Steamy & Schemey

We haven't posted in 99 days, but a bitch ain't worried about it. Clearly, we do not know how to be consistent, organized adults and we lie. But so does that wanker, Elon Musk. Honestly who wants to go to the #moon, when you can instead go under the sea to find the Flying Dutchman? This entire episode is furrr suure financial advice. Let's ride baby! ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

Does your dick qualify for Penuma? Snap a pic to 1-800-Big-Dick and we will decide if you need the large, XL, or XXL implant. This episode is a complete roller coaster, so strap in and hold on for dear life. We might or might not be going through a mid-podcast crisis and Whitney may or may not have blacked out in the middle of this episode. Bonus game from this episode: take a shot every time we say penile, penis, Penuma, or dick and you’ll be slurring your words like Whitney in no time.

Roses are red. Queen Victoria is blue. Thank God this bachelor szn is coming to an end. All the drama, we can't even comprehend. Matt is boring. The audience is snoring. The producers are scheming. The competition is steaming. Who will become Matt's wife? And who will just become an influencer for life? Listen to hear our take on this week's episode of the Bachelor & some insider gossip. *Spoilers included*

Get woke or get f*cked. Welcome to the round 2 simulation sesh. We still are unsure if anything is real. We are anticipating the CIA will come bust down our doors after releasing this episode, but maybe they'd be down to do an interview for Steamy & Schemey. The CIA do be on that schemey shiiii. We also lied when we said we would release this two weeks ago, so for that we apologize. Next week, we WILL be on time. Tune in to hear more of our belligerent thoughts & get stimulated by our straight fAcTs.

Would you consider the idea that we are in a simulation: steamy or schemey? In this episode, we dive into the spicy topic of simulations and discuss parallels between our world and the novel Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. This genius novel was made into a 1-season TV show on Peacock that you should definitely peep. Is polygamy the 20th century wave? Are drugs really even that bad? Is life even real, like for real? Are we really in a simmy, with no stimmy, in the middle of a civvy? Tune into to hear our thoughts on these topics & stay tuned for part 2 next week! XO.

Happy new year & happy belated holidays! Apologies for the long wait... but we are back & better than ever in bucket hats. It's honestly Blair's fault we took so long to post because she was exposed to COVID, but it's fine. Quick shout out to our listeners (more than 5 now lmao) we are so grateful for you!! If you know of someone who is getting cheated on and want a lowkey way to tell them, email us at [email protected]. We will handle the scandal. *handshake emoji* Tune in to hear us talk about some random ass topics (we are still a little rusty from our long break - but ayyy still back). XO.

Why is being a sloot online the only way to make money in 2020? We don't know, but we want in. Tune in to hear us discuss dating profiles, a morality debate about Onlyfans, and other random ass shit that's been on our minds. Also, Jeff Bezos is robbing us blind. We know you missed us last week, but listen to get your Steamy & Schemey tea dish now! New content next week. XO.

So so sorry to our 5 listeners, the podcast was delayed by the election! We all know JFK was a daddy and Trump is a POS. Enjoy this episode of us two b*tches who know nothing about politics, talking about politics! Fun! Anyone else tryna dip out of the country with us? Let us know, Whitney's French is getting very diverse. Au revoir, XO.

What's up, welcome to our decade episode! Hell ya baby, one decade of episodes. JK. We don't really know what is going on in this episode tbh but we do wrap up The Power of the Pussy by Kara King. Tune in to try to figure out wtf is going on and also to learn about the power of appreciation & to shake ya miracle maker. XO cheers!

For this episode, we decided to j chill and ask each other some surprise interview questions. Want to know Blair's dirtiest sexual fantasy? Or Whitney's favorite sex position? Tune in for answers to these questions & more steamy content. We are soooo not political, but we got kind of political oops. Jamie Foxx for President 2020 or literally anyone else!! XO & cheers!