the real driver behind her weekend binges wasn't food. It was her nervous system.

We talk through why the diet industry has a ninety three percent failure rate, and why restriction almost always leads to a rebound binge. Then I do something I don't usually do on this show: I hand Sherry my own sleep tracker data, my coffee and sugar habits, and my late-night snacking, and let her walk through my hormone profile live, on air. What she finds in my cortisol, insulin, leptin, and ghrelin patterns will probably sound familiar if you've ever white-knuckled your way through a stressful day and then lost the plot by nine at night.

Sherry's approach isn't about more rules. It's what she calls addition before subtraction: instead of cutting things out, you add one small, curious experiment at a time and pay attention to how your body responds. No shame, no six week transformation, just patience and awareness.

If you've ever felt like your relationship with food is a personal failing, this conversation offers a more compassionate way to understand what's actually happening in your body — and something real to try this week.

Learn more about Sherry here - https://sherryshaban.com/

Free 1-month of the Meditation App - Waking Up https://dynamic.wakingup.com/guestpass/SC58BD912

Please Subscribe to my YouTube - YouTube Subscription Link

Disclaimer

Professional medical care and psychotherapeutic services are not offered on this Youtube channel. It is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast is at the user's own risk. The content of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such condition.

Seeking professional support is encouraged if you think you have an issue and that you want help.

In this episode of the State of Mind Mental Health Podcast, I sit down with Eric Robinson — a man who spent 24 years in the FBI, 15 of them as a SWAT operator, after starting his career as a Baptist pastor.

I ask him how a person makes that leap, and the answer surprised me: he left the pulpit because he couldn't stop carrying other people's pain. Two straight years of daily stress headaches that vanished the day the FBI accepted him.

From there we go deep. Eric walks me through what 24 years of investigating drugs, gangs, organized crime, crimes against children, and counterterrorism taught him about human nature — and why he thinks most of us have a poor imagination for the evil we're all capable of. We talk about staying calm under pressure (he says he never once felt fear on an operation, and explains exactly why), the one habit that made him better at his job and his life — curiosity — and a line that's stuck with me ever since: "you affect you more than I affect you."

I also share more of my own story than usual: getting convicted at 16, getting sober at 30, and how a relationship with something bigger than me helped put my life back together. This one runs the full range — heavy, funny, philosophical, and genuinely practical.

Eric's memoir, Irreverent: From Saving Souls to Chasing Sinners in the FBI, is out this fall. Find him at https://preachertobreacher.com/

If something here lands, pick one idea and practice it this week. Live with courage, clarity, and compassion. Please like, comment, subscribe, and share this with someone who might find it helpful.

[00:00] From the pulpit to the FBI [04:00] Good, evil, and who actually wants to change [10:00] Why we can't imagine the evil in ourselves [22:00] Responsibility, self-awareness, and getting sober [28:00] Leading with love: humanizing the "other" [33:00] Terrorism, politics, and the clash of civilizations [43:00] "You affect you more than I affect you" [47:00] Staying calm under fire — and the truth about guns [54:00] You don't need to change the world [58:00] Curiosity, the book, and where to find Eric

Free 1-month of the Meditation App - Waking Up https://dynamic.wakingup.com/guestpass/SC58BD912

Please Subscribe to my YouTube - YouTube Subscription Link

Disclaimer

Professional medical care and psychotherapeutic services are not offered on this Youtube channel. It is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing or other professional health care services, including the giving of medical advice, and no doctor/patient relationship is formed. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast is at the user's own risk. The content of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such condition.

Seeking professional support is encouraged if you think you have an issue and that you want help.