Confidence Hack #61: He had every opportunity to blame himself and others around him, but he didn’t and became great.

13 turnovers. In one basketball game. In basketball terms, that’s like standing up to give a talk and forgetting all the words you were going to say and falling off stage. Bob McKillop, the head coach for Davidson University, did not bench his freshman point guard in the 2006-2007 season. Instead, he encouraged him and started him again the next game.

Steph didn’t blame others for his mistakes. Coach McKillop didn’t blame Steph for the loss.

Research has shown that blame culture activates the amygdala, leading to feelings of fear, anxiety, and disengagement. When individuals feel blamed, they are more likely to respond defensively, becoming argumentative or aggressive. Fear, processed in the amygdala, leads to placing blame of a quote on quote ‘incident’ on someone else for fear that it will reflect poorly on the blaming individual.

Gain confidence today by taking ownership and not blaming anyone else for your situation. You will only grow stronger when you own your mistakes, and others are less likely to blame you when you disarm their ability to do so.

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